Has confronting the other woman ever gone well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

“I’m so sorry” would be an adequate response. But I guess people with no conscience or empathy don’t feel they need to apologize to people they harm with their part in a situation.

The OW doesn’t owe the wife any interaction.

Good humans do owe other people stuff, so I agree OW don’t fall in that category.

No one owes a stranger a conversation. Do you talk with everyone who tries to engage you?

If I hit a strangers car yes I talk to them.
I talked to the mom who thought my child was being mean to her child, ends up there are 2 Joseph’s in the class.
I talked to a stranger on the metro when I noticed she was crying. I asked if she needed help.
I feed people I’ve never met at a shelter.
Yes, hon, when we are in each others lives even if it’s 1 degree of separation .. normal healthy adults believe in a simple conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

It's Ekhart Tolle, and of course you do.

Voice 2 text

Enjoy the read and best wishes on your journey of growth to healthy decisions.

[Anonymous]

Did someone belittle you by mocking your need for therapy? Is that why you see bringing it up, or the self-help pseudobabble, to be some kind of insult?

That shouldn't have happened, honestly.

People who have been abused by the idea of needing therapy use it to abuse others. It's always an unkindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

You think that the PP should be okay having sex with her husband, who is out also having sex with another women/women without her knowledge, because “variety is the spice of life?”

I mean, I guess there are actual people who think the earth is flat so I shouldn’t be surprised that some commenters have such bizarre opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

Hey now. Don’t make us mentally ill, abused people who can’t sit quietly with our own thoughts look bad by lumping us in with PP. I’m a little crazy but I’d never, ever say anything like what PP is saying. I’d never cheat on my husband either, unless I hit my head and damaged my brain or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

Hey now. Don’t make us mentally ill, abused people who can’t sit quietly with our own thoughts look bad by lumping us in with PP. I’m a little crazy but I’d never, ever say anything like what PP is saying. I’d never cheat on my husband either, unless I hit my head and damaged my brain or something.

Yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

You think that the PP should be okay having sex with her husband, who is out also having sex with another women/women without her knowledge, because “variety is the spice of life?”

I mean, I guess there are actual people who think the earth is flat so I shouldn’t be surprised that some commenters have such bizarre opinions.

They may not be able to answer quickly because they are comet ping-pong, saving children from the basement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so strange to read pro-OW/OM posts. Who thinks like this? Who thinks banging married people is an honorable and good thing?

The scum of the Earth.

Really curious…what do you think your DH is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

DP. You also won't stop armchair analyzing other people, apparently. Fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amusing but also sad how desperate some women are just to be married that they stay with a cheater -- and then try to act like they've won something. Your cheater DH sucks but so do you...

As opposed to the other woman blowing the married guy in a parking garage or having to leave the hotel alone because he doesn’t want to be seen with her.

No idea what that desperation must be like.

Hope being a whore works out for you when you are old and your uterus shrivels up.

Everyone's uterus "shrivels up" when they are old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

Hey now. Don’t make us mentally ill, abused people who can’t sit quietly with our own thoughts look bad by lumping us in with PP. I’m a little crazy but I’d never, ever say anything like what PP is saying. I’d never cheat on my husband either, unless I hit my head and damaged my brain or something.

Yet

Well yes, I might cheat on my husband, just like I said. But it would take some insane change to make it happen, not just wanting “variety.” People like you probably think you’re the only people who like variety, who have been through phases where you don’t feel seen and crave the attention of somebody else, who are sexually attracted to people who aren’t your spouse, etc. News flash: there are plenty of people who have been in your exact situation and have chosen not to cheat because we care about right or wrong, even with mental illness and childhood trauma. Your excuses are crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

DP. You also won't stop armchair analyzing other people, apparently. Fascinating.

The lady doth protest to much me thinks

[Anonymous]

[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.

Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

Yep. Again a poster trying to shame a betrayed partner for not keeping everyone’s secrets. The toll it takes on a person to let that happen and carry that secret is huge. It’s gross people are advocating he/she turn a blind eye and just let everyone keep up their harmful, abusive behavior. The only one suffering in this situation is the victim: the betrayed spouse.

No blind eye needed. Divorce is appropriate. And you can be frank about why, if you want, although sometimes there are reasons not to be quite as frank as at other contexts (e.g., tell your best friend or his mom or your shared old friend the details, but you don't have to bring it up to your child's middle school teacher that his dad was doing anal at the Route 66 No-Tell Motel while the other woman did 8-balls and honked like a goose, or whatever. You can, if you want, leave it at irreconcilable differences and a disapproving look. Or not. It's your child, you decide).

If you think extreme displays of wrath and comeuppance is the only alternative to "keeping secrets," then there is a problem with your imagination.

And no, I've never cheated, not been cheated on. Other bad things have happened, including physical abuse, but not that.

That’s very black and white thinking.

Divorce might be appropriate but I don’t think a 25 year happy marriage with a short affair indicates a spouse needs therapy not a divorce (necessarily).

Not sure why you have jumped to extreme displays of wrath when nobody on this thread has reported doing that or recommended it. I’m thinking your abuse has you in a pattern of this disordered thinking and I suggest DBT therapy for that.

Honestly, if people have been married 25 years, he’s probably just bored to tears with your snatch. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

She likely is bored with his D and dad bod as well. But she doesn’t need to blow other men.

I heartily concur! Same old D is boring as hell. Why don’t they come to an agreement, then?

They did. The agreement was to be monogamous. He broke the agreement.

But if she’s bored as well, then why not spice things up?

Because they see more value in monogamy. People who always need to “spice things up” are chasing something that doesn’t exist. I’d suggest understanding why you have that unhealthy thought patterns.

Many people can’t be happy unless there is drama. It’s due to early childhood trauma and an addiction to cortisol which is released when engaging in risky activities. This is why when an affair is brought to light it becomes boring and rarely becomes a relationship.

Lol, there’s nothing sacrosanct about monogamy. Wanting something else is not pathological. Would you prefer your husband abruptly divorce you, than broach the topic of trying something a bit different?

An agreement is sacrosanct. If I choose monogamy that’s my choice. If my spouse agrees it’s on him to not break that agreement unilaterally. Taking away my choice breaks out agreement.

I’d rather my H bring up opening the marriage and I have the option to do that or divorce.

The problem is a H knows it will lead to divorce and they didnt want to divorce.

I divorced.

Always chasing “spice” is pathological. I suggest reading the “power of now” by Eckert Tolle to understand the root of your destructive thinking.

I simply disagree completely. Variety is the spice of life, in every regard. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Of course you do. These things follow patterns. That’s why it’s so easy, even from a few posts on a thread, to pick out those who have suffered abuse, molestation and abandonment.

People who can’t even sit quietly with their own thoughts. Those who must experience joy from a stranger telling them they are wonderful. People who can’t even imagine joy brought on intrinsically.

You’ll chase the “spice” to your own demise. Nobody will change your mind, I won’t stop you. If you stand in front of a fast moving train you won’t stop a train wreck. Some people need to wreck their own train to come to the realization of their disordered thinking.

It’s too bad. I wish you well on your journey down to the ashes and I hope you rise from them.

DP. You also won't stop armchair analyzing other people, apparently. Fascinating.

The lady doth protest to much me thinks

You do know what DP means, in this context, right?

[Anonymous]

I really don't think she does. There's a lot of confusion over there.