<vent> Why does DH always think we'll have sex when he comes back from business trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High libido man here, married to a low libido woman. I don't think OP is being unreasonable.

As long as she and her DH understand when she isn't going to receptive to sex, it's fine. My wife is same as OP. Never approach her after she has been with kids all day. Never.

Solution: I take care of myself at the hotel, I leave zero sexual energy for her. I can go out, flirt with my co-workers, feel like a sexual person. By the time I get back, my DW might as well be a man to me.

I know the one day a week it will happen, and I can look forward to that day.

My DW is fantastic outside of the bedroom. It works for now, if it doesn't work in the future, it's not like I don't have other options.

Good for you. See, guys? One man here understands how to jerk off. Now if only the rest of you duds could figure it out. You'd make your lives hell of a lot easier

Honey - I hope that you haven't tricked some poor guy into marriage and that you live alone.

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this thinking that women are just blow up dolls who should put out whenever their husbands want. Do you really want to have sex with someone who is tired, cranky, and just plain not in the mood?

No, I'd like you to be open-minded enough to attempt to get in the mood with a little coaxing. If it doesn't work, then maybe say, sweetheart, I'm just so exhausted right now, I'm afraid I'd fall asleep during your attempts to pleasure me. Can we just set the alarm a little early and try this in the morning? Or...I'll plan to feed the kids early tomorrow so we can get them to bed and have the night to ourselves.

That's an understandable and acceptable response.

Are you kidding me? You take the kids and do the laundry and then maybe I'll think about it....is not an acceptable reply.

No thanks. How about "Sweetheart, I'm not in the mood- not right now and not any time in the foreseeable future. You'll be the first to know if that changes. Now go take this romance novel and jerk off in the bath, thanks".

And you say: alright.

That's an understandable and acceptable response.

Lol. And you wonder why you are alone.

P.S. I prefer the shower and I like my reading to be a little more substantial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:haha I feel the same way OP.

When he gets back, it's mama's turn to relax!

You don't like sex?

PP here. No I don't like sex when I'm exhausted and on edge (which is what it's like for me to be alone with 4 kids for several days and nights and he knows that). I need to be in the mood for sex., which means relaxed. Why should I put out if I am too tired?

Because if both partners required perfect rest and mood, there would be no sex ever. Marriage requires give and take. With you it seems to be he does all the giving and you do all the taking. Narcissism is never an attractive trait. Try thinking about more than yourself. With women, arousal is much more mental. Your attitude does not lend itself to be open to sex very often. In many cases, this will lead to stress in other areas of your marriage.

Why is it always that "marriage requires give and take" is used in the context of she needs to do what he wants?

How about "marriage requires give and take" aka go jerk off in the bathroom and leave your poor wife alone?

Because that's not marriage, that's a roommate.

How is it all these women are too exhausted for sex but have time to monitor and comment on every thread in here with their man-hating theme? Maybe kill your addiction to this joint and watch your kids or take a nap.

Actually, marriages change over time. It is not carte-blanche sexual access whenever you get a boner, or every few days, weeks, months, etc. Your wife is not a prostitute

If you wanted that, you should have bought a real doll. Get a grip.

I don't need to get a grip. I married a normal, well-adjusted woman. Every other day, you or someone like you starts a thread about their asshole H leaving them for some slut or about being cheated on. You paint a picture like your H won the lottery marrying you when you deceived him and then tried to break him. Karma's a bitch and so are you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess because he believes you are his loving wife who cares about him, misses him, wants to be with him, and that you too might have some tiny shred of sexual desire?

This was and still is the best answer.
Find a way to be ready for him . Can you do fewer chores - let some go?
Can you hire a babysitter some before he comes home? Something to make it work.
You currently have a good marriage - if you list to some of the dried out old prunes telling you to spurn him you won't have that anymore.

+1 Love a PP's advice about making sure the last day is "light" in terms of work and building in a calm transitional period before he gets home. All the resentments and disconnects don't make for a healthy and happy marriage. Work on connecting, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't want to have sex with somebody who doesn't want to. They want to have sex with somebody who does want them. Obviously. The problem is that she doesn't.

Right... so instead of trying to find ways to increase their wife's sexual attraction to them, or, better yet, accepting the shift in her libido, they are on here berating women and trying to scare women into boning their husbands.

Sure, that adds up.

I accept that people change. You've lost interest in sex.
I've changed too. I've lost interest in monogamy.
Welcome to our Open Marriage, dear.

Welcome to Divorce Court, dear.
Thanks for the assets.

What a utterly meaningless "threat" for a sexless wife to officially go away!
Within minutes you will be replaced with a younger, thinner, sex positive model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't want to have sex with somebody who doesn't want to. They want to have sex with somebody who does want them. Obviously. The problem is that she doesn't.

Right... so instead of trying to find ways to increase their wife's sexual attraction to them, or, better yet, accepting the shift in her libido, they are on here berating women and trying to scare women into boning their husbands.

Sure, that adds up.

I accept that people change. You've lost interest in sex.
I've changed too. I've lost interest in monogamy.
Welcome to our Open Marriage, dear.

