Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any husband with half a brain knows that you get a burner phone to conduct your business, then disable or spoof the location feature onj your main phone.

Oh, these morons get caught texting on the family iPad. How lazy can you be?

So many people (men?) are stupid. I'd never get caught if I wanted to cheat.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.

But it does mean they could. I prefer to take that option off the table.

So you would rather be married to someone that you don't trust enough to share your password with than the reverse? Interesting. I'd rather be married to someone I trust enough to share my password with because I know they'd never use it to violate my privacy. But you do what you need to in order to protect yourself I guess.

I trust him and he trusts me. It's why there's no need to share passwords.

Sigh. I don't have my husband's password to his phone so that I can read his texts and emails. I have it so that when I don't have my phone but his is nearby, I can use that to take a video of our dogs being silly. My husband doesn't have the password to my phone so he can snoop in my private affairs but so he can change the music while I'm driving and the car is hooked up to my phone.

It's really hard to tell if you actually don't get it or if you're just being argumentative. I'm going with the latter because the former makes me concerned about the intelligence level on DCUM, which no doubt has been waning for years but may make it so bad that Reddit becomes the better option.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

I honestly just don't understand how you can twist it so negatively.

For people with normal healthy boundaries and relationships, "find my iPhone" is not abusive. Or dystopian! They are helpful from a safety and convenience perspective.

For you to go there says more about you than it does about the software.

I disagree, I think it says more about how much of ourselves we've sacrificed to tech companies in the name of "convenience" and "safety."

Fine, but that has nothing to do with sharing your location with your spouse.

If you want to use Door Dash, you're agreeing to share your location with tech companies. Same with a million other apps. That is a completely different issue than sharing it with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the Venn diagram is for "couples who maintain separate bank accounts" and "couples who are opposed to sharing location information with each other."

I'll bet there is a lot of overlap.

We have separate bank accounts and we share locations and passwords.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t share but I’d never blow up. We are Xennials and grew up as latch key kids and it seems weird to be tethered this way. But if my spouse really wanted to share, i would be ok with it i guess. I would wonder why he’d want it (anxiety? Projection? Planning a surprise party?).

I think a lot of it is anxiety. People can't cope without their phone in their hand and knowing where people are all the time. I think cell phones have made people feel a certain way and for anxious people, they need that tether. They are the helicopter generation in phone form - hovering over everyone, making sure they know where everyone is all the time, checking in with them frequently. There was a study where students reported high levels of anxiety after only 3 hours without their phone. They were worried there would be an emergency and they wouldn't know about it. Being able to be in constant contact via location checking and other text features is a way people reinforce their anxiety.

If my spouse wanted to share, I would probably ask him first to see a doctor and explore his anxiety issues.

Actually, and it's funny that you can't understand this, we share passwords on our phones because we aren't tethered to them so we don't always have our phones in our hands and may need to borrow our spouse's. Also, because we aren't glued to our phones while driving, it's easier for me to check where my husband is enroute with the kids at night than for him to be texting or talking to me on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of Wall-e. Why ask questions, deal with uncertainty when you have instant information right there without even having to leave your seat!!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

I find this so odd given that I have kids. Why wouldn't you want your spouse (or your child) to know where you are? Do you literally just leave the house and say I'll be back in 4 hours but I'm not telling you where I'm going?

If your spouse wants to know they can ask, rather than spy on you.

Mileage varies. Before we shared locations, I really disliked when I'd be driving and I had to fish out my phone because my wife was calling to ask how long until I'd be home. I much prefer that she's able to just see my location without me having to interact with that particular process.

OP here. This is *exactly* why I wanted him to share it! I don’t understand what he doesn’t get about this.

I said, when I text you to find out where you are, “I feel like I am bothering you.” And he said, “you’re not and don’t I always pick up/respond promptly?” And I said “yes which is why I didn’t think this would be a big deal to you.” I thought it was an exchange of information to make life simpler and easier. I really didn’t think he was out doing shady stuff but now I am at least suspicious.

To the posters asking, I do have his passcode and he did end up sharing the location with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

My answer to all this is: why not?

[Anonymous]

You need some measure of distance from your spouse in order to sustain a healthier dynamic between the two of you. You must nourish the self so that you can nourish the union. Being constantly in each other's business diminishes the space and capacity for that self-growth, exploration and development, which will in turn pay dividends for the relationship. Sure, be forthright and transparent. Sure, do things that make things logistically easier. But don't forget the value and growth that also comes from a bit of space.

