Paying for dates

[Anonymous]

Upon sitting down at the table I normally tell dates I expect to pay at least $15 but that I would like to keep our total to $35, $40 at the most. If the check is more than $35, but under $40, I tell them will pay 80 percent of the overage and if it is $40 or more, we will split it Even Steven. If they flinch or make a comment, I get up and walk away. Make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon sitting down at the table I normally tell dates I expect to pay at least $15 but that I would like to keep our total to $35, $40 at the most. If the check is more than $35, but under $40, I tell them will pay 80 percent of the overage and if it is $40 or more, we will split it Even Steven. If they flinch or make a comment, I get up and walk away. Make sense?

I would think you were a miser. Just too much talk about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year:

I connect with a 55 year old Hispanic widow on OLD. Her photos are decent, and I enjoy texting with her. She asks me out, and suggests the place. We meet for a weekend dinner.

In person she's an old lady looking 55, not a hottie 55. The conversation is decent but toward the end of dinner she tells me she's only been a widow for a year, she isn't ready for dating, her kids made her get on OLD and they created her profile. The bill comes and of course I pay, and I don't think I even got a handshake or a hug on the way to the parking lot. I felt used. I wish women would realize there is another human being on the other size of their free meal transaction.

Oh stop. No one wants free food bad enough to sit through an awkward date. She didn’t use you for food, you just didn’t connect.

Could you just have a Zoom call with her instead to screen her intentions before asking for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Gen-X here when I was single I did not like the feeling of obligation on first dates - it felt creepy. I would prefer to pay my half. Any guy who was hung up on that sends a message that they are controlling and mired in old gender dynamics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year:

I connect with a 55 year old Hispanic widow on OLD. Her photos are decent, and I enjoy texting with her. She asks me out, and suggests the place. We meet for a weekend dinner.

In person she's an old lady looking 55, not a hottie 55. The conversation is decent but toward the end of dinner she tells me she's only been a widow for a year, she isn't ready for dating, her kids made her get on OLD and they created her profile. The bill comes and of course I pay, and I don't think I even got a handshake or a hug on the way to the parking lot. I felt used. I wish women would realize there is another human being on the other size of their free meal transaction.

Love how you’re whining about not being treated like a human being, when your complaints about her are that she’s not hot enough and wouldn’t touch you. You’re gonna be single a looooong time.

[Anonymous]

Op, if you are so sensitive as to feel used having to pick up the check on a date where you’re not feeling “it” - stay home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starting to date after an LT marriage ended. In my mid 40's and haven't dated in almost 20 years.

I've gone out a few times with different people. I asked them out. Both times, when the check came, the date didn't even offer to split it. The one where we just had a few drinks over a happy hour doesn't hurt. It was less than $50. However, the second one went on to order a full-blown meal where the expectation was to just meet for a few drinks to see if we actually like each other in person. Just her part was $60 including appetizer, dinner, and dessert. When the check came, she had to use the restroom. I disconnected from both of them. Even if they offered to pay for their own order, would have made me feel better but it seemed like it was expected that I would pay. Also, these aren't some 20-30 year old people I'm talking about. Both ladies were my age +/- a few years.

Should I tell people up front that we will split the check? I don't want to be a dick but this is going to start to add up.

Question for women - is it expected for the man to pay for the first date?

Question for men - Do you just tell the server at the end for separate checks? Again, I don't want to be an ass about it but especially if the date is not going well, why should I end up paying for both.

Wow, this topic went up just yesterday and already has sixteen pages of comments. This should not be difficult or controversial. I am happily married man and I have been out of the dating pool for some time, but some things are timeless, so here is how the dating world works.

The man asks out the woman, plans the date, and pays for all expenses on the date, meals, tips, parking, everything. This is true whether they are teenagers or retirees, and does not depend on either person's income. The man is free to choose places within his price range, and by choosing a nice place and paying for it, he has an opportunity to show off that he is successful, and also that he is excited about the woman, both of which are good messages to send. If the woman is classy, she does not abuse it by ordering lobster and champagne, she thanks him sincerely, and does NOT offer to split. An offer to split suggests she does not like the man and does not plan to see him again. There is no expectation of the woman trading sex for the date, but if there is no chemistry, both parties know there will not be more dates. Depending on whether the man likes her and feels chemistry, he is free to ask her out again, or not. And depending on whether she likes him, she is free to say yes or not. This continues, with the man paying, until they transition from dates to a relationship. At that point, they have a lot to talk about, and sharing expenses is one of those topics.

