Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Childcare problem in the US is long-standing but should not be solved on the backs of the au pairs. We need to fix the childcare center issue separately. The au pair program will not fail when exploitative families are weeded our; to the contrary! Agencies and their fee models might suffer, but there is plenty of demand. Saying that paying fairly would kill the program is like saying weeding out the slumlords would kill the residential real estate.

[Anonymous]

Au pair Program is terrific but it’s run exploitatively by many unethical agencies and enabled by similarly unthinking parents. It is very easy to reform the program so that au pairs get more, labor exploitation is stomped out, and families are even happier — they know they’re paying fairly, they can’t make au pairs into Cinderellas even if they wanted to, and they get a well educated live-in help with cultural edge and no tax burden and such. But for that, families actually need to want a cultural exchange and an au pair vs. a more easily abused and illegally underpaid nanny/cleaner. Lots of moms here seem to really have no interest in the former. More au pairs for the rest of us who believe in the intent of this program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that people are trying to destroy this program which has worked well for all involved for so long under the guise of social justice. Reminds me of the tipping bill that failed in DC, which would have hurt a lot of servers.

Who is trying to destroy it? Au pairs? Labor advocates? Federal judges? Or exploitative Agencies and moms turning a blind eye?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that people are trying to destroy this program which has worked well for all involved for so long under the guise of social justice. Reminds me of the tipping bill that failed in DC, which would have hurt a lot of servers.

Who is trying to destroy it? Au pairs? Labor advocates? Federal judges? Or exploitative Agencies and moms turning a blind eye?

People who refuse to concede that au pair compensation isn't fairly measured only by looking at the weekly stipend.

[Anonymous]

I would like to volunteer to tutor OP’s au pair in Algebra. Here’s the first problem we’d work on: if OP already pays you $5 extra per week, how much do you get per hour? 11 cents?
Correct.

For extra grade: OP feels like she’s been extorted. Especially since you’ve only been there for 3 months. At that rate, if you successfully extort the OP every quarter, how much more would OP have to pay you this year? A whopping $360 per year total?! At no extra chores?! No way!

Discuss.

[Anonymous]

Yes there are exploitative host families that should be weeded out. There are also plenty of big law partners or single parents with demanding jobs who need fewer hours but at odd times, like a few hours before school or after school driving kids to and from activities. Even if you paid someone else a $15/hr wage for working those 15 hours a week, you get to $225/wk. but then that person would need to find other work to be able to afford to live, and what nanny wants to take a 7-8 am and 4-6 on shift?? The au pair I know who has this cushy 15 hr wk job lives in a McMansion with housekeeping service and her own suite with own kitchen/fridge. She would never be able to afford that working her hours at $15/hr on her own. On top of that she has a luxury car she has full access to.

One of my au pair’s friend’s biggest complaint about her host family is that they do their own thing at night (IE have to work after putting kids to bed) and are NOT around to hang out with her. She thinks of them as like her real surrogate parents / family and actually legitimately wants to spend time with them. I think of my au pair as a younger cousin and our relationship is as such. My preschooler can sing and count in her native language (he is actually in full time preschool so he is not even her charge, but she spends a lot of time with us off the clock on her own volition) and we’ve hosted several cultural night dinners where my au pair and her friends have made a variety of traditional foods they wanted to share with us. In turn, she’s learned about American football, our insane political system, Halloween, thanksgiving, etc. she has been a godsend this year when school was closed and we will dearly miss her. We pay 300/wk because we use 45 hours / wk for a toddler. When we go on vacation we take grandparents for babysitting and she is not on the clock.

For all the horrible examples you have read, I just want to point out there are plenty of good, mutually acceptable situations as well. Many au pairs are here to travel / have a new experience for a year or two, although I realize my experience is with European au pairs so there may be a difference for others. For those I know, it is not really about money but more the ability to explore.

[Anonymous]

Most au pairs are in gross and musty smelling basement rooms. Have you seen the leaky, ugly DMV colonials and how most people around here live? Eew. Not to mention cultural exchange that’s missing in most of these arrangements. Under Covid it should at least be compensated fairly if not as hardship/hazard pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes there are exploitative host families that should be weeded out. There are also plenty of big law partners or single parents with demanding jobs who need fewer hours but at odd times, like a few hours before school or after school driving kids to and from activities. Even if you paid someone else a $15/hr wage for working those 15 hours a week, you get to $225/wk. but then that person would need to find other work to be able to afford to live, and what nanny wants to take a 7-8 am and 4-6 on shift?? The au pair I know who has this cushy 15 hr wk job lives in a McMansion with housekeeping service and her own suite with own kitchen/fridge. She would never be able to afford that working her hours at $15/hr on her own. On top of that she has a luxury car she has full access to.

