Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make up and temporary hair dye? No biggie.

Mocktails at a 13 year old's party? Were they mixed in shakers and served in cocktail glasses? That would definitely bother me. Frozen virgin pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris served in a plastic cup with a fun straw similar to a starbucks frappachino or a smoothie at a restaurant? Not a big deal.

I am generally conservative but am fine with adult drinking, host parties with alcohol and am not anti fun drinks for kids.

Virgin frozen margaritas and pina coladas and a drink the bday girl created. All were frozen and served in plastic glasses (like plastic margarita and plastic colada glasses).

I think the mocktails are really what angered me most. I just see it as glamorizing drinking which I don’t believe in. There’s alcoholism on my side of the family so we’ve always discussed alcohol with them and the seriousness of it. Most of this evening was spent talking about drinking and alcohol because she’s just absolutely enthralled with the mocktails.

Okay.

I would be bothered by the use of alcohol glasses. It is a bit too much Regina's mom for my tastes.

The pina colada does not bother me as it is basically a coconut smoothie and they can get that flavor at any snow cone stand or ice cream shop.

A margarita is an adult party drink. That would bother me. So would a juice concoction served in martini glasses.

Like I said, I am not anti alcohol but I believe presentation matters, especially with young teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (12) came home today from a 13th bday sleepover with pink hair, her nails done, slept in makeup, and gushing about the fun mocktails they were served.

The invite didn’t list any of these things. It listed that they were going to dinner, to see Jurassic World (was fine with) and then getting Duck Donuts. When I dropped her off yesterday morning and spoke with the bday girl’s mom, she said the plan was to spend most of the day playing in their backyard pool and doing fun girlie things like makeovers.

I took that to mean the girls doing each other’s nails, hair, and maybe some make up. I didn’t realize the girls’s aunt, who is a professional that you can hire to do your hair and makeup before your wedding, was coming to offer her services. There was also a professional nail person or team there. I think the friend’s mom could tell I wasn’t pleased with the pink hair by the face I made when i picked my DD up. She quickly let me know it was 1 day spray in dye that would wash right out and then she texted me later this evening to double check that it had washed out after she showered (it did).

None of the other moms I’ve talked to seem to care. Am I really making a big deal of nothing? It seems irresponsible to serve mocktails and glamorize drinking. And to not even ask parental permission about the makeover peeves me. DD is already talking about getting more of the 1 day hair dye and the make up she wants to buy and now I get to be the bad mom who says no.

You sound as dry as dust. We used to get virgin daiquiris when I was growing up. For some reason, we thought it was cool. My mother's father was an alcoholic and none of his 3 kids drink. My mom was fine with me getting the virgin drinks. I drink alcohol 5-7 times per year, and that is being very generous. Mocktails are not going to send your daughter down the path of being an alcoholic. You are making this A BIG DEAL, and it is unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Okay okay if DCUM says I’m making too big a deal then I must be.

DD is a dancer so she understands makeup is for special ocassions like recitals and competitions. She’s really been pushing to wear more when she’s 13 like her friends but I’ve been holding firm on only a bit of concealer for a bad blemish and some mascara.

The hair dye was shocking and I’m not a fan of unnatural colors. She knows this too because she and her brothers wanted to dye their hair for the Capitals parade and I vetoed that.

I have to plan a 13th bday for the end of August and the ideas DD is throwing out already after this party are just crazy. Thirteenth bdays weren’t a big thing when I was growing up, just sweet 16. Now it’s a big bash for 13, 16, and 18! Or at least it seems to be for the girls. Thank goodness the 2 coming up after her are boys.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. This party sounds not only age-appropriate, but also really fun. OP... lighten up. Please.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are making a lot of innocuous things, such as pink hair, a forbidden fruit. I am sure you’ve heard how it usually ends up (teens overcompensate in college). Thread lightly.

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter, 13, and I wouldn't have been happy about it either, not the fake drinks and certainly not the pink hair. Guess I'm just a stick in the mud.

[Anonymous]

I think that you making this a big huge deal and making this big connection with alcohol when there was no alcohol actually served is the problem. You are making huge, gigantic leaps.

The 13 year old girls had fun. They knew they were drinking fun, frozen drinks (not getting wasted), they knew that the dye they were putting into their hair would wash right out...

Sounds like your daughter and her friends had a blast. I hope your daughter thanked her host because it doesn't sound as though you did, Op. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a daughter, 13, and I wouldn't have been happy about it either, not the fake drinks and certainly not the pink hair. Guess I'm just a stick in the mud.

Pink hair is worse than pretend-drinking? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a daughter, 13, and I wouldn't have been happy about it either, not the fake drinks and certainly not the pink hair. Guess I'm just a stick in the mud.

Didn't you ever play around with colored hairspray or glitter hairspray in middle school? I am pushing 50 and I remember doing that at 12 to 14. The hair thing is harmless, washable fun.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, I'm the type of mom who would theoretically be annoyed by this, but I'm not. I think it's ok. I get it that you weren't expecting the elaborate makeup lady and you thought it would be more home-spun; girls braiding each other's hair type of party.

It sounds like the thing that bothers you is the step-up in expectations...it's a little bit of an "older" makeup party; not the same as if the kids were 8 years old...and now your DD wants to throw that kind of party.

I've got two teen DDs and the older one went from sports jock to makeup and fashion obsessed. I'm not makeup or fashion-obsessed so it is a little alien to me. It *is* hard, but I'm getting used to it. And I'm realizing that my kid isn't trying to be adult on all levels, just on the makeup/fashion levels. Your kid is programmed at this age to try out new personas, but don't worry, she still uses you as a baseline.

As for the other mom, please reassure her that all is ok. It will both make her feel better and also it will be good for your DD's relationship with her DD, and the rest of the group.

[Anonymous]

Learning that you can have fun drinking "mocktails" isn't a terrible thing, either.

[Anonymous]

You sound way too uptight! It was wash out hair spray! I remember painting my hair with gross sticky stuff that was applied with something like a mascara wand and I’m sure I was younger than 13. Also drank plenty of virgin daqueries as a kid. I certainly think the makeover and the fruity drinks are appropriate for a 13th birthday party!

[Anonymous]

It sounds super fun. They basically got to do funky dress up and drink fancy juice drinks, probably with the little umbrellas. I would be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are making a lot of innocuous things, such as pink hair, a forbidden fruit. I am sure you’ve heard how it usually ends up (teens overcompensate in college). Thread lightly.

This.

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old niece has gone to birthday parties AT a kiddie hair salon and come home with temporary hair color spray, etc. I think this happens at girl birthday parties nowadays although as the mom to boys only it does sound nuts to me .

The mocktail part has been interesting for me to read the responses. Posters seem to parse this at different points. Some like OP don’t like it at all. Others think it is okay so long as it is in solo cups instead of margarita glasses. Another thinks coconut flavor (pina colada) is okay but not lime (margarita). I think a lot of this is distinction without a difference. I’m not sure how I’d feel in OP’s shoes but I suspect so long as there was no alcohol in anything then I wouldn’t see it as different than drinking a shirley temple, which my kids love to do when we go out to nicer restaurants.