Leaving Husband With Baby For A Week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I have 4 kids and am bonded with all of them and woupd totally leave a newborn w dad!!!

For an entire week?

OP’s baby and DH will be fine, I agree and morally I have zero judgement of her for doing this. There’s nothing wrong with it, BUT....

I’m slightly shocked at how cavalier people are being about her leaving her newborn for a week. Do you know anyone who did that? Did you do that? I am wondering if I’m an outlier but I never did this nor do I know anyone who ever did. I’ve left my kids for a night or two, I work, etc. but it is a little unusual for a mom to leave her 8 week old for an entire week. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but I’m a little shocked at people acting as if this is truly no big deal.

New poster here.

My dh was active duty military when our kids were born. He had to leave for MONTHS (not a week!) when one kid was 2 weeks old, and again when our other kid was 3 weeks old due to military deployments. It's VERY common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I have 4 kids and am bonded with all of them and woupd totally leave a newborn w dad!!!

For an entire week?

OP’s baby and DH will be fine, I agree and morally I have zero judgement of her for doing this. There’s nothing wrong with it, BUT....

I’m slightly shocked at how cavalier people are being about her leaving her newborn for a week. Do you know anyone who did that? Did you do that? I am wondering if I’m an outlier but I never did this nor do I know anyone who ever did. I’ve left my kids for a night or two, I work, etc. but it is a little unusual for a mom to leave her 8 week old for an entire week. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but I’m a little shocked at people acting as if this is truly no big deal.

New poster here.

My dh was active duty military when our kids were born. He had to leave for MONTHS (not a week!) when one kid was 2 weeks old, and again when our other kid was 3 weeks old due to military deployments. It's VERY common.

Yes it’s very common for men to do this, far less so for women and as much as we want to have an egalitarian society there are physical and biological factors that make this not the case. I am all for expecting husbands to step up and be equal caregivers- pre Covid I regularly had to travel for work and had no qualms about leaving my children with DH. However the first trip I took post baby (at about 5 months postpartum) was so much more difficult physically (painful plugged ducts and ended up with Mastitis from solely pumping) and emotionally than I had anticipated and upon my return baby refused to resume nursing, essentially ending the breastfeeding relationship.

That being said I don’t think OPs decision is selfish, and I am sure baby and DH will be fine. On the contrary I’m worried she’s underestimating the impact this will have on her so soon postpartum and think others in her family should step up more to find a better solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I have 4 kids and am bonded with all of them and woupd totally leave a newborn w dad!!!

For an entire week?

OP’s baby and DH will be fine, I agree and morally I have zero judgement of her for doing this. There’s nothing wrong with it, BUT....

I’m slightly shocked at how cavalier people are being about her leaving her newborn for a week. Do you know anyone who did that? Did you do that? I am wondering if I’m an outlier but I never did this nor do I know anyone who ever did. I’ve left my kids for a night or two, I work, etc. but it is a little unusual for a mom to leave her 8 week old for an entire week. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but I’m a little shocked at people acting as if this is truly no big deal.

New poster here.

My dh was active duty military when our kids were born. He had to leave for MONTHS (not a week!) when one kid was 2 weeks old, and again when our other kid was 3 weeks old due to military deployments. It's VERY common.

+100. I have several friends who left for a week due to work around the time thier baby was 8-10 weeks. Only one had trouble resuming breastfeeding, but she said she was perfectly alright with that. I bonded with my child just fine, but I would have had no issue leaving for a week if it was necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I have 4 kids and am bonded with all of them and woupd totally leave a newborn w dad!!!

For an entire week?

OP’s baby and DH will be fine, I agree and morally I have zero judgement of her for doing this. There’s nothing wrong with it, BUT....

I’m slightly shocked at how cavalier people are being about her leaving her newborn for a week. Do you know anyone who did that? Did you do that? I am wondering if I’m an outlier but I never did this nor do I know anyone who ever did. I’ve left my kids for a night or two, I work, etc. but it is a little unusual for a mom to leave her 8 week old for an entire week. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but I’m a little shocked at people acting as if this is truly no big deal.

Not a newborn but I'm PP. My kids were all sick with pneumonia including a fragile baby who was borderline to be hospitalized. I had a family event I had waited for a long time and would not be able to make up.

Yes, I went, and it was fine. I did try to set them up for success, i had a friend who would provide backup should my husband end up in hospital with baby, and I braced myself to be a bit overwhelmed for a few days upon coming back.

My husband did a wonderful job, was thrilled for me to return, and by the way it was the first time i had ever left him alone with the kids for more than a few hours.

