15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Op here- my friend group and I often host events from approx 5-9pm on Saturday nights. Not sure how this is odd? 5-6 kids play outside and adults chat and enjoy a drink or seltzer, 6-6:30 feed kids, 6:30-7:30 kids play with toys or read inside while adults eat dinner, 7 ish everyone has dessert together, 7:30-9 make a cozy movie area for kids, pop popcorn, adults retreat to the covered porch or living room for another alcohol drink or coffee tea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- my friend group and I often host events from approx 5-9pm on Saturday nights. Not sure how this is odd? 5-6 kids play outside and adults chat and enjoy a drink or seltzer, 6-6:30 feed kids, 6:30-7:30 kids play with toys or read inside while adults eat dinner, 7 ish everyone has dessert together, 7:30-9 make a cozy movie area for kids, pop popcorn, adults retreat to the covered porch or living room for another alcohol drink or coffee tea.

That sounds fine for little kids. A teen will not want to play outside with kids, play with toys, or watch kiddie movies. And since you're doing two separate dinners if the kids eat pizza and chicken nuggets a teen may prefer the adult meal and you said she was vegan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- my friend group and I often host events from approx 5-9pm on Saturday nights. Not sure how this is odd? 5-6 kids play outside and adults chat and enjoy a drink or seltzer, 6-6:30 feed kids, 6:30-7:30 kids play with toys or read inside while adults eat dinner, 7 ish everyone has dessert together, 7:30-9 make a cozy movie area for kids, pop popcorn, adults retreat to the covered porch or living room for another alcohol drink or coffee tea.

That's fine but its not an "adult dinner." I CANNOT wait until you have teens and get a freakin' clue. My sister is smug like you too. Thinks she has it all figured out. Her oldest is 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Plan a couple's night at a restaurant if you don't want one of the kids there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

There’s too many assumptions here. And a girl with friends to complain to wouldn’t spend the whole evening talking to her dad’s friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

There’s too many assumptions here. And a girl with friends to complain to wouldn’t spend the whole evening talking to her dad’s friends.

Also an assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- my friend group and I often host events from approx 5-9pm on Saturday nights. Not sure how this is odd? 5-6 kids play outside and adults chat and enjoy a drink or seltzer, 6-6:30 feed kids, 6:30-7:30 kids play with toys or read inside while adults eat dinner, 7 ish everyone has dessert together, 7:30-9 make a cozy movie area for kids, pop popcorn, adults retreat to the covered porch or living room for another alcohol drink or coffee tea.

Wasn't there a baby at this event? Young kids are staying up until after 9pm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

There’s too many assumptions here. And a girl with friends to complain to wouldn’t spend the whole evening talking to her dad’s friends.

Also an assumption.

Not an assumption, just knowledge of basic psychology

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

I have a DD15, and this is exactly it. She would feel that it’s rude to stay on her phone all night, not socializing. She’d gamely interact with the little kids for a bit, but mostly, she’d hang with the adults. She has plenty of friends and would prefer to spend time with them, but if she had to try to fit into a different family setup every other weekend, she’d do her best to be polite and socialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

There’s too many assumptions here. And a girl with friends to complain to wouldn’t spend the whole evening talking to her dad’s friends.

Also an assumption.

Not an assumption, just knowledge of basic psychology

No. Well-adjusted teens can have same-age friends and still enjoy talking to adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

These aren’t the only 2 options. As other posters mentioned, she could have read a book or watched TV. There seem to be many posters who are offended a teen wouldn’t find them cool enough to hang out with.

For all we know the girl was taught it is rude to be invited somewhere and sulk alone. The TV for the kids was occupied by kids movies and video games so this would have involved finding a random empty room and helping herself to the TV in a stranger's house.

I would love to hear the girl's side of this. Probably complained to her friend's about her weekend dad using their time together to bring her to this weird lady's house who wanted her to play with little kids and shot her dirty looks all night.

I have a DD15, and this is exactly it. She would feel that it’s rude to stay on her phone all night, not socializing. She’d gamely interact with the little kids for a bit, but mostly, she’d hang with the adults. She has plenty of friends and would prefer to spend time with them, but if she had to try to fit into a different family setup every other weekend, she’d do her best to be polite and socialize.

Thank you! This poster gets it. My DD15 is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s abnormal and my best friends son has always done this. He’s now 20 tabs still does it. And I have the same issue at times, I can’t have some conversations I want to have with her because he’s there listening.

+1
A friend of mine does this with her daughter who is 18. My friend will not get together without her daughter so for many coffee meet ups there are the three of us. And while my friend's daughter is lovely, having her there completely changes the dynamic. I miss my friend and am growing tired of the threesome every single time.

Omg. I would just straight up ask my friend to see her alone. If not, I’d do a slow fade on the friendship.

Have asked my friend if we could meet "just the two of us this time", she said yes and then still showed up with her daughter!
Yes, agree, it is slow fade time

[Anonymous]

Why can't the 15yr old stay home alone? That is the ideal situation