What do you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a cryptic pregnancy, people.

Read up on it. There are women with irregular cycles who cannot know they are pregnant the normal way. At-home urine tests come up negative if done past two months of pregnancy, because there is too much HCG for it to turn positive. Some women bleed a little during their pregnancies, and might mistake that for a period. Some women, particularly overweight ones, don't show very much until the last minute, if it's their first pregnancy.

In short, yes, it happens.

OP here

As you can imagine, yes I’m looking this stuff up

I have been texting her. She said she feels like a bomb that is waiting to go off. I said, yes, that’s how it feels when you don’t know if you want to be pregnant at all.

I told her do not ever make any decisions based only on what the man in your life says. It’s only your decision that matters. And that she is not a bomb waiting to go off.

I said I would be here for her to ask any questions but that I’ve done XYZ and that there’s no way she knows what to do today. That as she lives and sleeps and keeps waking up day to day she will probably come to a “gut feeling” (and that I hate that expression) but that’s kind of what it is. She’ll know the correct thing to do for herself.

And I perhaps kind of betrayed my son, a little, but I just said, don’t make any decisions based solely on what he thinks. Men just do not live with the same things we women live with. And that by the time this baby is about to arrive, you will know where your heart lies, for the best that you can come up with.

She said she doesn’t want to tell her mom or Grandma because she knows they’d feel a certain way and she doesn’t know how she wants to feel right now. I said that’s all OK.

I guess, as it turns out, I was one of those posters who responded in an old thread that none of my adult kids appear to want actual kids of their own and that I was OK with that considering lots of present day circumstances (“gestures at everything” etc.)

It’s like Final Destination in reverse … Life finds you anyway. (Dark humor, have no other options for lighter humor)

You didn’t betray your son, it’s so true that women often bear the weight of child rearing.
Just be sure to tell you would be ok with adoption, otherwise she may feel pressured to keep it. This really has to be her decision. Either way, it won’t be easy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:32 weeks?!

I said previously she was being disingenuous at best. She is either seriously disturbed or wanted a baby. Or both.

Someone who doesn't want a baby would have taken OTC pregnancy tests months ago.

She left him with no choice.

He is legally obligated to pay child support but not to marry her. Unless she has mental issues, she lied by omission. Not someone to marry if they have been dating 52 weeks and she is 32 weeks pregnant.

Honestly I would ask for a paternity test before agreeing to 18 years of child support.

Signed, A woman

+1
Mom to five babies here.. I’d be so livid if this happened to my 18 or 23yo son.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this is helpful but based on my friend's experience with an open adoption (as the adoptive mother), I would recommend that.

My friend's older daughter's bio mom was a single mother of two and got pregnant again from a one-night stand. The bio mom's mother encouraged the bio mom to consider adoption since the father's identity could not be determined until birth and child support was realistically unlikely.

My friend was thrilled to be chosen to parent her daughter and, although she lives several states away, she does keep the bio family in the loop. She has told me that the bio family has pretty much faded out over the years and now she just sends them updates in the mail.

My read is that the bio family has their own problems and they are satisfied that their little girl is loved. And the adoptee is free to get in touch with them based on her own emotional needs.

My friend's younger child, a son, is from a closed adoption. I have never dared to ask if he is o.k. with that, since that's so personal. However, as others have said above, DNA makes it unlikely that closed adoptions are going to stay closed. Even DNA hits on distant cousins can reveal the parents.

I think it's possible that an open adoption might be the least heartbreaking route if adoption is the decision.

It was nice of you, OP, to show some female solidarity with your son's gf.

Best wishes to your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 weeks?!

I said previously she was being disingenuous at best. She is either seriously disturbed or wanted a baby. Or both.

Someone who doesn't want a baby would have taken OTC pregnancy tests months ago.

She left him with no choice.

He is legally obligated to pay child support but not to marry her. Unless she has mental issues, she lied by omission. Not someone to marry if they have been dating 52 weeks and she is 32 weeks pregnant.

Honestly I would ask for a paternity test before agreeing to 18 years of child support.

Signed, A woman

+1
Mom to five babies here.. I’d be so livid if this happened to my 18 or 23yo son.

But do you have five babies, or actual adult sons?

And what would you do with your livid anger?

Against whom would you focus your anger?

Whom would you blame and for what?

