Husband Criticizing Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

OP here. I missed that one. I have been scanning because most people who have replied are just rude.

He will take off the first couple of days while I’m in the hospital and then he will back at work. He has plenty of time of but doesn’t want to use unless it’s necessary.

Is this a joke? Why are you having a baby with this man who has the option of PTO but will not take it to spend time with his newborn and wife who will be recovering from a c section? My husband also only had two weeks of leave but he worked from home...and he was always there to give me an hour or so off. Is that the plan here as well? I had a vaginal delivery with no tearing so I had no physical pain - a c section is a whole different ballgame, girl. This is just really sad. Why do you want this for yourself?

[Anonymous]

I’m one of the rat pack haters Bc I think OP deserves it.

It’s all right everyone, after the c section she’ll drive home, do a quick clean up, breastfeed the baby, let them nap, recycle some boxes, make some hello fresh meals, then go for a hike with the baby where there’s no people and then come back for dinner and a quick nursing session then bed time for everyone. It’ll be just like getting a nice plant and everyone can go on with their daily planned activities because we’re all idiots and don’t REALLY know how it is to raise kids and we should just shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the rat pack haters Bc I think OP deserves it.

It’s all right everyone, after the c section she’ll drive home, do a quick clean up, breastfeed the baby, let them nap, recycle some boxes, make some hello fresh meals, then go for a hike with the baby where there’s no people and then come back for dinner and a quick nursing session then bed time for everyone. It’ll be just like getting a nice plant and everyone can go on with their daily planned activities because we’re all idiots and don’t REALLY know how it is to raise kids and we should just shut up.

I'm the one that called you a rat pack member. You're relentless, too. What exactly is it that you're trying to prove? That OP deserves your hate? That you are the all knowing mother earth? That you know better than millions of mothers who didn't experience your reality? She didn't ask for advice because she's clueless about newborn havoc. Quite the contrary, she asked for acknowledgement that she prepared well for unforseen circumstances given that she's:

1. Primary caregiver EBF
2. Bringing a baby into a pandemic world
3. Nesting now so she can devote herself fully to healing from a c-section
4. Stocked up to prepare healthy meals for HERSELF in order to EBF, and feeding her DH bc why not, he needs to eat too.
5. Time spent in fresh air and sunshine, rather than target or market. Therefore, less exposure to covid, which btw is still happening.
6. And, if she births the newborn from hell that you seem to wish upon her, she'll be stocked and prepared to tackle the little demon. (This won't happen, OP --threw this in for effect 😘)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are people who don't know how to have a conversation. They only know how to battle. OP is one of these people. Instead of hearing and listening to what people are saying ,she is coming up with a retort as to how she is right and they are wrong.
But, she can never contemplate that someone is saying something valid, because she is not hearing it.
Her way of "communicating" is to parry with some witty retort, insist she is right. You see, you are always wrong, because she never heard a word you said!

OP here. I’m simply responding to the questions or comments. You can take it as defensive if you want.

I do find it funny in the two posts that someone linked, people were jumping on the male OP and basically saying his wife was so smart and well prepared for doing basically the same as I am doing. I wonder if people just like to attack the OP on these threads, regardless of the question. Like they need the drama and satisfaction. You don’t have to respond or look at my thread if it’s not a topic you like.

You are seriously 35? Because you sound like you're 12.

You don't even get your own problem. It's not so much that you bought a ton of stuff or that you spent $5K on baby things (I have tons of storage space and wouldn't notice that money missing so neither of those things bother me). It's the fact that YOU ASKED PEOPLE HOW TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND SHUT UP ABOUT HIS FEELINGS. Seriously, you may want to consider marriage counseling before your kid arrives. No one in a healthy relationship talks like that. NO ONE. Best of luck, OP. You're going to need it.

You people jump on OP but regularly post how anti-men you guys are and how you hate your husbands. That’s funny.

Actually, I have never once posted an anti-men post and I have never said I hate my husband (nor do I). My husband is amazing and totally involved and I love him dearly. I would never ask someone how to get my husband to shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t had time to checking this until now. I admit that may I am going overboard but I’m just trying to be prepared. I will be having a c-section and I want to make life easier on myself. My husband isn’t taking any time off. We agreed that since I’m staying home, I will be doing 90% of everything. He wants to focus on work. I really want to make breastfeeding work so my goal is to focus on that as much as I can.

I never said my husband wasn’t vaccinated or that he worked out of the home. Not once. I said he works 11-12 hour days, but I never said it was out of the home. He works from home and travels ( though not anymore with the pandemic) for work. He’s fully vaccinated. When I said “ we are not vaccinated”, I meant me and the baby. I will be getting vaccinated but did not feel comfortable getting it while pregnant. My MIL ( who likely will visit in a couple of months) is fully vaccinated.

