Husband Criticizing Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

Because they're into the 1950s family stuff and OP will do all baby and house stuff while he works. And since he works from home he feels he'll see baby enough.

OP, I kind of thought you were nuts ordering all that stuff, but since you said you aren't willing to do much with deliveries, and aren't taking baby to the store, I guess it makes sense. So tell him that. Basically, his choices are (1) you buy stuff in advance; (2) you order stuff as needed; (3) you go out to get stuff as needed, leaving baby with him; or (4) he goes out to get stuff as needed, while you have baby at home. Pretty sure he would pick (1), which is what you did. So tell him these are the choices and let him pick, since he likes to make the decisions so much.

Keep in mind that no matter how much you prep you will still wind up ordering or buying stuff. It's impossible to plan perfectly. Sometimes baby needs something, like formula although you planned to nurse; or a different type of bottle or nipple; or different creams for diaper rash; or medicine. Etc. I've had two kids and they responded differently to medicines, creams, etc. When I was pregnant with my second I stocked up on what had worked for my first, and guess what, it all made her break out and I had to test out different stuff.

But whatever. You'll manage. As a fellow prepared person, I would just say don't get too caught up in perfection and schedules, because that's exactly what babies like to destroy! It threw my mental health for a loop when I couldn't get my first kid to sleep as much as he "should" or when he "should," or eat what the books said he would, etc. But it all works out in the end.

And congrats on the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been together since you were 30, why are you having a kid at 35? Why not start sooner? Why are you having a c-section? Is it because you’re 35? You should have started at 32/33. You will be old in 5 years and having young kids will be very exhausting for you.

OP here. I started trying at 33 and it took us two years to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have been together since you were 30, why are you having a kid at 35? Why not start sooner? Why are you having a c-section? Is it because you’re 35? You should have started at 32/33. You will be old in 5 years and having young kids will be very exhausting for you.

I’m not OP but I’ll be having my second at 35 come on age and decision on kids shouldn’t be a shaming point, she’s got plenty to be shamed about.

As for the c section I also wondered that, is this another husband decision to keep things tidy and easy and clutter free? Lol

OP here. The c-section is medically necessary. It’s not elective. I would rather have a vaginal birth, but it’s likely to not work out that. Thanks for laughing at women having c-sections. You sound like a gem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

OP here. I missed that one. I have been scanning because most people who have replied are just rude.

He will take off the first couple of days while I’m in the hospital and then he will back at work. He has plenty of time of but doesn’t want to use unless it’s necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

Because they're into the 1950s family stuff and OP will do all baby and house stuff while he works. And since he works from home he feels he'll see baby enough.

OP, I kind of thought you were nuts ordering all that stuff, but since you said you aren't willing to do much with deliveries, and aren't taking baby to the store, I guess it makes sense. So tell him that. Basically, his choices are (1) you buy stuff in advance; (2) you order stuff as needed; (3) you go out to get stuff as needed, leaving baby with him; or (4) he goes out to get stuff as needed, while you have baby at home. Pretty sure he would pick (1), which is what you did. So tell him these are the choices and let him pick, since he likes to make the decisions so much.

Keep in mind that no matter how much you prep you will still wind up ordering or buying stuff. It's impossible to plan perfectly. Sometimes baby needs something, like formula although you planned to nurse; or a different type of bottle or nipple; or different creams for diaper rash; or medicine. Etc. I've had two kids and they responded differently to medicines, creams, etc. When I was pregnant with my second I stocked up on what had worked for my first, and guess what, it all made her break out and I had to test out different stuff.

But whatever. You'll manage. As a fellow prepared person, I would just say don't get too caught up in perfection and schedules, because that's exactly what babies like to destroy! It threw my mental health for a loop when I couldn't get my first kid to sleep as much as he "should" or when he "should," or eat what the books said he would, etc. But it all works out in the end.

And congrats on the baby.

OP here. Thanks. I haven’t stocked up on anything for the baby except diapers. We did get a variety of things from our baby registry, but I know we may have to get more things. I just want to be prepared as much as I can before the baby comes.

Everything I read said that babies should be on-demand and not on schedules for the first 4 months of life. I plan to follow the babies lead when it comes to eating and sleeping. Maybe that is wrong. I’m not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your husband want to have a baby , OP?

This is beyond rude. Very insensitive. When does not liking clutter equate to not wanting a baby? Common sense isn’t that common.

Here we have OP sockpuppeting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OCD? This is way beyond normal nesting!
OP, you've gone a little coocoo.
But, we forgive you as you are expecting.

OP here. I do suffer from mild OCD. The main thing is I will be the one to handle all of this stuff even after the baby comes, so I’m saving myself from doing it with it a baby. He hates clutter but never seems to mind when he buys stuff for no reason. All the stuff I bought fits in a walk-in closet in the guest room that we never use. The only things out are things for the baby like a swing, bouncer, and some stuff I will be making freezer meals with.

