S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

What's hysterical is that she apparently means literally on her ass.

Ranting pooping SAHM has definitely joined the ranks of DCUM memorable characters. I don't think I will be able to read one of these threads again without wondering who is the pooping SAHM.

[Anonymous]

The only moms I don't like are those who denigrate other women's choices. If you're a SAHM and you bad mouth WOHMs, then I don't like you. If you're a WOHM who bad mouths SAHMs, then I don't like you. So I only care when a person, in your question a SAHM, says nasty things about a WOHM. I don't care that she stays at home. I care that she's a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people who post that they don't like stay at home moms... answer these questions:

1) How does it affect you?

2) Why do you care?

1. Because of the mean comments made about women who work; its gross.

2. I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because bored housewives do their children's homework and then my kid has to compete with David and David's mom. Because they live through their kids which changes parent dynamics and classroom dynamics. Because they perpetuate stereotypes and myths like all women love baking and house cleaning. Because it makes it harder to get your husband to step up and do laundry when he can point to Annie whose husband never has to do anything.

Sorry, you have a husband problem, not a SAHM problem.

- WOHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been both a WOHM and a SAHM, and the vitriol spewed by the WOHMs is way worse. Not even close.

My situation is the opposite of yours - the SAHMs were way worse. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only moms I don't like are those who denigrate other women's choices. If you're a SAHM and you bad mouth WOHMs, then I don't like you. If you're a WOHM who bad mouths SAHMs, then I don't like you. So I only care when a person, in your question a SAHM, says nasty things about a WOHM. I don't care that she stays at home. I care that she's a jerk.

Yes! Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because bored housewives do their children's homework and then my kid has to compete with David and David's mom. Because they live through their kids which changes parent dynamics and classroom dynamics. Because they perpetuate stereotypes and myths like all women love baking and house cleaning. Because it makes it harder to get your husband to step up and do laundry when he can point to Annie whose husband never has to do anything.

Sorry, you have a husband problem, not a SAHM problem.

- WOHM

They have a husband and parenting issue. I think its sad when parents don't help with homework. Then they post complaining about kids failing later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have done both and currently work. Snide comments come from WOHMs for sure. Never heard a SAHM say anything. WOHMs make comments. “Why did they plan x event? Some of us WORK.” Etc

So you must have walked away before the SAHMs got their snide comment in. Seriously, any of you people who believe the nastiness only comes from one side are deluding yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have feelings about other moms' work/care situations until we get to the part of the conversation that goes:

"Yeah, I felt it was really important to be there to raise my own child."

What am I supposed to do with that? It's not even about SAH vs WOH, it's about a high level of social cluelessness. Now that my child's older and goes to an urban public charter, the comment is "well, you know, we couldn't stay in the city because we needed a good school for Mortimer."

The problem is that even if a sahm doesn't come right out and say this, which I would hope most wouldn't. Truth is most of us share that sentiment. Working moms know this and of course the defensiveness is going to be there.

Nope. I think the most important thing is for children to be raised well. That doesn't always mean a parent should stay home with them. You are literally the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have done both and currently work. Snide comments come from WOHMs for sure. Never heard a SAHM say anything. WOHMs make comments. “Why did they plan x event? Some of us WORK.” Etc

So you must have walked away before the SAHMs got their snide comment in. Seriously, any of you people who believe the nastiness only comes from one side are deluding yourselves.

Hard ont his thread, it seems like the WOH vitriol is worse.

SAHM: I stay at home because I couldn’t bear to do daycare
WOHM: I woh and SAHM should too because they are bringing down all women and society omg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM, and SAHMs don't bother me one bit. What is annoying is all the husbands of the SAHMs at work who make comments about how they would never trust a daycare/nanny with their children, when they know that most of the women in our office are mothers in dual-career families.

But if you trust your child care, why do you care that someone else wouldn't and prefers parent care?

Are you really this dense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have done both and currently work. Snide comments come from WOHMs for sure. Never heard a SAHM say anything. WOHMs make comments. “Why did they plan x event? Some of us WORK.” Etc

So you must have walked away before the SAHMs got their snide comment in. Seriously, any of you people who believe the nastiness only comes from one side are deluding yourselves.

Hard ont his thread, it seems like the WOH vitriol is worse.

SAHM: I stay at home because I couldn’t bear to do daycare
WOHM: I woh and SAHM should too because they are bringing down all women and society omg

Sorry, you are soft-peddling the SAHM side:

SAHM: I stay at home because I couldn't bear to do daycare and I believe women who use daycare don't really care about their children. They are selfish, frenzied hags who are jealous of all SAHMs.
WOHM: I work and all moms should too because it is negative for women when they stay home. Also, SAHMs are lazy or too depressed to handle the workplace.