Do you have daughters?

So many questions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is helpful but based on my friend's experience with an open adoption (as the adoptive mother), I would recommend that.

My friend's older daughter's bio mom was a single mother of two and got pregnant again from a one-night stand. The bio mom's mother encouraged the bio mom to consider adoption since the father's identity could not be determined until birth and child support was realistically unlikely.

My friend was thrilled to be chosen to parent her daughter and, although she lives several states away, she does keep the bio family in the loop. She has told me that the bio family has pretty much faded out over the years and now she just sends them updates in the mail.

My read is that the bio family has their own problems and they are satisfied that their little girl is loved. And the adoptee is free to get in touch with them based on her own emotional needs.

My friend's younger child, a son, is from a closed adoption. I have never dared to ask if he is o.k. with that, since that's so personal. However, as others have said above, DNA makes it unlikely that closed adoptions are going to stay closed. Even DNA hits on distant cousins can reveal the parents.

I think it's possible that an open adoption might be the least heartbreaking route if adoption is the decision.

It was nice of you, OP, to show some female solidarity with your son's gf.

Best wishes to your family.

I think the lovely thing in this is that definitely adoption can make loving families

Life is so difficult, but death is worse

When life makes a stand and people move along with it, things can become so beautiful when you least expect it

In March I hope to see what has happened

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I’m going to take a deep breath here.

Son came by. Pale as a ghost, tears.

I hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, is it over now?”

And he shook his head.

It’s a 32 week pregnancy. There is definitely going to be a baby. I do not know how they did not know, but also something like this has not been in my own life experience. I know it does happen but this one was not in my crystal ball.

Now it’s obvious that this is why he said he saw them crossing lines through the word “abortion” at the initial planned parenthood appointment.

He’s obviously absolutely terrified. Also, definitely in a ton of shock. I asked if he knows it’s a girl or a boy, and he said his girlfriend knows, but he did not want to know.

I said, “yes, you do need to know. Until you know whether it’s a boy or a girl it’s going to continue to be something terrifying, a monster shadowing everything. You’re going to have to know whether it’s a boy or girl either way, but that baby needs to become a human. Once it stops being something threatening you, and you realize you’re the one responsible for its future, and it not being something that will ruin yours, it will stop being so scary.”

We went through all the things. You’re in shock etc. Anyone would be. But I’m not upset, I’m not angry, this stuff happens EVERY DAY. You’ve been through college and your licensing. You have a good job. Money is one of the first, most real things to worry about, but you’ve got that support system. Costs are covered. Your dad and I aren’t together but we will both support you and your girlfriend 100%. No one is cutting you loose or insisting you get married, or insisting that you do anything.

I gave him an Ativan from the stash I rarely use myself. Today’s 100% a day for that.

I do not know what is going to happen. He was here for about an hour. He’s absolutely 100% shook, but there’s only so much someone else can talk at him and only so much he can process at one time.

I don’t know whether she’s talked to her mother. She lives with her mother and her grandma. I don’t think they all have the most ideal relationships with one another but who knows. I’m just guessing they will have an opinion one way or another.

He’s on his way now to tell his Dad in person. I have 100 things to say about his dad, but at least I know in this case he’s going to do and say all the rest of the right things. His dad is good at handling stuff like this.

Kind peeps of DCUM, I swear that of all the things I thought I was going to ultimately update with, this is a set of circumstances I absolutely did not expect.

I’m not even sure I’ve absorbed it yet, since I don’t want to get invested too far either way.

Still can’t talk to anyone else about it for the time being, so thanks for listening.

A lot of decisions have to be made now.

I don't understand why this is coming out now. By 32 weeks, many/most women are huge. There is no hiding it. How did he not know, especially if they were intimate? Personally, I felt like a whale at that point. 27 is not young, either. It's solidly adult and on the way to middle age. There may be other reasons why they aren't ready, but age and youth aren't an issue here.

Good lord, what a bizarre way to look at 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 weeks?!

I said previously she was being disingenuous at best. She is either seriously disturbed or wanted a baby. Or both.

Someone who doesn't want a baby would have taken OTC pregnancy tests months ago.

She left him with no choice.

He is legally obligated to pay child support but not to marry her. Unless she has mental issues, she lied by omission. Not someone to marry if they have been dating 52 weeks and she is 32 weeks pregnant.