That's why you have 2 parents - so that one can step in. I personally think it was very healthy that I did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborns basically sleep and eat. They’re the easiest age to take care of, provided they aren’t colicky, so I wouldn’t worry about the DH. And I think the posters who are outraged are (perhaps a little hyperbolically) reacting to the nonchalance in OP’s leaving her newborn for a week. Most women wouldn’t be so indifferent (?) to not being with their brand new infant for a week but who knows, maybe the text doesn’t translate emotions well or this is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m nervous and will my baby but I know he will be in great hands. He will be with his dad, not a stranger. I trust my husband and I know he is a capable of taking care of our baby for a week. My baby sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night, takes a bottle, and naps well. I would be more worried if it were another family member, but my husband is a great dad. He may not be me or a woman, but his male genitalia doesn’t make him any less of competent caregiver.

I say this kindly but this sounds like post partum depression. I know you’re in defensive mode right now but hopefully, if things get worse you’ll get help.

How on earth does this sound like PPD?

Not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. That a parent can easily leave their 8 week old baby for an entire week when there are clearly other options (even though OP is making excuses as to why they won't work), is a sign of not properly bonding with the baby.

wth makes you think she’s not bonded to her baby??! you are really projecting. it’s also pretty gross that you think the only possible explanation for a woman being able to leave an infant **with its father** is that she is not sufficiently bonded. you have it exactly wrong - hyper vigilance and the mother unwilling to leave the baby with anyone else is a symptom of PPD/PPA and possibly lack of support. OP on the other hand is emotionally able to leave her baby **with its father** to attend to important family needs. She is in a healthy mode, not depressive mode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborns basically sleep and eat. They’re the easiest age to take care of, provided they aren’t colicky, so I wouldn’t worry about the DH. And I think the posters who are outraged are (perhaps a little hyperbolically) reacting to the nonchalance in OP’s leaving her newborn for a week. Most women wouldn’t be so indifferent (?) to not being with their brand new infant for a week but who knows, maybe the text doesn’t translate emotions well or this is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m nervous and will my baby but I know he will be in great hands. He will be with his dad, not a stranger. I trust my husband and I know he is a capable of taking care of our baby for a week. My baby sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night, takes a bottle, and naps well. I would be more worried if it were another family member, but my husband is a great dad. He may not be me or a woman, but his male genitalia doesn’t make him any less of competent caregiver.

I say this kindly but this sounds like post partum depression. I know you’re in defensive mode right now but hopefully, if things get worse you’ll get help.

How on earth does this sound like PPD?

Not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. That a parent can easily leave their 8 week old baby for an entire week when there are clearly other options (even though OP is making excuses as to why they won't work), is a sign of not properly bonding with the baby.

wth makes you think she’s not bonded to her baby??! you are really projecting. it’s also pretty gross that you think the only possible explanation for a woman being able to leave an infant **with its father** is that she is not sufficiently bonded. you have it exactly wrong - hyper vigilance and the mother unwilling to leave the baby with anyone else is a symptom of PPD/PPA and possibly lack of support. OP on the other hand is emotionally able to leave her baby **with its father** to attend to important family needs. She is in a healthy mode, not depressive mode.

You are nuts PP saying this is PPD! She trusts her co-parent to take care of their baby. Thats great! As many others pointed out, no one accuses men of not bonding with their baby appropriately when they start traveling again 2 weeks after they're born. No one says parents/baby can't bond securely with a baby that they adopt at a few months old.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine, OP. I think it's an opportunity for your husband to bond with the baby.

I first left my baby at 10 weeks old with my husband, who had occasional help from our PT nanny (also had a large puppy to take care of). Not a whole week, but I went thousands of miles way to a different country for work. I left lots of frozen milk and it was fine (they used a little formula at the end). Kid is now a super strong 9yo who has a strong attachment to both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I have 4 kids and am bonded with all of them and woupd totally leave a newborn w dad!!!

For an entire week?

OP’s baby and DH will be fine, I agree and morally I have zero judgement of her for doing this. There’s nothing wrong with it, BUT....

I’m slightly shocked at how cavalier people are being about her leaving her newborn for a week. Do you know anyone who did that? Did you do that? I am wondering if I’m an outlier but I never did this nor do I know anyone who ever did. I’ve left my kids for a night or two, I work, etc. but it is a little unusual for a mom to leave her 8 week old for an entire week. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but I’m a little shocked at people acting as if this is truly no big deal.

It's a week. Not a year, or even a month. One week. The fact that you think there is a huge difference between a couple days and a week is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

This even once would be better than none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

I think in non-COVID times people wouldnt be reacting so badly. She is putting her baby at grave risk and states all of her family is "socially distancing" - we all know what that means for most people: "I wear a mask but still go inside and have playdates and blah blah blah". She is not planning on quarantining nor is she planning on taking a test before she returns to her baby. She hasnt contacted her pediatrician to discuss whether her 8-10 week old is at an increased risk upon her return. To be frank, she is quite flippant about the risk to her child. Yes, Dad is an equal caretaker but I think most people are aghast at her apparent disregard for risk. She seems to care more about her fathers risk of being exposed to family members flying in to help instead of her CHILDS risk at her returning from travel.

