Husband Criticizing Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

Maybe it's the hormones talking, but you've spent $5K on stuff that you have nowhere to put? That would drive me crazy and I'm a planner. Buying a ton of diapers is a waste because you don't know how quickly your baby will outgrow one size, for one example. You need to chill out and respect your husband's opinion because he lives there as well.

OP here. I did buy 6 months worth of diapers but they don’t expire. We can easily save them for the next baby or gift them for friends who are expecting in the next couple of months.

In your apartment? You want to store half-used or unopened boxes of diapers for years, rather than just buying them off Amazon? The more you type the more it seems like your entire mindset is a passive aggressive attack on your husband who hates clutter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.

+1

Of course he's not grateful. You didn't do this for him. You don't need six months worth of toilet paper and diapers and granola bars because you're having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.

OP here. I handle everything for the house already. He can be more of an equal partner in that realm if he wants to have an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.

OP here. I handle everything for the house already. He can be more of an equal partner in that realm if he wants to have an opinion.

Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP but I’m with your husband on this. It would be one thing if you lived in a house with lots of storage. But you don’t need 6mo of paper products in your house. That’s what Amazon subscribe and save is for. Diapers- you have no idea how quickly your baby will grow out of any size and/or might have sensitive skin and not like Pampers, etc. you are not gonna want to store unused diapers in your house- you’ll end up donating them.

[Anonymous]

Don’t listen to these women. They attack everyone and say the opposite. A husband posted a similar question in the relationship section maybe 6 months ago and they all attacked him for being wrong. Women on here generally attack other women for not reason but to be the opposite. I also planned for about 3-6 months and it worked out well. Do you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

OK, that is a lot but nesting is a real thing and if I had 5K when I had a baby, I would probably do the same so don't feel bad. However, it does seem a touch overboard?

[Anonymous]

It was dumb to buy all this in advance. You’re two able bodied people who will be more than able to run to the store in the next 6 months and in fact will want to. You made a mistake, so stop expecting him to be glad.

On the other hand he needs to calm down. Nesting is real and $5k including a snoo, stroller, and carseat is not crazy.

[Anonymous]

Do you think one baby prevents you from going to the store?

[Anonymous]

Setting stuff up on subscription would make sense. Stockpiling does not.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't like it he can return it and then be responsible for going out and getting it as the need arises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.

Not OP, but I'm generally responsible for buying all the household goods in our relationship. I guess I probably would mention plans to stock up, but would generally have the "authority" to just do what I thought was best, within reason. I definitely would have discussed a snoo (kind of a luxury purchase), and maybe the stroller system to get input.

But, there is really not a huge need to stock up a bunch - Target and costco both deliver. I did some nesting, but it was more trying to declutter / organize /clean - aside from setting up the nursery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.

+1

Of course he's not grateful. You didn't do this for him. You don't need six months worth of toilet paper and diapers and granola bars because you're having a baby.

LOL and had she done that he would either say " I don't know, you decide" or hem and haw about it until the day OP delivers.

[Anonymous]

Lol you sound insufferable and a hoarder. I’m a minimalist and had our first in our 800 sq ft apt and ordered maybe like a week of extra stuff. You know your life doesn’t end right lol?! Like you can order shit while nursing and while baby naps. I would be livid if I was your husband and not even about the money, just the ridiculous hoard of stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.

Not OP, but I'm generally responsible for buying all the household goods in our relationship. I guess I probably would mention plans to stock up, but would generally have the "authority" to just do what I thought was best, within reason. I definitely would have discussed a snoo (kind of a luxury purchase), and maybe the stroller system to get input.

But, there is really not a huge need to stock up a bunch - Target and costco both deliver. I did some nesting, but it was more trying to declutter / organize /clean - aside from setting up the nursery.

OP here. I did mention that I was buying in bulk for the next couple of months so all we had to worry about is grocery shopping. We also discussed The Snoo and the stroller. We picked all of the baby stuff out together.

My husband is very busy and works long hours. We have no idea if we will have an easy or difficult baby and I want to be prepared.