Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Says the person who probably drives a $70k car and has loads of LV, Prada, etc hanging in her closet. Even with all that paid for $200 in this city is NOTHING!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

I showed our AP this chain and she was like, I haven’t touched my money in 8 months and I have 9k in the bank. I then tried to remember the last time we had 9k in our checking account and could not.

She knows how to save and you don't and you live well beyond your means. Why do people who cannot even afford a cat have a child!?

If your solution is that only rich people have children, that will lead to certain catastrophe for our country. Nations are basically ponzi schemes where the lower rungs (young people) pay for the elderly, do the hard work, man the Army, and pay into thr system. If you set conditions that lead to less than the replacement fertility rate (look this up) it means that the older generations aren't cared for, the economy tanks, and military power declines. We are already below replacement rate, which is an economic and national security problem for our country. What's your solution? You think it is normal or natural that people can't afford children? Mocking and disdaining middle and lower classes (and let's be honest, even the UMC is strained by school/sports/college costs) will not suddenly make them be able to afford $45k/year in child care costs. The government statistics show that actually, most Americans have less than $400 in their savings.

No one owes you child care at the price you want because “nations are Ponzi schemes.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Says the person who probably drives a $70k car and has loads of LV, Prada, etc hanging in her closet. Even with all that paid for $200 in this city is NOTHING!

DP. I just did the math and on my first job in DC at age 24, when I lived in a shoebox studio, I had $300/week to live on after taxes and rent to pay food, transportation, utilities, cell phone, or anything else. It was just fine. I saved an emergency fund and had everything I needed and a lot of what I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting debate and while I don't have time to read every post I read many and got the general idea. My children are now 21 and 18 but when my youngest was born we hired our first au pair. We had 4 au pairs in 5 years and I also ended up serving as a community leader for the program we went through. We had one au pair from Australia, one from Germany and two from France. My French au pairs knew one another and the first one told the second one she needed to come and work with our family. She stayed for two years and is now married to an American. We loved all of our au pairs but they were also a lot more "work" than hiring a nanny.

My first au pair from Australia was very homesick and had never been away from her family before and even though she was 21 she was very immature. We spent a LOT of time making her feel at home, trying to help her find friends, taking her on cool getaways including to Disney with my whole extended family (all paid for with no babysitting) etc. My second au pair from France was amazing and the daughter of two doctors from Cannes. We loved her and she was so much fun to have around. Like our first au pair she was welcome to be with us whenever she wanted but she also went out a lot and used a car we provided. Our German au pair was next and as others have said this is a big "rite of passage" for many girls there. She was quiet and kind and she had a ton of friends in the area because Germans are the largest group who do the program. Our last au pair was from Paris and she was a hoot. She stayed for 2 years and went out many nights, which I was sometimes frustrated about but our younger daughter adored her. She left when my daughter went to kindergarten but she has been in the area ever since and recently came over to celebrate my daughter's 18th birthday.

As the local au pair rep I saw it ALL. There were wealthy families with 5 kids looking for a deal, single moms who worked nights and the au pair had the corner of a shared bedroom with the kids. Many people were just like us - kind and friendly families who really did love the idea of cultural exchange and embraced the program. In case people get the wrong idea, you don't just pay the $200/week and that's your obligation. Families had to pay maybe $7K up front, it's likely more now, to be in the program and that covers the au pair visa, flights, one week in New York for training etc. For us it was a big investment but it was worth it.

Not everyone has the same set up and the au pairs definitely compare notes. Some have their own wing of the house and some barely had a room/bathroom. We had a private bedroom and bathroom in our basement that our au pairs lived in and they loved it. They always told me they were so lucky. We are not super rich but well off enough and we never made them feel like they were just the nanny. To this day I am in great contact with each of them and they have all come back and visited over the years and we plan to visit them too.

Despite all of that, I will say that the terrible families I saw when I was the community rep were really bad. I remember one family who had a special needs child who was not supposed to be part of the program. The very wealthy parents promised that he had his own car giver and then the au pair would tell me she was with him all day. I stepped in and fixed it but in the end I counseled the girl to leave the family and she was much happier.

