I’m so freaking tired of parents with 3+ kids complaining

[Anonymous]

^^Well-adjusted, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Oh, I get it now OP. The moms with two who considered a third but ultimately didn’t go for it (usually husband wasn’t quite on board) are the worst. It’s like they always hold on to this tiny piece of regret, so they spend the rest of their lives justifying to themselves how superior it is to have 2 kids vs. 3, how sadly neglected all children are from families with more than 2, how their kids will be so much more loved and we’ll-adjusted, etc. Sorry but it’s just not true. If you were truly happy with your life and family size, none of this would bother you so much - in fact, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind. Sour grapes.

Here we go with the jealousy thing again! Sighhhhhhhh.

Where did she say anything like what you indicated? I'm seeing her saying she considered having 3 strongly, is happy she didn't, and knows plenty of 3+ families who do great. You're literally inferring the opposite to fit your narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

You still don't get it, op.

How on earth are you qualified to determine these kids are "missing out"?

Guess what? Sometimes we say we have a conflict with another kid's sport when we decline a birthday invite our kid simply isn't interested in attending. It's a polite way to decline. (Sometimes kids don't want to attend parties for little bullies.)

Sometimes we skip a practice or game...even "the defining ones"...for family events, another game etc. NBD.

As a mother of older kids, I can assure you that there really aren't any defining games or critical birthday parties in the life of an 8 year old. I promise.

I always think that part of the reason my friends with large families skip some stuff is that they have older kids along with the younger kids and therefore a different perspective on the “defining soccer game.”

Exactly.

Forget the stupid soccer game comment. Imagine you’re the one kid whose parents couldn’t get it together to help with your diorama on science day. Or forgot to print out the lyrics when everyone else knew the class song. It’s not about sports.

I'm not convinced that happens.

Gentle tip from a mother of many: you aren't doing your kid a favor by doing his diorama. The teacher knows you did it. My kids are responsible for their own school work. I'm only responsible for purchasing the supplies. Teachers consistently compliment my kid for doing his own projects (and they comment to me as well).

The sports example is legit precisely because most parents realize there is no such thing as a defining swim meet or soccer game.

NP. Do you not understand that if your kid is the backstroke leg of a medley relay and they don't show up then that relay team can't swim because now they don't have anyone to do backstroke? Or any other million examples of something like this? I don't think a soccer game for eight-year olds is going to make a difference in terms of who is going to play for the US in the 2040 Olympics, but I do think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to sign your kid up for a team and then not make the games because you can't figure out your own logistics. If you can't commit to it all, then don't send your kid. And for the record, my kids both participate in individual sports, so they're never been personally put out by someone not showing up, I just think it's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thread but I agree. We tried for years to have a third and it didn’t work and the friends I have that tell me how much harder they have it because there is impossible really frustrates me, especially when it is in the context of how much harder they have it than the people like me who have two kids.

Can you not admit that parents of 2 have a less demanding carpooling/sports/birthday party weekend schedule than families with 3 or 4 kids? That's all they're saying, pp. No need to project and take it personally.

DP, but no, I wouldn't admit that. What if you had triplet girls who all competed in the same sport and, since they're the same age, their practices are always at the same time. Then imagine a family with only two kids, but one of them has special physical needs and can't just sit on the sidelines of his brother's soccer game? The second family has it way harder, even though they only have two kids. Or what about a family with four kids where neither parent works because of trust fund money versus a single parent of two? There are a million reasons why people's lives are hard, and the number of kids is not the defining factor. If you wanted to have three or four kids, then you should have figured out a plan for that to work. I think people can complain no matter what their situation, with one kid or five, but I will admit to having less sympathy for people who put themselves in the positions they are currently lamenting.

[Anonymous]

I have literally never seen a kid not show up to a soccer game/swim meet/any of these other examples because they are from a family of three kids. Never in 15 years of parenting. Sick? Yes. Injured? Yes. You must know some exceptionally rude and disorganized people? It is not hard to get three kids where they need to be unless maybe they are triplets or something?

[Anonymous]

I think there are plenty of larger families that manage well, but others that use it as an excuse for other issues. My SIL and her husband have always had an excuse for not working much. Now it is well if we both work we would have to pay for Summer childcare for all three of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are plenty of larger families that manage well, but others that use it as an excuse for other issues. My SIL and her husband have always had an excuse for not working much. Now it is well if we both work we would have to pay for Summer childcare for all three of them.