My husband is a great guy and not controlling at all. He does have his quirks and things like clutter and a messy house annoy him. He doesn’t even like the look of an unmade bed. He really does hate all the boxes from deliveries. While working FT over the years, I ordered things very frequently, and he would always be super passive aggressive about “ all the boxes” being there until I took it out to recycle.

I still think I’m not in the wrong here. Yes, it irritates him, but babies bring clutter. The clutter he hates is the swing, bouncer, and the Snoo we set up. I usually always takes his feeling in to account, and often over mine, but I’m not budging this time. Typically he gets the last say, and that usually works for us, but I’m putting my foot down on this. I need things to make my life easier.

To the people talking about outside. We will get on walks, but I would rather not take my baby to the store. That may change at some point, but not for now.

To the weirdo about thawed meat and frozen foods. You are aware many people eat thawed meats and vegetables? No one has time to go prepare fresh meat and produce everyday. They say most frozen vegetables are healthier than fresh since they are picked at peak ripeness. It works for us.

You literally contradict yourself here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t had time to checking this until now. I admit that may I am going overboard but I’m just trying to be prepared. I will be having a c-section and I want to make life easier on myself. My husband isn’t taking any time off. We agreed that since I’m staying home, I will be doing 90% of everything. He wants to focus on work. I really want to make breastfeeding work so my goal is to focus on that as much as I can.

I never said my husband wasn’t vaccinated or that he worked out of the home. Not once. I said he works 11-12 hour days, but I never said it was out of the home. He works from home and travels ( though not anymore with the pandemic) for work. He’s fully vaccinated. When I said “ we are not vaccinated”, I meant me and the baby. I will be getting vaccinated but did not feel comfortable getting it while pregnant. My MIL ( who likely will visit in a couple of months) is fully vaccinated.

My husband is a great guy and not controlling at all. He does have his quirks and things like clutter and a messy house annoy him. He doesn’t even like the look of an unmade bed. He really does hate all the boxes from deliveries. While working FT over the years, I ordered things very frequently, and he would always be super passive aggressive about “ all the boxes” being there until I took it out to recycle.

I still think I’m not in the wrong here. Yes, it irritates him, but babies bring clutter. The clutter he hates is the swing, bouncer, and the Snoo we set up. I usually always takes his feeling in to account, and often over mine, but I’m not budging this time. Typically he gets the last say, and that usually works for us, but I’m putting my foot down on this. I need things to make my life easier.

To the people talking about outside. We will get on walks, but I would rather not take my baby to the store. That may change at some point, but not for now.

To the weirdo about thawed meat and frozen foods. You are aware many people eat thawed meats and vegetables? No one has time to go prepare fresh meat and produce everyday. They say most frozen vegetables are healthier than fresh since they are picked at peak ripeness. It works for us.

This is helpful. And if the swing, bouncer and Snoo are the clutter he hates, you should have said that up front - it sounded from your initial post that what he hated were all the cyclicals that you stocked up on (like diapers).

I don't think you're unreasonable - but I'm concerned about your attitude towards your husband on this - it's very dismissive, particularly from your first post. It seemed like you wanted him to just shut up and do it your way, and that's not the key to a healthy relationship. I think a compromise or two might be warranted. He hates clutter. You've essentially just brought in three new pieces of furniture - the snoo, the bouncer, and the swing. Is there something else that could be trashed/donated that would clear up some space? Maybe you could direct some of your nest energy to, for example, going through bookshelves and seeing if you could ditch some books and consolidate so you could ditch a bookshelf. When we were in a smaller place with our first baby, we got rid of the end table by the door for keys and wallets and stuff, and instead hung an organizer that would hold some of that stuff on the wall, threw out the end table, and put the stroller were the end table had been.

I think moving away from an approach where you're focused on who is objectively "right" when there is no such standard, towards finding solutions that work for both of you, will serve you very well as you become parents. It's a tough time for a relationship - it's best if you can address any lingering issues now before the baby comes and resentment starts to build.

OP here. I did do a lot of decluttering and organizing before we purchased everything. Our home is big for two people and we have plenty of space. We keep things very minimal in terms of furniture and items in our house. All of the items I purchased are in the walk-in closet that we never use. We do store some items in there regularly that acts as kind of a closet for things like paper products and toiletries, but it’s large and we don’t use it for any clothes. The diapers and wipes are in the nursery closet and the guest room walk-in closet.

Maybe I’m different but I don’t think my friends will care about giving them opened boxes of diapers if we end up not using all of them up. We got a box of unopened wipes and a small bag of opened diapers from friends who didn’t use them because they switched to a more natural brand. We also got almost all of our baby clothes as hand me downs from friends. I would have bought many of the baby items second hand, but we were able to get them from our baby registry. The one thing we definitely wanted to buy new was the stroller and car seat.

