38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches

[Anonymous]

Again, y'all white beauty standards are crazy. I'm gonna pray for y'all daughters. Lol Y'all calling your daughters fat if their BMI is over 18?

OP don't let them make you anoxeric please.


Just wondering, so according to y'all beauty standards, do y'all consider the typical female volleyball player slim or fat? Because my shape is similar to theirs, and I'm 5'3/135.

I guess it's a race thing because people constantly comment on my "Michelle Obama arms" and my track runner legs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree w most of what’s posted here—
#1 problem is pic with niece.

#2 is the height requirement. Think of it this way: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’0”. But a 6 inch height difference is already a bigger percentage difference to you than to me relative to your height, yet you’re not willing to consider someone who is “only” 5’6”. It’s pretty ridiculous.

The “MUST BE OPEN TO HAVING CHILDREN” thing is too in your face. That’s something you can figure out several dates in. “Oh your nephew is so cute!…have you ever thought about having kids?” Etc

Also OP you should know that when filtering as you have for the highly-educated UMC DCUMish cohort, you are not slim. In this set, 118lbs is more like the average weight for a 5’4-5’5” woman, pre-kids.

Make sure there is something distinctive about your looks. The photos are small on a phone and you have 0.4 seconds to make an impression. Distinctive attractive features are more likely to stand out and be memorable. I like other PPs suggestions about professional photos. Wear flattering, beautiful clothes.

Personally I would not get rid of the college-educated requirement.

Absolutely not. There is no point in going on 3 dates with someone who has diametrically opposite life goals. What a waste of both their time.

OP if someone is giving you this awful type of advice, you can basically disregard the rest of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree w most of what’s posted here—
#1 problem is pic with niece.

#2 is the height requirement. Think of it this way: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’0”. But a 6 inch height difference is already a bigger percentage difference to you than to me relative to your height, yet you’re not willing to consider someone who is “only” 5’6”. It’s pretty ridiculous.

The “MUST BE OPEN TO HAVING CHILDREN” thing is too in your face. That’s something you can figure out several dates in. “Oh your nephew is so cute!…have you ever thought about having kids?” Etc

Also OP you should know that when filtering as you have for the highly-educated UMC DCUMish cohort, you are not slim. In this set, 118lbs is more like the average weight for a 5’4-5’5” woman, pre-kids.

Make sure there is something distinctive about your looks. The photos are small on a phone and you have 0.4 seconds to make an impression. Distinctive attractive features are more likely to stand out and be memorable. I like other PPs suggestions about professional photos. Wear flattering, beautiful clothes.

Personally I would not get rid of the college-educated requirement.

Absolutely not. There is no point in going on 3 dates with someone who has diametrically opposite life goals. What a waste of both their time.

OP if someone is giving you this awful type of advice, you can basically disregard the rest of it.

It’s going to be a massive turn-off. It’s like if a man said in his profile “MUST LIKE SEX”. Yes, that’s something very important to make sure you’re on the same page about, but leading with it makes it sound like you want the outcome more than the person. And that’s a turnoff.

You can figure out pretty easily, even before going on an actual date. Usually during the texting phase you ask what the other person is looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree w most of what’s posted here—
#1 problem is pic with niece.

#2 is the height requirement. Think of it this way: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’0”. But a 6 inch height difference is already a bigger percentage difference to you than to me relative to your height, yet you’re not willing to consider someone who is “only” 5’6”. It’s pretty ridiculous.

The “MUST BE OPEN TO HAVING CHILDREN” thing is too in your face. That’s something you can figure out several dates in. “Oh your nephew is so cute!…have you ever thought about having kids?” Etc

Also OP you should know that when filtering as you have for the highly-educated UMC DCUMish cohort, you are not slim. In this set, 118lbs is more like the average weight for a 5’4-5’5” woman, pre-kids.

Make sure there is something distinctive about your looks. The photos are small on a phone and you have 0.4 seconds to make an impression. Distinctive attractive features are more likely to stand out and be memorable. I like other PPs suggestions about professional photos. Wear flattering, beautiful clothes.

