Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Is this typical? We pay her the normal weekly stipend. Is there anyone else out there that pays or receives more than is required?

I'm not sure what to do. Feels a little like extortion to me. She's only been with us for three months.

[Anonymous]

We need some more details:
What is current pay?
How much more is she asking for?
What does she say her reason is for asking for more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need some more details:
What is current pay?
How much more is she asking for?
What does she say her reason is for asking for more?

Current pay is $200/week. I think the au pair agency requires a $195/week.

She didn't specify how much more - just that she wanted more. I told her I would think about it. I think she's asking because she thinks we are well off and can afford it.

I was initially confused by this request because she's only been with us for 3 months. She's average at best.

My first thought was that I could use this to leverage getting her to do some things - such as play or interact with the kids (this rarely happens), do their laundry, and keep the kitchen and family room tidy. Right now, none of those things happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need some more details:
What is current pay?
How much more is she asking for?
What does she say her reason is for asking for more?

Current pay is $200/week. I think the au pair agency requires a $195/week.

She didn't specify how much more - just that she wanted more. I told her I would think about it. I think she's asking because she thinks we are well off and can afford it.

I was initially confused by this request because she's only been with us for 3 months. She's average at best.

My first thought was that I could use this to leverage getting her to do some things - such as play or interact with the kids (this rarely happens), do their laundry, and keep the kitchen and family room tidy. Right now, none of those things happen.

If she’s not playing or interacting with your kids, maybe you should just consider a new au pair. She sounds kind of awful.

[Anonymous]

Stop filling in the conversation for her. Make her do the heavy lifting:

“You shared that you would like more money. Say more about that. Exactly how much? We’re already exceeding the guidelines of the agency. What’s your reasoning for more?”

Make her do the work of answering.

You can respond with something like “I’m really struggling with this request since I’m not seeing the bare minimum. You rarely play with the kids. There’s no effort to clean up or help out with things like laundry. I’d be happy to revisit this conversation in a month.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop filling in the conversation for her. Make her do the heavy lifting:

“You shared that you would like more money. Say more about that. Exactly how much? We’re already exceeding the guidelines of the agency. What’s your reasoning for more?”

Make her do the work of answering.

You can respond with something like “I’m really struggling with this request since I’m not seeing the bare minimum. You rarely play with the kids. There’s no effort to clean up or help out with things like laundry. I’d be happy to revisit this conversation in a month.”

This is great advice. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have and was she expecting to work the hours she is? (IE were they supposed to be in hybrid or in person school but now they are all in virtual and she’s responsible for them all day)? If she’s average I’d probably just say no unless you are comfortable paying more but with the full understanding that many host families are paying extra right now and rematch is pretty easy

[Anonymous]

$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room and board. Their basic living expenses are taken care of.

[Anonymous]

OP, as a fellow host mom the dynamics have changed a lot and many au pairs - now scarce and in demand - are understandably leveraging the new dynamic.

That said, I think if you can afford to pay her more, do so, make her show you she is stepping it up. I think the PP at 5:55 is spot on, but I would phrase it more positively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Thank you for your opinion. Moving on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

My old au pair ended up with mostly all of her money saved. They are not a cheap option, I actually thought they should only get around $50 a week. Consider they usually get a car, food, phone, housing, car insurance, and some educational classes paid for.

Mine did tell me that some people paid their au pairs extra and also paid them for extra babysitting. I did pay her a few times for extra babysitting.

The fact that this one wants to be paid more is a very bad sign and I honestly don't know if I could get past that and I might seek a re-match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.