I know it may come off like I don’t care about my husbands feelings but I do. I will get flamed for this, but he’s the dominant partner and typically makes all of the decisions. We discuss everything, but I leave it up to him to make the final decisions. He likes it since he’s the man and protector of the family. I’m definitely a more submissive wife, but it works for us. We are very happy. And no, my husband is not abusive. I enjoy having the man be the head of the house. I do feel strongly that he can get over things like this because thats life with a baby. He doesn’t like clutter now, but he will be wishing for these days when we have an active toddler with a bunch of toys.

And yet you asked people how to make him shut up. Do you not see the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait wait wait....you’re having a csection, no time off for your husband, and you think you’ll be handling laundry and meals and breastfeeding and cleaning?!

Oh OP you’re in for a world of hurt and your husband will come home to a debacle.

Also, unrelated but now I’m curious, y’all Maga?

OP here. Yes. If will be hard, but many women do it. Many single moms, military women, women with multiple kids, etc., all do it. That is why I stocked up to make my life easier since my husband will only be helping me in the evenings. I’m also making freezer meals and we will likely be doing lots of takeout or Hello Fresh meals do make it easier. I will be doing during the day and night. We do have a house cleaner Rhys comes twice a week to do deep cleaning.

I stated many times whoever said my husband worked out of the home was mistaken. He works from home.

No we are not, but political stance has nothing to do with this topic.

You have someone do a deep clean of your house twice a week?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

OP here. I missed that one. I have been scanning because most people who have replied are just rude.

He will take off the first couple of days while I’m in the hospital and then he will back at work. He has plenty of time of but doesn’t want to use unless it’s necessary.

And what exactly does he deem necessary?!?

If not his wife having a c-section and the birth of his first child, I can't fathom.

I feel really, really sorry for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on baby! Ignore the rude posters. You replied to everyone which is sweet, and as far as I can tell, you've reiterated everything you stated in your OP. Dcum is many things, but consistently antagonistic.

There's 2-3 posters that are patronizing, sanctimonious jerks. They're an ugly little rat pack in many threads. Prepping was smart! You cleaned, organized and decluttered to make room for baby. All normal.

You don't owe anyone an explanation about your marriage. You had one question in your OP, which was how to get your DH to shut up. Well, just tell him to shut up! It will take way more unnecessary effort to return things. You'll use what you need and donate what you don't use. Simple. Maybe these posters would lose some of the weight they constantly complain about if they'd stop ordering everything, and get off their butts (like you did) to get the items they need. Plus, not adding to the carbon footprint when they order paper towels, and cupcakes.

Also, the nitwits are creating their own narrative on how miserable you'll be and blah blah blah. Ignore this too. Not every newborn is as difficult as they experienced. As the saying goes, cranky mom, cranky baby. Good luck, have fun. Enjoy falling in love with your precious baby!

Here you go, OP! Someone who agrees with you and apparently their marital advice is to tell your husband to just shut up. That's super healthy.

[Anonymous]

I want to meet OP so I can her her spin her tales, it would be fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the rat pack haters Bc I think OP deserves it.

It’s all right everyone, after the c section she’ll drive home, do a quick clean up, breastfeed the baby, let them nap, recycle some boxes, make some hello fresh meals, then go for a hike with the baby where there’s no people and then come back for dinner and a quick nursing session then bed time for everyone. It’ll be just like getting a nice plant and everyone can go on with their daily planned activities because we’re all idiots and don’t REALLY know how it is to raise “”kids and we should just shut up.

”””

OP here. This is funny. I never said I would do any of this. For one, my husband drives because I hate it. I don’t plan to do much cleaning except for a quick tidy up everyday ( 10-15 minutes) because we have a cleaner who I might have come weekly instead of bi-weekly, and I never said anything about “ letting them nap” except that I read it is best not to put a young baby on a schedule. I do want to make breastfeeding work but I’m also realistic I that I may need to supplement and will. I also never said I was going for a hike.

I’ve been very nice in my response. What you may perceive and needing to have “ the last word”, is me trying to be nice and respectful and respond to everyone’s replies. There is a lot of misinformation being thrown around by a couple of posters, and I’ve been trying to set the record straight.

I have NEVER once said anything about anyone on here not knowing how to raise kids. I never once said anything about any of you guys raising kids. All I said what about my hope for being able to handle things like many moms do, but that’s it. You’re clearly taking things out or context and making things up for drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the rat pack haters Bc I think OP deserves it.

It’s all right everyone, after the c section she’ll drive home, do a quick clean up, breastfeed the baby, let them nap, recycle some boxes, make some hello fresh meals, then go for a hike with the baby where there’s no people and then come back for dinner and a quick nursing session then bed time for everyone. It’ll be just like getting a nice plant and everyone can go on with their daily planned activities because we’re all idiots and don’t REALLY know how it is to raise kids and we should just shut up.

