Teen is all over his sister

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he gone through puberty yet?

If that is how it has always been and he hasn't yet gone through puberty then I don't think it is that weird. If the sister likes the affection and the kids are just close then physical affection isn't a bad thing.

OP here. He was weird like this a few years ago. For example, he would get on top of her on the floor and lie there and kiss her.

I don't know how she feels about it anymore. She sometimes be resists but he's strong and always gets his way, while parents just let them work things out. I think the girl just goes along. Feels like there are no boundaries respected at all. If she says no he doesn't stop and the parents just think kids will work it out themselves.

You need to talk to the mom and be blunt, "When Joe grabs Mary and doesn't stop when she says no in makes me very uncomfortable. That is not appropriate. I know you want to be hands off, but Mary needs for you to step in." And if the behavior happens in front of you, stand up and say, "This is what I was talking about, Mary looks unhappy, she's asking Joe to stop." In my social circle, if a kid is continuing to bother after another kid says stop, it's fine to correct them even if it's not your kid. If I saw a 13 year old strongarming a 10 year old, I would feel fine physically interventing and stopping it.

[Anonymous]

The second she says no to any unwanted touch, he needs off of her. Mom needs to parent and guide both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

I have DD that girl's age. So it's a weird dynamic when we get together.

Like yesterday, when DD tries to play with the girl but then her brother comes and carries her away to the other side of the pool and keeps holding her and doesn't let her go and makes her stay with him. The girl goes along. But it doesn't seem like anyone is getting her consent.

I really don't care if DD and the girl play or not, it's just very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: , "This is what I was talking about, Mary looks unhappy

That the thing though, she doesn't look unhappy. She mildly objects but she's learned that her brother will get his way anyway. He always does.

So the mom doesn't think she's unhappy. But I'll talk to her anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: , "This is what I was talking about, Mary looks unhappy

That the thing though, she doesn't look unhappy. She mildly objects but she's learned that her brother will get his way anyway. He always does.

So the mom doesn't think she's unhappy. But I'll talk to her anyway.

"This is what I was talking about, Mary said no, but Joe is still carrying her around."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be child abuse (child on child abuse) please let DCF know

+1
Make the call. OP.

- A person who was abused as a child

If he's abusing her wouldn't she tell her mom? Wouldn't she be sad? She doesn't seem depressed.

She knows her mom is a useless twit.

I’m 44 and was abused by a family member. I still haven’t told my inbevauee I know she wouldn’t believe me, and she wouldn’t choose to end the relationship with abusers wide, so what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Talk to mom. Talk to bro *when* he’s mistreating sis. You’ll show sis that you have her back. Make sure she has your number because your friendship with mom may end.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is exactly like this with her older brother, and us parents as well. I bet the crazies on DCUM wouldn’t jump to conclusions in our situation!

1. Probably this child is an extreme sensory seeker.

2. But he should respect others’ wishes regarding personal space, and the parents are squarely responsible for enforcing that.

3. I would not call CPS, but I would tell the parents that it makes everyone uncomfortable, it’s not appropriate, and it’s wise for a young person to understand that no means no. Say it seriously, and they’ll take you seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter is exactly like this with her older brother, and us parents as well. I bet the crazies on DCUM wouldn’t jump to conclusions in our situation!

1. Probably this child is an extreme sensory seeker.

2. But he should respect others’ wishes regarding personal space, and the parents are squarely responsible for enforcing that.

3. I would not call CPS, but I would tell the parents that it makes everyone uncomfortable, it’s not appropriate, and it’s wise for a young person to understand that no means no. Say it seriously, and they’ll take you seriously.

Statistically and physically speaking, it is very unlikely your younger DD is abusing her older brother unless there are very important facts missing from your post; that is not true in the case OP reports. In your situation, I would still intervene if it got to the level OP describes, but I would feel confident that DS is capable of stopping her himself AND that nothing worse is going on. In the OP's case, it is quite clear that the girl cannot stop her older brother and it is possible that something worse is going on. At the very least, she is getting a TERRIBLE message. Let's say this is all totally innocent sensory seeking from a brother on the spectrum, but she's learned she must go along w/ it and her parents are no help. What happens when an older boy at school behaves similarly for nefarious reasons? I can assure you she will think it's normal and not seek help and that, alone, is a major failure of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Calling DCF will at least be a wake up call to the mom to get her kids h whelp they both need. This is not good.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He's not on the spectrum. He knows what he is doing. Sometimes I get a vibe that he's only doing it for pleasure of having control over her, getting his way.

[Anonymous]

Is there a chance that the older brother has special needs? The social behavior of kids on the spectrum or with ADHD is often very immature for their age. I’m not condoning the behavior as the kids obviously need to be taught personal boundaries, but there might be something going on with the boy that you’re not aware of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be child abuse (child on child abuse) please let DCF know

+1
Make the call. OP.

- A person who was abused as a child

Never abused but agree. Something not right and this behavior should be stopped at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter is exactly like this with her older brother, and us parents as well. I bet the crazies on DCUM wouldn’t jump to conclusions in our situation!

1. Probably this child is an extreme sensory seeker.

2. But he should respect others’ wishes regarding personal space, and the parents are squarely responsible for enforcing that.

3. I would not call CPS, but I would tell the parents that it makes everyone uncomfortable, it’s not appropriate, and it’s wise for a young person to understand that no means no. Say it seriously, and they’ll take you seriously.

Statistically and physically speaking, it is very unlikely your younger DD is abusing her older brother unless there are very important facts missing from your post; that is not true in the case OP reports. In your situation, I would still intervene if it got to the level OP describes, but I would feel confident that DS is capable of stopping her himself AND that nothing worse is going on. In the OP's case, it is quite clear that the girl cannot stop her older brother and it is possible that something worse is going on. At the very least, she is getting a TERRIBLE message. Let's say this is all totally innocent sensory seeking from a brother on the spectrum, but she's learned she must go along w/ it and her parents are no help. What happens when an older boy at school behaves similarly for nefarious reasons? I can assure you she will think it's normal and not seek help and that, alone, is a major failure of parenting.

PP you replied to.

I agree that the parents need to teach their son not to invade his sister's personal space and treat her like an object, and that they need to teach their daughter to speak up and assert herself. This is why OP needs to talk with the parents more forcefully. I disagree with the reflex reaction on these boards that a male is de facto a molester. That is why I don't think she should call CPS.