Boy slapped my daughter's butt on the walk from school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"End game"? I would like the kid to be seriously punished. Suspended. Kicked off his sports team for some period of time (if applicable). Detention for a while. Things like that. Would depend on whether this was the first time he did something like this or not. I'd like someone with authority (principal maybe) to sit him down and tell him he can't do that and if he were an adult it is a crime called "assault" that could be prosecuted. And that if they ever hear of him treating another girl in a degrading manner, he will be punished even more severely.

Wow. I hope your precious little snowflake doesn't make a mistake at some point in her life. I'm not condoning the boys' behavior but IMO your reaction is so far over the top, I don't know where to begin.

Suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for touching a girls butt off school grounds. Unbelievable.

This. We are a society gone amok.

Its already happening in our colleges. Why won't it permeate down to our high schools and middle schools. The colleges are a testing ground and then it seeps into the real world.

Because the legal system has different standards for those who are not adults. Not everything should be seen from the perspective of a bitter 40 something DC office drone.

yeah..and the bitter 40 year old office drones are already writing rules to circumvent the legal system for colleges. So why won't they eventually do it for high schools. Even elementary schools. Its starting to happen in california anyway for high schools.

College students are adults, you idiot. They get to vote and everything...This craziness has got to stop. Guilty until proven innocent is the new system which is the antithesis of our legal system unless you are on a college campus or a women accuses a man of anything. As a women born in the 60s and who has seen feminism come full circle from empowerment to victimization, I am disgusted. As a mother of both boys and girls, I am terrified.

[Anonymous]

OP you have my sympathy. Its an assault and the thing that matters most is how your daughter feels about it.

I think talking to the Guidance Counsellor as has been suggested, is the best advice.

This happened to me, in college - a close male friend thought it would be a funny thing to do, in front of others. It was humiliating.

I know people have huge problems and far worse situations they face, but still its an assault and should be addressed.

good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"End game"? I would like the kid to be seriously punished. Suspended. Kicked off his sports team for some period of time (if applicable). Detention for a while. Things like that. Would depend on whether this was the first time he did something like this or not. I'd like someone with authority (principal maybe) to sit him down and tell him he can't do that and if he were an adult it is a crime called "assault" that could be prosecuted. And that if they ever hear of him treating another girl in a degrading manner, he will be punished even more severely.

Wow. I hope your precious little snowflake doesn't make a mistake at some point in her life. I'm not condoning the boys' behavior but IMO your reaction is so far over the top, I don't know where to begin.

Suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for touching a girls butt off school grounds. Unbelievable.

Why exactly? If this was an adult, it would be an assault charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"End game"? I would like the kid to be seriously punished. Suspended. Kicked off his sports team for some period of time (if applicable). Detention for a while. Things like that. Would depend on whether this was the first time he did something like this or not. I'd like someone with authority (principal maybe) to sit him down and tell him he can't do that and if he were an adult it is a crime called "assault" that could be prosecuted. And that if they ever hear of him treating another girl in a degrading manner, he will be punished even more severely.

Wow. I hope your precious little snowflake doesn't make a mistake at some point in her life. I'm not condoning the boys' behavior but IMO your reaction is so far over the top, I don't know where to begin.

Suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for touching a girls butt off school grounds. Unbelievable.

Why exactly? If this was an adult, it would be an assault charge.

Its a 12 year old KID goaded on by his friends. keep some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"End game"? I would like the kid to be seriously punished. Suspended. Kicked off his sports team for some period of time (if applicable). Detention for a while. Things like that. Would depend on whether this was the first time he did something like this or not. I'd like someone with authority (principal maybe) to sit him down and tell him he can't do that and if he were an adult it is a crime called "assault" that could be prosecuted. And that if they ever hear of him treating another girl in a degrading manner, he will be punished even more severely.

Wow. I hope your precious little snowflake doesn't make a mistake at some point in her life. I'm not condoning the boys' behavior but IMO your reaction is so far over the top, I don't know where to begin.

Suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for touching a girls butt off school grounds. Unbelievable.

Why exactly? If this was an adult, it would be an assault charge.

By your logic when a toddler takes a toy from another that's stealing and the toddler should be in jail too. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School is out for the year. Today was the last day.

I haven't discussed reaction options with my daughter. I was at work today. She doesn't know how I feel about this other than me saying I'm sorry it happened and we would talk more about it tonight. I mostly listened earlier.

I want to notify his parents. I think I've said that at least 10 times already. They can deal with it however they deal with it. I'm not trying to decide on the punishment for the boy. I am also not going to tell her to just suck it up. That's a terrible lesson, and one I will not teach to my child. She reacted appropriately when it happened.