One of my au pair’s friend’s biggest complaint about her host family is that they do their own thing at night (IE have to work after putting kids to bed) and are NOT around to hang out with her. She thinks of them as like her real surrogate parents / family and actually legitimately wants to spend time with them. I think of my au pair as a younger cousin and our relationship is as such. My preschooler can sing and count in her native language (he is actually in full time preschool so he is not even her charge, but she spends a lot of time with us off the clock on her own volition) and we’ve hosted several cultural night dinners where my au pair and her friends have made a variety of traditional foods they wanted to share with us. In turn, she’s learned about American football, our insane political system, Halloween, thanksgiving, etc. she has been a godsend this year when school was closed and we will dearly miss her. We pay 300/wk because we use 45 hours / wk for a toddler. When we go on vacation we take grandparents for babysitting and she is not on the clock.

For all the horrible examples you have read, I just want to point out there are plenty of good, mutually acceptable situations as well. Many au pairs are here to travel / have a new experience for a year or two, although I realize my experience is with European au pairs so there may be a difference for others. For those I know, it is not really about money but more the ability to explore.

+1. This is my experience. Our au pair lived a lovely upper class life with plenty of time and money to travel. She had light childcare duties, with lots of time to go to the gym and take classes. The cries that most au pairs are exploited or indentured servants just do not ring true. There are a few bad apples on both sides and agencies should be forced to act more swiftly to weed these folks out of the program, but in my experience most au pairs are happy with their experience.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, for all the people decrying the end of the program and horrible times for au pairs if a fair wage is mandated: you’re like Trump who’s literally rushing to build as much wall and execute as many people as possible by Jan 20 while telling everyone to fear the socialist regime after that date! Literally. No, nothing will be worse for no one after Trump except for Trumpies. Ditto when the fair wage laws are passed. Except for you exploiters. Cause you can’t exploit any longer. America is doomed if these are our coastal elites speaking, I shudder to think about the rest.

[Anonymous]

Half the time aI pairs just don’t work out. They get here. It’s not the luxury cultural experience they were expecting. They are in the suburbs with a woman who expects them to do actual work. They often are very young and immature. You have another teen in your home ... it isn’t a substitute for a nanny by any means. If they are not doing much $200/wk is fine. It’s not the greatest system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most au pairs are in gross and musty smelling basement rooms. Have you seen the leaky, ugly DMV colonials and how most people around here live? Eew. Not to mention cultural exchange that’s missing in most of these arrangements. Under Covid it should at least be compensated fairly if not as hardship/hazard pay.

You really are just making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Go to open houses this weekend. See for yourself what passes for a house in DMV. This may be LA speaking, but eew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes there are exploitative host families that should be weeded out. There are also plenty of big law partners or single parents with demanding jobs who need fewer hours but at odd times, like a few hours before school or after school driving kids to and from activities. Even if you paid someone else a $15/hr wage for working those 15 hours a week, you get to $225/wk. but then that person would need to find other work to be able to afford to live, and what nanny wants to take a 7-8 am and 4-6 on shift?? The au pair I know who has this cushy 15 hr wk job lives in a McMansion with housekeeping service and her own suite with own kitchen/fridge. She would never be able to afford that working her hours at $15/hr on her own. On top of that she has a luxury car she has full access to.

One of my au pair’s friend’s biggest complaint about her host family is that they do their own thing at night (IE have to work after putting kids to bed) and are NOT around to hang out with her. She thinks of them as like her real surrogate parents / family and actually legitimately wants to spend time with them. I think of my au pair as a younger cousin and our relationship is as such. My preschooler can sing and count in her native language (he is actually in full time preschool so he is not even her charge, but she spends a lot of time with us off the clock on her own volition) and we’ve hosted several cultural night dinners where my au pair and her friends have made a variety of traditional foods they wanted to share with us. In turn, she’s learned about American football, our insane political system, Halloween, thanksgiving, etc. she has been a godsend this year when school was closed and we will dearly miss her. We pay 300/wk because we use 45 hours / wk for a toddler. When we go on vacation we take grandparents for babysitting and she is not on the clock.

For all the horrible examples you have read, I just want to poin t out there are plenty of good, mutually acceptable situations as well. Many au pairs are here to travel / have a new experience for a year or two, although I realize my experience is with European au pairs so there may be a difference for others. For those I know, it is not really about money but more the ability to explore.

+1. This is my experience. Our au pair lived a lovely upper class life with plenty of time and money to travel. She had light childcare duties, with lots of time to go to the gym and take classes. The cries that most au pairs are exploited or indentured servants just do not ring true. There are a few bad apples on both sides and agencies should be forced to act more swiftly to weed these folks out of the program, but in my experience most au pairs are happy with their experience.

In the 8 years we have been in the program, I've known my fair share of horror stories. There are really some bad families, and they're not as rare as they should be.

That said, I've also always known it to be quite easy for APs to get out through re-matching. They have plenty of leverage to leave a bad situation. The picture that some people paint, of a scared young woman in fear for losing her visa, is not in touch with reality. It's not like they're asylum seekers. Even if they go home early, it's not a crisis situation.

[Anonymous]

We have a rich German giving an opinion. It’s just an opinion. The cost of living in Germany is sky high. When they see how cheap things are here they are astonished. No rich person is sending their kid to be an au pair.

[Anonymous]

My UMC daughter stayed with a family in France. Those host families are poor. You are lucky to get enough to eat. They all fled to student housing. It goes both ways.