I think you need to dial it down. Admit that you went a bit overboard to him (and yourself) and ask him for some grace in return. You’re not going to be in a bunker you will be making plenty of trips to cvs. Meanwhile please see someone about your anxiety for many of us it gets worse after birth (although better for some) and you really want to have a therapist on hand you can talk to and get prescription from if necessary. Also you need to start outsourcing and letting dh take care of some things, even if it’s not to your standards.

OP here. No. I won’t be making any trips to the store. My husband works 11-12 hour days. We will not have any help because we are not comfortable given the pandemic. He has made it clear he doesn’t want any childcare help ( we considered a PT nanny at one point) because we want to protect our baby as much as possible. My husband hates having packages constantly delivered and gets annoyed. I decided to save myself the time since I will be doing all of the shopping, meal prep, and cooking once the baby gets here as I usually do.

On a side note, I had two friends says the pampers they bought from Amazon were counterfeit. Apparently that is becoming a thing with third party sellers. Also amazon has been called out for selling expired items like formula. I don’t really trust it for baby products like that.

Ok, I see why you annoy your husband.

You will have to take the baby to the doctor. You will need a 6 week checkup.

OP here. Actually no we won’t. My husband found a service where the pediatrician and doctors come to your house. He did not want our baby in a doctors office.

Your husband sounds nuts.

OP here. He’s being safe. A doctors office is a breeding ground for germs. Why take a baby to a pediatricians office if we can have one come in the comfort of our home? It’s much safer. Many people do it when they go through midwifery care.

Are you giving birth at home too?

OP here. No. I’m too old for that. We will be in a hospital because I’m 35.

So you'll be exposing yourself and the baby to germs there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OCD? This is way beyond normal nesting!
OP, you've gone a little coocoo.
But, we forgive you as you are expecting.

OP here. I do suffer from mild OCD. The main thing is I will be the one to handle all of this stuff even after the baby comes, so I’m saving myself from doing it with it a baby. He hates clutter but never seems to mind when he buys stuff for no reason. All the stuff I bought fits in a walk-in closet in the guest room that we never use. The only things out are things for the baby like a swing, bouncer, and some stuff I will be making freezer meals with.

I think you need to dial it down. Admit that you went a bit overboard to him (and yourself) and ask him for some grace in return. You’re not going to be in a bunker you will be making plenty of trips to cvs. Meanwhile please see someone about your anxiety for many of us it gets worse after birth (although better for some) and you really want to have a therapist on hand you can talk to and get prescription from if necessary. Also you need to start outsourcing and letting dh take care of some things, even if it’s not to your standards.

OP here. No. I won’t be making any trips to the store. My husband works 11-12 hour days. We will not have any help because we are not comfortable given the pandemic. He has made it clear he doesn’t want any childcare help ( we considered a PT nanny at one point) because we want to protect our baby as much as possible. My husband hates having packages constantly delivered and gets annoyed. I decided to save myself the time since I will be doing all of the shopping, meal prep, and cooking once the baby gets here as I usually do.

On a side note, I had two friends says the pampers they bought from Amazon were counterfeit. Apparently that is becoming a thing with third party sellers. Also amazon has been called out for selling expired items like formula. I don’t really trust it for baby products like that.

Ok, I see why you annoy your husband.

You will have to take the baby to the doctor. You will need a 6 week checkup.

OP here. Actually no we won’t. My husband found a service where the pediatrician and doctors come to your house. He did not want our baby in a doctors office.

Does the OB bring his/her own stirrups?

Do they isolate from everyone else?

I don’t believe you.

OP here. I never said I wasn’t going to the doctor. I said our baby was not. I will be going to my OB for appointments. We will have a pediatrician come to our house for our baby.

And when you go you will be exposing yourself to germs and COVID and bringing it home to baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OCD? This is way beyond normal nesting!
OP, you've gone a little coocoo.
But, we forgive you as you are expecting.

OP here. I do suffer from mild OCD. The main thing is I will be the one to handle all of this stuff even after the baby comes, so I’m saving myself from doing it with it a baby. He hates clutter but never seems to mind when he buys stuff for no reason. All the stuff I bought fits in a walk-in closet in the guest room that we never use. The only things out are things for the baby like a swing, bouncer, and some stuff I will be making freezer meals with.

I think you need to dial it down. Admit that you went a bit overboard to him (and yourself) and ask him for some grace in return. You’re not going to be in a bunker you will be making plenty of trips to cvs. Meanwhile please see someone about your anxiety for many of us it gets worse after birth (although better for some) and you really want to have a therapist on hand you can talk to and get prescription from if necessary. Also you need to start outsourcing and letting dh take care of some things, even if it’s not to your standards.

OP here. No. I won’t be making any trips to the store. My husband works 11-12 hour days. We will not have any help because we are not comfortable given the pandemic. He has made it clear he doesn’t want any childcare help ( we considered a PT nanny at one point) because we want to protect our baby as much as possible. My husband hates having packages constantly delivered and gets annoyed. I decided to save myself the time since I will be doing all of the shopping, meal prep, and cooking once the baby gets here as I usually do.

On a side note, I had two friends says the pampers they bought from Amazon were counterfeit. Apparently that is becoming a thing with third party sellers. Also amazon has been called out for selling expired items like formula. I don’t really trust it for baby products like that.