A relevant description of a book I just encountered:

The parts of our lives that are not being surveilled and turned into data diminish each day. We are able to configure privacy settings on our devices and social media platforms, but we know our efforts pale in comparison to the scale of surveillance capitalism and algorithmic manipulation. In our hyperconnected era, many have begun to wonder whether it is still possible to live a private life, or whether it is no longer worth fighting for. The Right to Oblivion argues incisively and persuasively that we still can and should strive for privacy, though for different reasons than we might think. Recent years have seen heated debate in the realm of law and technology about why privacy matters, often focusing on how personal data breaches amount to violations of individual freedom...the very terms of this debate have undermined our understanding of privacy’s real value... privacy isn’t simply a right to be protected but a tool for making life meaningful. Privacy deepens our relationships with others as well as ourselves, reinforcing our capacities for agency, trust, play, self-discovery, and growth. Without privacy, the world would grow shallow, lonely, and inhospitable...we all need a refuge from the world: not a place to hide, but a psychic space beyond the confines of a digital world in which the individual is treated as mere data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

We're fighting off the need for instant gratification in these Fallen Times by texting rather than using location sharing on an app? Your decision-making on where to draw the line is fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

We're fighting off the need for instant gratification in these Fallen Times by texting rather than using location sharing on an app? Your decision-making on where to draw the line is fascinating.

It’s hilarious to me where people draw the line to be independent people flourishing away from their spouse.

In other news, Microsoft just announced that it will send your location in the next Teams update to your employer.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

I find this so odd given that I have kids. Why wouldn't you want your spouse (or your child) to know where you are? Do you literally just leave the house and say I'll be back in 4 hours but I'm not telling you where I'm going?

If your spouse wants to know they can ask, rather than spy on you.

Mileage varies. Before we shared locations, I really disliked when I'd be driving and I had to fish out my phone because my wife was calling to ask how long until I'd be home. I much prefer that she's able to just see my location without me having to interact with that particular process.

OP here. This is *exactly* why I wanted him to share it! I don’t understand what he doesn’t get about this.

I said, when I text you to find out where you are, “I feel like I am bothering you.” And he said, “you’re not and don’t I always pick up/respond promptly?” And I said “yes which is why I didn’t think this would be a big deal to you.” I thought it was an exchange of information to make life simpler and easier. I really didn’t think he was out doing shady stuff but now I am at least suspicious.

To the posters asking, I do have his passcode and he did end up sharing the location with me.[/quote
Didn't you say you disabled it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

I find this so odd given that I have kids. Why wouldn't you want your spouse (or your child) to know where you are? Do you literally just leave the house and say I'll be back in 4 hours but I'm not telling you where I'm going?

If your spouse wants to know they can ask, rather than spy on you.

Mileage varies. Before we shared locations, I really disliked when I'd be driving and I had to fish out my phone because my wife was calling to ask how long until I'd be home. I much prefer that she's able to just see my location without me having to interact with that particular process.

OP here. This is *exactly* why I wanted him to share it! I don’t understand what he doesn’t get about this.

I said, when I text you to find out where you are, “I feel like I am bothering you.” And he said, “you’re not and don’t I always pick up/respond promptly?” And I said “yes which is why I didn’t think this would be a big deal to you.” I thought it was an exchange of information to make life simpler and easier. I really didn’t think he was out doing shady stuff but now I am at least suspicious.

To the posters asking, I do have his passcode and he did end up sharing the location with me.

Didn't you say you disabled it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I think people now feel entitled to instant gratification/instant information in the world we live in. Why not text? Why not deal with the uncertainty of timing? Why not spend the time and find your phone if you need a phone near you and just use your husbands? Why does everyone need instant information all the freaking time? No, I’m not cheating but also no, I don’t share location or look up people location either.

We're fighting off the need for instant gratification in these Fallen Times by texting rather than using location sharing on an app? Your decision-making on where to draw the line is fascinating.

It’s hilarious to me where people draw the line to be independent people flourishing away from their spouse.

In other news, Microsoft just announced that it will send your location in the next Teams update to your employer.

Employer =/= husband

You don't seem to be able to have a discussion without strawman arguments.