Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

As someone else pointed out upthread, it's incredibly common for military spouses to be home alone with infants for months at a time, often with older children at home as well. Outside of knowing how DCUM can go crazy on any thread for really random reasons, I do not understand why this is such a big deal to some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

Personally I'm totally fine with OP but this has always bothered me. Non biological dads are known to abuse kids in their care at a much higher rate. Newborns need a female presence. Going away for a week is one thing, not having it at all is very disturbing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

As someone else pointed out upthread, it's incredibly common for military spouses to be home alone with infants for months at a time, often with older children at home as well. Outside of knowing how DCUM can go crazy on any thread for really random reasons, I do not understand why this is such a big deal to some people.

At the very top of the thread OP said she was nervous about it. Why do you think she’s nervous about it? Her DH sounds extremely capable and already spends significant time caring for the baby.

And yet. She’s nervous. Why? Because she’s a new mother and being away from a newborn causes a primal sort of pain. I personally wouldn’t do it for the simple reason that I would not want to.

But. It sounds like OP is doing it, and guess what? The baby will be “fine.” The one who will suffer is OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

I think in non-COVID times people wouldnt be reacting so badly. She is putting her baby at grave risk and states all of her family is "socially distancing" - we all know what that means for most people: "I wear a mask but still go inside and have playdates and blah blah blah". She is not planning on quarantining nor is she planning on taking a test before she returns to her baby. She hasnt contacted her pediatrician to discuss whether her 8-10 week old is at an increased risk upon her return. To be frank, she is quite flippant about the risk to her child. Yes, Dad is an equal caretaker but I think most people are aghast at her apparent disregard for risk. She seems to care more about her fathers risk of being exposed to family members flying in to help instead of her CHILDS risk at her returning from travel.

This is exactly how COVID spreads. You are supposed quarantine when returning from travel or after family travels to you.

Id also say that going to work at 6 weeks postpartum and working 8-12 hours at a time is not the same as being gone for 168 hours straight.

Actually, you don't know ANYTHING about other people. My family is socially distancing and that means we DON'T do anything indoors. So you are seriously having to project in order to make your point. That ought to make you pause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborns basically sleep and eat. They’re the easiest age to take care of, provided they aren’t colicky, so I wouldn’t worry about the DH. And I think the posters who are outraged are (perhaps a little hyperbolically) reacting to the nonchalance in OP’s leaving her newborn for a week. Most women wouldn’t be so indifferent (?) to not being with their brand new infant for a week but who knows, maybe the text doesn’t translate emotions well or this is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m nervous and will my baby but I know he will be in great hands. He will be with his dad, not a stranger. I trust my husband and I know he is a capable of taking care of our baby for a week. My baby sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night, takes a bottle, and naps well. I would be more worried if it were another family member, but my husband is a great dad. He may not be me or a woman, but his male genitalia doesn’t make him any less of competent caregiver.

I say this kindly but this sounds like post partum depression. I know you’re in defensive mode right now but hopefully, if things get worse you’ll get help.

How on earth does this sound like PPD?

Not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. That a parent can easily leave their 8 week old baby for an entire week when there are clearly other options (even though OP is making excuses as to why they won't work), is a sign of not properly bonding with the baby.

wth makes you think she’s not bonded to her baby??! you are really projecting. it’s also pretty gross that you think the only possible explanation for a woman being able to leave an infant **with its father** is that she is not sufficiently bonded. you have it exactly wrong - hyper vigilance and the mother unwilling to leave the baby with anyone else is a symptom of PPD/PPA and possibly lack of support. OP on the other hand is emotionally able to leave her baby **with its father** to attend to important family needs. She is in a healthy mode, not depressive mode.

You are nuts PP saying this is PPD! She trusts her co-parent to take care of their baby. Thats great! As many others pointed out, no one accuses men of not bonding with their baby appropriately when they start traveling again 2 weeks after they're born. No one says parents/baby can't bond securely with a baby that they adopt at a few months old.

NP on this comment. I came here to say exact same thing as PP - not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. Someone who can leave their baby for a week at 8 wks, I would really question whether that person is bonded to her baby.

You are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

They're bitter because their own husbands are useless. Or they're bitter because they gave up their lives to be moms and if they don't have that, they don't have anything, so they can't conceive of anyone doing anything other than being a mother. They're bitter for all sorts of reasons and it's pathetic and sad that they think it's ok to pile on to someone who asked for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point isn’t that it can technically be done, it’s that tiny babies need their mothers.