We never paid over the weekly amount unless we went over the hours and the au pair was interested in babysitting. They always wanted extra hours and our girls were really sweet and I think easy so I suppose that's why we never had issues. If my child were to do a similar program I would caution then to make sure they found a good family who were looking to this for the right reasons. There are a lot of bad people out there but the good ones (and many are good) are doing this for the right reasons.

Good luck OP!

You are rich based off the lifestyle you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting debate and while I don't have time to read every post I read many and got the general idea. My children are now 21 and 18 but when my youngest was born we hired our first au pair. We had 4 au pairs in 5 years and I also ended up serving as a community leader for the program we went through. We had one au pair from Australia, one from Germany and two from France. My French au pairs knew one another and the first one told the second one she needed to come and work with our family. She stayed for two years and is now married to an American. We loved all of our au pairs but they were also a lot more "work" than hiring a nanny.

My first au pair from Australia was very homesick and had never been away from her family before and even though she was 21 she was very immature. We spent a LOT of time making her feel at home, trying to help her find friends, taking her on cool getaways including to Disney with my whole extended family (all paid for with no babysitting) etc. My second au pair from France was amazing and the daughter of two doctors from Cannes. We loved her and she was so much fun to have around. Like our first au pair she was welcome to be with us whenever she wanted but she also went out a lot and used a car we provided. Our German au pair was next and as others have said this is a big "rite of passage" for many girls there. She was quiet and kind and she had a ton of friends in the area because Germans are the largest group who do the program. Our last au pair was from Paris and she was a hoot. She stayed for 2 years and went out many nights, which I was sometimes frustrated about but our younger daughter adored her. She left when my daughter went to kindergarten but she has been in the area ever since and recently came over to celebrate my daughter's 18th birthday.

As the local au pair rep I saw it ALL. There were wealthy families with 5 kids looking for a deal, single moms who worked nights and the au pair had the corner of a shared bedroom with the kids. Many people were just like us - kind and friendly families who really did love the idea of cultural exchange and embraced the program. In case people get the wrong idea, you don't just pay the $200/week and that's your obligation. Families had to pay maybe $7K up front, it's likely more now, to be in the program and that covers the au pair visa, flights, one week in New York for training etc. For us it was a big investment but it was worth it.

Not everyone has the same set up and the au pairs definitely compare notes. Some have their own wing of the house and some barely had a room/bathroom. We had a private bedroom and bathroom in our basement that our au pairs lived in and they loved it. They always told me they were so lucky. We are not super rich but well off enough and we never made them feel like they were just the nanny. To this day I am in great contact with each of them and they have all come back and visited over the years and we plan to visit them too.

Despite all of that, I will say that the terrible families I saw when I was the community rep were really bad. I remember one family who had a special needs child who was not supposed to be part of the program. The very wealthy parents promised that he had his own car giver and then the au pair would tell me she was with him all day. I stepped in and fixed it but in the end I counseled the girl to leave the family and she was much happier.

We never paid over the weekly amount unless we went over the hours and the au pair was interested in babysitting. They always wanted extra hours and our girls were really sweet and I think easy so I suppose that's why we never had issues. If my child were to do a similar program I would caution then to make sure they found a good family who were looking to this for the right reasons. There are a lot of bad people out there but the good ones (and many are good) are doing this for the right reasons.

Good luck OP!

You are rich based off the lifestyle you describe.

So you, as a program rep, illegally had your au pairs work extra hours for pay? Awesome job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Says the person who probably drives a $70k car and has loads of LV, Prada, etc hanging in her closet. Even with all that paid for $200 in this city is NOTHING!

DP. I just did the math and on my first job in DC at age 24, when I lived in a shoebox studio, I had $300/week to live on after taxes and rent to pay food, transportation, utilities, cell phone, or anything else. It was just fine. I saved an emergency fund and had everything I needed and a lot of what I wanted.

