17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17 year olds have full social lives. If you deny this, you will never have a relationship with your child. Life is long. Stupid move to push yourself out.

+1 Dad is trying to make Mom force the kid to adhere to a schedule made years ago that is most convenient to Dad, rather than finding a solution that works for both him and his son. His son isn't an inanimate object with no preferences that he can control.

Dad is being flexible. OP said he switched from Friday to Saturday so he gets one night twice a month. That isn't very much and kid has every other weekend and weekday to see his friends and party. If they reduce the visitation more, he will not see his child at all.

OP here:

I will add, again, that this compromised "reduction" in overnights only lasts for one month. DS doesn't have Saturday morning practices after the first month of the season. All the other months of the school year, my ex has historically had both weekend nights - Friday and Saturday - on his two weekends. And we only got to that point because my ex refused to take DS to those Saturday morning practices on his weekends.

My ex is now threatening to seek an emergency court hearing based on my DS's refusal to go this upcoming weekend. I'm still hopeful I can talk DS into sticking to the schedule.

Ok go ahead and let him do that
If you actually make it to court you explain to the judge your DS didn’t want to go and there is no possible way to physically compel him to do so
you can further explain any other compromises you offered
The judge is going to ask your ex why he can’t compromise
It would be a different story if your kid was say 7 yrs old and you were refusing to take him
but a 17 yr old almost 18 - yeah they aren’t going to waste too much time on it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

OP it’s like you’re not hearing us so many of us have told you that we have been there and done that represent yourself pro se nobody is going to call you went to jail for contempt of court for not dragging a 17-year-old who is presumably the size of a grown ass man into your car for visitation with his father who is acting like a recalcitrant child (the father not your son). If anything I think you need to focus more on your sons needs and less I’m trying to force him to comply with a court order that was likely made when he was much much younger

[Anonymous]

Maybe your son should refuse to leave dad's place on Sunday to make a point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

This is between him and his dad and there are some rules that are unreasonable and can't be enforced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

Not going Friday night because the kid has football practice isn’t the dad compromising, that’s the dad being a duck and not being willing to be an active parent and take the kid where he needs to go for an extracurricular activity.

Be real.

[Anonymous]

OP’s ex sounds like a narcissist who will no longer be seeing his son in just a few months — unless the ex is planning to use college money as a bribe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

Seriously? Dad needs to put on his big boy pants and actually parent here rather than putting this all on OP. His son sees how it is.

Op also needs to put on her big girl pants and stop thinking that a court or any sane adult thinks you can put an unwilling 17yo in a car to take him to dad’s place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

+1. This. Your first duty is to your son’s well being. Your ex can advocate for his own needs but you don’t need to help an adult do what he should have been doing in terms of parent-child communication.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

OP it’s like you’re not hearing us so many of us have told you that we have been there and done that represent yourself pro se nobody is going to call you went to jail for contempt of court for not dragging a 17-year-old who is presumably the size of a grown ass man into your car for visitation with his father who is acting like a recalcitrant child (the father not your son). If anything I think you need to focus more on your sons needs and less I’m trying to force him to comply with a court order that was likely made when he was much much younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

What consequences do you think you’re going to be able to enforce on a 17yr old? You’re going to take away his phone that she presumably pays for? He needs his computer for school work so you can’t take that away. At 17, he’s going to be working on college applications after school. And while he’s on the computer there are many ways to get in contact with his friends. You’re going to punish the child by not allowing him work on applications? A 17 yr old that wants to meet up with his friends is going to do so. You can’t lock him in is room.

I don’t think you’ve had an angry teenager in your house. And since you seem to keep glossing over the WHY behind the Friday night change, Ill remind you. Dad created a shortened weekend because he did not want to provide transportation to football practice on Sat morning. Dad did it because it benefited him to not have to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

OP it’s like you’re not hearing us so many of us have told you that we have been there and done that represent yourself pro se nobody is going to call you went to jail for contempt of court for not dragging a 17-year-old who is presumably the size of a grown ass man into your car for visitation with his father who is acting like a recalcitrant child (the father not your son). If anything I think you need to focus more on your sons needs and less I’m trying to force him to comply with a court order that was likely made when he was much much younger

OP here: I am listening and reading every single post.

But other posters are saying I could be held in contempt of court and have to pay fines/face other penalties. This is also what Google is telling me COULD happen. Maybe it’s a low likelihood, but I am still scared. I will try to reach out to a pro bono clinic for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

OP it’s like you’re not hearing us so many of us have told you that we have been there and done that represent yourself pro se nobody is going to call you went to jail for contempt of court for not dragging a 17-year-old who is presumably the size of a grown ass man into your car for visitation with his father who is acting like a recalcitrant child (the father not your son). If anything I think you need to focus more on your sons needs and less I’m trying to force him to comply with a court order that was likely made when he was much much younger

OP here: I am listening and reading every single post.

But other posters are saying I could be held in contempt of court and have to pay fines/face other penalties. This is also what Google is telling me COULD happen. Maybe it’s a low likelihood, but I am still scared. I will try to reach out to a pro bono clinic for advice.

You COULD get into a car accident and die every time you get in a car. But yet you do it. Sometimes the probability of an event occurring is worth the risk.