Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

I’m the PP whose mom you are referencing. That’s not the point. The point is my dad didn’t use her behavior as an excuse to bail on his kids, which is what a good parent does. The devil himself couldn’t keep me away from my kids, and if you let an ex who just talks sh!t about you behind your back keep you away from your kids, you’re a bad parent. Period.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

I realize it’s hard to understand but there are in fact women who will lie and cheat their way to alienating the father. is the father blameless - no. But having seen this dynamic up close, I cannot fully blame the man who concludes that continually triggering the BPD antics is not good for anyone, and takes a big step back.

Excuses, excuses. I 100% fully blame the man who "takes a big step back" from his own children, because he's an asshat.

And no blame on the mother? yeah right. as I said nobody’s a hero in this scenario but it’s not true that the mom is purely blameless.

lol Now you’ve convinced yourself that a divorced woman is somehow able to control her ex husband.

Dude, if she could get him to work the job she wanted and spend time with the kids when she wanted, there’s no way in hell she’d be divorcing him.

Instead, the divorced guy is mad because the ex wife isn’t covering for him anymore. He doesn’t like that his actions “look bad” and he thinks his ex wife is soooo mean for not being at his beck and call to produce the kids whenever it’s convenient all the while doing the emotional labor to convince the kids that their dad’s (chosen) absence is an act of love. F that

Ok … if the mom gets full custody because of the dad’s work schedule (and of course putting food on the table is a parental responsibility) but puts up obstacles to visitation …. whose fault is that? You live in a real fantasy land if you believe all men can snap their fingers and get a 9-5 job close to wherever their ex decided to move.

lol that’s not how it works. Parents can’t just move kids, and the default is 50/50 custody, no matter what your schedule is. If he works overnights, great, that means he has plenty of time to spend with the kids during the day and can still do 50/50.

If you view your parental responsibility solely as putting food on the table, then don’t be surprised when you are treated like nothing more than an ATM.

Ok thanks for that fact-free post. here in the real world, moms that want to effectively make the case for greater than 50% custody all the time, and then either move or get permission to move from the courts. Nobody is saying that men in this scenario are blameless - just, you have some real axe to grind if you deny women ever have a role in pushing dads away. You are not the smartest cookie.

You are the one cherry picking rare cases, and want to insult other posters' intelligence? Maybe look within.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

I’m the PP whose mom you are referencing. That’s not the point. The point is my dad didn’t use her behavior as an excuse to bail on his kids, which is what a good parent does. The devil himself couldn’t keep me away from my kids, and if you let an ex who just talks sh!t about you behind your back keep you away from your kids, you’re a bad parent. Period.

You know who can keep you away from your kids? A spouse/ex-spouse who files PPOs based on false allegations, who calls CPS with false allegations, who files for 100% custody of a kid they didn't have much of an interest in the last few years but are now using as leverage, etc. Those moves get shot down, but it takes time. Also, when the kid isn't old enough to have their own method of communication or transportation, then yeah, the kid is kept from their other parent.

Yep. Or a spouse who is so volatile and high conflict that a person reaches the point of believing that the kids are in fact better served by removing the source of conflict and disappearing. I would not do that myself but again I think that is a different scenario from a man just deciding he doesn’t want to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

I’m the PP whose mom you are referencing. That’s not the point. The point is my dad didn’t use her behavior as an excuse to bail on his kids, which is what a good parent does. The devil himself couldn’t keep me away from my kids, and if you let an ex who just talks sh!t about you behind your back keep you away from your kids, you’re a bad parent. Period.

You know who can keep you away from your kids? A spouse/ex-spouse who files PPOs based on false allegations, who calls CPS with false allegations, who files for 100% custody of a kid they didn't have much of an interest in the last few years but are now using as leverage, etc. Those moves get shot down, but it takes time. Also, when the kid isn't old enough to have their own method of communication or transportation, then yeah, the kid is kept from their other parent.

Yep. Or a spouse who is so volatile and high conflict that a person reaches the point of believing that the kids are in fact better served by removing the source of conflict and disappearing. I would not do that myself but again I think that is a different scenario from a man just deciding he doesn’t want to parent.

If you cared an oz about your children you would fight for them to NOT be in the custody of someone "so volatile and high conflict".

Again, a bad parent is one who leaves their children with an unfit caregiver. So either you dont care about your children being with an unfit caregiver, or you just dont want to care for them yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

I realize it’s hard to understand but there are in fact women who will lie and cheat their way to alienating the father. is the father blameless - no. But having seen this dynamic up close, I cannot fully blame the man who concludes that continually triggering the BPD antics is not good for anyone, and takes a big step back.

