UVA student missing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's not much difference between the "ladies, don't go out drinking at night or walk home alone or dress like that" and the crazy attitudes towards women in the Middle East. I come from a Muslim family, and abhor these attitudes. They're the same vein of blaming women/victim blaming, but telling women they should be making better choices - even though those women are harming absolutely no one.

The responsibility is on men. Full stop. In my opinion, the more we keep the conversation to "girls, be more responsible," the less men learn to be responsible for their own awful actions. It's a form of coddling - it's a shift from the perpetrator not bearing every fraction of a percentage of the total and complete responsibility.

You can't just talk about how things should be; you have to deal with how they really are. Do you think the kind of man who will take advantage of a young, drunk, lost woman will get on your bandwagon of change? They are not normal men. They don't want the world to be a fair and just place. You have to accept that. There will always be people like that in the world, and to imagine that some day young women will be free to walk around at all hours, drunk and lost, and be safe is just dimwitted. It ain't gonna happen, no matter how much you think it "should."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men- the VAST majority of men -are good and protective towards women.

Doesn't really matter, when the VAST majority of violent criminals are men. You can pretty much bet that if some kind of foul play was involved in the disappearance of this girl, that the perpetrator was male. Highly, highly likely. Not 100.00%, but very probable.

As a woman who has traveled alone, walked alone at night, jogs on trails alone, I know this. If I see or hear someone else, my internal-guard will naturally rise. If they are coming closer and I notice they are female, my guard will lower, and I'll feel more at ease. If they are male, I stay much more guarded - their age, race, height, etc doesn't matter. I know other women feel the same way, and you can see the relief on another woman's face when they realize the person jogging in the other direction is a fellow female. We know the statistics. And it's simply not fair to ask women to constantly change their habits, when they're the ones doing absolutely nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hope they find her soon.. Wonder why she didn't call the police , if she was lost. What kind of friends let their drunk friend head out alone ?!

Please don't judge her friends. There were many times during my own college days when I was feeling carefree and having fun and I didn't want to leave a party when my friends were tired and ready to go home. I stayed at the party, they left and sometimes I walked home alone. Nothing bad ever happened to me and honestly it never dawned on me that anything bad would ever happen to me (I was 5'5". 120 pounds at most). She probably didn't call police because she was...underage and a bit intoxicated? I mean duh.

But this is wrong thinking, and women need more guidance and encouragement to not do what you did. You were really fortunate.

+1

I would have missed out on so MUCH if I had thought like this. You are only young ONCE. Yes, I took chances. In hindsight I took lots of chances. It was SOOO worth it to me. There is nothing like being young and perfectly free. I will never regret it freaking living as a young adult.

Well...good for you?

Yes, good for me. That does not mean that my heart does not break for Hannnah. I'm worried for her and I hope that she'll be found safe. At the same time, young women should be able to walk around independent after dark w/o being labeled as ...unwise.

It's not just young women...ANYONE is unwise to walk around alone in the middle of the night after drinking too much.

[Anonymous]

went to college in middle pa in late 70's

I wandered the town drunk at night so many times and I never had to worry about anything.

times have changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men- the VAST majority of men -are good and protective towards women.

Doesn't really matter, when the VAST majority of violent criminals are men. You can pretty much bet that if some kind of foul play was involved in the disappearance of this girl, that the perpetrator was male. Highly, highly likely. Not 100.00%, but very probable.

As a woman who has traveled alone, walked alone at night, jogs on trails alone, I know this. If I see or hear someone else, my internal-guard will naturally rise. If they are coming closer and I notice they are female, my guard will lower, and I'll feel more at ease. If they are male, I stay much more guarded - their age, race, height, etc doesn't matter. I know other women feel the same way, and you can see the relief on another woman's face when they realize the person jogging in the other direction is a fellow female. We know the statistics. And it's simply not fair to ask women to constantly change their habits, when they're the ones doing absolutely nothing wrong.

I've been doing trails for a long time. I've actually had the experience of being flashed and chased on a trail by some weird dude. And I've been stalked (and I mean stalked and circled by a pack of guys).

Yes. This shit happens. The absolute worst thing you can do (prevention wise) is scare nice guys into staying at home/not getting involved.

[Anonymous]

For those that know Charlottesville, can anyone comment on the area that this apartment is located? Seedy? Campus housing? Good or bad area?
I think someone said it's not really close (walking) to campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I hope they find her soon.. Wonder why she didn't call the police , if she was lost. What kind of friends let their drunk friend head out alone ?!