Lol! How on earth do their decisions about working/SAH affect you? Are you supporting them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Oh, I get it now OP. The moms with two who considered a third but ultimately didn’t go for it (usually husband wasn’t quite on board) are the worst. It’s like they always hold on to this tiny piece of regret, so they spend the rest of their lives justifying to themselves how superior it is to have 2 kids vs. 3, how sadly neglected all children are from families with more than 2, how their kids will be so much more loved and we’ll-adjusted, etc. Sorry but it’s just not true. If you were truly happy with your life and family size, none of this would bother you so much - in fact, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind. Sour grapes.

this sounds about right. it seems they feel the urge to convince themselves that they didn’t make a terrible mistake.

i have 3 kids and I am thrilled about it. not in a million years would start a topic about mothers of one, two, four, five... I just don’t scrutinize them as closely from the #kids perspective. those who do need to think why are they focused on that parameter so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thread but I agree. We tried for years to have a third and it didn’t work and the friends I have that tell me how much harder they have it because there is impossible really frustrates me, especially when it is in the context of how much harder they have it than the people like me who have two kids.

Can you not admit that parents of 2 have a less demanding carpooling/sports/birthday party weekend schedule than families with 3 or 4 kids? That's all they're saying, pp. No need to project and take it personally.

DP, but no, I wouldn't admit that. What if you had triplet girls who all competed in the same sport and, since they're the same age, their practices are always at the same time. Then imagine a family with only two kids, but one of them has special physical needs and can't just sit on the sidelines of his brother's soccer game? The second family has it way harder, even though they only have two kids. Or what about a family with four kids where neither parent works because of trust fund money versus a single parent of two? There are a million reasons why people's lives are hard, and the number of kids is not the defining factor. If you wanted to have three or four kids, then you should have figured out a plan for that to work. I think people can complain no matter what their situation, with one kid or five, but I will admit to having less sympathy for people who put themselves in the positions they are currently lamenting.

pretty sure that's the entire point of the thread, yet the crazy SAHMs with 3+ have tried to take it over, as usual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Oh, I get it now OP. The moms with two who considered a third but ultimately didn’t go for it (usually husband wasn’t quite on board) are the worst. It’s like they always hold on to this tiny piece of regret, so they spend the rest of their lives justifying to themselves how superior it is to have 2 kids vs. 3, how sadly neglected all children are from families with more than 2, how their kids will be so much more loved and we’ll-adjusted, etc. Sorry but it’s just not true. If you were truly happy with your life and family size, none of this would bother you so much - in fact, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind. Sour grapes.

this sounds about right. it seems they feel the urge to convince themselves that they didn’t make a terrible mistake.

i have 3 kids and I am thrilled about it. not in a million years would start a topic about mothers of one, two, four, five... I just don’t scrutinize them as closely from the #kids perspective. those who do need to think why are they focused on that parameter so much?

Yes!! It’s like they’re obsessed with the families with three and desperately trying to find the negatives or examples of families with issues so they feel better about their own situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

You still don't get it, op.

How on earth are you qualified to determine these kids are "missing out"?

Guess what? Sometimes we say we have a conflict with another kid's sport when we decline a birthday invite our kid simply isn't interested in attending. It's a polite way to decline. (Sometimes kids don't want to attend parties for little bullies.)

Sometimes we skip a practice or game...even "the defining ones"...for family events, another game etc. NBD.

As a mother of older kids, I can assure you that there really aren't any defining games or critical birthday parties in the life of an 8 year old. I promise.

I always think that part of the reason my friends with large families skip some stuff is that they have older kids along with the younger kids and therefore a different perspective on the “defining soccer game.”

Exactly.

Forget the stupid soccer game comment. Imagine you’re the one kid whose parents couldn’t get it together to help with your diorama on science day. Or forgot to print out the lyrics when everyone else knew the class song. It’s not about sports.

I'm not convinced that happens.

Gentle tip from a mother of many: you aren't doing your kid a favor by doing his diorama. The teacher knows you did it. My kids are responsible for their own school work. I'm only responsible for purchasing the supplies. Teachers consistently compliment my kid for doing his own projects (and they comment to me as well).

The sports example is legit precisely because most parents realize there is no such thing as a defining swim meet or soccer game.

NP. Do you not understand that if your kid is the backstroke leg of a medley relay and they don't show up then that relay team can't swim because now they don't have anyone to do backstroke? Or any other million examples of something like this? I don't think a soccer game for eight-year olds is going to make a difference in terms of who is going to play for the US in the 2040 Olympics, but I do think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to sign your kid up for a team and then not make the games because you can't figure out your own logistics. If you can't commit to it all, then don't send your kid. And for the record, my kids both participate in individual sports, so they're never been personally put out by someone not showing up, I just think it's rude.

