Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you women shock me. It's a week. OP will be gone for a week. it's not like she is leaving for a month. Men leave for a week on business trips and no one says anything. Her child needs his dad just as much as he needs his mom. Her husband sounds like a great dad who will be able to handle things for a week. No need to make OP feel bad.

True, but baby is breastfed. That’s the key difference. I wouldn’t leave a breastfed baby for a week. It would mess up my milk supply (pumping is just not the same) and as another PP mentioned, babies at that age greatly benefit from the antibodies in their mother’s beast milk. Now if OP’s baby was exclusively formula-fed, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

Breastfeeding are highly overstated. There are very minimal benefits for a breastfed baby.

Dp The only reason is the lack of information because it is difficult for science to "test" the benefits of breastfeeding. Each woman makes milk specifically for their infant. Not shaming anyone who can't but, just because there are no studies does not mean it isn't good for you. After all, most studies are done on men and not on women.

Translation: "Yes, science doesn't have a lot of information on this point. But I know - I just know!! - that if science did have more info, the results would confirm my opinion. I know it!!"

And. Yet you are claiming it has zero benefits? It goes both ways and you have no science to back you up. Frankly, you sound a bit hysterical.

DP, but you're misrepresenting PP. She said there are minimal benefits, and that's actually what the science says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

I think in non-COVID times people wouldnt be reacting so badly. She is putting her baby at grave risk and states all of her family is "socially distancing" - we all know what that means for most people: "I wear a mask but still go inside and have playdates and blah blah blah". She is not planning on quarantining nor is she planning on taking a test before she returns to her baby. She hasnt contacted her pediatrician to discuss whether her 8-10 week old is at an increased risk upon her return. To be frank, she is quite flippant about the risk to her child. Yes, Dad is an equal caretaker but I think most people are aghast at her apparent disregard for risk. She seems to care more about her fathers risk of being exposed to family members flying in to help instead of her CHILDS risk at her returning from travel.

This is exactly how COVID spreads. You are supposed quarantine when returning from travel or after family travels to you.

Id also say that going to work at 6 weeks postpartum and working 8-12 hours at a time is not the same as being gone for 168 hours straight.

Presumably she's driving there in her own car so little risk of exposure there. A two hour drive doesn't require a stop or rest-stop bathroom usage. Then if she trusts that her father and his caregiver have been carefully social distancing - then what is the issue. Her father sounds somewhat homebound and unlikely to be going out.
I live across the country from my parents so visits are not possible but knowing them and their personalities it would be quite safe for me to drive 2 hours to visit them in an emergency. I would totally trust that they have been carefully isolating (they did not even go to vote in person after their ballots got lost in the mail due to concerns of covid in a very blue state.) They are not social people to begin with... It would be safe for them too since I am in a pod of one and literally have no interaction with people.

OP seems to have very good judgement, a great husband and has thought this through carefully. I'm sure all will be fine and if there is an issue that comes up that requires her presence she is only two hours away. This isn't a "grave risk situation." this sounds like a minimally elevated risk situation. Not zero but quite low.

I'm a little shocked by all the negativity instead of helpfulness on this thread. Seriously her husband sounds quite competent to take care of the baby and has 8 weeks of experience. It sounds like it could be a really nice father-baby bonding experience even if a bit hard on the OP for being separated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborns basically sleep and eat. They’re the easiest age to take care of, provided they aren’t colicky, so I wouldn’t worry about the DH. And I think the posters who are outraged are (perhaps a little hyperbolically) reacting to the nonchalance in OP’s leaving her newborn for a week. Most women wouldn’t be so indifferent (?) to not being with their brand new infant for a week but who knows, maybe the text doesn’t translate emotions well or this is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m nervous and will my baby but I know he will be in great hands. He will be with his dad, not a stranger. I trust my husband and I know he is a capable of taking care of our baby for a week. My baby sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night, takes a bottle, and naps well. I would be more worried if it were another family member, but my husband is a great dad. He may not be me or a woman, but his male genitalia doesn’t make him any less of competent caregiver.