I'm the one that called you a rat pack member. You're relentless, too. What exactly is it that you're trying to prove? That OP deserves your hate? That you are the all knowing mother earth? That you know better than millions of mothers who didn't experience your reality? She didn't ask for advice because she's clueless about newborn havoc. Quite the contrary, she asked for acknowledgement that she prepared well for unforseen circumstances given that she's:

1. Primary caregiver EBF
2. Bringing a baby into a pandemic world
3. Nesting now so she can devote herself fully to healing from a c-section
4. Stocked up to prepare healthy meals for HERSELF in order to EBF, and feeding her DH bc why not, he needs to eat too.
5. Time spent in fresh air and sunshine, rather than target or market. Therefore, less exposure to covid, which btw is still happening.
6. And, if she births the newborn from hell that you seem to wish upon her, she'll be stocked and prepared to tackle the little demon. (This won't happen, OP --threw this in for effect 😘)

Thank you! I appreciate the kinds words. It quite scary and shocking many of these so called adults on here are very catty like high school girls. I hope they teach their children better values. No wonder kids these days have no regard for other people and are beyond disrespectful. They are learning it from their parents who think their kids are perfect angels or that their parenting is not wrong. I’m done with this thread because it’s mostly filled with people who enjoy the drama because they’re bored. I feel sorry for some of your kids. Hopefully they grow up with better values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am still so confused by WHAT DID HOPE TO ACHIEVE FROM STARTING THIS THREAD?!?

this has been asked more than once, and you haven't answered. Did you just hope that people would sympathize with you and agree your husband should just "shut up"?? were you just venting? then why do you keep coming back with really rude a defensive responses? it sounds like there is an aspect of this 1950s housewife set up that you aren't happy with, but can't verbalize.

and I am still caught up on how strict you are about covid exposure (no trips to the store, pediatrician home visits) - but you HAVE A CLEANING CREW COME INTO YOUR HOUSE TWICE A WEEK! does.not.compute.

you sound like you are super submissive and anxious, and are lashing out at strangers on the internet to try and feel better.

It’s doesn’t matter. Stay off the damn thread if you don’t like it. My god, grow up, lady. Stop acting like a mean high school kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't he take even a few days off? He must have some vacation time?

I see OP will not answer this!!!!!

Because they're into the 1950s family stuff and OP will do all baby and house stuff while he works. And since he works from home he feels he'll see baby enough.

OP, I kind of thought you were nuts ordering all that stuff, but since you said you aren't willing to do much with deliveries, and aren't taking baby to the store, I guess it makes sense. So tell him that. Basically, his choices are (1) you buy stuff in advance; (2) you order stuff as needed; (3) you go out to get stuff as needed, leaving baby with him; or (4) he goes out to get stuff as needed, while you have baby at home. Pretty sure he would pick (1), which is what you did. So tell him these are the choices and let him pick, since he likes to make the decisions so much.

Keep in mind that no matter how much you prep you will still wind up ordering or buying stuff. It's impossible to plan perfectly. Sometimes baby needs something, like formula although you planned to nurse; or a different type of bottle or nipple; or different creams for diaper rash; or medicine. Etc. I've had two kids and they responded differently to medicines, creams, etc. When I was pregnant with my second I stocked up on what had worked for my first, and guess what, it all made her break out and I had to test out different stuff.

But whatever. You'll manage. As a fellow prepared person, I would just say don't get too caught up in perfection and schedules, because that's exactly what babies like to destroy! It threw my mental health for a loop when I couldn't get my first kid to sleep as much as he "should" or when he "should," or eat what the books said he would, etc. But it all works out in the end.

And congrats on the baby.

OP here. Thanks. I haven’t stocked up on anything for the baby except diapers. We did get a variety of things from our baby registry, but I know we may have to get more things. I just want to be prepared as much as I can before the baby comes.

Everything I read said that babies should be on-demand and not on schedules for the first 4 months of life. I plan to follow the babies lead when it comes to eating and sleeping. Maybe that is wrong. I’m not sure.

This is right. You don’t need to put a newborn on a schedule. Follow their cues. That will easier for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the rat pack haters Bc I think OP deserves it.

It’s all right everyone, after the c section she’ll drive home, do a quick clean up, breastfeed the baby, let them nap, recycle some boxes, make some hello fresh meals, then go for a hike with the baby where there’s no people and then come back for dinner and a quick nursing session then bed time for everyone. It’ll be just like getting a nice plant and everyone can go on with their daily planned activities because we’re all idiots and don’t REALLY know how it is to raise kids and we should just shut up.

Congrats! You’re officially the Chrissy Teigen of this thread. Sheds a terrible human being. You seem on par with her. I will pray for your kids to turn out half decent.