Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?

[Anonymous]

Party is about the kid and the family. If you require full disclosure than maybe your DC should just skip tween parties all together because family values and tolerance levels are not universal at this age. PG-13 and R Movies start flowing and so does exposure to certain types of music, free-range activities and other stuff. This is the reality of the age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through this entire thread. But the heart of the issue for me is the introduction of an element into my child’s life without permission from a fellow parent. I understand everyone moves at a different pace; some parents have different preferences and beliefs. Out of respect for that, as someone in a close enough personal circle to leave my child under your supervision, I would expect to be informed about what my child is being exposed to. Everyone parents uniquely for their child and may prepare/respond differently if they have a heads up about it, or the right to decline.

It doesn’t matter if I think he Mom is uptight for making a big deal about something I don’t give second thought to. It’s about respecting others boundaries with their child, and not judging or deciding whether it’s okay to pierce/dye/paint/curse at my pace vs theirs as a parent.

Not all parents want their 13 year olds doing the same types of things. Different children face different challenges and opportunities. Understanding this, It’s a welcome courtesy to give specifics on party activities to all parents.

Yes, I would be upset. But not for too long. It would be a teaching moment for everyone.

Out of curiosity, how would you like to be informed? Do you expect the invitation to state that the kids will be getting a 'professional' makeover coupled with mocktails? Not trying to be snarky here, just wondering.

OP, my child is still in ES, but I wouldn't be shocked to find out that middle-schoolers played around with makeup. Mocktails are a bit trashy, IMHO, but I sure wouldn't take the offending parent to court.

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal at all. She told you they were doing makeovers and that's what they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through this entire thread. But the heart of the issue for me is the introduction of an element into my child’s life without permission from a fellow parent. I understand everyone moves at a different pace; some parents have different preferences and beliefs. Out of respect for that, as someone in a close enough personal circle to leave my child under your supervision, I would expect to be informed about what my child is being exposed to. Everyone parents uniquely for their child and may prepare/respond differently if they have a heads up about it, or the right to decline.

It doesn’t matter if I think he Mom is uptight for making a big deal about something I don’t give second thought to. It’s about respecting others boundaries with their child, and not judging or deciding whether it’s okay to pierce/dye/paint/curse at my pace vs theirs as a parent.

Not all parents want their 13 year olds doing the same types of things. Different children face different challenges and opportunities. Understanding this, It’s a welcome courtesy to give specifics on party activities to all parents.

Yes, I would be upset. But not for too long. It would be a teaching moment for everyone.

You want the parent to give you a list of EVERYTHING they are doing at a party? I don't know how old your kids are, but I doubt you have a tween or a teen. You are seriously up for a disappointment when your kids get this age.

[Anonymous]

Virgin pina coladas are delicious. I used to love these as a kid and still do. I am not a drinker.

Really I think the party sounded fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay okay if DCUM says I’m making too big a deal then I must be.

DD is a dancer so she understands makeup is for special ocassions like recitals and competitions. She’s really been pushing to wear more when she’s 13 like her friends but I’ve been holding firm on only a bit of concealer for a bad blemish and some mascara.

The hair dye was shocking and I’m not a fan of unnatural colors. She knows this too because she and her brothers wanted to dye their hair for the Capitals parade and I vetoed that.

I have to plan a 13th bday for the end of August and the ideas DD is throwing out already after this party are just crazy. Thirteenth bdays weren’t a big thing when I was growing up, just sweet 16. Now it’s a big bash for 13, 16, and 18! Or at least it seems to be for the girls. Thank goodness the 2 coming up after her are boys.

Why?? You sounds so lame, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

you rreally need to ask this question??? I would be livid as I would be livid if she came home from a party where they had their hair cut or got their ears or nose pierced. What if the child was participating in a wedding or getting a class picture? No, t hi is is not a.decision another parent or my child can make.without running or by me, no matter how safe it is. would you be good with your child coming home with fake tattoos all over them, or blue hair the day before a funeral? when I highlighted my hair, I ran it by my husband not because I need his permission but so he is at least aware of what I'm doing. it is common courtesy.

I have been married almost 30 years. I have never once checked with my husband on highlighting, clothes, or anything else like this. If I like it and it makes me happy, why do I need to let my husband know? Do you check nail polish colors too? Sounds like a lot more going on like control issues and a need to present a certain look to the world. Learn to let the control go over appearance. It is not a fight worth having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay okay if DCUM says I’m making too big a deal then I must be.

DD is a dancer so she understands makeup is for special ocassions like recitals and competitions. She’s really been pushing to wear more when she’s 13 like her friends but I’ve been holding firm on only a bit of concealer for a bad blemish and some mascara.

