Do you spank your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was physically abused and a parent, I have so much love for my child that it sickens me to know that my parents and other parents would consider physical violence against people they are supposed to love to be acceptable. There is no excuse or justification for modeling physical harm as a way to deal with a parent’s anger/frustration or behavioral concerns.

I agree. It makes no sense from any perspective. It’s inappropriate to hit someone because you’re angry. It’s also inappropriate to hit someone to “teach them a lesson.” Why are these things are okay to do to children? They’re not. It’s lazy parenting.

Well, except it does make sense. My parents spanked me… I did not and do not consider them to be abusive and … they were NOT lazy. I felt adored by them. To me, spanking was just a consequence for bad behavior I knew in advance was wrong. No different than a time out, and maybe preferable because it was shorter. Ditto for my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was physically abused and a parent, I have so much love for my child that it sickens me to know that my parents and other parents would consider physical violence against people they are supposed to love to be acceptable. There is no excuse or justification for modeling physical harm as a way to deal with a parent’s anger/frustration or behavioral concerns.

I agree. It makes no sense from any perspective. It’s inappropriate to hit someone because you’re angry. It’s also inappropriate to hit someone to “teach them a lesson.” Why are these things are okay to do to children? They’re not. It’s lazy parenting.

Well, except it does make sense. My parents spanked me… I did not and do not consider them to be abusive and … they were NOT lazy. I felt adored by them. To me, spanking was just a consequence for bad behavior I knew in advance was wrong. No different than a time out, and maybe preferable because it was shorter. Ditto for my husband.

100% agree with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was physically abused and a parent, I have so much love for my child that it sickens me to know that my parents and other parents would consider physical violence against people they are supposed to love to be acceptable. There is no excuse or justification for modeling physical harm as a way to deal with a parent’s anger/frustration or behavioral concerns.

I agree. It makes no sense from any perspective. It’s inappropriate to hit someone because you’re angry. It’s also inappropriate to hit someone to “teach them a lesson.” Why are these things are okay to do to children? They’re not. It’s lazy parenting.

Well, except it does make sense. My parents spanked me… I did not and do not consider them to be abusive and … they were NOT lazy. I felt adored by them. To me, spanking was just a consequence for bad behavior I knew in advance was wrong. No different than a time out, and maybe preferable because it was shorter. Ditto for my husband.

100% agree with this

Have you ever heard of the orchid theory? You are likely a dandelion, no matter your environment you would have flourished (within reason). Not every kid is a dandelion. Not spanking is best for ALL kids even though some are not harmed by it,.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was physically abused and a parent, I have so much love for my child that it sickens me to know that my parents and other parents would consider physical violence against people they are supposed to love to be acceptable. There is no excuse or justification for modeling physical harm as a way to deal with a parent’s anger/frustration or behavioral concerns.

I agree. It makes no sense from any perspective. It’s inappropriate to hit someone because you’re angry. It’s also inappropriate to hit someone to “teach them a lesson.” Why are these things are okay to do to children? They’re not. It’s lazy parenting.

Well, except it does make sense. My parents spanked me… I did not and do not consider them to be abusive and … they were NOT lazy. I felt adored by them. To me, spanking was just a consequence for bad behavior I knew in advance was wrong. No different than a time out, and maybe preferable because it was shorter. Ditto for my husband.

100% agree with this

Have you ever heard of the orchid theory? You are likely a dandelion, no matter your environment you would have flourished (within reason). Not every kid is a dandelion. Not spanking is best for ALL kids even though some are not harmed by it,.

Your flower analogy is a totally valid argument.

[Anonymous]

Hell no.

I have terrible memories of spankings as a kid, that I still remember vividly as an adult. They are not pleasant memories, and are a black mark on what was otherwise a quite good childhood for me.

I'd never inflict that on my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we do, and it's the over the lap kind.

Feel better humiliating your child? I was spanked and I lost respect for my mom.

DP. I was spanked by both my parents and have complete and total respect for my parents.

Ditto.

