Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's great that you wouldn't be bothered but maybe someone else would like just once nice family photo where everyone looks nice. Is that so hard to imagine? Being courteous is thinking about what others might want not what you might want. That's how it works.

DP. And now we're back to OP's issue of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

you rreally need to ask this question??? I would be livid as I would be livid if she came home from a party where they had their hair cut or got their ears or nose pierced. What if the child was participating in a wedding or getting a class picture? No, t hi is is not a.decision another parent or my child can make.without running or by me, no matter how safe it is. would you be good with your child coming home with fake tattoos all over them, or blue hair the day before a funeral? when I highlighted my hair, I ran it by my husband not because I need his permission but so he is at least aware of what I'm doing. it is common courtesy.

It really depends on the age of the girls. I would definitely ask a parent when my daughter was 11/12.
Now at 16? I would presume her friends can make that call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

you rreally need to ask this question??? I would be livid as I would be livid if she came home from a party where they had their hair cut or got their ears or nose pierced. What if the child was participating in a wedding or getting a class picture? No, t hi is is not a.decision another parent or my child can make.without running or by me, no matter how safe it is. would you be good with your child coming home with fake tattoos all over them, or blue hair the day before a funeral? when I highlighted my hair, I ran it by my husband not because I need his permission but so he is at least aware of what I'm doing. it is common courtesy.

My daughter has enough common sense to figure it out so I'd be totally fine. She'd know the difference between something permanent and temporary and whether anything was coming up. As far as pictures go, you are capturing that moment in time - who that kid was at that particular moment. No one's wedding will be ruined because your kid had henna on her hands in the picture. Some of the most interesting pictures of my kids are not the boring ones with pristine clothes and fake smiles, but when there was something was different or even off.

My husband would look at me like I had three heads if I told him I'm highlighting my hair. He'd wonder why I was telling him.

Different strokes.

That's great that you wouldn't be bothered but maybe someone else would like just once nice family photo where everyone looks nice. Is that so hard to imagine? Being courteous is thinking about what others might want not what you might want. That's how it works.

I shouldn’t have to show courtesy by doing things with my body that makes other people happy. I’m teaching my children the same. My hair is mine to style and color as I please, and my children are individuals who deserve the same respect for their bodies. Manipulating my appearance, not just my clothes, but my body and my hair so I can look nice to someone else’s standards is not how I show courtesy. That’s such a bizarre concept to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:would you all be good if I gave your kids those fake candy cigarettes that were popular is the 70's? we loved pretending we were so cool smoking them. and yes, I did end up being a smoker because I did think it was cool. don't smoke now but based on my experience, I would not want to glamorize drinking. give them the drink but dont let them think it is a margarita.

I posted earlier. I loved those candy and gum cigarettes and I don't smoke and never have. Typically, you're over the age of 8 or 10 when you begin smoking. Those candy cigarettes were lots of fun for 8 and 10 year olds, but I don't remember 16 or 18 year olds playing with them, which MAYBE you could use in your argument for them as a "gateway drug" to actual, real smoking.

I also drink drinks without alcohol in them. When my husband's having a rum and coke, I'm drinking a coke. I also let my children drink coke.

Clearly they're going to grow into raging alcoholics.

(They might, but it won't be because we let them have non-alcoholic drinks in a the same style glass my DH uses for his alcoholic drinks.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:did we ever find out that the hostess called them "mocktails"?

or is that just OP calling them that.

OP, don't be this mom. your daughter will most likely rebel, if not now, in college. At most, decline invites but don't engage like this with the other mom. Talk with your therapist about this. I struggle to with my DD who is my oldest (not about this but other things) but it isn't fair to freak out over this.

I'll never forget being punished for swimming at a birthday party (in clothes and they weren't fancy) Everyone for fun jumped in. My dad was irate and I was grounded at 10/11 for the rest of the weekend. Just for being fancy free and having fun. I had to stress out over every little thing after that and hid sooo much

OP here - yes the mom told the girls they had mocktail options to pick from while getting hair, make up, and nails done. Explained what mocktails were to the girls who didn’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:did we ever find out that the hostess called them "mocktails"?

or is that just OP calling them that.

OP, don't be this mom. your daughter will most likely rebel, if not now, in college. At most, decline invites but don't engage like this with the other mom. Talk with your therapist about this. I struggle to with my DD who is my oldest (not about this but other things) but it isn't fair to freak out over this.