I agree completely. My son plays baseball and there was a kid on his team this year who started off showing up although he would frequently be there at the last minute or after the practice or game started. They had RSVP'd yes to the upcoming games and practices on TeamSpan. Once we realized that he (or his parents, I should say) was unreliable, we started putting him later in the lineup because if he wasn't there by the time his spot in the batting order came up then we would have to take the out. Then by the end of the season we would call before each game to see if he was coming and the parents always said yes, but then he would be a no show.

We found out after the final game of the season that the kid was also signed up for a soccer team and because the games and practices conflicted the parents would let him decide at the time which one he'd prefer to attend. So they selfishly had two teams on the hook. It's fine if a kid prefers one or the other, but communicate with coaches so they know whether to expect your kid a lot. It was very frustrating for both the coaches and the players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Oh, I get it now OP. The moms with two who considered a third but ultimately didn’t go for it (usually husband wasn’t quite on board) are the worst. It’s like they always hold on to this tiny piece of regret, so they spend the rest of their lives justifying to themselves how superior it is to have 2 kids vs. 3, how sadly neglected all children are from families with more than 2, how their kids will be so much more loved and we’ll-adjusted, etc. Sorry but it’s just not true. If you were truly happy with your life and family size, none of this would bother you so much - in fact, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind. Sour grapes.

this sounds about right. it seems they feel the urge to convince themselves that they didn’t make a terrible mistake.

i have 3 kids and I am thrilled about it. not in a million years would start a topic about mothers of one, two, four, five... I just don’t scrutinize them as closely from the #kids perspective. those who do need to think why are they focused on that parameter so much?

Yes!! It’s like they’re obsessed with the families with three and desperately trying to find the negatives or examples of families with issues so they feel better about their own situation.

Seriously, are you high? It's about being frustrated with constantly being unprepared for / unable to manage the effects of a situation you yourself created. No one feels bad about not having 3 kids. The opposite, in fact. I'm baffled by these responses.

[Anonymous]

I agree with an earlier poster who mentioned that the parents in larger families seem less concerned than others about the effects that their actions have on the larger group as a whole. Is it because they're so overwhelmed they can only look inwards? Is it because they are in this weird 'tribe' mentality where only their priorities (they being the parents, not the kids) matter? It's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

You still don't get it, op.

How on earth are you qualified to determine these kids are "missing out"?

Guess what? Sometimes we say we have a conflict with another kid's sport when we decline a birthday invite our kid simply isn't interested in attending. It's a polite way to decline. (Sometimes kids don't want to attend parties for little bullies.)

Sometimes we skip a practice or game...even "the defining ones"...for family events, another game etc. NBD.

As a mother of older kids, I can assure you that there really aren't any defining games or critical birthday parties in the life of an 8 year old. I promise.

I always think that part of the reason my friends with large families skip some stuff is that they have older kids along with the younger kids and therefore a different perspective on the “defining soccer game.”

Exactly.

Forget the stupid soccer game comment. Imagine you’re the one kid whose parents couldn’t get it together to help with your diorama on science day. Or forgot to print out the lyrics when everyone else knew the class song. It’s not about sports.

I'm not convinced that happens.

Gentle tip from a mother of many: you aren't doing your kid a favor by doing his diorama. The teacher knows you did it. My kids are responsible for their own school work. I'm only responsible for purchasing the supplies. Teachers consistently compliment my kid for doing his own projects (and they comment to me as well).

The sports example is legit precisely because most parents realize there is no such thing as a defining swim meet or soccer game.

NP. Do you not understand that if your kid is the backstroke leg of a medley relay and they don't show up then that relay team can't swim because now they don't have anyone to do backstroke? Or any other million examples of something like this? I don't think a soccer game for eight-year olds is going to make a difference in terms of who is going to play for the US in the 2040 Olympics, but I do think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to sign your kid up for a team and then not make the games because you can't figure out your own logistics. If you can't commit to it all, then don't send your kid. And for the record, my kids both participate in individual sports, so they're never been personally put out by someone not showing up, I just think it's rude.

I agree completely. My son plays baseball and there was a kid on his team this year who started off showing up although he would frequently be there at the last minute or after the practice or game started. They had RSVP'd yes to the upcoming games and practices on TeamSpan. Once we realized that he (or his parents, I should say) was unreliable, we started putting him later in the lineup because if he wasn't there by the time his spot in the batting order came up then we would have to take the out. Then by the end of the season we would call before each game to see if he was coming and the parents always said yes, but then he would be a no show.