As long as you raise respectful, kind, humble, not entitled brats, do you. Spank or no spank.

according to gentle parenting you can't even do timeouts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was physically abused and a parent, I have so much love for my child that it sickens me to know that my parents and other parents would consider physical violence against people they are supposed to love to be acceptable. There is no excuse or justification for modeling physical harm as a way to deal with a parent’s anger/frustration or behavioral concerns.

I agree. It makes no sense from any perspective. It’s inappropriate to hit someone because you’re angry. It’s also inappropriate to hit someone to “teach them a lesson.” Why are these things are okay to do to children? They’re not. It’s lazy parenting.

Well, except it does make sense. My parents spanked me… I did not and do not consider them to be abusive and … they were NOT lazy. I felt adored by them. To me, spanking was just a consequence for bad behavior I knew in advance was wrong. No different than a time out, and maybe preferable because it was shorter. Ditto for my husband.

How long are you putting your kids in time out for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
+1. Impromptu is not at all okay, but at least it's somewhat logical that a parent might lose control. What isn't logical is that an adult might "calmly" call a child over and start hitting them.

Yup

[Anonymous]

Do I physically abuse my children? No, I do not.

[Anonymous]

No. This is not something I would ever consider and if my DH did it it would be an immediate divorce.

I was hit as a child. Not often, I can only remember 3 times, but enough that I always felt so much anxiety around my father. I do not want my daughter to experience that.

I also just can't really even understand where spanking comes from. It feels so fundamentally nuts to me. "You did something I didn't like so now I'm going to bring you, a child 1/3 my size, physical harm." WTF?

[Anonymous]

Never. Ever. Unless you want to erode trust

[Anonymous]

I was a pretty agreeable child with a mother who was extremely anxious. Separation was difficult for me, mostly I think b/c I absorbed her anxiety. At times I refused to go to school, and I was beaten. A pretty awful dilemma for a 6 year old.

After a couple of years of this, I remember looking at my mother one morning and realizing I was truly on my own. At age 8.

Physical punishment is the refuge of parents who lack knowledge of child development, empathy, and genuine altruistic love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a pretty agreeable child with a mother who was extremely anxious. Separation was difficult for me, mostly I think b/c I absorbed her anxiety. At times I refused to go to school, and I was beaten. A pretty awful dilemma for a 6 year old.

After a couple of years of this, I remember looking at my mother one morning and realizing I was truly on my own. At age 8.

Physical punishment is the refuge of parents who lack knowledge of child development, empathy, and genuine altruistic love.

This is such an effed up analysis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This is not something I would ever consider and if my DH did it it would be an immediate divorce.

I was hit as a child. Not often, I can only remember 3 times, but enough that I always felt so much anxiety around my father. I do not want my daughter to experience that.

I also just can't really even understand where spanking comes from. It feels so fundamentally nuts to me. "You did something I didn't like so now I'm going to bring you, a child 1/3 my size, physical harm." WTF?

Maybe it’s… you didn’t listen to me when I said not to run in the parking lot and now I will give you a hand seat so you listen next time and don’t KILL yourself. I just find it so hard to believe any of these vehement anti-spammers are truly empathetic because they are utterly unable to think through their other parents’ thought processes. When my parents spanked me, they didn’t cause “physical harm”… a little pain, but always to reinforce an important lesson.

In any case, divorce would be so much worse for your kid than a spanking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. This is not something I would ever consider and if my DH did it it would be an immediate divorce.

I was hit as a child. Not often, I can only remember 3 times, but enough that I always felt so much anxiety around my father. I do not want my daughter to experience that.

I also just can't really even understand where spanking comes from. It feels so fundamentally nuts to me. "You did something I didn't like so now I'm going to bring you, a child 1/3 my size, physical harm." WTF?

Maybe it’s… you didn’t listen to me when I said not to run in the parking lot and now I will give you a hand seat so you listen next time and don’t KILL yourself. I just find it so hard to believe any of these vehement anti-spammers are truly empathetic because they are utterly unable to think through their other parents’ thought processes. When my parents spanked me, they didn’t cause “physical harm”… a little pain, but always to reinforce an important lesson.

In any case, divorce would be so much worse for your kid than a spanking.

Why couldn't you hug them instead and tell them how it scared you? wouldn't that also work? If it needs to be physical why does it have to be hitting to enforce an important lesson?