I'll never forget being punished for swimming at a birthday party (in clothes and they weren't fancy) Everyone for fun jumped in. My dad was irate and I was grounded at 10/11 for the rest of the weekend. Just for being fancy free and having fun. I had to stress out over every little thing after that and hid sooo much

OP here - yes the mom told the girls they had mocktail options to pick from while getting hair, make up, and nails done. Explained what mocktails were to the girls who didn’t know.

Yeah, not cool. They get enough encouragement from media and peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:did we ever find out that the hostess called them "mocktails"?

or is that just OP calling them that.

OP, don't be this mom. your daughter will most likely rebel, if not now, in college. At most, decline invites but don't engage like this with the other mom. Talk with your therapist about this. I struggle to with my DD who is my oldest (not about this but other things) but it isn't fair to freak out over this.

I'll never forget being punished for swimming at a birthday party (in clothes and they weren't fancy) Everyone for fun jumped in. My dad was irate and I was grounded at 10/11 for the rest of the weekend. Just for being fancy free and having fun. I had to stress out over every little thing after that and hid sooo much

OP here - yes the mom told the girls they had mocktail options to pick from while getting hair, make up, and nails done. Explained what mocktails were to the girls who didn’t know.

OP, your daughter is 13. She will encounter lots more things you consider inappropriate, as she goes out into the world. Give her freedom to make her own choices -- including choices you disapprove of.

[Anonymous]

I was planning to make mocktails for my daughters 16th birthday party. Maybe I’ll just call them “summer spritzers” or “strawberry fizzes.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was planning to make mocktails for my daughters 16th birthday party. Maybe I’ll just call them “summer spritzers” or “strawberry fizzes.”

Why do they have to have any name? Why not just refer to them by their flavor?

I personally hate the name mocktail. Not because of the alcohol implication but because these types of drinks have been around forever and didn’t need a fancy classification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:did we ever find out that the hostess called them "mocktails"?

or is that just OP calling them that.

OP, don't be this mom. your daughter will most likely rebel, if not now, in college. At most, decline invites but don't engage like this with the other mom. Talk with your therapist about this. I struggle to with my DD who is my oldest (not about this but other things) but it isn't fair to freak out over this.

I'll never forget being punished for swimming at a birthday party (in clothes and they weren't fancy) Everyone for fun jumped in. My dad was irate and I was grounded at 10/11 for the rest of the weekend. Just for being fancy free and having fun. I had to stress out over every little thing after that and hid sooo much

OP here - yes the mom told the girls they had mocktail options to pick from while getting hair, make up, and nails done. Explained what mocktails were to the girls who didn’t know.

Yeah, not cool. They get enough encouragement from media and peers.

I guess my husband and I, along with our neighbors and friends are all terrible parents. When we get together, we always make a version of our alcoholic drink for the kids, and there are usually between 10-20 kids in each get together. So if we make margaritas, Caipirinhas or pina coladas, we'll make one virgin drink version for each kid. They love it. Last time my friend made a delicious virgin sangria for the kids while we drank wine. Seriously, lighten up people.

[Anonymous]

Chill. You are being a wacko

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:would you all be good if I gave your kids those fake candy cigarettes that were popular is the 70's? we loved pretending we were so cool smoking them. and yes, I did end up being a smoker because I did think it was cool. don't smoke now but based on my experience, I would not want to glamorize drinking. give them the drink but dont let them think it is a margarita.

If your 13 year old is dumb enough to think it’s a margarita you’ve got bigger problend.

+1 and make sure your kid hasn't seen any movies/articles/books where drinking is portrayed.

Pp you smoked because of Popeye cigarettes? Because of candy?

Or because a lot of people smoked then? It was considered cool, rebellious. Everyone in the movies smoked. It wasn't associated with the issues it is now.

Really. Blaming your smoking habit on candies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:would you all be good if I gave your kids those fake candy cigarettes that were popular is the 70's? we loved pretending we were so cool smoking them. and yes, I did end up being a smoker because I did think it was cool. don't smoke now but based on my experience, I would not want to glamorize drinking. give them the drink but dont let them think it is a margarita.

I got that fake candy cigarettes in the late 1990s and have never smoked a cigarette. You smoked because you are old and didnt knoe better back then. You are probably old enough to be my mom. Different times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was planning to make mocktails for my daughters 16th birthday party. Maybe I’ll just call them “summer spritzers” or “strawberry fizzes.”

Why do they have to have any name? Why not just refer to them by their flavor?

I personally hate the name mocktail. Not because of the alcohol implication but because these types of drinks have been around forever and didn’t need a fancy classification.

I was going to call the ginger/lime drinks “Moscow ponies.” I make up alcoholic drinks and name them for grown-up parties too. It amuses me.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't have a problem with this at all.