Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is what I want to know. What is your life like together? Lots of sweets and wine sounds like stress to me. A lot of people eat sweeets for the stress relief and dopamine hits, which causes weight gain, which causes self-loathing, so we seek the mood-improovibgs weeta yo escape those bad feelings in an endless cycle.

I wonder what bad feelings she is using food and alcohol to escape from? This is the key. How close are you? Is she lonely? Is she unhappy?

Have you done marriage counseling with her?

More psychobabble. This is from the same shelf as "if you're taking drugs, what are you running from?" Nothing. People take drugs not because they have a giant hole inside, they take drugs because it feels good. People eat sweets because sweets are damn tasty. Surely a bar of good chocolate tastes way better than a boiled chicken breast with a side of lettuce! People eat sweets because it feels good and they cannot ignore immediate gratification in the name of a long-term goal. Reducing calories requires foregoing food that tastes good. Sometimes it's just that simple, realizing that to have a slender body, some avenues of pleasure have to be shut off.

[Anonymous]

American people have a lot of excuses for being fat that is why US is the most obese country in the whole world. Op, your wife will probably end up even bigger in ten years. Your kids will follow her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP i weighed 120lbs @ 5’8” when I married a very handsome fit man. As soon as I got pregnant I threw in the towel and ate whatever I wanted! After my child was born I was weighing in at 175lbs. I went from wearing sexy tight dresses to moo moos. After about 6 months he tells me to get in the car we’re going shopping and wear your sneakers. I got all excited thinking wow we’re gonna do some power shopping! Next thing I know he pulls up to this fitness studio and tells me to get out. I reluctantly got out and he peeled off in the parking lot. I walked in where a personal trainer was waiting for me. Luckily he was gorgeous and that was the beginning of my fitness journey. I lost all the weight and 30 yrs later I’m still exercising and a size 6. I never got angry that he did that to me. I actually thought is was funny and I was thankful. It’s easy to get comfortable in a marriage and not give a crap anymore. If I had married the average Joe I’m sure I’d weigh 250 by now.

You were young and pliable. I'd like to see any man try that on a 40+ yo woman and keep his balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

And maybe she can’t live with your balding, Dad body. Men are always so quick to criticize women.....you do know that you all change as well when you age? I don’t care how much you work out....things change for men. And you all expect women to accept it.

Balding is 100% outside his control.
Getting fat is 100% within her control.

Understand the difference?

Here let me help.
Her fatness is like his cheating: a selfish decision.
His baldness is like her reading glasses: an age related physical change.

Wow, you are an ignoramus. Weight gain in women *is* an age related physical change. Read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes for a quick primer. Estrogen prevents weight gain by counteracting the fat-storing effects of insulin. When estrogen drops, we gain weight. And that fat actually causes a physical response that raises insulin more, in a vicious cycle. It also causes terrible carbohydrate cravings if you are already eating and have Lseays eaten a diet with moderate to high carbs (that is, the standard American diet). It is entirely age related. This is not to say that she is not stresssed, depressed, and/or an alcoholic. But assuming she is in her late 30’s and in perimenopause, this is as age related a change as male pattern baldness. And reducing calories is not the fix because that just reduces metabolism. The only fix is to fast and or drastically reduce carb consumption, but both of those approaches can also increase the stress c
Hormone cortisol, which causes fat storage and carb cravings as well. Lack of sleep also raises cortisol and insulin. It’s a vicious cycle, one that takes most women by surprise and is little talked about.

