Do you spank your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get anxiety just reading a lot of these post. Particular those that talk about how they talk to the children first then spank them, followed up by demonstrations of affection. I can't imagine how a kid must feel. The anticipation of pain, having to be an active participant in what I can only describe as a farce....it just sounds awful.

The bottom line is, if you disagree with this sort of punishment, it won't make sense. But the criticisms of how it's carried out don't really hold water, either. Why should you NOT talk to them beforehand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is there a DCUM consensus that hitting kids is ok? I am shocked by this thread - seriously. Hitting your kid is wrong, I don't care how you justify it to yourself. There are many many other ways to discipline. And to hit your kid and then say you love them is conditional parenting. Try unconditional parenting. I love you when you're good, when you're bad, whenever, no conditions.

Announcing how we plan to punish children (“Remember: if you do x, then I’ll do y to you”) may salve our conscience because we gave them fair warning, but all we’ve really done is threaten them. We’ve told them in advance exactly how we’ll make them suffer if they fail to obey. This communicates a message of distrust (“I don’t think you’ll do the right thing without the fear of punishment”), leads kids to think of themselves as complying for extrinsic reasons, and emphasizes their powerlessness.

Folks, there are people on this thread (and many more IRL) that have stated that they were spanked (not beaten) as a child and still have loving close relationships with their parents. Why do you negate those people's experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

Oh my god, YES IT HAS. Read the research. But I know you won't. Keep justifying it if you want but you are on the wrong side of history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

Oh my god, YES IT HAS. Read the research. But I know you won't. Keep justifying it if you want but you are on the wrong side of history.

I have read the research. As has already been stated by multiple other posters, the research is not conducted scientifically with controls or even an attempt to separate mild physical correction with severe physical abuse. It lumps it all together as a binary variable, does not tease out socioeconomic factors, and declares that spanking is bad.

The research is worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get anxiety just reading a lot of these post. Particular those that talk about how they talk to the children first then spank them, followed up by demonstrations of affection. I can't imagine how a kid must feel. The anticipation of pain, having to be an active participant in what I can only describe as a farce....it just sounds awful.

Active participant?

The child has to walk into a different room. Has to have a conversation. Lie over the parents lap and position themselves to receive physical punishment. The hugs and kisses afterwards. They have to participate in all of it. I don't agree with it, but I can almost understand a spank in the heat of the moment--don't support it, but can wrap my head around why a parent might do it. But this dragged out, almost ritualized process? Like I said, it gives me anxiety just reading about it. I can only imagine the terror a child feels as the anticipation grows as they get closer to that moment of pain. And then forced to display affection towards someone who just hit you immediately afterwards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

I could not disagree more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get anxiety just reading a lot of these post. Particular those that talk about how they talk to the children first then spank them, followed up by demonstrations of affection. I can't imagine how a kid must feel. The anticipation of pain, having to be an active participant in what I can only describe as a farce....it just sounds awful.

Active participant?

The child has to walk into a different room. Has to have a conversation. Lie over the parents lap and position themselves to receive physical punishment. The hugs and kisses afterwards. They have to participate in all of it. I don't agree with it, but I can almost understand a spank in the heat of the moment--don't support it, but can wrap my head around why a parent might do it. But this dragged out, almost ritualized process? Like I said, it gives me anxiety just reading about it. I can only imagine the terror a child feels as the anticipation grows as they get closer to that moment of pain. And then forced to display affection towards someone who just hit you immediately afterwards?

And the thing is, I remember this, and I assure you it was no big deal. Why it would give you anxiety now is concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is there a DCUM consensus that hitting kids is ok? I am shocked by this thread - seriously. Hitting your kid is wrong, I don't care how you justify it to yourself. There are many many other ways to discipline. And to hit your kid and then say you love them is conditional parenting. Try unconditional parenting. I love you when you're good, when you're bad, whenever, no conditions.

Announcing how we plan to punish children (“Remember: if you do x, then I’ll do y to you”) may salve our conscience because we gave them fair warning, but all we’ve really done is threaten them. We’ve told them in advance exactly how we’ll make them suffer if they fail to obey. This communicates a message of distrust (“I don’t think you’ll do the right thing without the fear of punishment”), leads kids to think of themselves as complying for extrinsic reasons, and emphasizes their powerlessness.

Folks, there are people on this thread (and many more IRL) that have stated that they were spanked (not beaten) as a child and still have loving close relationships with their parents. Why do you negate those people's experiences?

Why are you negating the people who were harmed by it? I guess every parent who spanks is gambling. Will they end up with the kid who *shrugs and embraces mom* or who *cries and sees their parents as weak and controlling*?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

I could not disagree more.

Why? Have you tried it and found that it wasn't useful in your case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

I could not disagree more.

Why? Have you tried it and found that it wasn't useful in your case?

I'm another PP, but yes I did it twice, and it made me feel terrible, and made my child cry. It didn't work at all. And there has been a slew of research - good research that shows it does not work. If it works so well, why do you have to keep spanking? If it worked, wouldn't you only have to do it once?

[Anonymous]

I was spanked a few times as a kid, and it was used as a threat a lot. My parents were awesome parents overall, and my relationship with them is wonderful to this day - always has been. However, what I remember of those spankings is not the infraction (no idea what I did) but the feelings: anger, humiliation, powerlessness, injustice. Not what my parents intended to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also shocked that this is happening in 2015. I was spanked as a child and, just like our parents smoked and drank while pregnant and no one wore seatbelts, I assume it was because these were uneducated people that didn't know any better. I cannot believe that anyone thinks this is ok and ESPECIALLY do it in such a sick, sadistic way as laying them over your lap and hugging and kissing them afterward. Dear Lord! No wonder people are in abusive relationships as adults!

Spanking has not proven to be harmful the way smoking during pregnancy, or not wearing seatbelts has.

I'm not saying it is just as harmful. I'm saying that I assumed people spanked their kids because they didn't know any better. Now that people know better, why are they still doing it? (PS I am also amazed that people still smoke or drink while pregnant or drive without seatbelts)

There's nothing to "know better" regarding spanking. Used carefully and correctly, it's very effective.

I could not disagree more.

Why? Have you tried it and found that it wasn't useful in your case?

I'm another PP, but yes I did it twice, and it made me feel terrible, and made my child cry. It didn't work at all. And there has been a slew of research - good research that shows it does not work. If it works so well, why do you have to keep spanking? If it worked, wouldn't you only have to do it once?