Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your father lives in a 1-bedroom on 50 acres? I smell something fishy. I highly suspect you are a troll.

I don’t believe the BS that only moms have hormones and can take care of their children. Dads are perfectly equipped, and being on paternity leave will make it really easy. However, it’s nice for families to stay together unless there is an unavoidable reason for them to be apart

+1 Things aren't adding up.

OP here. There used to be a ranch house and barn on the property close to my dads small house. It was torn down about a year ago when the land was bought. The owners will be building a new house on that land. My dad has no neighbors on that 50 acre land until the new owners build their house next year.

OP here. The house was supposed to be built earlier this year but the pandemic has hauled their plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

You’re so weird. Yes it sucks but this is family who really has no other option. I would like for my child (not OP) to have a good relationship with his grandfather and so I would like to be there for him. I survived a week on my own at 6 weeks when my husband had to travel for work - it sucked but you can’t in most jobs tell them no. He only gets like two weeks of pat leave total. I would have been much less annoyed about it if he was going to help his mom who had no other real options. You’re cruel!

Op has many other options. She can hire someone else. Her siblings could go. This isn’t the kind of life or death emergency where op is the only person who can help.

It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her deciding that given the options, the one that makes the most sense for her is to go. But it’s a choice. Her choice. And different from what I would choose, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

OP here. I don’t have many options. My dad has health issues and my siblings flying is not a risk we can take. I don’t want to hire someone because I can’t be sure they have been following proper protocols.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

At the very top of the thread OP said she was nervous about it. Why do you think she’s nervous about it? Her DH sounds extremely capable and already spends significant time caring for the baby.

And yet. She’s nervous. Why? Because she’s a new mother and being away from a newborn causes a primal sort of pain. I personally wouldn’t do it for the simple reason that I would not want to.

But. It sounds like OP is doing it, and guess what? The baby will be “fine.” The one who will suffer is OP.

DP. Exactly. I've posted on this thread previously, and I think honestly my root problem with this is I feel like OP is being taken advantage of. She just had a baby 8 weeks ago, and now her family is expecting her to leave her baby and go take care of a grown man, which is really challenging hard work. OP should be given the space and time to be with her baby. I'm mad that the people in her life don't realize this, and I guess I just feel bad for OP that feels like she has to do this.

And yea, as another person commented recently, I also think it's weird that her first post was about how nervous she is, but now she keeps commenting on how everything is going to be fine and her DH is totally capable and her MIL is going to help. Uh... so, why did you even post....?

OP here. You can be nervous and feel confident in the care you have for your child. I’m nervous to be away from my baby, but I know he’s in good hands. I asked for tips. I never asked whether I should go or stay home. Most of the replies I got where people being rude.

[Anonymous]

It will be fine, OP. And your husband sounds like a great dad. A week is a blip. Don’t be unnerved by all the naysayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you women shock me. It's a week. OP will be gone for a week. it's not like she is leaving for a month. Men leave for a week on business trips and no one says anything. Her child needs his dad just as much as he needs his mom. Her husband sounds like a great dad who will be able to handle things for a week. No need to make OP feel bad.

True, but baby is breastfed. That’s the key difference. I wouldn’t leave a breastfed baby for a week. It would mess up my milk supply (pumping is just not the same) and as another PP mentioned, babies at that age greatly benefit from the antibodies in their mother’s beast milk. Now if OP’s baby was exclusively formula-fed, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

Breastfeeding are highly overstated. There are very minimal benefits for a breastfed baby.

Dp The only reason is the lack of information because it is difficult for science to "test" the benefits of breastfeeding. Each woman makes milk specifically for their infant. Not shaming anyone who can't but, just because there are no studies does not mean it isn't good for you. After all, most studies are done on men and not on women.

Translation: "Yes, science doesn't have a lot of information on this point. But I know - I just know!! - that if science did have more info, the results would confirm my opinion. I know it!!"

And. Yet you are claiming it has zero benefits? It goes both ways and you have no science to back you up. Frankly, you sound a bit hysterical.

DP, but you're misrepresenting PP. She said there are minimal benefits, and that's actually what the science says.

But if they haven't done any studies how do they really know?

There are some studies. They show some (minimal) benefits. Some people have extrapolated from that small amount of data that there is a vast difference between formula and breastmilk, which is a personal belief and not based in science. I can't tell if you don't realize you're arguing with different people or if you think that these little strawman responses are compelling, but it's really a waste of typing. No one said zero benefits, and no one said there have not been any studies.

[Anonymous]

My advice would be: get all groceries delivered ahead of time, including East to microwave/stick in the oven foods. Tell him from the get home you don’t expect to come home to a clean house. The goal is everyone gets through this. Do the bare minimum. Try to do all the baby laundry before you leave to minimize laundry he has to do. You both got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be: get all groceries delivered ahead of time, including East to microwave/stick in the oven foods. Tell him from the get home you don’t expect to come home to a clean house. The goal is everyone gets through this. Do the bare minimum. Try to do all the baby laundry before you leave to minimize laundry he has to do. You both got this!

Op, go. It's a week. Easy meals etc for sure. Don't expect a spic and span house but he's capable of keeping it reasonable, right?

