Teen is all over his sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for some perspective: my oldest brother sexually abused me. 35 years later, I am still f’d Up from it in many ways. It did not involve PIV sex as far as I remember. But he preyed on me constantly...tried to corner me, feel my breasts, squeeze my butt, touch me under the covers in my room, masturbated into my bed while watching me while I pretended to sleep. I NEVER felt safe in my house. I had no lock on my bedroom door. I started to eat for dissociation and comfort. I gained a lot of weight. I slouched. I was lax in personal hygiene...not intentionally, just because I was so completely disconnected from my body.. I can see now that somehow I internalized that it was all my fault, that my growing breasts were too tempting and he couldn’t help himself.

I would never, ever have told my parents and never did. This trauma was just the cherry on top of a lot of traumatic things in our home, and the last thing I would ever have done is cause more trouble for my family. I would have denied it up and down. No pediatrician could have known. And if somehow CPS were ever called, I would have denied everything. I felt to blame. And I would never have wanted to draw attention to what was happening or talk about it. I just wanted to get away. I got away in food and escapist books.

The only safety I had was at my best friend’s house. I slept there as much as I could in middle school.

I am so sorry,PP. I hope you can somehow find peace. This is why we need to protect children.

Thanks. Perhaps the most alarming thing to me in OP’s post is that the girl’s mom won’t let her sleep in the room with her friend. There is no way a tween girl would rather sleep with her handsy brother than have a sleepover with a girl her own age. The level of enabling here is frankly staggering.

+1,000,000

+2000000

[Anonymous]

Why are mothers so often failing to say “no” to their boys?
This must change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is failing all of our daughters by doing NOTHING.

That's a little dramatic. OP doesn't know my daughter so she isn't failing her. And also OP said she was calling CPS in the morning anyways. This pitchfork mentality is kind of alarming.

+1

I hope OP asks Jeff to lock this thread.

Please lock this thread. It's getting hysterical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is failing all of our daughters by doing NOTHING.

That's a little dramatic. OP doesn't know my daughter so she isn't failing her. And also OP said she was calling CPS in the morning anyways. This pitchfork mentality is kind of alarming.

+1

I hope OP asks Jeff to lock this thread.

Please lock this thread. It's getting hysterical.

R u op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 47. My brother is 4 years older than me. You have described my childhood. My brother used to knock me around a lot (even broke bones). I NEVER told my parents or ANY adult for fear of repercussions from my brother. I kept thinking the more I did what he asked, the better it would get. The abuse didn't stop until he hit 15 and got his first girlfriend. He went on to also hit a few of his girlfriends along the way. Our parents were firmly in the 'let them work it out' camp. My relationships were fraught my whole life. I had to do a lot of therapy. Still not 100% emotionally healthy.

Boys always tease their sisters. That's how my mom explained my older brother's physical and emotional abuse of my sister and me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is failing all of our daughters by doing NOTHING.

That's a little dramatic. OP doesn't know my daughter so she isn't failing her. And also OP said she was calling CPS in the morning anyways. This pitchfork mentality is kind of alarming.

+1

I hope OP asks Jeff to lock this thread.

Please lock this thread. It's getting hysterical.

I’m sorry, there’s absolutely nothing hysterical about sexual abuse.

What’s wrong with you?? What are you afraid of?

[Anonymous]

Update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is failing all of our daughters by doing NOTHING.

That's a little dramatic. OP doesn't know my daughter so she isn't failing her. And also OP said she was calling CPS in the morning anyways. This pitchfork mentality is kind of alarming.

+1

I hope OP asks Jeff to lock this thread.

Please lock this thread. It's getting hysterical.

I’m sorry, there’s absolutely nothing hysterical about sexual abuse.

What’s wrong with you?? What are you afraid of?

That’s the point exactly. You have no idea if sex abuse is going on in that house. Maybe it is. Maybe it’s not and that’s just their teasing sibling relationship as he kids mother has said. You guys are getting out of control here without many facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 47. My brother is 4 years older than me. You have described my childhood. My brother used to knock me around a lot (even broke bones). I NEVER told my parents or ANY adult for fear of repercussions from my brother. I kept thinking the more I did what he asked, the better it would get. The abuse didn't stop until he hit 15 and got his first girlfriend. He went on to also hit a few of his girlfriends along the way. Our parents were firmly in the 'let them work it out' camp. My relationships were fraught my whole life. I had to do a lot of therapy. Still not 100% emotionally healthy.

Boys always tease their sisters. That's how my mom explained my older brother's physical and emotional abuse of my sister and me.

How can an older brother emotionally abuse you? My older brother called me dumb, or said I was too stupid to do certain things, and yelled at me to be quiet if I cried about something sometimes. We were kids! If my parent had done those things it would have certainly been abusive but I don’t consider what he did abusive. I’m assuming your situation was worse for you to describe it as abuse

[Anonymous]

We might be getting hysterical, but if there is even a smallest possibility of abuse, not doing something about it is utterly wrong.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the PP social workers. To the PPs who were victims of abuse, I am so deeply sorry to hear this. I truly hope you have the support you need now, and that you know this was not your fault and you did not deserve this. I am so sorry that there were no adults stopping this. Please know you're not alone and you deserve to have love and support.

To those thinking the girl's life would be ruined by a CPS call: the point of an investigation is to protect the child and to help the family. If there is verbal or physical abuse and the alleged perpetrator is another child, in some cases the family stays together with intensive services, in some cases the victim moves out, in some cases a perpetrator moves out. Yes, some kids go to foster care but many go to live with relatives. There will be counseling for everyone involved.

Yes, life will never be the same, and yes, none of these solutions are perfect. But as these stories from PPs who were abused show, this different life is not automatically worse than staying at home together. In fact, there is usually lifelong, deep and lasting psychological trauma from living in an abusive situation. And if indeed in this case there is some type of abuse, there will never be healing until the abuse is stopped.

To those asking for updates, of course we're wondering but I'm sure this is a very difficult situation for OP even though it's the right thing to do. Be gentle and realize we may not get any updates. Think positive thoughts for a girl who may be in a very difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend has a 13 year old boy and a 10 year old girl. The boy has been very physical in playing with his sister. It's always initiated by him, not her. He constantly touches her, picks her up, holds her, he used to lie on top of her on the floor and kiss her.

His mom thinks it's just brother sister love but it looks weird to me. The still sleep in the same room.

Today we hung out together at the pool and he would just pick her up and hold her close to his body and touch her like she's his toy the whole time we were there.

Is this normal sibling affection?

Everyone here clearly knows there’s nothing normal about a teenage boy “touching” his younger sister “like she’s his toy”. And pinning her down on the floor to kiss her. If I ever witness anything like that, I will instantly make the boy get off, AND sound the alarm.

What kind of person stands by silently to just watch this abuse of a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We might be getting hysterical, but if there is even a smallest possibility of abuse, not doing something about it is utterly wrong.

So you would set CPS on this family and get the girl removed from the home while an investigation takes place based on “the smallest possibility of abuse”? And you don’t see anything wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We might be getting hysterical, but if there is even a smallest possibility of abuse, not doing something about it is utterly wrong.

So you would set CPS on this family and get the girl removed from the home while an investigation takes place based on “the smallest possibility of abuse”? And you don’t see anything wrong with that?

No, I don't.

[Anonymous]

For the PPs (or is it just one PP) that are so opposed to calling CPS, you seem really in denial that this could be abuse. Is it because you're suppressing your own memories from childhood (as the abused or abuser) or because you've been in the position of these kids' parents that are turning a blind eye to abuse? Either way, you're vehement denial/opposition suggests that you may be projecting at best or need therapy at worst.