Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband:

High earner (~$500k)
Trust fund (~$5-10M)
In good shape and tall
Unique eye color
Cooks and cleans without being asked
Extremely patient, never yells
Loves animals, especially dogs
Great with our kids and does more than just the fun stuff
Supports my career by eagerly taking off work for unexpected last minute things and attends kid meetings instead of me
Conscientious about social issues like sexism, racism, wealth inequality
Expensive hobbies that put us in touch with the rich and powerful
Medium libido, 1-2x per week
Bi
Talks constantly about own hobbies and interests
Understands nothing about finance, spends a lot, I manage everything
Emotionally needy, needs constant verbal affirmation
Expects that I defer to him in major life decisions
Works constantly, always on screens, dips out of events to make calls
No grad degree, state school undergrad
Not interested in giving head
Job brings public scrutiny and death threats
Meddling family who have tried to break us apart

Bi? Sorry, total deal breaker

... but maybe the poster is a man?

What would that have to do with me? I said for me it would be a deal breaker. Also how do you know I’m not a man? A lot of gay people don’t want to be with bi people.

This is so sad given that there were so many other attributes listed.

It's sad that people have preferences?

You hate bi people so much that you wouldn't give a bi man a chance for $10M? LOL.

Correct. Not interested in men who engage in sexual relations with other men. Money isn't that important to me, I earn enough.

Well presumably he doesn't, unless he's cheating on her with men.

[Anonymous]

The good points

Will usually share food
In good health
Knowledgable in all areas
Strong love of country
Able to open jars easily


The bad points

Eye gunk
Refuses to stop at stop signs and many red lights. Believes they are anti-freedom and govt. has no right to dictate free movement.
Sometimes believes women are looking at and mocking him.



Not sure LOL

Doesn't tip but writes nice notes to server
Loves marching bands but also gets sad about them
Hoards gasoline inside home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m the PP with a DH who also yells sometimes. I’m not sure it even rises to the level of an anger management issue, as that term is used, since it is so infrequent- I know there are women with spouses for whom that behavior is an everyday thing and really scary, so don’t want to pretend I’m dealing with the same thing. Anyway, it’s interesting to me that your DH and mine share so many character traits. My DH has loved that Covid meant our family was all together for so long. He also reads people really well, like your DH. But mine likes expensive restaurants (and Five Guys)!

Maybe there’s a cultural element.

Vast generalization, but I’ve noticed that anger is considered unacceptable in WASP circles. People do not get mad, they sublimate it into drinking and passive aggressive comments and affairs. In many other cultures, there’s a higher level of conflict and negativity that is considered normal to show at home with close family and people who are like family.

Yep. I am of Italian-American background and we are yellers. I'm working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The good points

Will usually share food
In good health
Knowledgable in all areas
Strong love of country
Able to open jars easily


The bad points

Eye gunk
Refuses to stop at stop signs and many red lights. Believes they are anti-freedom and govt. has no right to dictate free movement.
Sometimes believes women are looking at and mocking him.



Not sure LOL

Doesn't tip but writes nice notes to server
Loves marching bands but also gets sad about them
Hoards gasoline inside home

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loving, generous (in bed and out) and generally easy to get along with but has the kind of temper where he loses control when he’s in it - will scream in my face or kids’, but doesn’t happen often and will apologize
Excellent father who works to have close relationships with all kids
Works a lot, definitely much more than 9-5, but has flexibility so will attend kid games, etc.
Does more than his share around house despite fact that I am SAHM and he is happy to hire people to help
Does not cook but appreciates that I do
No interest in handling finances except on macro level
Not too tall (5’9”) but fit, attractive, exercises most days
Smart, well-educated, high EQ, well-regarded professionally
One of those people literally everyone likes, loyal friend
Fun and funny in an endearing way
Likes to do things together
Can tend to get dragged down emotionally in difficult situations so I have to support him and not just focus on primary issue (for example, one of the kids)
Very nice to my family, good friends with my siblings
Very high earner - $2m+
Great at giving gifts 🙂

OUT

I would never be with someone who would scream in my face or in my kids' faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

I should add good looking, works out several times a week including weights and running, athletic and trim. Good dresser. Looks younger than his age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m the PP with a DH who also yells sometimes. I’m not sure it even rises to the level of an anger management issue, as that term is used, since it is so infrequent- I know there are women with spouses for whom that behavior is an everyday thing and really scary, so don’t want to pretend I’m dealing with the same thing. Anyway, it’s interesting to me that your DH and mine share so many character traits. My DH has loved that Covid meant our family was all together for so long. He also reads people really well, like your DH. But mine likes expensive restaurants (and Five Guys)!

Maybe there’s a cultural element.

Vast generalization, but I’ve noticed that anger is considered unacceptable in WASP circles. People do not get mad, they sublimate it into drinking and passive aggressive comments and affairs. In many other cultures, there’s a higher level of conflict and negativity that is considered normal to show at home with close family and people who are like family.

+1000

I know a lot of people who think yelling or expressing anger (or really being demonstrative about any emotion) is a mark of being low class. So the idea of a couple who loves each other and are respectful and kind 95% of the time but occasionally shout at each other because something has built up and needs to be put out there, sounds “volatile”. But unless there is physical violence, it’s a very normal and even healthy marriage.

I’ve also noticed that class issues aside, many people are just uncomfortable with the concept of negative emotions. I used to have some friends like this. They were in deep on therapy speak and ONLY spoke about negative emotions with therapeutic detachment, which I think they thought was healthy. But what they missed us that when someone is upset, it’s actually pretty normal to first express their upset, and THEN step back and use self-awareness to put feelings in context. So it would freak them out to see someone cry or yell or otherwise get upset. They wanted people to process feelings instantly. I couldn’t deal with that. It’s just a more modern version of repression. But it’s no less damaging (I think it’s related to the concept of toxic positivity).

[Anonymous]

True

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all want different things in life. describe your spouse. Comment if you’d be “in” or “out” for the other spouses described here.

Mine:
Works hard, but can’t delegate, isn’t a high earner (<100k at 50)
Poor boundaries
Enjoys the good things in life (music, art, culture) - good taste
Great sense of humor, dedicated friend - is there when it counts. Makes time for those who count.
Affectionate, loves to give and receive attention
(High sex drive. great at oral sex)
But needs a lot of attention
Moody and erratic
Pedantic, micromanaging, anxious about household cleaning - gets angry if you don’t do things the “right way”
Time blindness - always late, no ability to long term plan
Mean when angry - speaks in cutting tone, will insult you personally
Can’t save money. Living paycheck to paycheck. Finances all on you.

Totally 100% OUT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Great in bed - loves to please
In good shape
Good at cooking meats / grilling
Helps around the house (50-50)
Somewhat high earner (200k salary)
Terrible at personal finances and investments
Short term planner
Always late
May have ADHD
Somewhat paranoid
Mommy’s boy - truly enmeshed but works at it to the best of his ability

oUT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Why is he still reading every morning to 16-year olds?

[Anonymous]

My dad and mom read to each other and they were grownups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Why is he still reading every morning to 16-year olds?

I mid-wrote, he used to read to them now they all read together and then discuss.