Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Not OK with me.

[Anonymous]

Most women do not get along with their mil's. Sounds like this forum has the worst of them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are these the two choices we have as mother of black boys?

Yes apparently it is per your posts. I haven't seen one post about them dating educated black women just NOT WHITE WOMEN.

And another thing....it's not your freaking choice!

Not pp, but I didn't realize that the automatic default for a black woman for my son is an uneducated one. How...interesting.

Yes it is interesting that out of 15 pages now I don't think one AA mom posted about her son marrying an educated black woman. She just has to be black. Very interesting.

I think it's a given that we want our children to marry educated and intelligent people. This thread is about race not intelligence, so no need to emphasize this (although some of us AA moms have mentioned wanting our educated sons to find a black woman who is his equal).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are these the two choices we have as mother of black boys?

Yes apparently it is per your posts. I haven't seen one post about them dating educated black women just NOT WHITE WOMEN.

And another thing....it's not your freaking choice!

Not pp, but I didn't realize that the automatic default for a black woman for my son is an uneducated one. How...interesting.

Yes it is interesting that out of 15 pages now I don't think one AA mom posted about her son marrying an educated black woman. She just has to be black. Very interesting.

I think it's a given that we want our children to marry educated and intelligent people. This thread is about race not intelligence, so no need to emphasize this (although some of us AA moms have mentioned wanting our educated sons to find a black woman who is his equal).

You still did not answer the question....would you want uneducated Shaquanda living off your precious son rather than an educated/ independent white woman. Honestly...

[Anonymous]

Speaking of MIL's I am one. Our son (white) married an Asian woman whose family was extremely rejecting toward him - didn't come to their wedding. Move forward many years and son's wife is similarly rejecting of me and my DH in grandparent role. Kids are being raised tiger mom fashion.

So now I guess I'd say I'm not okay with my son marrying a woman of a different race. Culture is a better word for it I guess, and it's certainly not the only thing - but it's played a big role.

The grandchildren ARE adorable, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP who married AA man who is my best friend, who i love with all my heart and who I am not going to apologize for. I totally hear everything AA moms are saying, and if i werent in an interracial family, I'd probably be sympathetic with your point of view. However, when it's YOUR family, your relationship, your husband it stops being a conversation about race, rather it feels like a personal attack on the makeup of your family. And BTW, My family talks about EVERYTHING, including our prejudices and the role we play in racism in this country. So stop saying that they dont accept my husband, who you dont know, or that im naive to this. I agree that a lot of people do have prejudices that would surface if their son or daughter dated outside of their race, (as evidenced by this thread) but many dont, or do and work through it-we're all capable of evolving and becoming more self-aware. Also, my husband never dated exclusively white women, I think that's just narrow-minded. And I have biracial children now, so I'm sensitive to the issues they may face as people of color in this world. And I didn't marry or procreate out of guilt. I have plenty of bias and things to feel guilty about, but that's not one of them. And to those who don't want their sons or daughters dating outside of their own race, for reasons beyond preserving religion or culture, I feel sorry for you because you are creating barriers and limits when you should be promoting growth and openness for your children. I'm kind of sorry I got sucked into this conversation, because it's so complicated and hard to delve into on an anonymous thread like this. All I reallt wanted was information on potty-training. But here I am, frustrated and no closer to getting my baby on the pot.

You don't need to apologize for marrying a black man. But understand, they we also don't owe you an explanation about what we'd want for our own sons. You say you respect those who want to preserve their religion and their culture...well, that has a lot to do with why I want my son to marry a black woman.

I don't think a white mother is properly equipped with the tools to raise children of color in America, but that's not my problem to tackle and hopefully your husband will do his job in making sure they understand the complexities of growing up biracial in America (not this colorblind crap). While you may be sensitive to the issues that black people face, you are not black, so you can never truly understand it. And that's okay, but to be outraged for the very thing you don't understand...well, that's just screwy.

Again, I find it interesting that the main offense taken on this thread is when black people "reject" whites. Instant outrage and "how dare you's".

Is she not equipped to raise biracial children just like our president's mother was not equipped? Because I think our president's mother did a pretty good job, no?

And, by the way, should Obama's mother have been "disappointed" when her son married a black woman? Should she have felt "rejected" and should she have secretly wished that Barack had learned to appreciate everything that is beautiful about white women?

Having read this entire thread, three things seem to explain this viewpoint that AA mothers have expressed about their sons in particular: (1) if a black son marries a white woman his mother feels "rejected" because he's choosing someone who -- from a physical perspective -- looks different than his mother (of course, the white woman may be sweet, strong, independent, etc. like his mother, but that doesn't seem important to the AA mothers posting on this thread); (2) black women don't like white women "taking the good black guys" because there are too few of them; and (3) AA mothers are racist.