Please don't judge her friends. There were many times during my own college days when I was feeling carefree and having fun and I didn't want to leave a party when my friends were tired and ready to go home. I stayed at the party, they left and sometimes I walked home alone. Nothing bad ever happened to me and honestly it never dawned on me that anything bad would ever happen to me (I was 5'5". 120 pounds at most). She probably didn't call police because she was...underage and a bit intoxicated? I mean duh.

But this is wrong thinking, and women need more guidance and encouragement to not do what you did. You were really fortunate.

Not pp, but the focus should be on men not to do awful shit to women, instead of blaming women for not having enough "guidance and encouragement." We all have to look out for our own selves, but I'm sick of victim blaming. How about teaching boys and men to not be awful, violent, manipulative, or take advantage of women?

I think it's the wrong thread for that. Maybe even the wrong forum. We hope against hope this girl is found alive. Together and apart from that, we don't ever ever want our DDs out wandering alone after drinking.

It's an absolutely apropos thread for this discussion. FAR more than wandering alone after drinking, I don't ever, ever, EVER want our DS's doing something awful to a woman or girl, EVER. We like to pretend that it won't be our sons, but the men that attack/rape/kill/etc women are someone's son. So a European campaign stated, instead of teaching girls "don't get raped," we should be teaching boys/men "don't rape."

Well we disagree. I have a DD and DS at urban campus colleges. I certainly feel my DD has more to learn from this awful a UVA scenario. And certainly feel we've raised DS to respect others, including drunk girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those that know Charlottesville, can anyone comment on the area that this apartment is located? Seedy? Campus housing? Good or bad area?
I think someone said it's not really close (walking) to campus.

UVa grad here. I don't know about the seedy-ness of the apartments in particular but definitely not a popular place for college kids, primarily because it is out of walking distance and far from the social scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You miss the point. It's not about thinking that the president can protect all the kids. It's about creating an environment in which safety and taking care of one another is most important. It's about creating an environment where coaches are held accountable. It's about creating an environment where safety is more important than sports or academics. You all are missing the point.

She got so drunk she got lost in an area familiar to her. That put her at more risk than the fluff you posted.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People go missing every day. I don't mean to be rude, but why is one more missing white girl that much more dramatic?

here we go with the race discussion. Missing people always get media attention regardless of race - Relisha Rudd was constantly on the news.

She was an anomaly. The news pays a well-documented disproportionate amount of attention to missing white girls.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome

I guess what makes this instance sexy are the hints that a serial killer is loose. But no one has actually SAID that, right?

Angry black person is back

[Anonymous]

So what happened to the OTHER person the police said they wanted to talk to? Described as:

Police described the person of interest as a black male in his 20s or early 30s, about 5-foot-10 or 5-foot-11 with a shaved head and goatee. He weighed between 250 to 285 pounds, has a slight beer belly and was wearing black jeans and a white T-shirt.

Does this person exist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People go missing every day. I don't mean to be rude, but why is one more missing white girl that much more dramatic?

here we go with the race discussion. Missing people always get media attention regardless of race - Relisha Rudd was constantly on the news.

She was an anomaly. The news pays a well-documented disproportionate amount of attention to missing white girls.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome

I guess what makes this instance sexy are the hints that a serial killer is loose. But no one has actually SAID that, right?

Angry black person is back

I don't see anything "angry" about his/her post?

[Anonymous]

Those condos are not heavily student-owned as they are not near campus. They are condos, so not typical student rentals. The guy living there might not be the owner. Maybe his parents own it or maybe he rents. But chances are he's not an undergrad student. They are considered Class B units, so more affordable than newer, better located units.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what happened to the OTHER person the police said they wanted to talk to? Described as:

Police described the person of interest as a black male in his 20s or early 30s, about 5-foot-10 or 5-foot-11 with a shaved head and goatee. He weighed between 250 to 285 pounds, has a slight beer belly and was wearing black jeans and a white T-shirt.

Does this person exist?

I believe the police gave a false description so that the real person of interest wouldn't bolt. They haven't said this, just my theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange that he didn't come forward until there was a video with him on it. If he is innocent I think he would have contacted the police earlier. I hope they are considering him a suspect and searching his property etc.

The thing that seems odd is not the following part - a lot of people were in the area on the vid. What's odd is the story