I say this kindly but this sounds like post partum depression. I know you’re in defensive mode right now but hopefully, if things get worse you’ll get help.

How on earth does this sound like PPD?

Not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. That a parent can easily leave their 8 week old baby for an entire week when there are clearly other options (even though OP is making excuses as to why they won't work), is a sign of not properly bonding with the baby.

wth makes you think she’s not bonded to her baby??! you are really projecting. it’s also pretty gross that you think the only possible explanation for a woman being able to leave an infant **with its father** is that she is not sufficiently bonded. you have it exactly wrong - hyper vigilance and the mother unwilling to leave the baby with anyone else is a symptom of PPD/PPA and possibly lack of support. OP on the other hand is emotionally able to leave her baby **with its father** to attend to important family needs. She is in a healthy mode, not depressive mode.

You are nuts PP saying this is PPD! She trusts her co-parent to take care of their baby. Thats great! As many others pointed out, no one accuses men of not bonding with their baby appropriately when they start traveling again 2 weeks after they're born. No one says parents/baby can't bond securely with a baby that they adopt at a few months old.

How about the OP checks in with her OB and see what he/she says?

For what it's worth, I'd have a problem if my husband left for an entire week to take care of his mom or dad when our baby was 8 weeks old. Especially since it is just 2 hours away. But you are choosing to ignore the biological differences between males and females. Women's bodies are literally made to take care of infants. I'm not talking about breastfeeding specifically. Female bodies produce hormones to promote bonding, to make you more alert and attentive, etc. Brains are more attuned to infant cries so they will wake up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

For what it's worth, I'd have a problem if my husband left for an entire week to take care of his mom or dad when our baby was 8 weeks old. Especially since it is just 2 hours away. But you are choosing to ignore the biological differences between males and females. Women's bodies are literally made to take care of infants. I'm not talking about breastfeeding specifically. Female bodies produce hormones to promote bonding, to make you more alert and attentive, etc. Brains are more attuned to infant cries so they will wake up.

This is ridiculous.
Fathers experience hormonal changes too. Greater exposure = more hormonal changes , so this experience should lead to better baby-father bonding without diminishing the OPs bonds with her child.
https://www.nbcnews.com/sciencemain/your-brain-fatherhood-dads-experience-hormonal-changes-too-research-shows-6C10333109

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you women shock me. It's a week. OP will be gone for a week. it's not like she is leaving for a month. Men leave for a week on business trips and no one says anything. Her child needs his dad just as much as he needs his mom. Her husband sounds like a great dad who will be able to handle things for a week. No need to make OP feel bad.

True, but baby is breastfed. That’s the key difference. I wouldn’t leave a breastfed baby for a week. It would mess up my milk supply (pumping is just not the same) and as another PP mentioned, babies at that age greatly benefit from the antibodies in their mother’s beast milk. Now if OP’s baby was exclusively formula-fed, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

Breastfeeding are highly overstated. There are very minimal benefits for a breastfed baby.

Dp The only reason is the lack of information because it is difficult for science to "test" the benefits of breastfeeding. Each woman makes milk specifically for their infant. Not shaming anyone who can't but, just because there are no studies does not mean it isn't good for you. After all, most studies are done on men and not on women.

Translation: "Yes, science doesn't have a lot of information on this point. But I know - I just know!! - that if science did have more info, the results would confirm my opinion. I know it!!"

And. Yet you are claiming it has zero benefits? It goes both ways and you have no science to back you up. Frankly, you sound a bit hysterical.

DP, but you're misrepresenting PP. She said there are minimal benefits, and that's actually what the science says.

But if they haven't done any studies how do they really know?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have a great bond with my child. I’m not suffering from PPD. Yes it will be shed to be away. I love him and will miss him, but we will be video calling and he’s in great hands. My husband is a good father and will take great care of him. My son will not notice I’m gone for a week. We will be fine when I get back. I’ve had friends have hospital stays and trips spring this time and the baby was fine. My MIL can also help my husband if he needs a break.