[Anonymous]

Black people have a very low marriage rate. I'd aim for healthy marriage regardless of race, personally. But I'm a huge advocate of marriage in general, especially if kids are involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm starting to think this is more about outrage that someone would dare "reject" white people.

Close, but not quite. I don't like that you would reject me (or my child) because of our whiteness.

And a white person would never get away with a blanket "rejection" of black people. See how little response the white posters who are prejudiced are getting? It's because the rest of us (many of us, anyway) have written them off as an embarrassment and a lost cause.

Actually, white people get away with rejecting black people all the time. The reason why most folks haven't responded to the white folks expressing these feelings in this thread is because it's nothing shocking to them. To pretend that white people would heartily welcome a black DIL/SIL is laughable. In fact, I would say that those who *do* accept their black SIL/DIL without reservation are the exception, not the rule. And that black person had better be "one of the good ones" or you can forget about them being welcomed into the family circle.

And this is not about rejection; it's about wanting my son to nurture and have a successful black family. Now if he chooses a white wife, oh well. Yes, I'll be disappointed, but as I've said before in this thread, I would not make my feelings known nor would I make my DIL feel uncomfortable. In time, I'd probably even be okay with the union. BUT, deep down, I will be greatly disappointed that my son did not choose a black wife.

I think you would really like to believe this because it makes you feel better about being a racist. But the fact it that this is not 1950, and we have elected a black president two times in this country. So I think most white, urban, educated white people (which is what makes up most of the posters on this board) would be ok w/ their kids dating/marrying non-whites. Can you say the same thing about most AA women? If the views expressed on this board are representative, then it's a resounding "no." So stop pointing fingers and calling white people racist when you are the racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are these the two choices we have as mother of black boys?

Yes apparently it is per your posts. I haven't seen one post about them dating educated black women just NOT WHITE WOMEN.

And another thing....it's not your freaking choice!

Not pp, but I didn't realize that the automatic default for a black woman for my son is an uneducated one. How...interesting.

Yes it is interesting that out of 15 pages now I don't think one AA mom posted about her son marrying an educated black woman. She just has to be black. Very interesting.

I think it's a given that we want our children to marry educated and intelligent people. This thread is about race not intelligence, so no need to emphasize this (although some of us AA moms have mentioned wanting our educated sons to find a black woman who is his equal).

You still did not answer the question....would you want uneducated Shaquanda living off your precious son rather than an educated/ independent white woman. Honestly...

Again, why is the choice so starkly different? It's so insulting that I won't bother answering. I'm raising my son to be successful and to look for an equal partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP who married AA man who is my best friend, who i love with all my heart and who I am not going to apologize for. I totally hear everything AA moms are saying, and if i werent in an interracial family, I'd probably be sympathetic with your point of view. However, when it's YOUR family, your relationship, your husband it stops being a conversation about race, rather it feels like a personal attack on the makeup of your family. And BTW, My family talks about EVERYTHING, including our prejudices and the role we play in racism in this country. So stop saying that they dont accept my husband, who you dont know, or that im naive to this. I agree that a lot of people do have prejudices that would surface if their son or daughter dated outside of their race, (as evidenced by this thread) but many dont, or do and work through it-we're all capable of evolving and becoming more self-aware. Also, my husband never dated exclusively white women, I think that's just narrow-minded. And I have biracial children now, so I'm sensitive to the issues they may face as people of color in this world. And I didn't marry or procreate out of guilt. I have plenty of bias and things to feel guilty about, but that's not one of them. And to those who don't want their sons or daughters dating outside of their own race, for reasons beyond preserving religion or culture, I feel sorry for you because you are creating barriers and limits when you should be promoting growth and openness for your children. I'm kind of sorry I got sucked into this conversation, because it's so complicated and hard to delve into on an anonymous thread like this. All I reallt wanted was information on potty-training. But here I am, frustrated and no closer to getting my baby on the pot.

You don't need to apologize for marrying a black man. But understand, they we also don't owe you an explanation about what we'd want for our own sons. You say you respect those who want to preserve their religion and their culture...well, that has a lot to do with why I want my son to marry a black woman.

I don't think a white mother is properly equipped with the tools to raise children of color in America, but that's not my problem to tackle and hopefully your husband will do his job in making sure they understand the complexities of growing up biracial in America (not this colorblind crap). While you may be sensitive to the issues that black people face, you are not black, so you can never truly understand it. And that's okay, but to be outraged for the very thing you don't understand...well, that's just screwy.