We found out after the final game of the season that the kid was also signed up for a soccer team and because the games and practices conflicted the parents would let him decide at the time which one he'd prefer to attend. So they selfishly had two teams on the hook. It's fine if a kid prefers one or the other, but communicate with coaches so they know whether to expect your kid a lot. It was very frustrating for both the coaches and the players.

Sorry, I forgot to include my point that's related to this thread. We've also had kids on the team who come from families of 3 or 4 kids. Attendance has been an issue as well. There have been multiple situations where a kid has shown up very late or not at all because the kid was at a sibling's game and the game went late so the parent couldn't get the kid to their own game on time or at all. Or they didn't check TeamSnap and went to the wrong field and then just gave up because they wouldn't be able to get the kid to the correct field and then also leave to turn around to pick up another sibling from somewhere else or wherever. It's a logistics issue where they make plans and assume all will go smoothly but have no backup plan for if it doesn't. And then the kid and their team have to suffer for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

You still don't get it, op.

How on earth are you qualified to determine these kids are "missing out"?

Guess what? Sometimes we say we have a conflict with another kid's sport when we decline a birthday invite our kid simply isn't interested in attending. It's a polite way to decline. (Sometimes kids don't want to attend parties for little bullies.)

Sometimes we skip a practice or game...even "the defining ones"...for family events, another game etc. NBD.

As a mother of older kids, I can assure you that there really aren't any defining games or critical birthday parties in the life of an 8 year old. I promise.

I always think that part of the reason my friends with large families skip some stuff is that they have older kids along with the younger kids and therefore a different perspective on the “defining soccer game.”

Exactly.

Forget the stupid soccer game comment. Imagine you’re the one kid whose parents couldn’t get it together to help with your diorama on science day. Or forgot to print out the lyrics when everyone else knew the class song. It’s not about sports.

I'm not convinced that happens.

Gentle tip from a mother of many: you aren't doing your kid a favor by doing his diorama. The teacher knows you did it. My kids are responsible for their own school work. I'm only responsible for purchasing the supplies. Teachers consistently compliment my kid for doing his own projects (and they comment to me as well).

The sports example is legit precisely because most parents realize there is no such thing as a defining swim meet or soccer game.

NP. Do you not understand that if your kid is the backstroke leg of a medley relay and they don't show up then that relay team can't swim because now they don't have anyone to do backstroke? Or any other million examples of something like this? I don't think a soccer game for eight-year olds is going to make a difference in terms of who is going to play for the US in the 2040 Olympics, but I do think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to sign your kid up for a team and then not make the games because you can't figure out your own logistics. If you can't commit to it all, then don't send your kid. And for the record, my kids both participate in individual sports, so they're never been personally put out by someone not showing up, I just think it's rude.

I agree completely. My son plays baseball and there was a kid on his team this year who started off showing up although he would frequently be there at the last minute or after the practice or game started. They had RSVP'd yes to the upcoming games and practices on TeamSpan. Once we realized that he (or his parents, I should say) was unreliable, we started putting him later in the lineup because if he wasn't there by the time his spot in the batting order came up then we would have to take the out. Then by the end of the season we would call before each game to see if he was coming and the parents always said yes, but then he would be a no show.

We found out after the final game of the season that the kid was also signed up for a soccer team and because the games and practices conflicted the parents would let him decide at the time which one he'd prefer to attend. So they selfishly had two teams on the hook. It's fine if a kid prefers one or the other, but communicate with coaches so they know whether to expect your kid a lot. It was very frustrating for both the coaches and the players.

Sorry, I forgot to include my point that's related to this thread. We've also had kids on the team who come from families of 3 or 4 kids. Attendance has been an issue as well. There have been multiple situations where a kid has shown up very late or not at all because the kid was at a sibling's game and the game went late so the parent couldn't get the kid to their own game on time or at all. Or they didn't check TeamSnap and went to the wrong field and then just gave up because they wouldn't be able to get the kid to the correct field and then also leave to turn around to pick up another sibling from somewhere else or wherever. It's a logistics issue where they make plans and assume all will go smoothly but have no backup plan for if it doesn't. And then the kid and their team have to suffer for it.

Yep, I see this happen all the time with families with two kids as well. Nobody should ever have more than one kid and nobody should ever have any other commitment in life lest they let someone down.