My dad has multiple health issues - heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. He has damaged discs in his back and degenerative disc disease that makes it tough for him to get around to stand for long periods. He needs help getting around and with things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

I will not be risking our safety with “ play dates” as one pp said. My dad doesn’t have play dates because he’s not a 5 year old. He’s pretty much in the house except for sitting on porch and or in backyard ( he lives on 50 acres with no neighbors for miles). I’m driving there for two hours and will not be making any stops. My dad doesn’t go anywhere and hasn’t this entire pandemic. His caretaker runs his errands but is following proper protocols. I don’t think I will need to quarantine because I’m going straight there, will be there for a week, and then driving back.

My husband is fine with it. We had a talk about it and he said it was fine. I worked in healthcare and have the medical background to care for my dad. I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t a pandemic, but my siblings flying will put him at risk of exposure.

I asked for tips, not rude comments about how I’m mentally unstable, hate my child, and my baby will hate me when I get back. This is a hard decision but I’m doing whats best for both my dad and baby. This is really rude and not what I expected from women who are so called parents. Hopefully your kids grow up with a little more compassion and class than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a great bond with my child. I’m not suffering from PPD. Yes it will be shed to be away. I love him and will miss him, but we will be video calling and he’s in great hands. My husband is a good father and will take great care of him. My son will not notice I’m gone for a week. We will be fine when I get back. I’ve had friends have hospital stays and trips spring this time and the baby was fine. My MIL can also help my husband if he needs a break.

My dad has multiple health issues - heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. He has damaged discs in his back and degenerative disc disease that makes it tough for him to get around to stand for long periods. He needs help getting around and with things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

I will not be risking our safety with “ play dates” as one pp said. My dad doesn’t have play dates because he’s not a 5 year old. He’s pretty much in the house except for sitting on porch and or in backyard ( he lives on 50 acres with no neighbors for miles). I’m driving there for two hours and will not be making any stops. My dad doesn’t go anywhere and hasn’t this entire pandemic. His caretaker runs his errands but is following proper protocols. I don’t think I will need to quarantine because I’m going straight there, will be there for a week, and then driving back.

My husband is fine with it. We had a talk about it and he said it was fine. I worked in healthcare and have the medical background to care for my dad. I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t a pandemic, but my siblings flying will put him at risk of exposure.

I asked for tips, not rude comments about how I’m mentally unstable, hate my child, and my baby will hate me when I get back. This is a hard decision but I’m doing whats best for both my dad and baby. This is really rude and not what I expected from women who are so called parents. Hopefully your kids grow up with a little more compassion and class than you.

OP here. Thank you everyone who left tips and kind replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborns basically sleep and eat. They’re the easiest age to take care of, provided they aren’t colicky, so I wouldn’t worry about the DH. And I think the posters who are outraged are (perhaps a little hyperbolically) reacting to the nonchalance in OP’s leaving her newborn for a week. Most women wouldn’t be so indifferent (?) to not being with their brand new infant for a week but who knows, maybe the text doesn’t translate emotions well or this is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m nervous and will my baby but I know he will be in great hands. He will be with his dad, not a stranger. I trust my husband and I know he is a capable of taking care of our baby for a week. My baby sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night, takes a bottle, and naps well. I would be more worried if it were another family member, but my husband is a great dad. He may not be me or a woman, but his male genitalia doesn’t make him any less of competent caregiver.

I say this kindly but this sounds like post partum depression. I know you’re in defensive mode right now but hopefully, if things get worse you’ll get help.

How on earth does this sound like PPD?