How long ago was that? Did you live with your boss? OP needs to hire a nanny at market rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Says the person who probably drives a $70k car and has loads of LV, Prada, etc hanging in her closet. Even with all that paid for $200 in this city is NOTHING!

DP. I just did the math and on my first job in DC at age 24, when I lived in a shoebox studio, I had $300/week to live on after taxes and rent to pay food, transportation, utilities, cell phone, or anything else. It was just fine. I saved an emergency fund and had everything I needed and a lot of what I wanted.

How long ago was that? Did you live with your boss? OP needs to hire a nanny at market rates.

PP had to pay for themselves. An AP uses fun money, because everything else is provided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Says the person who probably drives a $70k car and has loads of LV, Prada, etc hanging in her closet. Even with all that paid for $200 in this city is NOTHING!

DP. I just did the math and on my first job in DC at age 24, when I lived in a shoebox studio, I had $300/week to live on after taxes and rent to pay food, transportation, utilities, cell phone, or anything else. It was just fine. I saved an emergency fund and had everything I needed and a lot of what I wanted.

How long ago was that? Did you live with your boss? OP needs to hire a nanny at market rates.

Nannied 20 years ago and made $60k roughly a year plus housing and car. It has gone down???

[Anonymous]

These horror story host families seem to be the exception not the rule. Everyone we know who has an AP, us included, only need part time help. It’s almost impossible to find a nanny who wants to work a part time split schedule. Our kids are in full time in person school (private just because we cannot deal with virtual schooling). And while there was a month where both kids were home all day, our AP still maintained the same total part time hours. We pay above stipend so she makes above minimum wage. I don’t know how much other HFs pay but would expect that AP pay would have increased if the kids’ schools went virtual.

Like every HF we know, we treat our AP like family. I can’t believe I even have to explain this part because it is just a fundamental part of hosting an AP. But it seems like many posters have never hosted an AP and do not understand the basic responsibilities of a HF. Her bedroom is on the second floor just like the rest of our family. She has a semi-private bathroom that only she uses. All her living expenses are covered including the mandatory education stipend.

Our family is not totally comfortable with traveling right now so we haven’t been on any vacations this year. But because we trust her judgment, she’s taken vacation with her friends. It’s a shame that due to travel restrictions, she’s not able to experience more of the US. But it’s also not like we are requiring her to quarantine this whole time. She can come and go as she pleases as long as she practices social distancing, etc.

Aside from the fact that AP is not simply an employee, I’d never recommend AP for anyone who requires full time childcare. We had nannies when my kids were babies until they started preschool. Great nannies are worth the extra expense. From a childcare perspective, even the best APs do not seem skilled or experienced enough to care for babies or toddlers full time. Host families also invest a lot of emotional support for their APs, so it’s not a great fit for a family who is primarily interested in childcare.

[Anonymous]

To add, OP should pay way more above stipend simply because current market demands it. But also, I’d be upset if my AP did not engage my kids and had my kids on screens while watching them. Kids laundry and cleanup is part of AP duties. And as a member of the household, AP should pick up after themselves. Also everyone we know has housecleaning service. No one is relying on APs for heavy duty household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Says the person who probably drives a $70k car and has loads of LV, Prada, etc hanging in her closet. Even with all that paid for $200 in this city is NOTHING!

Lol. Sounds like an au pair who picked a match badly based on the family that had the biggest house and newest car.

Our family would be considered upper middle class and we're comfortable, not rich. I don't drive a $70k car with designer stuff in my closet. My kids go to private schools that have been in person this year and I have a hefty student loan debt to pay off.

I agree with every host parent that feels like a broken record when saying: you knew that you could be working up to 45 hours a week for $195.75 and agreed to it. Some families do pay more, some families pay more in soft benefits (paid for gym memberships, etc. instead of cash), and some families don't do a thing more for their au pair.

It's up to you to rematch or go home. But au pairs that complain like this never seem to go home and thrive on trolling boards/social media about their "indentured servitude."