Honestly I would ask for a paternity test before agreeing to 18 years of child support.

Signed, A woman

+1
Mom to five babies here.. I’d be so livid if this happened to my 18 or 23yo son.

If your adult sons impregnated a woman, they would have no say in what she does, whether they found out at 6 weeks or 32 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is helpful but based on my friend's experience with an open adoption (as the adoptive mother), I would recommend that.

My friend's older daughter's bio mom was a single mother of two and got pregnant again from a one-night stand. The bio mom's mother encouraged the bio mom to consider adoption since the father's identity could not be determined until birth and child support was realistically unlikely.

My friend was thrilled to be chosen to parent her daughter and, although she lives several states away, she does keep the bio family in the loop. She has told me that the bio family has pretty much faded out over the years and now she just sends them updates in the mail.

My read is that the bio family has their own problems and they are satisfied that their little girl is loved. And the adoptee is free to get in touch with them based on her own emotional needs.

My friend's younger child, a son, is from a closed adoption. I have never dared to ask if he is o.k. with that, since that's so personal. However, as others have said above, DNA makes it unlikely that closed adoptions are going to stay closed. Even DNA hits on distant cousins can reveal the parents.

I think it's possible that an open adoption might be the least heartbreaking route if adoption is the decision.

It was nice of you, OP, to show some female solidarity with your son's gf.

Best wishes to your family.

I think the lovely thing in this is that definitely adoption can make loving families

Life is so difficult, but death is worse

When life makes a stand and people move along with it, things can become so beautiful when you least expect it

In March I hope to see what has happened

No death involved. This girl knowingly waited.

No way I would want my son to marry an idiot.

32 weeks???

DNA test for sure.

Marry her hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, now 27+ are treated as teenagers.

Only on DCUM, and only 27 yo men, not women.

Obviously! Because it’s only the woman’s fault to get pregnant- how dare she

PP. The hypocrisy on this site is crazy. Moms here are raising the man children & incels they complain about. And they say they support women, yeah no.

A son calling his mother to let her know he might be having a child is "raising an incel?" WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????

That’s okay, but if it the GFs mom posted this, the replies here would be very different.

I agree with that. No one would be bashing the daughter for calling her mother.

Nope they’d be blaming her, calling her slurs, and telling her to figure it out, not coddling & excusing. No one here has expressed an ounce of sympathy for the girlfriend.

Stop making shit up. OP's son got a ton of hate (including from you).

I don’t see the issue with a 27yo son or daughter (or whatever age) telling their mother that they might be having a baby soon, but there is a clear pattern of coddling male adult children on this forum.

Sorry you're so bitter about nothing. Bless your heart.

I know that the truth really hurts.
I have an adult 23yo son of my own, I know what I’m talking about it.

So do I and no you don't.

It’s clear. All I did was call out hypocrisy and very blatant double standards. If moms want things to change, than it starts with their sons, otherwise don’t complain about your DH on here or run here for sympathy when your son is having a hard time finding a women to marry.

Cool story. Feel better now?

Ofc…..better than any enabling & bad mother ever will feel.

Sure, sure....something tells me your children avoid you like the plague. Such a surprise since you're such a lovely person.

You wish. My five lovely and wonderful babies are 25, 23, 21, 18, & 16, and that’s nowhere near the case. They can’t stop blowing up my phone all day and night, and they even take time off work just to spend time with me. Guess not everyone’s as lucky to have such amazing kids.

Oh the irony of your bitc6ing about coddling and then calling your adult children “babies.” The jokes write themselves.😂😂😂😂😂

Calling my kids 'babies' isn’t about treating them like they can’t handle life. They’ll always me my babies no matter how old they get. But keep focusing on the small stuff if it helps you avoid the bigger conversation,(that you cannot handle), about why you continue to excuse adult sons from taking responsibility.

Who is avoiding responsibility you insufferable moron. He called his mother for advice. He is handling the situation on his own. You even admit that your “babies” are up your ass all day long but have the nerve to tell someone else they shouldn’t talk to their kids. No wonder you have 5 kids. It took you that long to figure out how they’re made.

OMG This truly was a funny post. Carry on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 weeks?!

I said previously she was being disingenuous at best. She is either seriously disturbed or wanted a baby. Or both.

