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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Starting to date after an LT marriage ended. In my mid 40's and haven't dated in almost 20 years.

I've gone out a few times with different people. I asked them out. Both times, when the check came, the date didn't even offer to split it. The one where we just had a few drinks over a happy hour doesn't hurt. It was less than $50. However, the second one went on to order a full-blown meal where the expectation was to just meet for a few drinks to see if we actually like each other in person. Just her part was $60 including appetizer, dinner, and dessert. When the check came, she had to use the restroom. I disconnected from both of them. Even if they offered to pay for their own order, would have made me feel better but it seemed like it was expected that I would pay. Also, these aren't some 20-30 year old people I'm talking about. Both ladies were my age +/- a few years.

Should I tell people up front that we will split the check? I don't want to be a dick but this is going to start to add up.

Question for women - is it expected for the man to pay for the first date?

Question for men - Do you just tell the server at the end for separate checks? Again, I don't want to be an ass about it but especially if the date is not going well, why should I end up paying for both. [/quote]

Wow, this topic went up just yesterday and already has sixteen pages of comments.  This should not be difficult or controversial.  I am happily married man and I have been out of the dating pool for some time, but some things are timeless, so here is how the dating world works.

The man asks out the woman, plans the date, and pays for all expenses on the date, meals, tips, parking, everything. This is true whether they are teenagers or retirees, and does not depend on either person's income.  The man is free to choose places within his price range, and by choosing a nice place and paying for it, he has an opportunity to show off that he is successful, and also that he is excited about the woman, both of which are good messages to send.  If the woman is classy, she does not abuse it by ordering lobster and champagne, she thanks him sincerely, and does NOT offer to split.  An offer to split suggests she does not like the man and does not plan to see him again. There is no expectation of the woman trading sex for the date, but if there is no chemistry, both parties know there will not be more dates.  Depending on whether the man likes her and feels chemistry, he is free to ask her out again, or not.  And depending on whether she likes him, she is free to say yes or not.  This continues, with the man paying, until they transition from dates to a relationship.  At that point, they have a lot to talk about, and sharing expenses is one of those topics.

This is how normal, classy, well adjusted people operate in the dating world.  It is not for everyone, but fair warning, if you are a man or woman and you think these rules are screwy, you will hold yourself back from a successful dating life. That is just how it is.[/quote]

So says the man who may not have dated in this century! [/quote]

PP here - guilty as charged, but this approach worked great for me in the last century, and is working equally fine for my sons AND my daughter in this one.[/quote]

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