38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:118 pounds at 5'0 is a normal BMI for a woman.

It’s not thin though. For reference I am 5’8” and 124. BMI 18. That is slim. She is a full 8 inches shorter and only 6 pounds lighter. She may still be plenty attractive but slim she is not.

You are clinically underweight. Please don’t bring this ana shit into DCUM.

Yeah I had to keep double checking BMI calculators to make sure they didn't change the standards.

OP, I'm sure your body type is fine. Ignore the trolls.

5’8” and 124 pounds is BMI of 18.9 which is comfortably in the “healthy” range on the NIH BMI calculator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:118 pounds at 5'0 is a normal BMI for a woman.

It’s not thin though. For reference I am 5’8” and 124. BMI 18. That is slim. She is a full 8 inches shorter and only 6 pounds lighter. She may still be plenty attractive but slim she is not.

You are clinically underweight. Please don’t bring this ana shit into DCUM.

+1.

The pretty ones always get attacked.

Thin doesn't equal pretty. That's just rank stupidity.

Exactly. No man will turn a woman who is 118 lbs down and the anorexic moron just needs to shut it.

I think it's a man cosplaying as a woman. They forget (aka don't know) how much boobs weigh. They are idolizing childrens' bodies, not womens.

Hey I’m that prior BMI 18 poster. I’m not anorexic, it’s genetic, and my boobs are 32DD. Not everyone you dislike has an eating disorder or is somehow “not a woman.”

Sure you are sweetie. I think mommy is calling you for snack time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly.

How many dates have you been on?

2-3 a week usually.

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches.

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

Youre better off rejecting those men. They sound insecure and controlling, and not someone you actually want to date.

No, I disagree actually. One of the areas of compatibility is similar attitude to sex. I’ve had 12 partners in a lifetime as a woman so I’m not a virgin. But I had sex with men I felt a strong emotional connection with. A guy who thinks sex is just a physical need and who has no problems f…g multiple women in parallel with me won’t be a good match for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly.

How many dates have you been on?

2-3 a week usually.

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches.

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

Youre better off rejecting those men. They sound insecure and controlling, and not someone you actually want to date.

No, I disagree actually. One of the areas of compatibility is similar attitude to sex. I’ve had 12 partners in a lifetime as a woman so I’m not a virgin. But I had sex with men I felt a strong emotional connection with. A guy who thinks sex is just a physical need and who has no problems f…g multiple women in parallel with me won’t be a good match for me

I don't think you understand the post? If a man is insecure about which specific apps youre using - even if not for hookups - he will be insecure and controlling in other ways. "Why are you wearing that?" "Why are you going out with your friends?" etc etc. It's an easy red flag to spot early and avoid. I mean, if that's the type of man you want I guess it will work, but it would certainly not be my first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly.

How many dates have you been on?

2-3 a week usually.

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches.

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

Yikes, if a man I just met was trying to control which apps I was on, that’s a massive red flag and he’d be immediately disqualified.

Most people understand that Tinder is the standard dating app. If a guy was paranoid about a woman using it for hookups, that says way more about his character and how he uses apps. Not a high quality man.

I also don’t tolerate men who obsessed over things like body count, who a woman is sleeping with, etc. We’re all adults. Presumably we all enjoy sex. We’re past the time when we all had to pretend to be chaste. I assume most people have hookups, a FWB, etc. If I date someone I want to be exclusive with, we have the conversation about being monogamous and exclusive, like adults.

But zero time or patience for men who are filtering women for perceived virginity, that’s a very insecure, low quality man who needs therapy, not dates.

You are presenting things in extreme light. It’s not wrong for a man who looks to remarry to ask if the woman is sleeping with others. Or if she’s shopping around for FWB and hookups while he’s dating her taking to high end places.

I’m a woman and I would want to know if a man has other partners before sleeping, at a minimum for health reasons. And because they just could be at a different stage of post divorce life than me, more interested in casual short term encounters.

Overall higher number of prior partners (for both men and women ) may indeed indicate attachment and trauma issues.
Lack of your filters on Tinder (including 25 yo men for example) is telling you are not looking for marriage.
So your recommendation to OP re her dating strategy is not very accurate - she’s looking for a life partner.

