Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old niece has gone to birthday parties AT a kiddie hair salon and come home with temporary hair color spray, etc. I think this happens at girl birthday parties nowadays although as the mom to boys only it does sound nuts to me .

The mocktail part has been interesting for me to read the responses. Posters seem to parse this at different points. Some like OP don’t like it at all. Others think it is okay so long as it is in solo cups instead of margarita glasses. Another thinks coconut flavor (pina colada) is okay but not lime (margarita). I think a lot of this is distinction without a difference. I’m not sure how I’d feel in OP’s shoes but I suspect so long as there was no alcohol in anything then I wouldn’t see it as different than drinking a shirley temple, which my kids love to do when we go out to nicer restaurants.

I posted about the pina coladas vs margaritas vs martini glasses.

To me, pina coladas means coconut and pineapple juice, where margaritas mean tequila with lime juice. Pina colada make me think of the beach flavor, while margaritas make me think of alcohol first, lime second.

As far as the glasses and presentation, some glasses (like martini glasses) are strictly for adult alcoholic beverges, while something like a hurricane glass might be used to serve a milkshake. Restaurants almost always serve virgin drinks in a standard tumbler or hurricane.

I think at least for me those are subtle things that really change the message from innocent fun to, well, Regina's mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (12) came home today from a 13th bday sleepover with pink hair, her nails done, slept in makeup, and gushing about the fun mocktails they were served.

The invite didn’t list any of these things. It listed that they were going to dinner, to see Jurassic World (was fine with) and then getting Duck Donuts. When I dropped her off yesterday morning and spoke with the bday girl’s mom, she said the plan was to spend most of the day playing in their backyard pool and doing fun girlie things like makeovers.

I took that to mean the girls doing each other’s nails, hair, and maybe some make up. I didn’t realize the girls’s aunt, who is a professional that you can hire to do your hair and makeup before your wedding, was coming to offer her services. There was also a professional nail person or team there. I think the friend’s mom could tell I wasn’t pleased with the pink hair by the face I made when i picked my DD up. She quickly let me know it was 1 day spray in dye that would wash right out and then she texted me later this evening to double check that it had washed out after she showered (it did).

None of the other moms I’ve talked to seem to care. Am I really making a big deal of nothing? It seems irresponsible to serve mocktails and glamorize drinking. And to not even ask parental permission about the makeover peeves me. DD is already talking about getting more of the 1 day hair dye and the make up she wants to buy and now I get to be the bad mom who says no.

Yes. You are making a big deal of nothing, and you are being the shrill, uptight, nervous mom who will prevent your child from receiving future invitations, and will be talked about by your child's friends and their parents. Just stop it and take a deep breath. Focus on a hobby or read the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD (12) came home today from a 13th bday sleepover with pink hair, her nails done, slept in makeup, and gushing about the fun mocktails they were served.

The invite didn’t list any of these things. It listed that they were going to dinner, to see Jurassic World (was fine with) and then getting Duck Donuts. When I dropped her off yesterday morning and spoke with the bday girl’s mom, she said the plan was to spend most of the day playing in their backyard pool and doing fun girlie things like makeovers.

I took that to mean the girls doing each other’s nails, hair, and maybe some make up. I didn’t realize the girls’s aunt, who is a professional that you can hire to do your hair and makeup before your wedding, was coming to offer her services. There was also a professional nail person or team there. I think the friend’s mom could tell I wasn’t pleased with the pink hair by the face I made when i picked my DD up. She quickly let me know it was 1 day spray in dye that would wash right out and then she texted me later this evening to double check that it had washed out after she showered (it did).

None of the other moms I’ve talked to seem to care. Am I really making a big deal of nothing? It seems irresponsible to serve mocktails and glamorize drinking. And to not even ask parental permission about the makeover peeves me. DD is already talking about getting more of the 1 day hair dye and the make up she wants to buy and now I get to be the bad mom who says no.

Yes. You are making a big deal of nothing, and you are being the shrill, uptight, nervous mom who will prevent your child from receiving future invitations, and will be talked about by your child's friends and their parents. Just stop it and take a deep breath. Focus on a hobby or read the news.

