Husband Criticizing Me

[Anonymous]

We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

[Anonymous]

$5k in paper products, pantry, and bathing essentials sounds crazy. You know that he hates clutter and you cluttered up a small space, and now you're bothered he's not thanking you for it. Make some space for the idea that you are not the only one annoyed in this relationship.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your husband. You're going overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

Nesting is real. But if he had no say in the volume of clutter or amount spent - try to see his view point, being steamrolled like that is not a nice feeling. Try to make peace - early baby days can be difficult and strain even strong relationships. You need to be part of a team, not one person calling all the shots unilaterally. Btw, paper items can be delivered same day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$5k in paper products, pantry, and bathing essentials sounds crazy. You know that he hates clutter and you cluttered up a small space, and now you're bothered he's not thanking you for it. Make some space for the idea that you are not the only one annoyed in this relationship.

Babies being clutter. He can get over it.

[Anonymous]

What did you buy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$5k in paper products, pantry, and bathing essentials sounds crazy. You know that he hates clutter and you cluttered up a small space, and now you're bothered he's not thanking you for it. Make some space for the idea that you are not the only one annoyed in this relationship.

Babies being clutter. He can get over it.

* bring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

Maybe it's the hormones talking, but you've spent $5K on stuff that you have nowhere to put? That would drive me crazy and I'm a planner. Buying a ton of diapers is a waste because you don't know how quickly your baby will outgrow one size, for one example. You need to chill out and respect your husband's opinion because he lives there as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

Maybe it's the hormones talking, but you've spent $5K on stuff that you have nowhere to put? That would drive me crazy and I'm a planner. Buying a ton of diapers is a waste because you don't know how quickly your baby will outgrow one size, for one example. You need to chill out and respect your husband's opinion because he lives there as well.

+1

You can't buy $5k of stuff that you think will last 6 months when you have a small apartment WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOUR SPOUSE.

Is any of it returnable? I think you owe him a big apology.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like it is really coming from the husband...otherwise, why would you tell us the exact square footage of your home (indicating it is not a larger home) and the amount spent on these supplies (5k is a lot for paper products and other necessities).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

Who can blame him? You are a hoarder,!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting our first baby next month and I’ve been trying to get things in order. I’m a planner and like to be prepared. I’ve basically been preparing our lives to not have to worry about essentials for the next six months. I’ve stocked up on paper items, pantry, freezer, bathing essentials, baby essentials, etc. It’s a lot all at once but this will leave up in a position to only have to worry about weekly grocery shopping, which we get delivered. It was not only a huge expense, but it has taken up room in our 1700sqft condo. Mostly he is upset about the money I’ve spent on things. I have spent a lot - upwards of $5k, but it’s all things we need or for the baby.

My husband hates clutter and has been so annoying with comments like “ we are never going to use this.” “ all of this is going to go to waste”. “ do we really need all of this stuff for the baby?” It’s driving not insane. Instead of being thankful, he wants to criticize me. I’ve been so irritated with him lately. How do I make him shut up about things?

Maybe it's the hormones talking, but you've spent $5K on stuff that you have nowhere to put? That would drive me crazy and I'm a planner. Buying a ton of diapers is a waste because you don't know how quickly your baby will outgrow one size, for one example. You need to chill out and respect your husband's opinion because he lives there as well.

OP here. I did buy 6 months worth of diapers but they don’t expire. We can easily save them for the next baby or gift them for friends who are expecting in the next couple of months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our condo is not that small. We put most of the stuff in our walk-in closet in the third bedroom that is an office/guest room. I should have clarified that I spent $5k in total for everything for the baby and the household. I went to Costco and doubled what we normally buy. I spent about $1500 there. I got necessities like toilet paper, garbage bags, laundry stuff, bathing stuff ( we buy almost everything from there), frozen fruits/veggies, and bulk stuff like oils, canned products, granola bars, etc. I spent the rest on stuff from Target ( our usual but doubled), and the rest of the stuff from our baby registry. I also got a stroller travel system and The Snoo within the $5k. The nursery was separate and we spent about $2k on it.

OP here. I think all of this stuff is reasonable.

That’s not the point. You don’t get to just make those decisions unilaterally. You’re a team. You needed to discuss your plans with him and give him the chance to object beforehand.