You are the Ignoramus! I’m 56 and still in shape with a 24” waist. And all my girlfriends at the gym are too. I exercise hard which enables me to eat very well. I choose not to let menopause and age take control of me. All your excuses would only be valid if I didn’t give a crap about my health and how I looked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP i weighed 120lbs @ 5’8” when I married a very handsome fit man. As soon as I got pregnant I threw in the towel and ate whatever I wanted! After my child was born I was weighing in at 175lbs. I went from wearing sexy tight dresses to moo moos. After about 6 months he tells me to get in the car we’re going shopping and wear your sneakers. I got all excited thinking wow we’re gonna do some power shopping! Next thing I know he pulls up to this fitness studio and tells me to get out. I reluctantly got out and he peeled off in the parking lot. I walked in where a personal trainer was waiting for me. Luckily he was gorgeous and that was the beginning of my fitness journey. I lost all the weight and 30 yrs later I’m still exercising and a size 6. I never got angry that he did that to me. I actually thought is was funny and I was thankful. It’s easy to get comfortable in a marriage and not give a crap anymore. If I had married the average Joe I’m sure I’d weigh 250 by now.

You were young and pliable. I'd like to see any man try that on a 40+ yo woman and keep his balls.

Well maybe that’s why women in their 40s can’t have babies naturally anymore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

And maybe she can’t live with your balding, Dad body. Men are always so quick to criticize women.....you do know that you all change as well when you age? I don’t care how much you work out....things change for men. And you all expect women to accept it.

Balding is 100% outside his control.
Getting fat is 100% within her control.

Understand the difference?

Here let me help.
Her fatness is like his cheating: a selfish decision.
His baldness is like her reading glasses: an age related physical change.

Wow, you are an ignoramus. Weight gain in women *is* an age related physical change. Read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes for a quick primer. Estrogen prevents weight gain by counteracting the fat-storing effects of insulin. When estrogen drops, we gain weight. And that fat actually causes a physical response that raises insulin more, in a vicious cycle. It also causes terrible carbohydrate cravings if you are already eating and have Lseays eaten a diet with moderate to high carbs (that is, the standard American diet). It is entirely age related. This is not to say that she is not stresssed, depressed, and/or an alcoholic. But assuming she is in her late 30’s and in perimenopause, this is as age related a change as male pattern baldness. And reducing calories is not the fix because that just reduces metabolism. The only fix is to fast and or drastically reduce carb consumption, but both of those approaches can also increase the stress c
Hormone cortisol, which causes fat storage and carb cravings as well. Lack of sleep also raises cortisol and insulin. It’s a vicious cycle, one that takes most women by surprise and is little talked about.

You are the Ignoramus! I’m 56 and still in shape with a 24” waist. And all my girlfriends at the gym are too. I exercise hard which enables me to eat very well. I choose not to let menopause and age take control of me. All your excuses would only be valid if I didn’t give a crap about my health and how I looked.

Hi 24" inch waist lady!I'm glad you're keeping fit in the lockdown. Please revive your thread sometime to give us a break from the doom, gloom and gross relationship stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

And maybe she can’t live with your balding, Dad body. Men are always so quick to criticize women.....you do know that you all change as well when you age? I don’t care how much you work out....things change for men. And you all expect women to accept it.

Balding is 100% outside his control.
Getting fat is 100% within her control.

Understand the difference?

Here let me help.
Her fatness is like his cheating: a selfish decision.
His baldness is like her reading glasses: an age related physical change.

Wow, you are an ignoramus. Weight gain in women *is* an age related physical change. Read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes for a quick primer. Estrogen prevents weight gain by counteracting the fat-storing effects of insulin. When estrogen drops, we gain weight. And that fat actually causes a physical response that raises insulin more, in a vicious cycle. It also causes terrible carbohydrate cravings if you are already eating and have Lseays eaten a diet with moderate to high carbs (that is, the standard American diet). It is entirely age related. This is not to say that she is not stresssed, depressed, and/or an alcoholic. But assuming she is in her late 30’s and in perimenopause, this is as age related a change as male pattern baldness. And reducing calories is not the fix because that just reduces metabolism. The only fix is to fast and or drastically reduce carb consumption, but both of those approaches can also increase the stress c
Hormone cortisol, which causes fat storage and carb cravings as well. Lack of sleep also raises cortisol and insulin. It’s a vicious cycle, one that takes most women by surprise and is little talked about.