Personally I would not get rid of the college-educated requirement.

Absolutely not. There is no point in going on 3 dates with someone who has diametrically opposite life goals. What a waste of both their time.

OP if someone is giving you this awful type of advice, you can basically disregard the rest of it.

College degree does not equal life goals.

I know plenty of guys with degrees that have zero aspiration. There are a lot of people in this area with degrees that make less than $100k and will never make more than $100k. My DH doesn’t have a degree, is unbelievably smart and makes over a million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree w most of what’s posted here—
#1 problem is pic with niece.

#2 is the height requirement. Think of it this way: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’0”. But a 6 inch height difference is already a bigger percentage difference to you than to me relative to your height, yet you’re not willing to consider someone who is “only” 5’6”. It’s pretty ridiculous.

The “MUST BE OPEN TO HAVING CHILDREN” thing is too in your face. That’s something you can figure out several dates in. “Oh your nephew is so cute!…have you ever thought about having kids?” Etc

Also OP you should know that when filtering as you have for the highly-educated UMC DCUMish cohort, you are not slim. In this set, 118lbs is more like the average weight for a 5’4-5’5” woman, pre-kids.

Make sure there is something distinctive about your looks. The photos are small on a phone and you have 0.4 seconds to make an impression. Distinctive attractive features are more likely to stand out and be memorable. I like other PPs suggestions about professional photos. Wear flattering, beautiful clothes.

Personally I would not get rid of the college-educated requirement.

Absolutely not. There is no point in going on 3 dates with someone who has diametrically opposite life goals. What a waste of both their time.

OP if someone is giving you this awful type of advice, you can basically disregard the rest of it.

It’s going to be a massive turn-off. It’s like if a man said in his profile “MUST LIKE SEX”. Yes, that’s something very important to make sure you’re on the same page about, but leading with it makes it sound like you want the outcome more than the person. And that’s a turnoff.

You can figure out pretty easily, even before going on an actual date. Usually during the texting phase you ask what the other person is looking for.

Men literally do put that lol. And honestly, I'm here for it. I'd rather filter those people out ASAP. OLD is a numbers game, giving advice to waste OPs time (and the time of those she's dating) if they aren't compatible is just bad advice. No need for randos who aren't interested in the same things to even have her phone number. You don't sound like you've dated recently, there are a lot of time wasters, and it benefits no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree w most of what’s posted here—
#1 problem is pic with niece.

#2 is the height requirement. Think of it this way: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’0”. But a 6 inch height difference is already a bigger percentage difference to you than to me relative to your height, yet you’re not willing to consider someone who is “only” 5’6”. It’s pretty ridiculous.

The “MUST BE OPEN TO HAVING CHILDREN” thing is too in your face. That’s something you can figure out several dates in. “Oh your nephew is so cute!…have you ever thought about having kids?” Etc

Also OP you should know that when filtering as you have for the highly-educated UMC DCUMish cohort, you are not slim. In this set, 118lbs is more like the average weight for a 5’4-5’5” woman, pre-kids.

Make sure there is something distinctive about your looks. The photos are small on a phone and you have 0.4 seconds to make an impression. Distinctive attractive features are more likely to stand out and be memorable. I like other PPs suggestions about professional photos. Wear flattering, beautiful clothes.

Personally I would not get rid of the college-educated requirement.

Absolutely not. There is no point in going on 3 dates with someone who has diametrically opposite life goals. What a waste of both their time.

OP if someone is giving you this awful type of advice, you can basically disregard the rest of it.

It’s going to be a massive turn-off. It’s like if a man said in his profile “MUST LIKE SEX”. Yes, that’s something very important to make sure you’re on the same page about, but leading with it makes it sound like you want the outcome more than the person. And that’s a turnoff.

You can figure out pretty easily, even before going on an actual date. Usually during the texting phase you ask what the other person is looking for.

If a man is turned off by OPs profile saying "must want kids" then they won't be a match.