Ok, I see why you annoy your husband.

You will have to take the baby to the doctor. You will need a 6 week checkup.

OP here. Actually no we won’t. My husband found a service where the pediatrician and doctors come to your house. He did not want our baby in a doctors office.

Does the OB bring his/her own stirrups?

Do they isolate from everyone else?

I don’t believe you.

OP here. I never said I wasn’t going to the doctor. I said our baby was not. I will be going to my OB for appointments. We will have a pediatrician come to our house for our baby.

And when you go you will be exposing yourself to germs and COVID and bringing it home to baby

How else do you suppose she has a baby? You are seriously too ignorant for words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

OP here. I missed that one. I have been scanning because most people who have replied are just rude.

He will take off the first couple of days while I’m in the hospital and then he will back at work. He has plenty of time of but doesn’t want to use unless it’s necessary.

Oh no, this is going to be a disaster. No way with a cs you can be at home alone with a baby so soon. And if you have any issues with BF, you’ll be a mess. I was an absolute wreck the first 2-4 weeks. Between CS recovery, breastfeeding problems and lack of sleep, it was a horrible time. I mean great having a baby, but horrible trying to keep it alive without losing my mind. And the hormones are insane. That adds a whole other dimension to this.

Your DH needs to take more time off, at least a week after you get home, but two would be better. Or you need to bring. In family or hire someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been together since you were 30, why are you having a kid at 35? Why not start sooner? Why are you having a c-section? Is it because you’re 35? You should have started at 32/33. You will be old in 5 years and having young kids will be very exhausting for you.

DP. That is really none of your business or anyone's business but OP's and her DH! What a rude person!

[Anonymous]

I think more important than overbuying is that OP seems to be ok with her DH not helping with the housekeeping, with future taking care of the baby, while she is a future mom, and a full-time maid and a cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait wait wait....you’re having a csection, no time off for your husband, and you think you’ll be handling laundry and meals and breastfeeding and cleaning?!

Oh OP you’re in for a world of hurt and your husband will come home to a debacle.

Also, unrelated but now I’m curious, y’all Maga?

OP here. Yes. If will be hard, but many women do it. Many single moms, military women, women with multiple kids, etc., all do it. That is why I stocked up to make my life easier since my husband will only be helping me in the evenings. I’m also making freezer meals and we will likely be doing lots of takeout or Hello Fresh meals do make it easier. I will be doing during the day and night. We do have a house cleaner Rhys comes twice a week to do deep cleaning.

I stated many times whoever said my husband worked out of the home was mistaken. He works from home.

No we are not, but political stance has nothing to do with this topic.

But, you are not one of them, are you? It is beyond unacceptable that you should think of yourself as a single mom!! who has a husband and that you perceive your upcoming duties as on par with single moms!
Or moms with DHs deployed somewhere. Apart from the fact that it is not at all the same being a SAHM with DH who makes good money, and you just said that he will be helping in the evening.
I am wondering how many times did he tell you that he will not help you during the day? That would bother me, and I find it odd. If he is a nice guy that does help (which it sounds like he is not, not at all) is this bcs you are an utter nag during the day while he works, so he is trying to make sure he can still work and earn once the baby arrives, knowing that you are not in fact respecting his work time, or is it bcs he is a POS and verbally abusive if you even say a word during the day?

[Anonymous]

OP I am still so confused by WHAT DID HOPE TO ACHIEVE FROM STARTING THIS THREAD?!?

this has been asked more than once, and you haven't answered. Did you just hope that people would sympathize with you and agree your husband should just "shut up"?? were you just venting? then why do you keep coming back with really rude a defensive responses? it sounds like there is an aspect of this 1950s housewife set up that you aren't happy with, but can't verbalize.

and I am still caught up on how strict you are about covid exposure (no trips to the store, pediatrician home visits) - but you HAVE A CLEANING CREW COME INTO YOUR HOUSE TWICE A WEEK! does.not.compute.

you sound like you are super submissive and anxious, and are lashing out at strangers on the internet to try and feel better.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on baby! Ignore the rude posters. You replied to everyone which is sweet, and as far as I can tell, you've reiterated everything you stated in your OP. Dcum is many things, but consistently antagonistic.

There's 2-3 posters that are patronizing, sanctimonious jerks. They're an ugly little rat pack in many threads. Prepping was smart! You cleaned, organized and decluttered to make room for baby. All normal.

You don't owe anyone an explanation about your marriage. You had one question in your OP, which was how to get your DH to shut up. Well, just tell him to shut up! It will take way more unnecessary effort to return things. You'll use what you need and donate what you don't use. Simple. Maybe these posters would lose some of the weight they constantly complain about if they'd stop ordering everything, and get off their butts (like you did) to get the items they need. Plus, not adding to the carbon footprint when they order paper towels, and cupcakes.

Also, the nitwits are creating their own narrative on how miserable you'll be and blah blah blah. Ignore this too. Not every newborn is as difficult as they experienced. As the saying goes, cranky mom, cranky baby. Good luck, have fun. Enjoy falling in love with your precious baby!