Again, I find it interesting that the main offense taken on this thread is when black people "reject" whites. Instant outrage and "how dare you's".

Is she not equipped to raise biracial children just like our president's mother was not equipped? Because I think our president's mother did a pretty good job, no?

And, by the way, should Obama's mother have been "disappointed" when her son married a black woman? Should she have felt "rejected" and should she have secretly wished that Barack had learned to appreciate everything that is beautiful about white women?

Having read this entire thread, three things seem to explain this viewpoint that AA mothers have expressed about their sons in particular: (1) if a black son marries a white woman his mother feels "rejected" because he's choosing someone who -- from a physical perspective -- looks different than his mother (of course, the white woman may be sweet, strong, independent, etc. like his mother, but that doesn't seem important to the AA mothers posting on this thread); (2) black women don't like white women "taking the good black guys" because there are too few of them; and (3) AA mothers are racist.

I wonder why white people always throw the Obama argument into the equation. But to answer your question, no, I don't think Obama grandparents were properly equipped. Which is probably why once he became an adult he immersed himself in black culture (to learn more about his roots). This usually happens with biracial children; when they don't learn much about their race as a child, they sometimes go all "Angela Davis" to get in touch with their black side. Of all the militant blacks I've met, many of them are biracial people. It's like they feel like they having something to prove.

Points 1 & 2 are correct. Your third one is just you feeling bitter because you don't like the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm starting to think this is more about outrage that someone would dare "reject" white people.

Close, but not quite. I don't like that you would reject me (or my child) because of our whiteness.

And a white person would never get away with a blanket "rejection" of black people. See how little response the white posters who are prejudiced are getting? It's because the rest of us (many of us, anyway) have written them off as an embarrassment and a lost cause.

Actually, white people get away with rejecting black people all the time. The reason why most folks haven't responded to the white folks expressing these feelings in this thread is because it's nothing shocking to them. To pretend that white people would heartily welcome a black DIL/SIL is laughable. In fact, I would say that those who *do* accept their black SIL/DIL without reservation are the exception, not the rule. And that black person had better be "one of the good ones" or you can forget about them being welcomed into the family circle.

And this is not about rejection; it's about wanting my son to nurture and have a successful black family. Now if he chooses a white wife, oh well. Yes, I'll be disappointed, but as I've said before in this thread, I would not make my feelings known nor would I make my DIL feel uncomfortable. In time, I'd probably even be okay with the union. BUT, deep down, I will be greatly disappointed that my son did not choose a black wife.

I think you would really like to believe this because it makes you feel better about being a racist. But the fact it that this is not 1950, and we have elected a black president two times in this country. So I think most white, urban, educated white people (which is what makes up most of the posters on this board) would be ok w/ their kids dating/marrying non-whites. Can you say the same thing about most AA women? If the views expressed on this board are representative, then it's a resounding "no." So stop pointing fingers and calling white people racist when you are the racist.

Nothing I've stated is racist, nor have I called anyone else racist, so stop playing the "race card". If you'd like to think that most white people would accept a black DIL/SIL good for you, but the US is much larger than the DC area and you'd be flat out wrong. I can't speak for most AA women, only myself, so I don't know how they'd feel. We are not monolithic; some may be okay with it, some would hate it.

[Anonymous]

AA women aren't monithic. But neither are whites. That's the whole point. Each person is unique and we'd all be better off if we approached people with an open mind, curious to learn what they are about, instead if shutting them out just because of some background factor like race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are these the two choices we have as mother of black boys?

Yes apparently it is per your posts. I haven't seen one post about them dating educated black women just NOT WHITE WOMEN.

And another thing....it's not your freaking choice!

Not pp, but I didn't realize that the automatic default for a black woman for my son is an uneducated one. How...interesting.

Yes it is interesting that out of 15 pages now I don't think one AA mom posted about her son marrying an educated black woman. She just has to be black. Very interesting.

I think it's a given that we want our children to marry educated and intelligent people. This thread is about race not intelligence, so no need to emphasize this (although some of us AA moms have mentioned wanting our educated sons to find a black woman who is his equal).

You still did not answer the question....would you want uneducated Shaquanda living off your precious son rather than an educated/ independent white woman. Honestly...

Again, why is the choice so starkly different? It's so insulting that I won't bother answering. I'm raising my son to be successful and to look for an equal partner.

Oh bull lady. You wont answer because your answer is that you would rather have any black woman than a white woman. You are a racist pure and simple stop skirting the issue.

[Anonymous]

racist - a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others