Ignore the people acting like leaving your 8 week old is a catastrophe. It isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be: get all groceries delivered ahead of time, including East to microwave/stick in the oven foods. Tell him from the get home you don’t expect to come home to a clean house. The goal is everyone gets through this. Do the bare minimum. Try to do all the baby laundry before you leave to minimize laundry he has to do. You both got this!

Many of you are not understanding that OP’s DH is on paternity leave. He’s going to have an easier time of it than, for example, a working couple with a baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be: get all groceries delivered ahead of time, including East to microwave/stick in the oven foods. Tell him from the get home you don’t expect to come home to a clean house. The goal is everyone gets through this. Do the bare minimum. Try to do all the baby laundry before you leave to minimize laundry he has to do. You both got this!

Op, go. It's a week. Easy meals etc for sure. Don't expect a spic and span house but he's capable of keeping it reasonable, right?

Ignore the people acting like leaving your 8 week old is a catastrophe. It isn't.

OP, take the baby with you. He's an 8 week old. You can totally do both. It won't be a cakewalk, but it's totally doable with an 8 week-old.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a great daughter. And a great mom. Sending hugs and hope you're able to take care of yourself a bit as well along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a great daughter. And a great mom. Sending hugs and hope you're able to take care of yourself a bit as well along the way.

I second this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you women shock me. It's a week. OP will be gone for a week. it's not like she is leaving for a month. Men leave for a week on business trips and no one says anything. Her child needs his dad just as much as he needs his mom. Her husband sounds like a great dad who will be able to handle things for a week. No need to make OP feel bad.

True, but baby is breastfed. That’s the key difference. I wouldn’t leave a breastfed baby for a week. It would mess up my milk supply (pumping is just not the same) and as another PP mentioned, babies at that age greatly benefit from the antibodies in their mother’s beast milk. Now if OP’s baby was exclusively formula-fed, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

Breastfeeding are highly overstated. There are very minimal benefits for a breastfed baby.

Dp The only reason is the lack of information because it is difficult for science to "test" the benefits of breastfeeding. Each woman makes milk specifically for their infant. Not shaming anyone who can't but, just because there are no studies does not mean it isn't good for you. After all, most studies are done on men and not on women.

Translation: "Yes, science doesn't have a lot of information on this point. But I know - I just know!! - that if science did have more info, the results would confirm my opinion. I know it!!"

And. Yet you are claiming it has zero benefits? It goes both ways and you have no science to back you up. Frankly, you sound a bit hysterical.

DP, but you're misrepresenting PP. She said there are minimal benefits, and that's actually what the science says.

But if they haven't done any studies how do they really know?

There are some studies. They show some (minimal) benefits. Some people have extrapolated from that small amount of data that there is a vast difference between formula and breastmilk, which is a personal belief and not based in science. I can't tell if you don't realize you're arguing with different people or if you think that these little strawman responses are compelling, but it's really a waste of typing. No one said zero benefits, and no one said there have not been any studies.

Look, you can stop arguing and do whatever you want. My breastfed "babies" are all grown up. I think it had benefits and I don't give a crap about what you three posters have written.

Good day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a great bond with my child. I’m not suffering from PPD. Yes it will be shed to be away. I love him and will miss him, but we will be video calling and he’s in great hands. My husband is a good father and will take great care of him. My son will not notice I’m gone for a week. We will be fine when I get back. I’ve had friends have hospital stays and trips spring this time and the baby was fine. My MIL can also help my husband if he needs a break.

My dad has multiple health issues - heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. He has damaged discs in his back and degenerative disc disease that makes it tough for him to get around to stand for long periods. He needs help getting around and with things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

I will not be risking our safety with “ play dates” as one pp said. My dad doesn’t have play dates because he’s not a 5 year old. He’s pretty much in the house except for sitting on porch and or in backyard ( he lives on 50 acres with no neighbors for miles). I’m driving there for two hours and will not be making any stops. My dad doesn’t go anywhere and hasn’t this entire pandemic. His caretaker runs his errands but is following proper protocols. I don’t think I will need to quarantine because I’m going straight there, will be there for a week, and then driving back.

My husband is fine with it. We had a talk about it and he said it was fine. I worked in healthcare and have the medical background to care for my dad. I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t a pandemic, but my siblings flying will put him at risk of exposure.

I asked for tips, not rude comments about how I’m mentally unstable, hate my child, and my baby will hate me when I get back. This is a hard decision but I’m doing whats best for both my dad and baby. This is really rude and not what I expected from women who are so called parents. Hopefully your kids grow up with a little more compassion and class than you.


When you ask questions you dont get to control the responses. Had you mentioned that you have already been away from your baby than I dont think comments about being separated so soon wouldnt have happened as much. We all assumed it was the first time.

I wish you and your whole family the best.

OP here. I haven’t left my baby. I said I know friends who have had hospital stays and business trips around this age and the baby was fine.

\

I think you should ask your husband for tips. After all he is so capable he must know what he needs more than us!

[Anonymous]

I know this has turned into more of a debate about whether you should go (and about breastfeeding benefits, of all things....), but I’d love to hear an honest report from you of how it ends up going for you and your dad, and DH and baby. A lot of us are invested now lol.

[Anonymous]

Curious if any of the "you will be fine" posters have any kind of limits on this situation? Like, what if OP's baby were 5 weeks old instead of 8? Would you still tell her to go?

To me, 8 weeks is still a newborn. An 8-week postpartum has barely been cleared to exercise.