This, unfortunately. I have seriously distanced myself from a friend who turned into just this parent as our girls got older. Very shrill, very negative, very judgmental - about ridiculous things. My daughter and I are much happier without that influence in our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old niece has gone to birthday parties AT a kiddie hair salon and come home with temporary hair color spray, etc. I think this happens at girl birthday parties nowadays although as the mom to boys only it does sound nuts to me .

The mocktail part has been interesting for me to read the responses. Posters seem to parse this at different points. Some like OP don’t like it at all. Others think it is okay so long as it is in solo cups instead of margarita glasses. Another thinks coconut flavor (pina colada) is okay but not lime (margarita). I think a lot of this is distinction without a difference. I’m not sure how I’d feel in OP’s shoes but I suspect so long as there was no alcohol in anything then I wouldn’t see it as different than drinking a shirley temple, which my kids love to do when we go out to nicer restaurants.

I posted about the pina coladas vs margaritas vs martini glasses.

To me, pina coladas means coconut and pineapple juice, where margaritas mean tequila with lime juice. Pina colada make me think of the beach flavor, while margaritas make me think of alcohol first, lime second.

As far as the glasses and presentation, some glasses (like martini glasses) are strictly for adult alcoholic beverges, while something like a hurricane glass might be used to serve a milkshake. Restaurants almost always serve virgin drinks in a standard tumbler or hurricane.

I think at least for me those are subtle things that really change the message from innocent fun to, well, Regina's mom.

Who is Regina?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make up and temporary hair dye? No biggie.

Mocktails at a 13 year old's party? Were they mixed in shakers and served in cocktail glasses? That would definitely bother me. Frozen virgin pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris served in a plastic cup with a fun straw similar to a starbucks frappachino or a smoothie at a restaurant? Not a big deal.

I am generally conservative but am fine with adult drinking, host parties with alcohol and am not anti fun drinks for kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Calling them mocktails is dumb. Just call them fancy drinks

[Anonymous]

Regina George from Mean Girls. “I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom”

https://giphy.com/gifs/filmeditor-mean-girls-movie-3otPoBRKROJl9UbqMM

[Anonymous]

What’s your objection to temporary hair dye? You need to unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old niece has gone to birthday parties AT a kiddie hair salon and come home with temporary hair color spray, etc. I think this happens at girl birthday parties nowadays although as the mom to boys only it does sound nuts to me .

The mocktail part has been interesting for me to read the responses. Posters seem to parse this at different points. Some like OP don’t like it at all. Others think it is okay so long as it is in solo cups instead of margarita glasses. Another thinks coconut flavor (pina colada) is okay but not lime (margarita). I think a lot of this is distinction without a difference. I’m not sure how I’d feel in OP’s shoes but I suspect so long as there was no alcohol in anything then I wouldn’t see it as different than drinking a shirley temple, which my kids love to do when we go out to nicer restaurants.

I posted about the pina coladas vs margaritas vs martini glasses.

To me, pina coladas means coconut and pineapple juice, where margaritas mean tequila with lime juice. Pina colada make me think of the beach flavor, while margaritas make me think of alcohol first, lime second.

As far as the glasses and presentation, some glasses (like martini glasses) are strictly for adult alcoholic beverges, while something like a hurricane glass might be used to serve a milkshake. Restaurants almost always serve virgin drinks in a standard tumbler or hurricane.

I think at least for me those are subtle things that really change the message from innocent fun to, well, Regina's mom.

I’ve see pina colada slurpees, yogurt, etc. I think it’s generally thought of as a certain flavor and not necessarily alcoholic. (After all, there isn’t a merlot yogurt).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make up and temporary hair dye? No biggie.

Mocktails at a 13 year old's party? Were they mixed in shakers and served in cocktail glasses? That would definitely bother me. Frozen virgin pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris served in a plastic cup with a fun straw similar to a starbucks frappachino or a smoothie at a restaurant? Not a big deal.

I am generally conservative but am fine with adult drinking, host parties with alcohol and am not anti fun drinks for kids.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have been a fan of it - changing how you look and pretending to drink alcohol aren't really our values.

