How To Find A SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your soul mate:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/917099.page

Haha!

It’s only funny because it’s true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

OP here. She won’t be able to touch my businesses or family money or money before we met. Everything else is hers. Money we earn together is hers. The house and car are hers. I kept the house when she left but I let her keep a new $40k car, didn’t ask for the $20kdebt I paid off for her, and she kept the $30k ring I bought her. Any gift I gave her she kept.

If the businesses are untouchable and the money comes from businesses, how is "money we earn together" hers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your soul mate:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/917099.page

Haha!

It’s only funny because it’s true!

OP said he doesn't want someone who is divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

OP here. She won’t be able to touch my businesses or family money or money before we met. Everything else is hers. Money we earn together is hers. The house and car are hers. I kept the house when she left but I let her keep a new $40k car, didn’t ask for the $20kdebt I paid off for her, and she kept the $30k ring I bought her. Any gift I gave her she kept.

Do you miss her? Do you feel like she was the one who got away? Do you wish you had sweetened the deal to keep her?

Or are you perfectly fine with the fact that she walked away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

OP here. She won’t be able to touch my businesses or family money or money before we met. Everything else is hers. Money we earn together is hers. The house and car are hers. I kept the house when she left but I let her keep a new $40k car, didn’t ask for the $20kdebt I paid off for her, and she kept the $30k ring I bought her. Any gift I gave her she kept.

If the businesses are untouchable and the money comes from businesses, how is "money we earn together" hers?

lol

OP is basically offering her half the house AND she gets to keep the gifts he gives her during the marriage. He’s surprised she doesn’t see this as generous.

Honestly OP, you’re not going to find anyone who wants that deal. Even if I was in love, it would be a huge wake up call to know that you wanted a legally binding way to completely ruin my life if we divorced. I can imagine the ex girlfriend who used to work at a nonprofit and then got married and stayed home with a couple of kids. How the hell is she supposed to live if you decide to divorce her in 15 years? 20? Of course she left when you gave her this deal. It would have been insanity to stay with you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I found your perfect woman!

She even has her own (admittedly small) trust fund so she’ll know more about prenups than you. She’s 34, worked nonprofit jobs and majored in dance so she’s probably attractive. (Plus everyone on that thread basically already told her she should be a SAHM.) You’re welcome.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/912648.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your soul mate:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/917099.page

Haha!

It’s only funny because it’s true!

OP said he doesn't want someone who is divorced.

I didn't read through all the posts. Why not? OP seems quite picky. IMO, those two are perfect for each other.

I bet OP is the type who will expect the wife will:
1. put out on demand
2. stay slim after all the pregnancies
3. be submissive to what he wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your perfect woman!

She even has her own (admittedly small) trust fund so she’ll know more about prenups than you. She’s 34, worked nonprofit jobs and majored in dance so she’s probably attractive. (Plus everyone on that thread basically already told her she should be a SAHM.) You’re welcome.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/912648.page

No, that OP said she wants a career she's passionate about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if I asked her why she left, what would she say?

OP here. She said she wasn’t comfortable signing a prenup. She wanted total access to everything. We will never get back together. She was with a new guy the next week after we broke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your fiance gave you the same or similiar prenup, would you sign it?

OP here. Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP, I get that your ideal is what your dad did (work a lot when the kids are little and then have more free time later) but consider that that’s probably what he HAD to do and not a intentional lifestyle choice. My H works a lot right now in the hopes of being able to semi-retire in 5 years or so, but if he could scale back now without a big hit he totally would. Our oldest is in second grade, our youngest is due in January, and these are all ages where they need and adore time with their parents. Older kids are a lot less work and a lot more fun to hang out with, but I promise you your imaginary SAHW is going to resent you choosing to work a million hours when she’d love you to run around in the yard with the toddlers after dinner so she can put her feet up for a second, then swooping in time do the fun stuff years later when she actually has the energy for it.

OP here. I will be involved. Most women are the default parent, but that doesn’t mean their husbands aren’t involved. I will be involved. I regularly babysit my nephew when my brother comes into town. I will be involved by I won’t be there 24/7.

You babysitting your nephew when your brother comes to town is not the same as being a father. The fact that you equate babysitting to being a father is telling. Being a parent is a 24/7 job.

OP here. I know it’s not the same thing but I’m saying I’m comfortable with children. I’ve babysat my nephew 1-2 times a month since he was a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your best option is to go back your exgirlfriend. As you can see the idea of being a SAHM with a prenup would make most women uneasy for good reason.

You said you loved her and you thought she was the one. You even lived together for a year. The only issue was the prenup. Why not buy a ring, tell her you love her. Ask her to marry you. This is what you should have done from the beginning.

(BTW you say you want the type of relationship your parents had. Did they have a prenup? Probably not. It changes the dynamic completely.)

OP here. I did buy her a ring and ask her to marry me. We dated for 1.5 years ( lives together for 6 months) and I then I bought her a very nice ring she wanted. I still let her keep the ring even though it was very expensive.

My parents did have a prenup.

Are your parents still married?

Yes. Still happily married and going on almost 40 years. My brother didn’t sign a prenup and got screwed in his divorce. She walked away with half of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

It had to be stringent enough for his girlfriend to dump him.

By his own admission, OP loved her, thought she was the one, everything was great. He wanted to marry her. When he brought up the details of his prenup she left. This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and had lived with OP for a year and yet she walked away. That should tell you everything you need to know about how “reasonable” OP’s prenup is.

OP here. She didn’t want to sign the prenup because she wanted access to my money, not my business. I helped her a lot with paying off all her debt, buying her a new car, buying the house she wanted over my preference, etc. I loved her but I know she loved my money more. I still let her keep the new car, her ring, and never asked for the money that I paid down her debt.

OP, what exactly were the terms of the prenup? Understand that it is pretty reasonable to insist that what you accumulated prior to marriage remains yours. I don't think anyone would have a problem with that, I mean no reasonable woman would. Now, the money accumulated from the moment you were married are typically halfsies. So what exactly did you want her to leave behind?

OP here. I already said many times what is in the prenup. I responded to the question above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your perfect woman!

She even has her own (admittedly small) trust fund so she’ll know more about prenups than you. She’s 34, worked nonprofit jobs and majored in dance so she’s probably attractive. (Plus everyone on that thread basically already told her she should be a SAHM.) You’re welcome.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/912648.page

No, that OP said she wants a career she's passionate about.

Yeah, but she really doesn’t. What she wants is to be able to keep up with her friends who are getting promoted and buying nice houses and going on nice vacations. She doesn’t like being left behind. If she marries OP, she’d be back to living in a similar lifestyle as her peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

OP here. She won’t be able to touch my businesses or family money or money before we met. Everything else is hers. Money we earn together is hers. The house and car are hers. I kept the house when she left but I let her keep a new $40k car, didn’t ask for the $20kdebt I paid off for her, and she kept the $30k ring I bought her. Any gift I gave her she kept.

If the businesses are untouchable and the money comes from businesses, how is "money we earn together" hers?

OP here. I have other streams of income. The businesses and any family money I have is mine.