Welcome to Divorce Court, dear.
Thanks for the assets.

What a utterly meaningless "threat" for a sexless wife to officially go away!
Within minutes you will be replaced with a younger, thinner, sex positive model.

Thanks for chiming in, Newt.

[Anonymous]

Why so much hate? All of this is a problem only because a chunk of posters here (not all) seem to think their way is the only way. It isn't so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your wife is coming home from a trip and wants sex and you're not giving it to her, she'll just get it in the trip next time, without you knowing.

Agree. Wife here; told my husband point blank that sex in the only two positions he likes is boring to me. I also really like oral and he won't give it to me. After 10 years of being unsatisfied, I found someone who will do it in ways I enjoy. I'm sorry to say that I'm only sorry I held out so long.

Why did you get married to him? Did you think things would change?

[Anonymous]

From these comments, I assume that most of the people responding are still in the whirl and chaos of raising kids.

I am an empty nester and I have just have one piece of advice. Do your best to maintain a relationship with your spouse that is based on your "couple-ness."

I am not saying that anyone should have sex on demand - that's ridiculous. But you have to make it a priority to stay connected. In the midst of raising kids, it is hard to see but you will not be raising kids forever. If you base your entire marriage on raising kids and running a household, what happens to that marriage when the kids are gone? And that time comes sooner than you think. Empty nest divorces are a common thing and that buried connection is a big reason why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing that I don't understand after reading all of these 14 pages of posts is how in the world some of the posters are so exhausted due to handling kids and house, etc. when their spouse is on a business trip. Those things are much easier for me when mine is on one of the many business trips that are required. It's really not that hard. (DH with 4 kids here, all involved in a laundry list of sports and other activities) Either some people are not very capable, or there is some significant exaggeration going on. Guessing a bit of both.

I bet you don't do all the chores your wife does while you have the kids solo. You probably do the minimum cooking and laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:haha I feel the same way OP.

When he gets back, it's mama's turn to relax!

You don't like sex?

PP here. No I don't like sex when I'm exhausted and on edge (which is what it's like for me to be alone with 4 kids for several days and nights and he knows that). I need to be in the mood for sex., which means relaxed. Why should I put out if I am too tired?

Because if both partners required perfect rest and mood, there would be no sex ever. Marriage requires give and take. With you it seems to be he does all the giving and you do all the taking. Narcissism is never an attractive trait. Try thinking about more than yourself. With women, arousal is much more mental. Your attitude does not lend itself to be open to sex very often. In many cases, this will lead to stress in other areas of your marriage.

Why is it always that "marriage requires give and take" is used in the context of she needs to do what he wants?

How about "marriage requires give and take" aka go jerk off in the bathroom and leave your poor wife alone?

He could have done that in the privacy of his hotel room while on his business trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this thinking that women are just blow up dolls who should put out whenever their husbands want. Do you really want to have sex with someone who is tired, cranky, and just plain not in the mood?

No, I'd like you to be open-minded enough to attempt to get in the mood with a little coaxing. If it doesn't work, then maybe say, sweetheart, I'm just so exhausted right now, I'm afraid I'd fall asleep during your attempts to pleasure me. Can we just set the alarm a little early and try this in the morning? Or...I'll plan to feed the kids early tomorrow so we can get them to bed and have the night to ourselves.

That's an understandable and acceptable response.

Are you kidding me? You take the kids and do the laundry and then maybe I'll think about it....is not an acceptable reply.

No thanks. How about "Sweetheart, I'm not in the mood- not right now and not any time in the foreseeable future. You'll be the first to know if that changes. Now go take this romance novel and jerk off in the bath, thanks".

And you say: alright.

That's an understandable and acceptable response.

My response would be, "No thanks, I am going out with friends. Have a good sleep, don't wait up."

[Anonymous]

Don't worry, OP. Keep resenting him and he'll eventually stop bothering you for sex altogether. Win win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From these comments, I assume that most of the people responding are still in the whirl and chaos of raising kids.

I am an empty nester and I have just have one piece of advice. Do your best to maintain a relationship with your spouse that is based on your "couple-ness."

I am not saying that anyone should have sex on demand - that's ridiculous. But you have to make it a priority to stay connected. In the midst of raising kids, it is hard to see but you will not be raising kids forever. If you base your entire marriage on raising kids and running a household, what happens to that marriage when the kids are gone? And that time comes sooner than you think. Empty nest divorces are a common thing and that buried connection is a big reason why.

YES, IT IS A F*ING PARENTING WEBSITE!! DUH!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that I don't understand after reading all of these 14 pages of posts is how in the world some of the posters are so exhausted due to handling kids and house, etc. when their spouse is on a business trip. Those things are much easier for me when mine is on one of the many business trips that are required. It's really not that hard. (DH with 4 kids here, all involved in a laundry list of sports and other activities) Either some people are not very capable, or there is some significant exaggeration going on. Guessing a bit of both.

I bet you don't do all the chores your wife does while you have the kids solo. You probably do the minimum cooking and laundry.

Or his kids are all older - past the grueling diaper/nap/tantrum phase.