Husband Criticizing Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OCD? This is way beyond normal nesting!
OP, you've gone a little coocoo.
But, we forgive you as you are expecting.

OP here. I do suffer from mild OCD. The main thing is I will be the one to handle all of this stuff even after the baby comes, so I’m saving myself from doing it with it a baby. He hates clutter but never seems to mind when he buys stuff for no reason. All the stuff I bought fits in a walk-in closet in the guest room that we never use. The only things out are things for the baby like a swing, bouncer, and some stuff I will be making freezer meals with.

I think you need to dial it down. Admit that you went a bit overboard to him (and yourself) and ask him for some grace in return. You’re not going to be in a bunker you will be making plenty of trips to cvs. Meanwhile please see someone about your anxiety for many of us it gets worse after birth (although better for some) and you really want to have a therapist on hand you can talk to and get prescription from if necessary. Also you need to start outsourcing and letting dh take care of some things, even if it’s not to your standards.

OP here. No. I won’t be making any trips to the store. My husband works 11-12 hour days. We will not have any help because we are not comfortable given the pandemic. He has made it clear he doesn’t want any childcare help ( we considered a PT nanny at one point) because we want to protect our baby as much as possible. My husband hates having packages constantly delivered and gets annoyed. I decided to save myself the time since I will be doing all of the shopping, meal prep, and cooking once the baby gets here as I usually do.

On a side note, I had two friends says the pampers they bought from Amazon were counterfeit. Apparently that is becoming a thing with third party sellers. Also amazon has been called out for selling expired items like formula. I don’t really trust it for baby products like that.

If you're comfortable with what you've purchased, what do you want from us? Your DH is going to be annoyed. You're not going to change his perspective. Either compromise, or do what you want and live with his complaining.

[Anonymous]

Whether he’s right or wrong, if he’s that bothered by the stuff, or how much money was spent, pick out some things that the baby won’t need right away, like the second case of each diaper over the newborn size, give it, plus the receipts to your DH and have him go return it. When you need it again, ask your DH to go buy it.

It really doesn’t sound like the home is overly cluttered, but if your DH is that bothered by stuff stored *in closets,* he may have some anxiety and/or OCD of his own. It won’t ease up after the baby arrives, and can get worse.

I think he can express his feelings, but he shouldn’t be criticizing you. He’s not your parent so don’t allow that kind of dynamic to take root. It sounds like there are some issues in your marriage; marriage counseling can help. Start now because your marital issues can affect your (both your and your DH’s) parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was bored, pregnant and clearly in need of something to do.
She went overboard and now it is about safety!
Yeah, no, not as many pointed out your DH working outside of the home.

Yes she did she stated TWICE she was the only one home all day.

Also if he does work from home, you think he’ll get annoyed lunch isn’t on time and there’s a screaming infant down the hallway? Like I see that happening (but also think OP is lying about him working from home).

OP here. He has worked from home since we met 5 years ago. He does travel for work 1-2 times a month, but hasn’t since the pandemic. That could possible change in the next year. He will working from home in the office. I said “ we will be alone” because he never comes out now for more than a couple minutes here and there to use the bathroom or get lunch and drinks. He is in the office working from 7/8am - 6/7pm M-F. He will help me on the weekends, but I assume I will be doing most of the care since I quit my job to stay home.

OP, you have an answer for Every.Thing. What I don’t understand is why you started this thread if you have you have a answer for every differing opinion? What do you want from DCUM? Everyone to agree and then you show your DH this thread? Your DH is not going to “stop criticizing” you on this because to him all that $hit is clutter. It may not actually be clutter, but in a small space maybe it feels overwhelming.

So, OP show your DH this thread, enough people have agreed with you.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, it sounds like everything is great.

Why are we here again?

[Anonymous]

I know I was a delusional fire time mom but ...wowwwwwwwwwwwwww. I kinda feel bad for OP now and I ragged on her earlier in the thread. She and her husband legit think they can keep up this 1950s couple thing and the baby will just click into place in their perfectly planned marriage and apartment and paper goods. This won’t end well for anyone in this family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait wait wait....you’re having a csection, no time off for your husband, and you think you’ll be handling laundry and meals and breastfeeding and cleaning?!

Oh OP you’re in for a world of hurt and your husband will come home to a debacle.

Also, unrelated but now I’m curious, y’all Maga?

OP here. Yes. If will be hard, but many women do it. Many single moms, military women, women with multiple kids, etc., all do it. That is why I stocked up to make my life easier since my husband will only be helping me in the evenings. I’m also making freezer meals and we will likely be doing lots of takeout or Hello Fresh meals do make it easier. I will be doing during the day and night. We do have a house cleaner Rhys comes twice a week to do deep cleaning.

I stated many times whoever said my husband worked out of the home was mistaken. He works from home.

No we are not, but political stance has nothing to do with this topic.

But you are wrong here, they don’t do it alone. Listen to the moms who have had kids and c sections and who’ve been through it. Women have help OR you let some things slide as your body recuperates. Come back here a month after you deliver and confirm with me the house is clean, everyone is fed, laundry is done, and breastfeeding is going great, and you didn’t need anything extra and your husband comes to a clean tidy home. It will not happen if you don’t have help. And this will be a bigger issue for you and your husband.

I asked because Maga are usually know-it-all’s and I don’t waste my brain cells on them.

Not OP but there are many moms who do it alone without any help. I’ve known many women who had husbands in residency with no family and they managed. Women who had multiple kids who had husbands deployed who managed. Women aren’t fragile little beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait wait wait....you’re having a csection, no time off for your husband, and you think you’ll be handling laundry and meals and breastfeeding and cleaning?!