Did I cover it. Vitriol on both sides from the CRAZY people. Most of us don't believe any of this. Live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never jump into these stupid debates and did not read the prior posts, but for this one I have to, because the OP betrays the total ignorance about history, women's rights, and the role of women in society.

It is not just about what you, Cindy Lou, decide to do with your career once you have kids. It's about the bigger picture, and the fact that when women are not able to, for various reasons, combine career with family, or when we collectively as a society start to spin a narrative that children are hurt when women work, then women feel pressured to drop out, or guilted into dropping out, or forced into it, and then women (and children) suffer the consequences, for example:

-when you have only male OB/GYNs who force you into c-sections and many other procedures because of a lack of understanding or care for what women face
-when there is less money given in the budget process of government to education, or protection for families, because men typically value these things less
-- when you get no paid maternity leave because CEOs are all men and so are the legislators
-- when scientists run studies only on male subjects because they assume women are the same
-- when rape kids go untouched because it's simply not a priority for police departments (mostly male)
-when you have no access to birth control because male legislators don't value it

I could go on and on. All of the above is part of our history and was part of our reality for hundreds/thousands of years. This is why women have fought to be in the workplace. So when SAHMs start talking about "who cares when women aren't part of the workforce," well that is just completely stupid.

I appreciate everything you said, but none of it would make it possible for me to put my 4-month-old in daycare. There is something primal/emotional in me that will not let someone else be my infant/toddler’s primary caregiver. It’s not guilt or worry - it’s just a deep desire to be with her. Do I think these are all good arguments to return to work when she’s like 5? yes. Also, remember that I vote for all the policies you suggested, even if I’m not currently working. And really, what is to stop someone from taking a couple years off from their medical practice, for ex, and then returning when her kids are in preschool? I mean, even Nancy Pelosi was a sahm for awhile....

Just from the tone of your post, I don't think you are a person that WOH moms would take issue with, as long as you don't judge them for not making the same choice. But you don't sound judgy to me.

Um, yes she does. She has a primal urge to not allow someone else to take care of her kid? So no mom who puts her child in daycare feels that deeply for their kid? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really need to stop reading these threads. Nausea inducing. But to answer your question, I don't care if mom's stay at home. I do judge when a mom and dad both work a TON and make crazy amounts of money but have three nannies for their children who they never see. Plus, vacation sans children because they need to unwind. Either the mom or dad could have easily stayed home and lived incredibly comfortably. I think it's selfish way to raise kids. And the victims here are the kids themselves. I know at least six families like this in my circle and the kids just crave parental attention. Sure, the woman is helping raise all boats but her kids are drowning. Same can be said for the dad too.

My SIL is a SAHM and her kids crave parental attention. So badly that they like to come stay at our house for several days in a row (or all summer) because even though we both work we actually engage our children. One of her kids went so far as to threaten to harm himself so that she'd listen to him. And she's not some drugged out meth head or anything either. All that to say, your anecdotes are useless. Sure, some working parents may ignore their kids. But stay at home parents do, too. Being one or the other does not make you immune to anything. I care about GOOD parents. Whether you work or stay at home, I respect you and am interested in being friends with you if you are a GOOD parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wohm. I admit that it’s a constant struggle between wanting to spend time with kids but also working. I want both! I spent so many years in school and am excited about my career. I also love my kids! I look for flexible jobs that will allow me to be home early to pick them up from preschool.

I sometimes feel guilty when sahms say, “i want to be there for my kids,” “family first,” “i could never send them to daycare/nanny,” “can’t trust anyone,” etc.

At work, I feel bad for having to draw the line and say I can’t do certain things bc of my kids.

It would be amazing if the sahms and wohms, non parents - EVERYONE- understood that raising good kids is a benefit to society. If that means wohms who have more flexible schedules offer other wohms to carpool more or sahms offer to help the wahms bc they have more time, that would be great! Employers understanding that parents (not just moms) need flexibility is amaing. We need everyone to help each other and not just focus on our nuclear family. If we did this, society would be so mich better off

I don't. Seriously, I don't care what you do, but the minute a woman says something suggesting that women who work don't love their kids as much, I write them off as a piece of shit. Seriously. I don't care what you do, but insinuating that other mothers don't love their kids makes you a garbage person. Period. It's worse, IMO, than thinking that women who stay at home are lazy or whatever.

Do whatever you want--work, don't--but keep your sanctimonious self-justification to yourself.

+1000