[Anonymous]

https://kindreddate.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree w most of what’s posted here—
#1 problem is pic with niece.

#2 is the height requirement. Think of it this way: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’0”. But a 6 inch height difference is already a bigger percentage difference to you than to me relative to your height, yet you’re not willing to consider someone who is “only” 5’6”. It’s pretty ridiculous.

The “MUST BE OPEN TO HAVING CHILDREN” thing is too in your face. That’s something you can figure out several dates in. “Oh your nephew is so cute!…have you ever thought about having kids?” Etc

Also OP you should know that when filtering as you have for the highly-educated UMC DCUMish cohort, you are not slim. In this set, 118lbs is more like the average weight for a 5’4-5’5” woman, pre-kids.

Make sure there is something distinctive about your looks. The photos are small on a phone and you have 0.4 seconds to make an impression. Distinctive attractive features are more likely to stand out and be memorable. I like other PPs suggestions about professional photos. Wear flattering, beautiful clothes.

Personally I would not get rid of the college-educated requirement.

Absolutely not. There is no point in going on 3 dates with someone who has diametrically opposite life goals. What a waste of both their time.

OP if someone is giving you this awful type of advice, you can basically disregard the rest of it.

College degree does not equal life goals.

I know plenty of guys with degrees that have zero aspiration. There are a lot of people in this area with degrees that make less than $100k and will never make more than $100k. My DH doesn’t have a degree, is unbelievably smart and makes over a million.

OK but college degree filters out the completely stupid and lazy.

In any event this is usually irrelevant because the guys without degrees are going to swipe on you anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck!

Curled hair? Pen in mouth? Good lord.

Men definitely prefer curled hair. Not corkscrews, more of the airy, bouncy waves. Like what you see in movies. Plus it’s youthful, you definitely want to stay away from old lady hair like layered bobs or ponytails.

Citation, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:118 pounds at 5'0 is a normal BMI for a woman.

It’s not thin though. For reference I am 5’8” and 124. BMI 18. That is slim. She is a full 8 inches shorter and only 6 pounds lighter. She may still be plenty attractive but slim she is not.

You are clinically underweight. Please don’t bring this ana shit into DCUM.

+1 A BMI of 18 is underweight!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but no woman gets to complain about online dating. You just don't.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey, everyone got into a race war 19 pages in, but I can tell you right now in case nobody else’s has that it’s 100% because you are 5’0”. Do you put that as your height? I’m sure men will make an exception and you’d have to tell them right away once you message, but if I were a dude my height parameters would be 5’2” minimum. That’s why. Just lie like 5’7” dudes say they’re 5’9”. Maybe you’ll find one of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, y'all white beauty standards are crazy. I'm gonna pray for y'all daughters. Lol Y'all calling your daughters fat if their BMI is over 18?

You’re fat. Opinion disregarded.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 5'8" single guy and am laughing at how I don't meet OP's height requirement. I'm 160 lbs. I prefer women around my height/weight or slightly bigger or taller, but I'm open to dating the petite ladies, just not OP. LOL

Also, I have an MBA but I rarely talk about my college degree. I'm above average intelligence, like many people in the DMV area, but I prefer to live a simple life and not try to impress people with my brain. 🧠

I'm 46 and am noticing a ton of amazing women in the 45 to 55 age group, so that's where I'm focusing my efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 5'8" single guy and am laughing at how I don't meet OP's height requirement. I'm 160 lbs. I prefer women around my height/weight or slightly bigger or taller, but I'm open to dating the petite ladies, just not OP. LOL

Also, I have an MBA but I rarely talk about my college degree. I'm above average intelligence, like many people in the DMV area, but I prefer to live a simple life and not try to impress people with my brain. 🧠

I'm 46 and am noticing a ton of amazing women in the 45 to 55 age group, so that's where I'm focusing my efforts.

As a 5’8 white woman - my best relationship post divorce was with a 5’8 divorced Asian man. He had wide shoulders great core and medium D. Had multiple degrees and was just all around brilliant
Not sure how 5’8 is too short for OP