Not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. That a parent can easily leave their 8 week old baby for an entire week when there are clearly other options (even though OP is making excuses as to why they won't work), is a sign of not properly bonding with the baby.

wth makes you think she’s not bonded to her baby??! you are really projecting. it’s also pretty gross that you think the only possible explanation for a woman being able to leave an infant **with its father** is that she is not sufficiently bonded. you have it exactly wrong - hyper vigilance and the mother unwilling to leave the baby with anyone else is a symptom of PPD/PPA and possibly lack of support. OP on the other hand is emotionally able to leave her baby **with its father** to attend to important family needs. She is in a healthy mode, not depressive mode.

You are nuts PP saying this is PPD! She trusts her co-parent to take care of their baby. Thats great! As many others pointed out, no one accuses men of not bonding with their baby appropriately when they start traveling again 2 weeks after they're born. No one says parents/baby can't bond securely with a baby that they adopt at a few months old.

How about the OP checks in with her OB and see what he/she says?

For what it's worth, I'd have a problem if my husband left for an entire week to take care of his mom or dad when our baby was 8 weeks old. Especially since it is just 2 hours away. But you are choosing to ignore the biological differences between males and females. Women's bodies are literally made to take care of infants. I'm not talking about breastfeeding specifically. Female bodies produce hormones to promote bonding, to make you more alert and attentive, etc. Brains are more attuned to infant cries so they will wake up.

what would her OB have to do with this? Seriously. Why does this threaten people so very much.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you left yet? This thread will still be active when you get back. Be safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

I think in non-COVID times people wouldnt be reacting so badly. She is putting her baby at grave risk and states all of her family is "socially distancing" - we all know what that means for most people: "I wear a mask but still go inside and have playdates and blah blah blah". She is not planning on quarantining nor is she planning on taking a test before she returns to her baby. She hasnt contacted her pediatrician to discuss whether her 8-10 week old is at an increased risk upon her return. To be frank, she is quite flippant about the risk to her child. Yes, Dad is an equal caretaker but I think most people are aghast at her apparent disregard for risk. She seems to care more about her fathers risk of being exposed to family members flying in to help instead of her CHILDS risk at her returning from travel.

This is exactly how COVID spreads. You are supposed quarantine when returning from travel or after family travels to you.

Id also say that going to work at 6 weeks postpartum and working 8-12 hours at a time is not the same as being gone for 168 hours straight.

You keep returning to this, but the rest of the posts don't support it. The vast majority of posters saying she shouldn't go don't reference Covid, but just are aghast that a mother woudl leave her 8 week old, at all.

As for your COvid point, it all boils down to the fact that you don't think she is careful enough, even though she's listed the care that she's taking. Stop belaboring the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you women shock me. It's a week. OP will be gone for a week. it's not like she is leaving for a month. Men leave for a week on business trips and no one says anything. Her child needs his dad just as much as he needs his mom. Her husband sounds like a great dad who will be able to handle things for a week. No need to make OP feel bad.

True, but baby is breastfed. That’s the key difference. I wouldn’t leave a breastfed baby for a week. It would mess up my milk supply (pumping is just not the same) and as another PP mentioned, babies at that age greatly benefit from the antibodies in their mother’s beast milk. Now if OP’s baby was exclusively formula-fed, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

Breastfeeding are highly overstated. There are very minimal benefits for a breastfed baby.

Dp The only reason is the lack of information because it is difficult for science to "test" the benefits of breastfeeding. Each woman makes milk specifically for their infant. Not shaming anyone who can't but, just because there are no studies does not mean it isn't good for you. After all, most studies are done on men and not on women.

Translation: "Yes, science doesn't have a lot of information on this point. But I know - I just know!! - that if science did have more info, the results would confirm my opinion. I know it!!"

And. Yet you are claiming it has zero benefits? It goes both ways and you have no science to back you up. Frankly, you sound a bit hysterical.