That said, I wouldn't say anything about it. Probably just keep an eye on and subtly minimize contact with that friend. I would probably find a reason we were busy for other sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

I am not a big drinker and I wasn’t even in college when most people are.

I actually wonder if being super uptight about alcohol can create a bigger forbidden fruit aspect to it. Saying “hey you can have fun drinking this stuff in cute glasses without alcohol in it” is a good message that maybe the kids will take with them when they’re 17 and at a party and being pressured to drink the real stuff.

The party sounds fun. And I’m not at all into pushing girls to being super girly. I see it as giving a taste of something in a special situation, without having to think about makeup as a daily thing.

Ironically, I think that putting girls in dance competitions, as you have said your daughter does, is way more likely to create a girly girl than one party. Those costumes are super sparkly and/or sensual with the bare midriffs. The girls wear a ton of makeup (yes I know its so they can be seen on stage, but they put it on girls as young as 3, which I think is crazy) and everyone has to look the same—same outfit, same hair, same makeup...not to mention the body image part of being a dancer. I think it’s funny that you are up in arms about a birthday party but think the whole image part of dancing is fine.

[Anonymous]

My mom was controlling like you are. It was an unpleasant home to grow up in. We seemed happy enough but we didn’t know there was a happier way to live. Now my sibling and I don’t have a relationship with my mother because she tried to control us into adulthood and became more restrictive as we grew older rather than less. Her control issues stem from untreated anxiety. Maybe reflect on that.

Temporary hair color washes out. I can’t imagine caring about that. Mani pedis are totally fine. I can’t imagine getting upset about that, unless they came home with overly long fake nails that would shred their real nails when removed. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case. I also don’t understand why you’re upset about the mom not telling you about the makeovers, because she did mention makeovers.

My kids love drinking from fancy glasses. They like juice from champagne flutes. They love drinking chocolate milk from martini glasses. It’s just a way of making something normal seem special. Even my control freak mom would let me order a virgin strawberry daiquiri once in a while when we went out to dinner. It’s basically an icee in a fancy glass. My youngest loves pina colada yogurt. Should I nix that because it’s glamorizing alcohol flavored yogurt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learning that you can have fun drinking "mocktails" isn't a terrible thing, either.

Everyone is saying fake drinks; these are real drinks. What I would get at any party I go to. This is what I would want my dd to take from this. If everyone is ordering something you don’t like, there are other choices. My 8yo dd gets “fake” coffee (decaf fraps) from Starbucks about once a month during the summer. Is that glamorizing coffee?

The professionals are a great touch. Probably better than The kids making a mess of the makeup and polish.

My only issue is not that as an African American, the hair washing would have been a big deal for us.... takes both of us a few hours to wash, detangle, and and flat iron, that we PLAN and dd can’t just wash he hair on a whim every day. I would have been annoyed but sinc dd would have had fun, been able to fit in and not point out her differences (or her moms stuffiness) it would have been fine. And I would not have made the host uncomfortable or would have apologized if I thought I had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay okay if DCUM says I’m making too big a deal then I must be.

DD is a dancer so she understands makeup is for special ocassions like recitals and competitions. She’s really been pushing to wear more when she’s 13 like her friends but I’ve been holding firm on only a bit of concealer for a bad blemish and some mascara.

The hair dye was shocking and I’m not a fan of unnatural colors. She knows this too because she and her brothers wanted to dye their hair for the Capitals parade and I vetoed that.

I have to plan a 13th bday for the end of August and the ideas DD is throwing out already after this party are just crazy. Thirteenth bdays weren’t a big thing when I was growing up, just sweet 16. Now it’s a big bash for 13, 16, and 18! Or at least it seems to be for the girls. Thank goodness the 2 coming up after her are boys.

They were when I was growing up in the US. 13 is when a kid becomes a teen so yes, it's a "milestone" year.

You are just one of those parents who likes to have a problem. You aren't happy unless you have a problem. And you need to reconsider that way of being.

The mom did not tell you what the party plans were exactly because your DD told the host kid that if her mom did, that she wouldn't be allowed to stay. I am sure all the other moms knew about the sister who was a professional coming over and making the drinks in advance. You were the only one in the dark. I bet it was your older kid who told your DD how she needed to omit the truth so that she could attend the party.