Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a rich German giving an opinion. It’s just an opinion. The cost of living in Germany is sky high. When they see how cheap things are here they are astonished. No rich person is sending their kid to be an au pair.

??? I've had German au pairs from affluent families. It's been trendy to take a gap year since Gymasium was shortened, and the interest in learning English fluently is intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes there are exploitative host families that should be weeded out. There are also plenty of big law partners or single parents with demanding jobs who need fewer hours but at odd times, like a few hours before school or after school driving kids to and from activities. Even if you paid someone else a $15/hr wage for working those 15 hours a week, you get to $225/wk. but then that person would need to find other work to be able to afford to live, and what nanny wants to take a 7-8 am and 4-6 on shift?? The au pair I know who has this cushy 15 hr wk job lives in a McMansion with housekeeping service and her own suite with own kitchen/fridge. She would never be able to afford that working her hours at $15/hr on her own. On top of that she has a luxury car she has full access to.

One of my au pair’s friend’s biggest complaint about her host family is that they do their own thing at night (IE have to work after putting kids to bed) and are NOT around to hang out with her. She thinks of them as like her real surrogate parents / family and actually legitimately wants to spend time with them. I think of my au pair as a younger cousin and our relationship is as such. My preschooler can sing and count in her native language (he is actually in full time preschool so he is not even her charge, but she spends a lot of time with us off the clock on her own volition) and we’ve hosted several cultural night dinners where my au pair and her friends have made a variety of traditional foods they wanted to share with us. In turn, she’s learned about American football, our insane political system, Halloween, thanksgiving, etc. she has been a godsend this year when school was closed and we will dearly miss her. We pay 300/wk because we use 45 hours / wk for a toddler. When we go on vacation we take grandparents for babysitting and she is not on the clock.

For all the horrible examples you have read, I just want to poin t out there are plenty of good, mutually acceptable situations as well. Many au pairs are here to travel / have a new experience for a year or two, although I realize my experience is with European au pairs so there may be a difference for others. For those I know, it is not really about money but more the ability to explore.

+1. This is my experience. Our au pair lived a lovely upper class life with plenty of time and money to travel. She had light childcare duties, with lots of time to go to the gym and take classes. The cries that most au pairs are exploited or indentured servants just do not ring true. There are a few bad apples on both sides and agencies should be forced to act more swiftly to weed these folks out of the program, but in my experience most au pairs are happy with their experience.

In the 8 years we have been in the program, I've known my fair share of horror stories. There are really some bad families, and they're not as rare as they should be.

That said, I've also always known it to be quite easy for APs to get out through re-matching. They have plenty of leverage to leave a bad situation. The picture that some people paint, of a scared young woman in fear for losing her visa, is not in touch with reality. It's not like they're asylum seekers. Even if they go home early, it's not a crisis situation.

It’s a moral crisis situation if we are sending kids home to either save a few $ per hour or avoid cutting their hours. If you can’t pay $10-$15/hr for 45 hrs, fine. Pay for 20 and enjoy the cultural exchange. That’s what this is. 45 hrs is a long time — we have bankers working less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a rich German giving an opinion. It’s just an opinion. The cost of living in Germany is sky high. When they see how cheap things are here they are astonished. No rich person is sending their kid to be an au pair.

??? I've had German au pairs from affluent families. It's been trendy to take a gap year since Gymasium was shortened, and the interest in learning English fluently is intense.

I wouldn’t send my kid to do it either, but for many J1 visas are attractive. I’d always sooner send them to school. But it beats life guarding etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. In addition to the pay, we pay for her phone, insurance, and has access to our car. We also have her on the Uber family plan so she can go wherever she wants.

We pay for all her food, and of course cover room and board. She can work up to 45 hours per week as per the program, but has never even worked 40 hours per week with us.

So, the $200/week is play money for her.

Just say no and ask for a rematch. She’s not a guest. But she’s acting like one. Lift a finger. Better go home. Covid is not the time for a cultural exchange.

[Anonymous]

This is stupid. Pay more or work less. Very simple. Otherwise, you’re an exploiter.

[Anonymous]

OP is willing to pay if the au pair agrees to work more hours. So this is not a morally ambiguous situation and I really can’t see any justification other than that there is little oversight.

[Anonymous]

Basically the lawsuit benefits the lawyers and shuts down the program. Oh well. Not paying $15/hr for these children to be my guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. In addition to the pay, we pay for her phone, insurance, and has access to our car. We also have her on the Uber family plan so she can go wherever she wants.

We pay for all her food, and of course cover room and board. She can work up to 45 hours per week as per the program, but has never even worked 40 hours per week with us.

So, the $200/week is play money for her.

Just say no and ask for a rematch. She’s not a guest. But she’s acting like one. Lift a finger. Better go home. Covid is not the time for a cultural exchange.

Au pair Program IS a cultural exchange, Ivanka. Soon we’ll have laws that will make your sort of nonsense illegal — read the papers you signed, you have made commitments too. Meanwhile, the young lady can go to MA. Plenty of demand!

[Anonymous]

Ever read “Nickel and Dined in America”? Regular workers spend most of their paychecks on food housing and transportation. All provided by the host family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically the lawsuit benefits the lawyers and shuts down the program. Oh well. Not paying $15/hr for these children to be my guests.

Oh. But I thought we were being told on 20 pages that you are providing a warm home and many extras and a cultural experience. Not really? That’s what I thought. The program will thrive when the bottom feeders like you are weeded out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever read “Nickel and Dined in America”? Regular workers spend most of their paychecks on food housing and transportation. All provided by the host family.

This is tiresome. You read the MA opinion and any bill of rights and you’ll see why that’s wrong. But intuitively too, remember the days of the company store? When factory workers worked and then paid rent to sleep in the company housing and then bought food and clothes in the company store? You know that’s illegal, right? We call indentured... oh why bother

[Anonymous]

Holy mackerel, that’s what you took away from Nickel and Dimed?! Not that it’s exploitation and unjust, but how to exploit your au pair better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to open houses this weekend. See for yourself what passes for a house in DMV. This may be LA speaking, but eew

Again the ones I know work for big law partners, or where both parents have demanding jobs (think executive track and management consultants). Those basement units are wayyy nicer than the college dorms and the crappy apartments most people lived in as teens / young adults.

[Anonymous]

That’s not the OP I bet.

[Anonymous]

Partner big law and partner tier 1 consultancy here. Would never ever think to exploit our au pair. Delighted to have an educated, young, energetic person. But understand not anyone can afford to pay fairly. In that case, you must cut the hours! That current set up means you have the power over any decision with such perverse incentives in your favor is shocking. So do the right thing.