For example, if a man told me at a date had a FWB, and was doing bar hookups on his business trips enjoying sex with different women while looking for his life partner, I would simply conclude that man is not monogamous . And won’t see them again

There’s a massive difference between “has Tinder” and “is hooking up with different women on business trips every week”.

Most people are on Tinder, it’s not just a hookup app anymore.

And most people are having sex in between relationships. It’s usually not as extreme as 3 new partners a week, but usually people have a hookup or two, maybe a FWB for a bit.

Expecting people to be celibate in between relationships is very extreme.

This is also why you communicate like an adult rather than making assumptions. You communicate “these are my values around sex, what are yours?” That’s fine. But if you’re harassing dates for what apps they have on their phone, that screams insecurity and an inability to communicate directly, both red flags.

I swear, people would be so much happier is they stopped playing those weird games of trying to find meaning in every little thing and just communicated directly. I don’t want a man prying into my apps. But I have no problem saying on a date “yes, I do have a FWB, and I have no problem dropping them once I find someone I do want to commit to”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:118 pounds at 5'0 is a normal BMI for a woman.

It’s not thin though. For reference I am 5’8” and 124. BMI 18. That is slim. She is a full 8 inches shorter and only 6 pounds lighter. She may still be plenty attractive but slim she is not.

You are clinically underweight. Please don’t bring this ana shit into DCUM.

Yeah I had to keep double checking BMI calculators to make sure they didn't change the standards.

OP, I'm sure your body type is fine. Ignore the trolls.

5’8” and 124 pounds is BMI of 18.9 which is comfortably in the “healthy” range on the NIH BMI calculator.

Healthy for an adult female is 18.5-24.9. You're on the edge of being underweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly.

How many dates have you been on?

2-3 a week usually.

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches.

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

Youre better off rejecting those men. They sound insecure and controlling, and not someone you actually want to date.

No, I disagree actually. One of the areas of compatibility is similar attitude to sex. I’ve had 12 partners in a lifetime as a woman so I’m not a virgin. But I had sex with men I felt a strong emotional connection with. A guy who thinks sex is just a physical need and who has no problems f…g multiple women in parallel with me won’t be a good match for me

Girl I hate to break it to you but if a woman went on a first date and asked a man if he had Tinder, she would rightfully be labeled as insecure, controlling, and psycho. Men don’t get a free pass for controlling behavior.

You can also view sex as very emotional and never pry into someone’s sexual history. I dated a man who also viewed sex as very emotional, and not once did we ever talk about our past partners. He just explained sex was emotional for him and he wanted to take things slow. Easy peasy. He also didn’t demand that I *not* have sex while we were waiting for him to be emotionally ready, because that would be controlling and unfair to me.

What’s not okay is to pry into someone’s personal business when you’ve been on like 3 dates, and not okay to dictate someone’s sexual behavior when you’ve only been on a couple dates. That’s psycho.

[Anonymous]

Ask your friends to help with pics. My friend with those exact stats had sooooo many matches it was insane. She got married again at 41. Baby now.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Maybe I’m just old ugly and fat. 😭

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly.

How many dates have you been on?

2-3 a week usually.

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches.

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

Yikes, if a man I just met was trying to control which apps I was on, that’s a massive red flag and he’d be immediately disqualified.

Most people understand that Tinder is the standard dating app. If a guy was paranoid about a woman using it for hookups, that says way more about his character and how he uses apps. Not a high quality man.

I also don’t tolerate men who obsessed over things like body count, who a woman is sleeping with, etc. We’re all adults. Presumably we all enjoy sex. We’re past the time when we all had to pretend to be chaste. I assume most people have hookups, a FWB, etc. If I date someone I want to be exclusive with, we have the conversation about being monogamous and exclusive, like adults.

But zero time or patience for men who are filtering women for perceived virginity, that’s a very insecure, low quality man who needs therapy, not dates.

You are presenting things in extreme light. It’s not wrong for a man who looks to remarry to ask if the woman is sleeping with others. Or if she’s shopping around for FWB and hookups while he’s dating her taking to high end places.