I posted this earlier, and you haven't responded.

Please, please, please TALK TO YOUR DD BEFORE you try to contact the boy's parents.

I am 1,000% sure she will not want this situation to escalate. You are absolutely right to listen to her and let her express her feelings, and PPs are absolutely right that this is a teachable moment where you can advise her on how to handle unwanted attention/contact.

But there is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by trying to identify, locate and pursue a 12-year-old boy who did something stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your daughter should be the one talking to the guidance counselor and someone in a leadership role at school about how to respond to this kind of behavior. It's the right place to start, but I don't know how a school would respond. I know that bullying issues aren't confined to school grounds, so I am sure that they would at least hear your daughter out and talk about options with her.

One thing you need to consider is how certain is she that she can ID the boy himself from a yearbook or social media? If she doesn't know him, and the school is as big as you say, it sounds a little problematic. (Conversely if she is certain about who it is, how hard is it really to find the name and a phone number for the family?)

The other issue that you may find is that right now it's a one-off incident and effectively your daughter's word against some anonymous boy's (I assume he'd deny it.) Realistically it's going to be difficult for a school, much less the police, to enact severe punishments on such a basis.

Finally I would implore you to step back and try to get some perspective. Your daughter has every right to feel upset about what happened to her. But in life, not every wrong has a corresponding punishment.

And even if it did, I don't think you'll find most other parents agree that the appropriate punishment for one 12yo who tapped another 12yo's rear end is suspension or multiple detentions or getting kicked out of band or basketball. Part of education is socialization: just like preschoolers and kindergarteners have to learn not to pummel their tablemates to get the crayon they want, 12yos have to learn how to interact appropriately with the opposite sex.
.

School is out for the year. Today was the last day.

I haven't discussed reaction options with my daughter. I was at work today. She doesn't know how I feel about this other than me saying I'm sorry it happened and we would talk more about it tonight. I mostly listened earlier.

I want to notify his parents. I think I've said that at least 10 times already. They can deal with it however they deal with it. I'm not trying to decide on the punishment for the boy. I am also not going to tell her to just suck it up. That's a terrible lesson, and one I will not teach to my child. She reacted appropriately when it happened.

OP, I was a cute girl and there was this popular boy in middle school that smacked me in the butt a few times. I knew he liked me but it was incredibly humiliating for me that he could touch me and get away with it. I finally told a teacher and she blew me off (I went to a Catholic school.) I wish I had told my parents, that anyone would have stuck up for me. Now a days, this is considered harassment, and it is not allowed. Please find who it is, don't let it go, and report him. I think it is great that you are supporting your daughter and not taking this lightly. It is not a light thing.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old daughter thinks you ladies are nuts and would like you to know that you "sweet" little girls are no better than the boys when it comes to inappropriate behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once when I was in college, a guy came up behind me and grabbed my crotch at a bar. I turned around and in a singular motion executed a roundhouse kick to his balls. Everyone in the vicinity cheered for me. To this day, I still don't classify it as a sexual assault. I was surrounded by others, the guy did something dumb on a dare, he got his balls kicked, end of story.

I am not condoning his behavior, but I am also CHOOSING not to be a victim. I was never afraid; I wasn't humiliated.

Don't force your daughter to be a victim. If she feels victimized that is one thing, but don't teach her to feel like a victim when there is really no need.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"End game"? I would like the kid to be seriously punished. Suspended. Kicked off his sports team for some period of time (if applicable). Detention for a while. Things like that. Would depend on whether this was the first time he did something like this or not. I'd like someone with authority (principal maybe) to sit him down and tell him he can't do that and if he were an adult it is a crime called "assault" that could be prosecuted. And that if they ever hear of him treating another girl in a degrading manner, he will be punished even more severely.

Wow. I hope your precious little snowflake doesn't make a mistake at some point in her life. I'm not condoning the boys' behavior but IMO your reaction is so far over the top, I don't know where to begin.

Suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for touching a girls butt off school grounds. Unbelievable.

Why exactly? If this was an adult, it would be an assault charge.

Again: not an adult. Let it sink in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School is out for the year. Today was the last day.

I haven't discussed reaction options with my daughter. I was at work today. She doesn't know how I feel about this other than me saying I'm sorry it happened and we would talk more about it tonight. I mostly listened earlier.

I want to notify his parents. I think I've said that at least 10 times already. They can deal with it however they deal with it. I'm not trying to decide on the punishment for the boy. I am also not going to tell her to just suck it up. That's a terrible lesson, and one I will not teach to my child. She reacted appropriately when it happened.