You are the Ignoramus! I’m 56 and still in shape with a 24” waist. And all my girlfriends at the gym are too. I exercise hard which enables me to eat very well. I choose not to let menopause and age take control of me. All your excuses would only be valid if I didn’t give a crap about my health and how I looked.

Hi 24" inch waist lady!I'm glad you're keeping fit in the lockdown. Please revive your thread sometime to give us a break from the doom, gloom and gross relationship stuff.

24-IWL is my new name! Ty

[Anonymous]

Covid is said to be deadly for obese people. And of course obesity comes with other health issues that will guarantee death from covid. Does she understand that? Model good habits, say you’re worried about your health and maybe she’ll follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

And maybe she can’t live with your balding, Dad body. Men are always so quick to criticize women.....you do know that you all change as well when you age? I don’t care how much you work out....things change for men. And you all expect women to accept it.

Balding is 100% outside his control.
Getting fat is 100% within her control.

Understand the difference?

Here let me help.
Her fatness is like his cheating: a selfish decision.
His baldness is like her reading glasses: an age related physical change.

Wow, you are an ignoramus. Weight gain in women *is* an age related physical change. Read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes for a quick primer. Estrogen prevents weight gain by counteracting the fat-storing effects of insulin. When estrogen drops, we gain weight. And that fat actually causes a physical response that raises insulin more, in a vicious cycle. It also causes terrible carbohydrate cravings if you are already eating and have Lseays eaten a diet with moderate to high carbs (that is, the standard American diet). It is entirely age related. This is not to say that she is not stresssed, depressed, and/or an alcoholic. But assuming she is in her late 30’s and in perimenopause, this is as age related a change as male pattern baldness. And reducing calories is not the fix because that just reduces metabolism. The only fix is to fast and or drastically reduce carb consumption, but both of those approaches can also increase the stress c
Hormone cortisol, which causes fat storage and carb cravings as well. Lack of sleep also raises cortisol and insulin. It’s a vicious cycle, one that takes most women by surprise and is little talked about.

Thank you for confirming my statement Getting fat is 100% within her control

[Anonymous]

Can someone explain to me why being fat is 100% within your control, but your emotions about someone else’s body are something that you “can’t help?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain to me why being fat is 100% within your control, but your emotions about someone else’s body are something that you “can’t help?”

+1

I want to understand this too. He should just change his feelings. 100% under his control, after all.

[Anonymous]

Please file this under "Be careful what you wish for"

About four years, a couple in my neighborhood (Jake & Diane, who grew up in the heartland), has a similar issue. Jake was a runner, quite fit, and somewhat of an Ahole. Diane was super nice and about 40 lbs overweight.

Jack would often ride Diane about her weight.

It was interesting because, in the dad's neighborhood pool poll, Diane constantly ranked "Top 10" in the MILF category while Jack never broke the top 10 in the same category for the moms. The summary findings were that Jack was thin but not at all buff.

After getting her youngest into high school, Diane took up running as well. She started slow, and built her mileage every week. By the time her youngest was halfway through her sophomore year, Diane was in outstanding shape. Diane then moved Jack to their basement as a prelude to moving him to an apartment in Leesburg.

The summer between her youngest's sophomore and junior year, she spent a month in Europe (she and Jack were very done by this time). Evidently, Diane had a fling overseas with a very handsome Italian during the trip (per my DW who saw photos). Back home, Diane moved up quite well in dating classes.

Jack got what he wanted, which was a slim Diane. However, slim Diane did not want Jack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain to me why being fat is 100% within your control, but your emotions about someone else’s body are something that you “can’t help?”

Sexual attraction is hard wired. Most men are not attracted to overweight women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

My husband has gained 60 pounds since we got married. Not a thing I can do. Not willing to divorce over it.

[Anonymous]

1. Learn Spanish
2. Ditch frumpy wife
3. 1 month vacation to Colombia!