No, that wasn't me. My first post on this particular subtopic was the above, because I was compelled to point out how anti-science your post was.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I also don’t care if he won’t breastfeed when I get back. My success as a parent isn’t measured by whether I can or can’t breastfeed. I emerged cared if I breastfeed. I said “ I’d I can, I will, but I’m not not going to stress about it do I can’t”. I’ve watched many friends and family members stress over breastfeeding and I didn’t want that. I have low supply and we supplement with formula. I’m fine if we have to go to only formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here. Ignore he haters. Your husband and baby will be just fine.

So much for feminism on DCUm!!

Do you even know what feminism is? Let me give you a hint, it doesn't mean giving up our biological maternal instincts.

Good lord, when did the ghost of Phyllis Schlafly get hold of a keyboard and find DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a great bond with my child. I’m not suffering from PPD. Yes it will be shed to be away. I love him and will miss him, but we will be video calling and he’s in great hands. My husband is a good father and will take great care of him. My son will not notice I’m gone for a week. We will be fine when I get back. I’ve had friends have hospital stays and trips spring this time and the baby was fine. My MIL can also help my husband if he needs a break.

My dad has multiple health issues - heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. He has damaged discs in his back and degenerative disc disease that makes it tough for him to get around to stand for long periods. He needs help getting around and with things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

I will not be risking our safety with “ play dates” as one pp said. My dad doesn’t have play dates because he’s not a 5 year old. He’s pretty much in the house except for sitting on porch and or in backyard ( he lives on 50 acres with no neighbors for miles). I’m driving there for two hours and will not be making any stops. My dad doesn’t go anywhere and hasn’t this entire pandemic. His caretaker runs his errands but is following proper protocols. I don’t think I will need to quarantine because I’m going straight there, will be there for a week, and then driving back.

My husband is fine with it. We had a talk about it and he said it was fine. I worked in healthcare and have the medical background to care for my dad. I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t a pandemic, but my siblings flying will put him at risk of exposure.

I asked for tips, not rude comments about how I’m mentally unstable, hate my child, and my baby will hate me when I get back. This is a hard decision but I’m doing whats best for both my dad and baby. This is really rude and not what I expected from women who are so called parents. Hopefully your kids grow up with a little more compassion and class than you.

Good luck to you, OP. You’ll be fine, as will your DH and your son. I’m sorry that you find yourself a member of the sandwich generation. There are so many of us, and those who don’t face these types of issues don’t have a clue. And, of course, as a mom...no matter what you do, someone will find fault with it these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a great bond with my child. I’m not suffering from PPD. Yes it will be shed to be away. I love him and will miss him, but we will be video calling and he’s in great hands. My husband is a good father and will take great care of him. My son will not notice I’m gone for a week. We will be fine when I get back. I’ve had friends have hospital stays and trips spring this time and the baby was fine. My MIL can also help my husband if he needs a break.

My dad has multiple health issues - heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. He has damaged discs in his back and degenerative disc disease that makes it tough for him to get around to stand for long periods. He needs help getting around and with things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

I will not be risking our safety with “ play dates” as one pp said. My dad doesn’t have play dates because he’s not a 5 year old. He’s pretty much in the house except for sitting on porch and or in backyard ( he lives on 50 acres with no neighbors for miles). I’m driving there for two hours and will not be making any stops. My dad doesn’t go anywhere and hasn’t this entire pandemic. His caretaker runs his errands but is following proper protocols. I don’t think I will need to quarantine because I’m going straight there, will be there for a week, and then driving back.

My husband is fine with it. We had a talk about it and he said it was fine. I worked in healthcare and have the medical background to care for my dad. I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t a pandemic, but my siblings flying will put him at risk of exposure.

I asked for tips, not rude comments about how I’m mentally unstable, hate my child, and my baby will hate me when I get back. This is a hard decision but I’m doing whats best for both my dad and baby. This is really rude and not what I expected from women who are so called parents. Hopefully your kids grow up with a little more compassion and class than you.


When you ask questions you dont get to control the responses. Had you mentioned that you have already been away from your baby than I dont think comments about being separated so soon wouldnt have happened as much. We all assumed it was the first time.

I wish you and your whole family the best.