This is how normal, classy, well adjusted people operate in the dating world. It is not for everyone, but fair warning, if you are a man or woman and you think these rules are screwy, you will hold yourself back from a successful dating life. That is just how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon sitting down at the table I normally tell dates I expect to pay at least $15 but that I would like to keep our total to $35, $40 at the most. If the check is more than $35, but under $40, I tell them will pay 80 percent of the overage and if it is $40 or more, we will split it Even Steven. If they flinch or make a comment, I get up and walk away. Make sense?

I always offer to split and mean it, but I would assume you are very rigid and kind of nuts and would never go out with you again....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting to date after an LT marriage ended. In my mid 40's and haven't dated in almost 20 years.

I've gone out a few times with different people. I asked them out. Both times, when the check came, the date didn't even offer to split it. The one where we just had a few drinks over a happy hour doesn't hurt. It was less than $50. However, the second one went on to order a full-blown meal where the expectation was to just meet for a few drinks to see if we actually like each other in person. Just her part was $60 including appetizer, dinner, and dessert. When the check came, she had to use the restroom. I disconnected from both of them. Even if they offered to pay for their own order, would have made me feel better but it seemed like it was expected that I would pay. Also, these aren't some 20-30 year old people I'm talking about. Both ladies were my age +/- a few years.

Should I tell people up front that we will split the check? I don't want to be a dick but this is going to start to add up.

Question for women - is it expected for the man to pay for the first date?

Question for men - Do you just tell the server at the end for separate checks? Again, I don't want to be an ass about it but especially if the date is not going well, why should I end up paying for both.

Wow, this topic went up just yesterday and already has sixteen pages of comments. This should not be difficult or controversial. I am happily married man and I have been out of the dating pool for some time, but some things are timeless, so here is how the dating world works.

The man asks out the woman, plans the date, and pays for all expenses on the date, meals, tips, parking, everything. This is true whether they are teenagers or retirees, and does not depend on either person's income. The man is free to choose places within his price range, and by choosing a nice place and paying for it, he has an opportunity to show off that he is successful, and also that he is excited about the woman, both of which are good messages to send. If the woman is classy, she does not abuse it by ordering lobster and champagne, she thanks him sincerely, and does NOT offer to split. An offer to split suggests she does not like the man and does not plan to see him again. There is no expectation of the woman trading sex for the date, but if there is no chemistry, both parties know there will not be more dates. Depending on whether the man likes her and feels chemistry, he is free to ask her out again, or not. And depending on whether she likes him, she is free to say yes or not. This continues, with the man paying, until they transition from dates to a relationship. At that point, they have a lot to talk about, and sharing expenses is one of those topics.

This is how normal, classy, well adjusted people operate in the dating world. It is not for everyone, but fair warning, if you are a man or woman and you think these rules are screwy, you will hold yourself back from a successful dating life. That is just how it is.

So says the man who may not have dated in this century!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen-X here when I was single I did not like the feeling of obligation on first dates - it felt creepy. I would prefer to pay my half. Any guy who was hung up on that sends a message that they are controlling and mired in old gender dynamics

Another Gen-Xer and I feel the same way. If a man was disgruntled or shocked by my suggestion to split, I knew we wouldn’t be right together.

[Anonymous]

The fact is most women (even ones who define themselves as feminists) want a man who has the $ to take care of them and who is generous. Coming off as cheap has turned me off several men in the past. When I was in college/grad school, my BF and I would usually alternate who paid but no one was keeping track. (I had more money than he did but he is generous by nature and often got me thoughtful gifts). When I was dating my now-husband, we agreed that he would pay for the first meal out of the week, and any additional meals out we would split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I always offer but wouldn't keep dating someone who agreed to split. Keep in mind that you are paid more than women just on the basis of your gender, you don't have to pay for birth control or period supplies, you didn't pay for make up to go on the date. Don't be cheap and just pay for dinner.

So you would be ok paying half the dinner check if the guy would accompany you to CVS and pay for half a box of tampons? Sounds like a great date.

[Anonymous]

If we are looking for true equality for women, we’ll have to reform our dating culture. There is no such thing as a free meal, these free meals are costing our gender in many ways.