15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not the 15-year-old and whether or not it’s normal for them to hang with adults. I think you feel deprived of your adult time and he probably wanted a break from kids. That’s fine. Lots of 15-year-olds hang out with adults. I think if you want an adults only evening, be clear on your expectations.

We started doing this in our friend group. We are clear if an event is adults only or kids welcome. If kids are welcome then our expectations are at that level.

This. The problem is that OP claims she doesn't want an adults only event. She just wants the "kids" to subscribe to her limited controlling view of what kids should do. I don't think it will be a repeat issue though - guessing these families aren't getting together again.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t hard - you use your words and tell the other family what to expect. There are basically two simultaneous events - a kids pizza and movie/video game hangout night and an adults-only dinner. Kids who want to participate in the former are welcome. If you know people well enough to have them over for four+ hours straight, surely you can handle this degree of communication.

I agree with the previous poster, though - you’re out of line to try to pathologist this poor girl’s behavior simply because the evening didn’t unfold how you imagined. You can be unhappy about how it went without anyone having done anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t hard - you use your words and tell the other family what to expect. There are basically two simultaneous events - a kids pizza and movie/video game hangout night and an adults-only dinner. Kids who want to participate in the former are welcome. If you know people well enough to have them over for four+ hours straight, surely you can handle this degree of communication.

I agree with the previous poster, though - you’re out of line to try to pathologist this poor girl’s behavior simply because the evening didn’t unfold how you imagined. You can be unhappy about how it went without anyone having done anything wrong.

+1 We do this. Some events we host are family events ("join us for a family pool day/bbq") and some are adult events that we allow people to bring their kids to, to hang out separately, so the adults don't have to arrange other childcare or pay a sitter ("join us for an adult dinner and card games; we'll set up the kids with pizza and a movie in the rec room").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

DP. I don't think it really matters whether the behavior is developmentally appropriate or not. There's nothing wrong with wanting an adult evening, but the host needs to communicate better about what she expects when she issues the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

+1

The teen should have at least asked her dad to drive her home in the middle?! As if OP and PP wouldn't be calling her a spoiled brat for taking precious moments away from the adult dinner, and calling her developmentally stunted for not being able to socialize.

I doubt this girl even wanted to be there. OP invited the whole family, so they brought their family. Girl preferred staying with the adults over little kids. Simple as.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

NP. I mean, I was a 15 year old pre-cell phone, but I would have rather scratched my eyeballs out than sat around listening to old people talk for 4 hours (and I was an only child, too!). If I had been dragged to this dinner, I'd have brought a book, and found a cozy spot immediately after eating to while away the hours, or better yet, bounced to meet my friends. This girl is unusual, there's no question about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

It is perfectly normal for a 15 year old to look at two options: hang with a bunch of little kids or hang with the adults and pick hang with the adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

NP. I mean, I was a 15 year old pre-cell phone, but I would have rather scratched my eyeballs out than sat around listening to old people talk for 4 hours (and I was an only child, too!). If I had been dragged to this dinner, I'd have brought a book, and found a cozy spot immediately after eating to while away the hours, or better yet, bounced to meet my friends. This girl is unusual, there's no question about that.

Agree - I would love a few hours of book reading or watching tv. Talking with adults for hours is very strange. That said, the OP has a right to be a tad bit annoyed for wanting some alone adult time, but since kids were invited, she can't be overly annoyed that it really happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

Another furiously defensive poster…sorry but the normal kids I’ve seen growing up wouldn’t voluntarily hang out a whole evening with adults but are perfectly capable of socializing with older people when necessary in the workforce. The precocious kids are the ones who can’t relate normally to their peers, have abnormal boundaries with adults, and sometimes do weird things like getting into age inappropriate relationships, ex dating someone 10-15 years older.

[Anonymous]

The real question is why OP thought it appropriate to host another family they don't know well for a FOUR hour dinner when there were 4 kids age 11 and under (OPs 3, plus the other couple's younger child). That is truly nuts. OP just what-expected all the kids to watch movies and play video games all night while the two couples drank and gossiped? Unlikely the other other couple realized they were about to embark on a multi-hour event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?

I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.

It's also different if the kids have known each other for a long time - cousins, family friends, neighbors etc. Not an 11yo and 15yo meeting for the first time at someone's home dinner.

What the girl did was fine, OP. You really only wanted the younger kid and parents who match your kids' age, so invite on a non-custody weekend or don't socialize. To try to pathologize this kid is mean and out of line.

OP may have been rigid in her expectations but she’s not wrong to point out this is weird. Normal teenagers do not want to hang out all evening with random middle aged adults, and many posters on this thread sound defensive bc maybe their own kids have developmental issues and would do that.
She doesn’t have to be with the younger kids either but talking on the phone with her own friends, staying at home, or at least asking her dad if he can take her back home in the middle would have been normal.

Omfg. So now staring at a phone is considered the developmentally normal thing to do and a teen who can sit at a dinner table and converse with adults is the one with developmental issues?

Wow. Way to make yourself feel better about the fact you aren’t teaching your teens proper social skills. Good luck to them when they enter the workforce

NP. I mean, I was a 15 year old pre-cell phone, but I would have rather scratched my eyeballs out than sat around listening to old people talk for 4 hours (and I was an only child, too!). If I had been dragged to this dinner, I'd have brought a book, and found a cozy spot immediately after eating to while away the hours, or better yet, bounced to meet my friends. This girl is unusual, there's no question about that.

Or just watched TV. Which is how most teenagers managed their boredom in the 90s....

[Anonymous]

NP. I didn't read the entire thread.

I have a 15 year old, and if I were in that situation, I would have left her at home. I think it totally inappropriate to bring a teen to an adult dinner. If she agreed to hang with the younger children, that would be a different story, but I don't think that would last the entire evening.

If I were the hosting family, I would be VERY annoyed at the teen interjecting her thoughts into the adult conversation. Maybe I just don't like other people's kids. Or maybe after a certain hour of the day and after a glass of wine it just ends up being a buzz kill.