I’m a woman and I would want to know if a man has other partners before sleeping, at a minimum for health reasons. And because they just could be at a different stage of post divorce life than me, more interested in casual short term encounters.

Overall higher number of prior partners (for both men and women ) may indeed indicate attachment and trauma issues.
Lack of your filters on Tinder (including 25 yo men for example) is telling you are not looking for marriage.
So your recommendation to OP re her dating strategy is not very accurate - she’s looking for a life partner.

For example, if a man told me at a date had a FWB, and was doing bar hookups on his business trips enjoying sex with different women while looking for his life partner, I would simply conclude that man is not monogamous . And won’t see them again

There’s a massive difference between “has Tinder” and “is hooking up with different women on business trips every week”.

Most people are on Tinder, it’s not just a hookup app anymore.

And most people are having sex in between relationships. It’s usually not as extreme as 3 new partners a week, but usually people have a hookup or two, maybe a FWB for a bit.

Expecting people to be celibate in between relationships is very extreme.

This is also why you communicate like an adult rather than making assumptions. You communicate “these are my values around sex, what are yours?” That’s fine. But if you’re harassing dates for what apps they have on their phone, that screams insecurity and an inability to communicate directly, both red flags.

I swear, people would be so much happier is they stopped playing those weird games of trying to find meaning in every little thing and just communicated directly. I don’t want a man prying into my apps. But I have no problem saying on a date “yes, I do have a FWB, and I have no problem dropping them once I find someone I do want to commit to”.

No most women don’t have FWBs - it’s just not worth the efforts relative using toys for most
Tinder is still very much a hookup app for many people so your stats with 300 swipes on that app are in line with 95% of these men looking for casual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:38 is pretty old in the eyes of most men in the age group she is looking at. She needs to up the age to mid 50s.

Ew. I wish the gross old men would stop trying to troll op.

Right? OP is a million times better off being single than with an old man. Old men = baggage, liabilities, and a reminder that death is imminent. Avoid them.

But beggars can't be choosers, so...

Who's begging? If the options are alone or be with a nasty old saggy ball uneducated misogynistic short loser, maybe it's still better to be alone.

If you're a 38 year old woman and you don't have kids yet and you want to, then yes you are a beggar.

The best men are taken, and many of the available ones will choose someone younger than you.

So yeah you can be alone. Or you can make some compromises. How badly do you want kids?

Again, better to have a kid alone than with an old man, especially if he has "baggage." Being a single mom by choice is infinitely better than being divorced with a bad coparent or married to a liability.

The long track record of kids raised by single moms does not indicate this is infinitely better for the kid but I'm sure it will be different for the OP because reasons.

What evidence do you have that kids are better off raised by an old dad who is a liability to their mom instead of no dad? If she has to become her elderly husband's caretaker while she still has kids at home, then he'd be taking away their mother's resources and time, which is a net negative to any kid.

The evidence is overwhelming that having a dad is better than not. There are plenty of older dads in the world, and the vast majority of them do just fine. You're just inventing a fantastically unlikely scenario because you hate the "older man with younger woman" idea for whatever reason. Further, unless she marries an exceptionally old man, if he has severe medical problems then these will occur when the kids are already old enough to be reasonably self-sufficient and taking her attention away won't affect them all that much.

Your whole attitude towards marriage is disgusting. A couple fall in love and get married, then one of them later gets sick, and according to you this person is now a "liability" and a "net negative"? Gross, inhuman, transactional. No doubt you'd advocate for involuntary euthanasia of an older person just to remove this "burden" on their loved ones. Ugh.

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Anonymous wrote:38 is pretty old in the eyes of most men in the age group she is looking at. She needs to up the age to mid 50s.

Ew. I wish the gross old men would stop trying to troll op.

Right? OP is a million times better off being single than with an old man. Old men = baggage, liabilities, and a reminder that death is imminent. Avoid them.

But beggars can't be choosers, so...

Who's begging? If the options are alone or be with a nasty old saggy ball uneducated misogynistic short loser, maybe it's still better to be alone.