Someone who doesn't want a baby would have taken OTC pregnancy tests months ago.

She left him with no choice.

He is legally obligated to pay child support but not to marry her. Unless she has mental issues, she lied by omission. Not someone to marry if they have been dating 52 weeks and she is 32 weeks pregnant.

Honestly I would ask for a paternity test before agreeing to 18 years of child support.

Signed, A woman

+1
Mom to five babies here.. I’d be so livid if this happened to my 18 or 23yo son.

If your adult sons impregnated a woman, they would have no say in what she does, whether they found out at 6 weeks or 32 weeks.

I am not that poster but I do have sons.

I agree with you.

This is why I taught my sons use BC!!!!! Always. If you don't and it ends in a pregnancy I am not helping you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I’m going to take a deep breath here.

Son came by. Pale as a ghost, tears.

I hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, is it over now?”

And he shook his head.

It’s a 32 week pregnancy. There is definitely going to be a baby. I do not know how they did not know, but also something like this has not been in my own life experience. I know it does happen but this one was not in my crystal ball.

Now it’s obvious that this is why he said he saw them crossing lines through the word “abortion” at the initial planned parenthood appointment.

He’s obviously absolutely terrified. Also, definitely in a ton of shock. I asked if he knows it’s a girl or a boy, and he said his girlfriend knows, but he did not want to know.

I said, “yes, you do need to know. Until you know whether it’s a boy or a girl it’s going to continue to be something terrifying, a monster shadowing everything. You’re going to have to know whether it’s a boy or girl either way, but that baby needs to become a human. Once it stops being something threatening you, and you realize you’re the one responsible for its future, and it not being something that will ruin yours, it will stop being so scary.”

We went through all the things. You’re in shock etc. Anyone would be. But I’m not upset, I’m not angry, this stuff happens EVERY DAY. You’ve been through college and your licensing. You have a good job. Money is one of the first, most real things to worry about, but you’ve got that support system. Costs are covered. Your dad and I aren’t together but we will both support you and your girlfriend 100%. No one is cutting you loose or insisting you get married, or insisting that you do anything.

I gave him an Ativan from the stash I rarely use myself. Today’s 100% a day for that.

I do not know what is going to happen. He was here for about an hour. He’s absolutely 100% shook, but there’s only so much someone else can talk at him and only so much he can process at one time.

I don’t know whether she’s talked to her mother. She lives with her mother and her grandma. I don’t think they all have the most ideal relationships with one another but who knows. I’m just guessing they will have an opinion one way or another.

He’s on his way now to tell his Dad in person. I have 100 things to say about his dad, but at least I know in this case he’s going to do and say all the rest of the right things. His dad is good at handling stuff like this.

Kind peeps of DCUM, I swear that of all the things I thought I was going to ultimately update with, this is a set of circumstances I absolutely did not expect.

I’m not even sure I’ve absorbed it yet, since I don’t want to get invested too far either way.

Still can’t talk to anyone else about it for the time being, so thanks for listening.

A lot of decisions have to be made now.

I don't understand why this is coming out now. By 32 weeks, many/most women are huge. There is no hiding it. How did he not know, especially if they were intimate? Personally, I felt like a whale at that point. 27 is not young, either. It's solidly adult and on the way to middle age. There may be other reasons why they aren't ready, but age and youth aren't an issue here.

Good lord, what a bizarre way to look at 27.

I’m 58. To me, they are young.

Now I realize how my in-laws and parents looked at me when I had a kid at 28, even when they had kids at 22 etc.

It all feels too fast. You see your kids graduate and think you’re not old enough to be grandparents.

But stuff does happen.

Mostly people are not ready for when “life happens”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is helpful but based on my friend's experience with an open adoption (as the adoptive mother), I would recommend that.

My friend's older daughter's bio mom was a single mother of two and got pregnant again from a one-night stand. The bio mom's mother encouraged the bio mom to consider adoption since the father's identity could not be determined until birth and child support was realistically unlikely.

My friend was thrilled to be chosen to parent her daughter and, although she lives several states away, she does keep the bio family in the loop. She has told me that the bio family has pretty much faded out over the years and now she just sends them updates in the mail.

My read is that the bio family has their own problems and they are satisfied that their little girl is loved. And the adoptee is free to get in touch with them based on her own emotional needs.

