38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you set your filters

What do your photos look like

What does your profile say

My filters are:

Must have undergrad and/or graduate degree
Height: 5’9 - 6’4
Open to children
Distance: 30 miles

I have recent photos from my trip in Europe; full body shots of me sight seeing; a picture of me with my niece; picture of me in a dress on the beach

Unfortunately your education requirement is limiting. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good criterion to have, but it’s a well-known phenomenon that women are now better educated than men.

“Open to children” might tell a guy you want them. That is going to narrow your pool more.

[Anonymous]

Dang what's wrong with men at least 5'5?

I'm taller than you at 5'3. And I would date a man that's 5'5 at least. My hubby is 5'8.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP?

Oh never mind I see it in the subject line.

[Anonymous]

Step 1: Remove the height filters since you're short and drop the photo with your niece. Report back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Step 1: Remove the height filters since you're short and drop the photo with your niece. Report back.

Noted; will do!

[Anonymous]

You’re 38 and you are/want open to children. Honestly that telegraphs a woman in a hurry. Im not saying you shouldn’t be honest, but men seeing that are going to figure you’ll want a ring in a year. Thats a major reason they like younger women - less pressure

[Anonymous]

Male opinion. I don't think she's being too picky at all. Her filters are about what I'd expect. It's a mystery why she's not getting any matches - especially because there are guys who spam likes on every woman on the site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male opinion. I don't think she's being too picky at all. Her filters are about what I'd expect. It's a mystery why she's not getting any matches - especially because there are guys who spam likes on every woman on the site.

Op here. Maybe I’m ugly. 😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re 38 and you are/want open to children. Honestly that telegraphs a woman in a hurry. Im not saying you shouldn’t be honest, but men seeing that are going to figure you’ll want a ring in a year. Thats a major reason they like younger women - less pressure

I do want to at least try to have kids; so I’m not looking to date for 4 years aimlessly no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're 5'0 and you want a man at least 5'9? Now you know how short men feel when they never get picked.

About 57% of the men in the US are at least 5'9", but when you add in your other reuqirements (education), that % will go down a lot. Only about 36% of men in their 30s' in the US have a college degree.. so those 2 requirements alone reduces you to about 20% of the male dating pool.

Oh and by comparison, only 6% of women in the US are 5'0" or shorter.

So.. you're in the bottom 6% height-wise, and searching for a man who is stastically rare.

I thought men like short women?

Hahhah.. keep telling yourself that. Any man who is marriage-minded will be thinking does he want his kid to be the short kid at school and made fun of, espcially if it's a boy. Imagine if he grows up and is a mere 5'7. That' below your requirements for example.

+1 Men told me they would not date short women because they wanted tall kids. I am 5 ft 7 inches.

You are 5 feet. You can date a guy who is 5 ft 6 and he will tower over you. My ex H was just shy of 6ft. In heels, we were practically the same height.

[Anonymous]

Considering you are 5 ft your height requirement is ridiculous.

Id also remove the photo with your niece. If she's a young niece guys might assume she's your kid. If she's an adult niece they don't know which one is you and don't want to chance you're the one they aren't attracted to stick to solo shots.

Consider flexibility with the education requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re 38 and you are/want open to children. Honestly that telegraphs a woman in a hurry. Im not saying you shouldn’t be honest, but men seeing that are going to figure you’ll want a ring in a year. Thats a major reason they like younger women - less pressure

It is also the reason they like older women (over 40)...less pressure

[Anonymous]

I’m a fellow UVA alumna. It doesn’t matter in dating. Not for women. Men who want kids often want to have them with women under 35 and will set their filters accordingly. Then men you want likely aren’t seeing your profile. I’m very sorry.

As the pp said, “ so those 2 requirements alone reduces you to about 20% of the male dating pool.” What the pp didn’t drive home is that the mating pool isn’t the same as it was in your twenties.

Lots of the great catches are in their first and only marriage. They are not in the dating pool.

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/28/a-record-high-share-of-40-year-olds-in-the-us-have-never-been-married/

You’re down to about 25% of the original dating pool who were never married, plus the guys who got divorced. And that’s likely skewed towards undesirable men. Your STBXH is in that pool. So are other women’s exes. They’ll all claim that their ex wives were at fault so they can snag a new spouse. They’ll be on their best behavior for the first couple dates.

You can improve your odds by being open to men who are less handsome, shorter, and make less money. They’ve got a clear explanation for why they’re still single. That tall, hot guy who’s single at 42? You need to really dig into why he’s single. I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to meet the man of your dreams. I’m laying out the realities, based on my experience in finding a DH. I was 5’9” and was willing to date shorter, less educated men than you. It’s okay to have standards, but ask yourself if it would be better to be alone than with a guy who is 5’7”. Either answer is fine. Just don’t have these sky-high standards and then complain that you’re not getting matches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're 5'0 and you want a man at least 5'9? Now you know how short men feel when they never get picked.

About 57% of the men in the US are at least 5'9", but when you add in your other reuqirements (education), that % will go down a lot. Only about 36% of men in their 30s' in the US have a college degree.. so those 2 requirements alone reduces you to about 20% of the male dating pool.

Oh and by comparison, only 6% of women in the US are 5'0" or shorter.

So.. you're in the bottom 6% height-wise, and searching for a man who is stastically rare.

OP don’t listen to this nonsense. Of course if you are college educated yourself you should not settle for anyone who is not. Ridiculous fantasy from some incel male.

College educated men are looking for college educated women so this isn’t a barrier, it’s an advantage.