Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is such a provincial post. Where I came from, everybody keeps their surname. The first born takes mother's surname, the second takes father's...

OP needs to travel.

It's great to hear about different customs from around the world, but here in the United States, the situation is a bit different. In the U.S., about 85% of women in opposite-sex marriages choose to take their husband's last name. This trend is influenced by cultural norms and traditions specific to the U.S. While it's enriching to learn about and respect various traditions globally, it's also important to recognize that each country and culture has its own practices. In the context of the U.S., name-taking remains a significant trend, regardless of practices elsewhere.

So what? Traditionally people washed dishes and clothes by hand. Are you going to do that after you are married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.





.

While your personal experience and your sister's are interesting, they're not the whole picture. Most women, about 85%, still choose to take their husband's last name. And about that idea that taking a last name increases the chances of divorce? Actually, studies don't back that up. In fact, there's no solid evidence saying that taking a husband's last name affects the likelihood of divorce at all. Each couple's situation is unique, and the decision to change a name or not varies based on many factors, not just the stability of the marriage. So, while your choice to keep your maiden name worked for you, others find different value in sharing a last name.

It is what it is. Lemmings to the sea.


But being stuck with a name of a man who screwed you over really sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

Marriages rates are down and cohabitation is up. It may be that straight women getting married are already more conservative on average than their unmarried straight or married lesbian counterparts.

The drop in marriage rates and the increase in cohabitation don't necessarily mean straight women who get married are more conservative. It's about changing attitudes toward relationships.

Plus, in straight marriages, most women still go for the husband's last name, not just because of tradition, but also because it makes life simpler, like in dealing with schools, travel, and paperwork. This choice isn't so much about conservatism as it is about practicality and ease in daily life.

And even though there are more gay marriages these days, they're still a small percentage compared to straight marriages, so their preferences, like last name changes, don't significantly impact the overall trend.

[Anonymous]

Are all these 85% comments coming from the same person? The stats don't even seem accurate after doing a quick Google search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I need you to sit down for this one.

I am a woman. Not only did I not change my name, I don't wear a wedding ring. And...neither does my husband.

We have two kids and have made it 21 years.

OP sounds raised on Disney and real marriage with kids will be a harsh wake up.

I suspect the OP is young

And knows very few women with licensed professions or women of very different cultural backgrounds from her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.





.

While your personal experience and your sister's are interesting, they're not the whole picture. Most women, about 85%, still choose to take their husband's last name. And about that idea that taking a last name increases the chances of divorce? Actually, studies don't back that up. In fact, there's no solid evidence saying that taking a husband's last name affects the likelihood of divorce at all. Each couple's situation is unique, and the decision to change a name or not varies based on many factors, not just the stability of the marriage. So, while your choice to keep your maiden name worked for you, others find different value in sharing a last name.

Please look up the definition of trend, because one percentage pulled out of thin air does not make it a trend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

True, it applies to the men as well. They can change their surnames.

Probably doesn’t seem masculine enough to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I need you to sit down for this one.

I am a woman. Not only did I not change my name, I don't wear a wedding ring. And...neither does my husband.

We have two kids and have made it 21 years.

OP sounds raised on Disney and real marriage with kids will be a harsh wake up.

I suspect the OP is young

Young, dumb, and brainwashed by tradwife tiktok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

Just asking out of curiosity, what rock have you been living under?

Can you not be such a judgmental snob?

When I read OP’s post, I did suspect she was from the south or Midwest. And/or from a rural background. But I would not characterize that as coming from “under a rock.”

You sound like you have lived in a bubble.

Why is this striking a nerve with you? Do you also live in uneducated circles? OP asked a judgy question, she got an appropriate response.

I totally judge American families that do the stupid hyphenated thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families] my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

The whole hyphenated name this is absurd. How do you keep that going after generations of kids and grand kids. Keep you name, fine. But don't saddle your kids with a stupid, long name that will become more so when they are grown. I'm with you, OP. Unify your family under one name. If it's the mother's so be it.

People in Spanish country don't hyphenate their surnames, but they generally have two of them: one from the dad and the other one from the mom. When they have children, they generally give the each parent's first surname to the child. This is something people with hyphenated surnames can do, or they can drop one of the surnames entirely. This isn't the big deal you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

Just asking out of curiosity, what rock have you been living under?

Can you not be such a judgmental snob?

When I read OP’s post, I did suspect she was from the south or Midwest. And/or from a rural background. But I would not characterize that as coming from “under a rock.”

You sound like you have lived in a bubble.

Why is this striking a nerve with you? Do you also live in uneducated circles? OP asked a judgy question, she got an appropriate response.

I totally judge American families that do the stupid hyphenated thing.

Even losers like you are allowed to judge. No one cares what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

Marriages rates are down and cohabitation is up. It may be that straight women getting married are already more conservative on average than their unmarried straight or married lesbian counterparts.

The drop in marriage rates and the increase in cohabitation don't necessarily mean straight women who get married are more conservative. It's about changing attitudes toward relationships.

Plus, in straight marriages, most women still go for the husband's last name, not just because of tradition, but also because it makes life simpler, like in dealing with schools, travel, and paperwork. This choice isn't so much about conservatism as it is about practicality and ease in daily life.

And even though there are more gay marriages these days, they're still a small percentage compared to straight marriages, so their preferences, like last name changes, don't significantly impact the overall trend.

I never had a school have problems dealing with me as a mother with a different surname than my kids. In fact, the school principals I dealt with hadn't changed their names. Every school our kids attended had student directories with both parents' names. If I was traveling alone with the kids internationally, I needed a notarized letter regardless of my surname - parents with the same name as their kids do have a track records of violating custody arrangements.

As for ease of life, the plumber is quite happy to take payment from us regardless of who signs the check.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, who cares?

Change your name if you want to. Don't change your name if you don't want to. Hyphenate or don't. Real problems exist in the world and this isn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is such a provincial post. Where I came from, everybody keeps their surname. The first born takes mother's surname, the second takes father's...

OP needs to travel.

It's great to hear about different customs from around the world, but here in the United States, the situation is a bit different. In the U.S., about 85% of women in opposite-sex marriages choose to take their husband's last name. This trend is influenced by cultural norms and traditions specific to the U.S. While it's enriching to learn about and respect various traditions globally, it's also important to recognize that each country and culture has its own practices. In the context of the U.S., name-taking remains a significant trend, regardless of practices elsewhere.

So what? Traditionally people washed dishes and clothes by hand. Are you going to do that after you are married?

I think we need to truly honor the tradition and go back to the caves, when marriage didn't exist at all and we had to hunt wild animals to survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are all these 85% comments coming from the same person? The stats don't even seem accurate after doing a quick Google search.

I apologize for the misunderstanding. Here's the information in plain text without any markup:

I understand your concern, but the 85% statistic regarding women in heterosexual marriages taking their husband's last name is a commonly cited estimate, though specific numbers can vary based on surveys and regions. For more insights, you can visit:

- Pew Research Center: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/18/about-20-of-americans-who-have-been-married-at-least-once-have-changed-their-name/

- FiveThirtyEight: https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/the-many-men-and-some-women-who-take-their-wives-last-names/