If you're a 38 year old woman and you don't have kids yet and you want to, then yes you are a beggar.

The best men are taken, and many of the available ones will choose someone younger than you.

So yeah you can be alone. Or you can make some compromises. How badly do you want kids?

Again, better to have a kid alone than with an old man, especially if he has "baggage." Being a single mom by choice is infinitely better than being divorced with a bad coparent or married to a liability.

The long track record of kids raised by single moms does not indicate this is infinitely better for the kid but I'm sure it will be different for the OP because reasons.

What evidence do you have that kids are better off raised by an old dad who is a liability to their mom instead of no dad? If she has to become her elderly husband's caretaker while she still has kids at home, then he'd be taking away their mother's resources and time, which is a net negative to any kid.

The evidence is overwhelming that having a dad is better than not. There are plenty of older dads in the world, and the vast majority of them do just fine. You're just inventing a fantastically unlikely scenario because you hate the "older man with younger woman" idea for whatever reason. Further, unless she marries an exceptionally old man, if he has severe medical problems then these will occur when the kids are already old enough to be reasonably self-sufficient and taking her attention away won't affect them all that much.

Your whole attitude towards marriage is disgusting. A couple fall in love and get married, then one of them later gets sick, and according to you this person is now a "liability" and a "net negative"? Gross, inhuman, transactional. No doubt you'd advocate for involuntary euthanasia of an older person just to remove this "burden" on their loved ones. Ugh.

Ew trying to justify old men wanting nurses is just gross. BTW men are far more likely to leave their partners when they get ill, so your last para is just nonsense.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly.

How many dates have you been on?

2-3 a week usually.

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches.

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

Youre better off rejecting those men. They sound insecure and controlling, and not someone you actually want to date.

No, I disagree actually. One of the areas of compatibility is similar attitude to sex. I’ve had 12 partners in a lifetime as a woman so I’m not a virgin. But I had sex with men I felt a strong emotional connection with. A guy who thinks sex is just a physical need and who has no problems f…g multiple women in parallel with me won’t be a good match for me

Girl I hate to break it to you but if a woman went on a first date and asked a man if he had Tinder, she would rightfully be labeled as insecure, controlling, and psycho. Men don’t get a free pass for controlling behavior.

You can also view sex as very emotional and never pry into someone’s sexual history. I dated a man who also viewed sex as very emotional, and not once did we ever talk about our past partners. He just explained sex was emotional for him and he wanted to take things slow. Easy peasy. He also didn’t demand that I *not* have sex while we were waiting for him to be emotionally ready, because that would be controlling and unfair to me.

What’s not okay is to pry into someone’s personal business when you’ve been on like 3 dates, and not okay to dictate someone’s sexual behavior when you’ve only been on a couple dates. That’s psycho.

Not really. People ask each other on first dates rather casually which apps they use. I would prefer not to date a man who tells me in the open they dated a bunch of 20+ years younger men; men with over 100 partners etc. I would expect them to stop sleeping with FWB and take STD testing and 3 weeks rest in between that partner and me, for my sexual safety.
I know I have very unrealistic standards and this is why I’m single but I just can’t force myself to sleep with a man if I think he was f…g somone else a night before. Condoms are not a 100% protection

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Anonymous wrote:118 pounds at 5'0 is a normal BMI for a woman.

It’s not thin though. For reference I am 5’8” and 124. BMI 18. That is slim. She is a full 8 inches shorter and only 6 pounds lighter. She may still be plenty attractive but slim she is not.

You are clinically underweight. Please don’t bring this ana shit into DCUM.

Yeah I had to keep double checking BMI calculators to make sure they didn't change the standards.

OP, I'm sure your body type is fine. Ignore the trolls.

5’8” and 124 pounds is BMI of 18.9 which is comfortably in the “healthy” range on the NIH BMI calculator.

Healthy for an adult female is 18.5-24.9. You're on the edge of being underweight.

In other words, she's not underweight.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe I’m just old ugly and fat. 😭

I dare you to try a diff app using all the same pics (minus the niece) and see whats happening. I'm one of the ones who think something is wrong with the app, not you!