This is exactly how COVID spreads. You are supposed quarantine when returning from travel or after family travels to you.

Id also say that going to work at 6 weeks postpartum and working 8-12 hours at a time is not the same as being gone for 168 hours straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

NP (on this particular comment). I don't know if this is a good argument? The fact that anyone has to go back to work at 6 wks postpartum is a tragedy. It's not good for moms and it's not good for babies. That's why so many people are fighting for real maternity leave. I don't think it makes sense to say "plenty of people go back to work at 6 weeks, so it's fine for OP to leave for a week at 8." Both situations are bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborns basically sleep and eat. They’re the easiest age to take care of, provided they aren’t colicky, so I wouldn’t worry about the DH. And I think the posters who are outraged are (perhaps a little hyperbolically) reacting to the nonchalance in OP’s leaving her newborn for a week. Most women wouldn’t be so indifferent (?) to not being with their brand new infant for a week but who knows, maybe the text doesn’t translate emotions well or this is a troll.

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m nervous and will my baby but I know he will be in great hands. He will be with his dad, not a stranger. I trust my husband and I know he is a capable of taking care of our baby for a week. My baby sleeps an 8 hour stretch at night, takes a bottle, and naps well. I would be more worried if it were another family member, but my husband is a great dad. He may not be me or a woman, but his male genitalia doesn’t make him any less of competent caregiver.

I say this kindly but this sounds like post partum depression. I know you’re in defensive mode right now but hopefully, if things get worse you’ll get help.

How on earth does this sound like PPD?

Not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. That a parent can easily leave their 8 week old baby for an entire week when there are clearly other options (even though OP is making excuses as to why they won't work), is a sign of not properly bonding with the baby.

wth makes you think she’s not bonded to her baby??! you are really projecting. it’s also pretty gross that you think the only possible explanation for a woman being able to leave an infant **with its father** is that she is not sufficiently bonded. you have it exactly wrong - hyper vigilance and the mother unwilling to leave the baby with anyone else is a symptom of PPD/PPA and possibly lack of support. OP on the other hand is emotionally able to leave her baby **with its father** to attend to important family needs. She is in a healthy mode, not depressive mode.

You are nuts PP saying this is PPD! She trusts her co-parent to take care of their baby. Thats great! As many others pointed out, no one accuses men of not bonding with their baby appropriately when they start traveling again 2 weeks after they're born. No one says parents/baby can't bond securely with a baby that they adopt at a few months old.

NP on this comment. I came here to say exact same thing as PP - not bonding with your baby is a sign of PPD. Someone who can leave their baby for a week at 8 wks, I would really question whether that person is bonded to her baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all of the comments but it is unusual that OP only lives 2 hours away and plans to stay away for a full week. Dad needs cooking and cleaning and meds? That doesn't sound like 24 hour care. The need to be with my 8-week old was so visceral it was hard for me to be away long for errands. I can't imagine why she couldn't visit her baby twice even during the week. Baby will be "fine", but honestly at that age it is your duty to be with your child and you should take the inconvenience to visit mid-week.

So...what about all the women who go back to work at six weeks?

I guess they're not really moms.

The are not leaving for an entire week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you women shock me. It's a week. OP will be gone for a week. it's not like she is leaving for a month. Men leave for a week on business trips and no one says anything. Her child needs his dad just as much as he needs his mom. Her husband sounds like a great dad who will be able to handle things for a week. No need to make OP feel bad.

True, but baby is breastfed. That’s the key difference. I wouldn’t leave a breastfed baby for a week. It would mess up my milk supply (pumping is just not the same) and as another PP mentioned, babies at that age greatly benefit from the antibodies in their mother’s beast milk. Now if OP’s baby was exclusively formula-fed, then there wouldn’t be an issue.

Breastfeeding are highly overstated. There are very minimal benefits for a breastfed baby.

Dp The only reason is the lack of information because it is difficult for science to "test" the benefits of breastfeeding. Each woman makes milk specifically for their infant. Not shaming anyone who can't but, just because there are no studies does not mean it isn't good for you. After all, most studies are done on men and not on women.

Translation: "Yes, science doesn't have a lot of information on this point. But I know - I just know!! - that if science did have more info, the results would confirm my opinion. I know it!!"

And. Yet you are claiming it has zero benefits? It goes both ways and you have no science to back you up. Frankly, you sound a bit hysterical.