Oh OP you’re in for a world of hurt and your husband will come home to a debacle.

Also, unrelated but now I’m curious, y’all Maga?

OP here. Yes. If will be hard, but many women do it. Many single moms, military women, women with multiple kids, etc., all do it. That is why I stocked up to make my life easier since my husband will only be helping me in the evenings. I’m also making freezer meals and we will likely be doing lots of takeout or Hello Fresh meals do make it easier. I will be doing during the day and night. We do have a house cleaner Rhys comes twice a week to do deep cleaning.

I stated many times whoever said my husband worked out of the home was mistaken. He works from home.

No we are not, but political stance has nothing to do with this topic.

But you are wrong here, they don’t do it alone. Listen to the moms who have had kids and c sections and who’ve been through it. Women have help OR you let some things slide as your body recuperates. Come back here a month after you deliver and confirm with me the house is clean, everyone is fed, laundry is done, and breastfeeding is going great, and you didn’t need anything extra and your husband comes to a clean tidy home. It will not happen if you don’t have help. And this will be a bigger issue for you and your husband.

I asked because Maga are usually know-it-all’s and I don’t waste my brain cells on them.

Not OP but there are many moms who do it alone without any help. I’ve known many women who had husbands in residency with no family and they managed. Women who had multiple kids who had husbands deployed who managed. Women aren’t fragile little beings.

Hey I had an emergency c section with blood transfusions after and I get it, our bodies are strong. But I’m sorry, those first few months, my apartment was a mess, I focused on myself resting and baby safe and healthy and fed, nothing else really mattered. And I don’t mean that my place was a pigsty, but it definitely had clutter (gasp!) and unrecycled boxes (gasp!) and was not tidy. A first time mom like OP is about to have a c section and her first kid, be home bound for months according to her, and is acting like everything will be the same.

[Anonymous]

God, I am exhausted just reading OP's replies. I feel bad for her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I am exhausted just reading OP's replies. I feel bad for her husband.

She said she’s a submissive wife, I don’t think her husband hears any of it. But yes, an answer for everything.

[Anonymous]

OP clearly accepts the behavior because she hasn't even tried to establish boundaries. Maybe she is just using this forum to vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait wait wait....you’re having a csection, no time off for your husband, and you think you’ll be handling laundry and meals and breastfeeding and cleaning?!

Oh OP you’re in for a world of hurt and your husband will come home to a debacle.

Also, unrelated but now I’m curious, y’all Maga?

OP here. Yes. If will be hard, but many women do it. Many single moms, military women, women with multiple kids, etc., all do it. That is why I stocked up to make my life easier since my husband will only be helping me in the evenings. I’m also making freezer meals and we will likely be doing lots of takeout or Hello Fresh meals do make it easier. I will be doing during the day and night. We do have a house cleaner Rhys comes twice a week to do deep cleaning.

I stated many times whoever said my husband worked out of the home was mistaken. He works from home.

No we are not, but political stance has nothing to do with this topic.

But you are wrong here, they don’t do it alone. Listen to the moms who have had kids and c sections and who’ve been through it. Women have help OR you let some things slide as your body recuperates. Come back here a month after you deliver and confirm with me the house is clean, everyone is fed, laundry is done, and breastfeeding is going great, and you didn’t need anything extra and your husband comes to a clean tidy home. It will not happen if you don’t have help. And this will be a bigger issue for you and your husband.

I asked because Maga are usually know-it-all’s and I don’t waste my brain cells on them.

Not OP but there are many moms who do it alone without any help. I’ve known many women who had husbands in residency with no family and they managed. Women who had multiple kids who had husbands deployed who managed. Women aren’t fragile little beings.

Hey I had an emergency c section with blood transfusions after and I get it, our bodies are strong. But I’m sorry, those first few months, my apartment was a mess, I focused on myself resting and baby safe and healthy and fed, nothing else really mattered. And I don’t mean that my place was a pigsty, but it definitely had clutter (gasp!) and unrecycled boxes (gasp!) and was not tidy. A first time mom like OP is about to have a c section and her first kid, be home bound for months according to her, and is acting like everything will be the same.

I don’t really get that. She has said many times her doing all of this is to make her life easier because she wants to focus on herself and the baby. Her husband sounds very selfish and like he expects OP to be the parent while he is the babysitter. She needs to tell him she is hiring help or that he needs to step up. My husband was a very busy MD when we had our first kid. He still was very involved and did as much as he could. He pushed me to hire help when I was overwhelmed but felt guilty and thought I could I do it all. Hiring a PT nanny was really helpful. He is a very involved father and husband. He also hates clutter but that happens when you have kids. I do think OP is naive in thinking she can do it all on her own.

[Anonymous]

If you have been together since you were 30, why are you having a kid at 35? Why not start sooner? Why are you having a c-section? Is it because you’re 35? You should have started at 32/33. You will be old in 5 years and having young kids will be very exhausting for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been together since you were 30, why are you having a kid at 35? Why not start sooner? Why are you having a c-section? Is it because you’re 35? You should have started at 32/33. You will be old in 5 years and having young kids will be very exhausting for you.

I’m not OP but I’ll be having my second at 35 come on age and decision on kids shouldn’t be a shaming point, she’s got plenty to be shamed about.

As for the c section I also wondered that, is this another husband decision to keep things tidy and easy and clutter free? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been together since you were 30, why are you having a kid at 35? Why not start sooner? Why are you having a c-section? Is it because you’re 35? You should have started at 32/33. You will be old in 5 years and having young kids will be very exhausting for you.

Gee, like OP can rewind the clock and take your suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!