My friend's younger child, a son, is from a closed adoption. I have never dared to ask if he is o.k. with that, since that's so personal. However, as others have said above, DNA makes it unlikely that closed adoptions are going to stay closed. Even DNA hits on distant cousins can reveal the parents.

I think it's possible that an open adoption might be the least heartbreaking route if adoption is the decision.

It was nice of you, OP, to show some female solidarity with your son's gf.

Best wishes to your family.

I think the lovely thing in this is that definitely adoption can make loving families

Life is so difficult, but death is worse

When life makes a stand and people move along with it, things can become so beautiful when you least expect it

In March I hope to see what has happened

This is giving strong “ the supply of adoptable babies needs to be replenished” vibes. There are fewer and fewer adoptions as more people realize how deeply traumatic this can be to both mother and child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 weeks?!

I said previously she was being disingenuous at best. She is either seriously disturbed or wanted a baby. Or both.

Someone who doesn't want a baby would have taken OTC pregnancy tests months ago.

She left him with no choice.

He is legally obligated to pay child support but not to marry her. Unless she has mental issues, she lied by omission. Not someone to marry if they have been dating 52 weeks and she is 32 weeks pregnant.

Honestly I would ask for a paternity test before agreeing to 18 years of child support.

Signed, A woman

+1
Mom to five babies here.. I’d be so livid if this happened to my 18 or 23yo son.

But do you have five babies, or actual adult sons?

And what would you do with your livid anger?

Against whom would you focus your anger?

Whom would you blame and for what?

Do you have daughters?

So many questions

I have five babies… yes, I also have daughters 16, 21, & 25yo. I wouldn’t do anything with my anger, just be there for my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is helpful but based on my friend's experience with an open adoption (as the adoptive mother), I would recommend that.

My friend's older daughter's bio mom was a single mother of two and got pregnant again from a one-night stand. The bio mom's mother encouraged the bio mom to consider adoption since the father's identity could not be determined until birth and child support was realistically unlikely.

My friend was thrilled to be chosen to parent her daughter and, although she lives several states away, she does keep the bio family in the loop. She has told me that the bio family has pretty much faded out over the years and now she just sends them updates in the mail.

My read is that the bio family has their own problems and they are satisfied that their little girl is loved. And the adoptee is free to get in touch with them based on her own emotional needs.

My friend's younger child, a son, is from a closed adoption. I have never dared to ask if he is o.k. with that, since that's so personal. However, as others have said above, DNA makes it unlikely that closed adoptions are going to stay closed. Even DNA hits on distant cousins can reveal the parents.

I think it's possible that an open adoption might be the least heartbreaking route if adoption is the decision.

It was nice of you, OP, to show some female solidarity with your son's gf.

Best wishes to your family.

I think the lovely thing in this is that definitely adoption can make loving families

Life is so difficult, but death is worse

When life makes a stand and people move along with it, things can become so beautiful when you least expect it

In March I hope to see what has happened

No death involved. This girl knowingly waited.

No way I would want my son to marry an idiot.

32 weeks???

DNA test for sure.

Marry her hell no.

This is a troll post.

“This girl knowingly waited” … how do you know that?

Also, you don’t need a DNA test. That’s for ancestry dot com

Paternity tests are different

Y’all Russians suck at what you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32 weeks?!

I said previously she was being disingenuous at best. She is either seriously disturbed or wanted a baby. Or both.

Someone who doesn't want a baby would have taken OTC pregnancy tests months ago.

She left him with no choice.

He is legally obligated to pay child support but not to marry her. Unless she has mental issues, she lied by omission. Not someone to marry if they have been dating 52 weeks and she is 32 weeks pregnant.

Honestly I would ask for a paternity test before agreeing to 18 years of child support.

Signed, A woman

+1
Mom to five babies here.. I’d be so livid if this happened to my 18 or 23yo son.

But do you have five babies, or actual adult sons?

And what would you do with your livid anger?

Against whom would you focus your anger?

Whom would you blame and for what?

Do you have daughters?

So many questions

I have five babies… yes, I also have daughters 16, 21, & 25yo. I wouldn’t do anything with my anger, just be there for my son.

Congratulations, your life sounds perfect

Why are you trying to defend it here

You can go on being cool, I don’t really care about your life and you should probably not care about mine