Actually, you're the one who is completely missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

Since you seem incapable of understanding this - you are not the arbiter or what is or is not important enough for OP to justify taking care of her dad. You have no idea what his situation is actually like and OP doesn't owe it to you to explain and frankly you sound like you wouldn't understand anyway. The fact that you think OP is being flippant about this says volumes about you as a person. Rather than assuming she's making the best choice given the information she has and the situation she's in, you decide to say she's making the wrong call. I hope you realize how shitty that is of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

You’re so weird. Yes it sucks but this is family who really has no other option. I would like for my child (not OP) to have a good relationship with his grandfather and so I would like to be there for him. I survived a week on my own at 6 weeks when my husband had to travel for work - it sucked but you can’t in most jobs tell them no. He only gets like two weeks of pat leave total. I would have been much less annoyed about it if he was going to help his mom who had no other real options. You’re cruel!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are single dads from birth in. There are gay men who adopt babies. Many people have their babies in daycare by 23 weeks and away from mom.

There is no reason why men and in this case op’s husband can’t parent their children. Surprised so many are against fathers as equal parents.

In my case, it’s not about mothers vs. fathers. I would not have been OK with DH leaving me alone for a week with the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And no way in hell would I have tolerated it for something like this.

That being said, OP knows her family best and says it will be fine. Not everyone is the same.

The list of things for me that would cause me to be away from an 8 week old infant would be very short and wouldn’t include helping my dad when there are so many other options. It would be more like:

1. My other child is inpatient at the hospital;
2. Im inpatient at the hospital;
3. My dad is critically ill and literally needs someone to be at the hospital with him for life or death kinds of decision making. Even then, probably wouldn’t leave for a full week. I’d go for a day or two until someone else could step up.

I think it’s hard for some (including me) to relate to OP making such a different decision than we would and for her to be so confident about it.

I keep reminding myself everyone has different needs, priorities, values, skills, etc.

You’re so weird. Yes it sucks but this is family who really has no other option. I would like for my child (not OP) to have a good relationship with his grandfather and so I would like to be there for him. I survived a week on my own at 6 weeks when my husband had to travel for work - it sucked but you can’t in most jobs tell them no. He only gets like two weeks of pat leave total. I would have been much less annoyed about it if he was going to help his mom who had no other real options. You’re cruel!

Op has many other options. She can hire someone else. Her siblings could go. This isn’t the kind of life or death emergency where op is the only person who can help.

It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her deciding that given the options, the one that makes the most sense for her is to go. But it’s a choice. Her choice. And different from what I would choose, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

At the very top of the thread OP said she was nervous about it. Why do you think she’s nervous about it? Her DH sounds extremely capable and already spends significant time caring for the baby.

And yet. She’s nervous. Why? Because she’s a new mother and being away from a newborn causes a primal sort of pain. I personally wouldn’t do it for the simple reason that I would not want to.

But. It sounds like OP is doing it, and guess what? The baby will be “fine.” The one who will suffer is OP.

DP. Exactly. I've posted on this thread previously, and I think honestly my root problem with this is I feel like OP is being taken advantage of. She just had a baby 8 weeks ago, and now her family is expecting her to leave her baby and go take care of a grown man, which is really challenging hard work. OP should be given the space and time to be with her baby. I'm mad that the people in her life don't realize this, and I guess I just feel bad for OP that feels like she has to do this.

And yea, as another person commented recently, I also think it's weird that her first post was about how nervous she is, but now she keeps commenting on how everything is going to be fine and her DH is totally capable and her MIL is going to help. Uh... so, why did you even post....?

[Anonymous]

OP, this is gift you can give your husband and child to bond and know that they can handle hard times.

Your husband and baby are safe, will be hunkered down in a slowed down time, and will be just fine.

Sure, pump and make sure baby will take the bottle and make some meals ahead and stop up on things your DH likes so show you care.

But do NOT feel guilty about this. This is your baby's father, and no man would think twice about leaving an 8 week old to take care of his own parents. This is normal, and fine, and truly, a time that your husband and baby will cherish and bond during. Your baby will not feel sad...they will be with their parent.

Go take care of your dad. He needs you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your father lives in a 1-bedroom on 50 acres? I smell something fishy. I highly suspect you are a troll.

I don’t believe the BS that only moms have hormones and can take care of their children. Dads are perfectly equipped, and being on paternity leave will make it really easy. However, it’s nice for families to stay together unless there is an unavoidable reason for them to be apart

+1 Things aren't adding up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your father lives in a 1-bedroom on 50 acres? I smell something fishy. I highly suspect you are a troll.

I don’t believe the BS that only moms have hormones and can take care of their children. Dads are perfectly equipped, and being on paternity leave will make it really easy. However, it’s nice for families to stay together unless there is an unavoidable reason for them to be apart

+1 Things aren't adding up.

OP here. There used to be a ranch house and barn on the property close to my dads small house. It was torn down about a year ago when the land was bought. The owners will be building a new house on that land. My dad has no neighbors on that 50 acre land until the new owners build their house next year.