I posted this earlier, and you haven't responded.

Please, please, please TALK TO YOUR DD BEFORE you try to contact the boy's parents.

I am 1,000% sure she will not want this situation to escalate. You are absolutely right to listen to her and let her express her feelings, and PPs are absolutely right that this is a teachable moment where you can advise her on how to handle unwanted attention/contact.

But there is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by trying to identify, locate and pursue a 12-year-old boy who did something stupid.

It says that I will talk to her more about it tonight. I don't understand your definition of "gained." She should have an alternative to just tolerating it because boys acting like that is acceptable and expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once when I was in college, a guy came up behind me and grabbed my crotch at a bar. I turned around and in a singular motion executed a roundhouse kick to his balls. Everyone in the vicinity cheered for me. To this day, I still don't classify it as a sexual assault. I was surrounded by others, the guy did something dumb on a dare, he got his balls kicked, end of story.

I am not condoning his behavior, but I am also CHOOSING not to be a victim. I was never afraid; I wasn't humiliated.

Don't force your daughter to be a victim. If she feels victimized that is one thing, but don't teach her to feel like a victim when there is really no need.

This

How am I forcing her to be a victim? Seriously, that sounds crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"End game"? I would like the kid to be seriously punished. Suspended. Kicked off his sports team for some period of time (if applicable). Detention for a while. Things like that. Would depend on whether this was the first time he did something like this or not. I'd like someone with authority (principal maybe) to sit him down and tell him he can't do that and if he were an adult it is a crime called "assault" that could be prosecuted. And that if they ever hear of him treating another girl in a degrading manner, he will be punished even more severely.

Wow. I hope your precious little snowflake doesn't make a mistake at some point in her life. I'm not condoning the boys' behavior but IMO your reaction is so far over the top, I don't know where to begin.

Suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for touching a girls butt off school grounds. Unbelievable.

Why exactly? If this was an adult, it would be an assault charge.

But they are not. They are 12. Their brains aren't developed yet. They are still learning right from wrong. The law and most normal people would not overreact the way OP did.

Teach your daughter now to smack him back if it ever happens again and let go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School is out for the year. Today was the last day.

I haven't discussed reaction options with my daughter. I was at work today. She doesn't know how I feel about this other than me saying I'm sorry it happened and we would talk more about it tonight. I mostly listened earlier.

I want to notify his parents. I think I've said that at least 10 times already. They can deal with it however they deal with it. I'm not trying to decide on the punishment for the boy. I am also not going to tell her to just suck it up. That's a terrible lesson, and one I will not teach to my child. She reacted appropriately when it happened.

I posted this earlier, and you haven't responded.

Please, please, please TALK TO YOUR DD BEFORE you try to contact the boy's parents.

I am 1,000% sure she will not want this situation to escalate. You are absolutely right to listen to her and let her express her feelings, and PPs are absolutely right that this is a teachable moment where you can advise her on how to handle unwanted attention/contact.

But there is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by trying to identify, locate and pursue a 12-year-old boy who did something stupid.

It says that I will talk to her more about it tonight. I don't understand your definition of "gained." She should have an alternative to just tolerating it because boys acting like that is acceptable and expected.

You said she already handled it -- she "responded appropriately." Why are you so bent on perpetuating it and punishing the boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School is out for the year. Today was the last day.

I haven't discussed reaction options with my daughter. I was at work today. She doesn't know how I feel about this other than me saying I'm sorry it happened and we would talk more about it tonight. I mostly listened earlier.

I want to notify his parents. I think I've said that at least 10 times already. They can deal with it however they deal with it. I'm not trying to decide on the punishment for the boy. I am also not going to tell her to just suck it up. That's a terrible lesson, and one I will not teach to my child. She reacted appropriately when it happened.

I posted this earlier, and you haven't responded.

Please, please, please TALK TO YOUR DD BEFORE you try to contact the boy's parents.

I am 1,000% sure she will not want this situation to escalate. You are absolutely right to listen to her and let her express her feelings, and PPs are absolutely right that this is a teachable moment where you can advise her on how to handle unwanted attention/contact.

But there is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by trying to identify, locate and pursue a 12-year-old boy who did something stupid.

It says that I will talk to her more about it tonight. I don't understand your definition of "gained." She should have an alternative to just tolerating it because boys acting like that is acceptable and expected.

No one is saying it is acceptable, but you want to take it to an absolute extreme. Do you want to make a poster child out of this boy? You seem thirsty for blood,