The hair dye was shocking and I’m not a fan of unnatural colors. She knows this too because she and her brothers wanted to dye their hair for the Capitals parade and I vetoed that.

I have to plan a 13th bday for the end of August and the ideas DD is throwing out already after this party are just crazy. Thirteenth bdays weren’t a big thing when I was growing up, just sweet 16. Now it’s a big bash for 13, 16, and 18! Or at least it seems to be for the girls. Thank goodness the 2 coming up after her are boys.

Why?? You sounds so lame, OP.

And a stick in the mud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through this entire thread. But the heart of the issue for me is the introduction of an element into my child’s life without permission from a fellow parent. I understand everyone moves at a different pace; some parents have different preferences and beliefs. Out of respect for that, as someone in a close enough personal circle to leave my child under your supervision, I would expect to be informed about what my child is being exposed to. Everyone parents uniquely for their child and may prepare/respond differently if they have a heads up about it, or the right to decline.

It doesn’t matter if I think he Mom is uptight for making a big deal about something I don’t give second thought to. It’s about respecting others boundaries with their child, and not judging or deciding whether it’s okay to pierce/dye/paint/curse at my pace vs theirs as a parent.

Not all parents want their 13 year olds doing the same types of things. Different children face different challenges and opportunities. Understanding this, It’s a welcome courtesy to give specifics on party activities to all parents.

Yes, I would be upset. But not for too long. It would be a teaching moment for everyone.

Hi. I do think your post sounds a bit like the post of a younger mom, but I love your last line. Shows a sense of moderation and proportion appropriate to raising teens.

[Anonymous]

I would have probably thought the cocktails were not good idea, but would have just blown it all off. You gotta pick your battles and planning parties are incredibly stressful.. and you can't please everyone. Your daughter is old enough that what is important is how you raised her and knowing the difference between pretend drinking at a slumber party and real drinking (although not sure I would get that heavy duty and be such a buzz kill after fun party).
Chill out... your daughter could encounter many real drinks soon and so hopefully you have let her know the concern already on real drinking... save your freaking out for that.

Hair and make up is fun.... you have to pay $100 bucks for that at Disney and I hardly think they are contributing to future juvenile delinquents... think big picture and you and your daughter will do much better.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone agreed with OP? I’ve seen a couple of people who say they would be mildly annoyed by the mocktails but no one else would actually be upset.


I think that OP is far outside the norm of possible reactions to this party.

[Anonymous]

Why are there 20 pages on this topic?

[Anonymous]

Once when my kids were in elementary school they were invited to a friend's house for a New Year's Eve celebration. They spent the night. The next day they told me the friend's mother gave them champagne at midnight. I said, Oh, I doubt it was real champagne, it was probably sparkling grape juice. They said, No, it was real.

So I called her and asked her. She said, Yep, it was real. Sorry!

Never went there again!

[Anonymous]

^^ Me again!

Another time, when my daughter was about 16, she was invited to a party at a friend's house thrown by his father. She said her friend's friends would be there but also his father's friends. So I called the man and said, I'm just calling to make sure the young people will not be drinking at the party. He laughed, said Of course not! Thanked me for calling and being so concerned.

My daughter told me later that not only were the kids drinking, with the dad's full knowledge, but they were also smoking pot with the older guys.

Can't trust anybody!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learning that you can have fun drinking "mocktails" isn't a terrible thing, either.

Everyone is saying fake drinks; these are real drinks. What I would get at any party I go to. This is what I would want my dd to take from this. If everyone is ordering something you don’t like, there are other choices. My 8yo dd gets “fake” coffee (decaf fraps) from Starbucks about once a month during the summer. Is that glamorizing coffee?

The professionals are a great touch. Probably better than The kids making a mess of the makeup and polish.

My only issue is not that as an African American, the hair washing would have been a big deal for us.... takes both of us a few hours to wash, detangle, and and flat iron, that we PLAN and dd can’t just wash he hair on a whim every day. I would have been annoyed but sinc dd would have had fun, been able to fit in and not point out her differences (or her moms stuffiness) it would have been fine. And I would not have made the host uncomfortable or would have apologized if I thought I had.

Thank you for so much educating me that washing African American hair is a completely different process than ours & takes a substantially longer time.
My daughter’s best friend is AA & we’ve always asked her to come over to go swimming, but she’s only come over to swim a few times over the past 3 years (she’ll come over for everything else we invite her to/for (dinner, movies, museums, etc).

Would offering her a swim cap be helpful?
My DD is on the swim team and wears them all the time, so we have plenty... DD can wear them with her so she doesn’t feel different.
I know this precious girl loves the water, so if there’s anything you can suggest that would help I’d really appreciate it!