Excuses, excuses. I 100% fully blame the man who "takes a big step back" from his own children, because he's an asshat.

And no blame on the mother? yeah right. as I said nobody’s a hero in this scenario but it’s not true that the mom is purely blameless.

lol Now you’ve convinced yourself that a divorced woman is somehow able to control her ex husband.

Dude, if she could get him to work the job she wanted and spend time with the kids when she wanted, there’s no way in hell she’d be divorcing him.

Instead, the divorced guy is mad because the ex wife isn’t covering for him anymore. He doesn’t like that his actions “look bad” and he thinks his ex wife is soooo mean for not being at his beck and call to produce the kids whenever it’s convenient all the while doing the emotional labor to convince the kids that their dad’s (chosen) absence is an act of love. F that

Ok … if the mom gets full custody because of the dad’s work schedule (and of course putting food on the table is a parental responsibility) but puts up obstacles to visitation …. whose fault is that? You live in a real fantasy land if you believe all men can snap their fingers and get a 9-5 job close to wherever their ex decided to move.

lol that’s not how it works. Parents can’t just move kids, and the default is 50/50 custody, no matter what your schedule is. If he works overnights, great, that means he has plenty of time to spend with the kids during the day and can still do 50/50.

If you view your parental responsibility solely as putting food on the table, then don’t be surprised when you are treated like nothing more than an ATM.

Ok thanks for that fact-free post. here in the real world, moms that want to effectively make the case for greater than 50% custody all the time, and then either move or get permission to move from the courts. Nobody is saying that men in this scenario are blameless - just, you have some real axe to grind if you deny women ever have a role in pushing dads away. You are not the smartest cookie.

You are the one cherry picking rare cases, and want to insult other posters' intelligence? Maybe look within.

It’s sadly not rare. The dumbness is pretending it never ever happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

Not if the man fails to see his kids. His kids are his responsibility. He chooses not to deal with his "toxic" ex and at the same time he chooses to abandon his kids. His choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

I’m the PP whose mom you are referencing. That’s not the point. The point is my dad didn’t use her behavior as an excuse to bail on his kids, which is what a good parent does. The devil himself couldn’t keep me away from my kids, and if you let an ex who just talks sh!t about you behind your back keep you away from your kids, you’re a bad parent. Period.

You know who can keep you away from your kids? A spouse/ex-spouse who files PPOs based on false allegations, who calls CPS with false allegations, who files for 100% custody of a kid they didn't have much of an interest in the last few years but are now using as leverage, etc. Those moves get shot down, but it takes time. Also, when the kid isn't old enough to have their own method of communication or transportation, then yeah, the kid is kept from their other parent.

Yep. Or a spouse who is so volatile and high conflict that a person reaches the point of believing that the kids are in fact better served by removing the source of conflict and disappearing. I would not do that myself but again I think that is a different scenario from a man just deciding he doesn’t want to parent.

If you cared an oz about your children you would fight for them to NOT be in the custody of someone "so volatile and high conflict".

Again, a bad parent is one who leaves their children with an unfit caregiver. So either you dont care about your children being with an unfit caregiver, or you just dont want to care for them yourself.

Ask yourself why you are so triggered at people relating that in some cases the mom in fact drove the dad off through toxic behavior and manipulation of the courts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

Not if the man fails to see his kids. His kids are his responsibility. He chooses not to deal with his "toxic" ex and at the same time he chooses to abandon his kids. His choices.

So the toxic mom who works to keep the dad away bears no responsibility when she succeeds? lol OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

I realize it’s hard to understand but there are in fact women who will lie and cheat their way to alienating the father. is the father blameless - no. But having seen this dynamic up close, I cannot fully blame the man who concludes that continually triggering the BPD antics is not good for anyone, and takes a big step back.

Excuses, excuses. I 100% fully blame the man who "takes a big step back" from his own children, because he's an asshat.

And no blame on the mother? yeah right. as I said nobody’s a hero in this scenario but it’s not true that the mom is purely blameless.

lol Now you’ve convinced yourself that a divorced woman is somehow able to control her ex husband.

Dude, if she could get him to work the job she wanted and spend time with the kids when she wanted, there’s no way in hell she’d be divorcing him.

Instead, the divorced guy is mad because the ex wife isn’t covering for him anymore. He doesn’t like that his actions “look bad” and he thinks his ex wife is soooo mean for not being at his beck and call to produce the kids whenever it’s convenient all the while doing the emotional labor to convince the kids that their dad’s (chosen) absence is an act of love. F that

Ok … if the mom gets full custody because of the dad’s work schedule (and of course putting food on the table is a parental responsibility) but puts up obstacles to visitation …. whose fault is that? You live in a real fantasy land if you believe all men can snap their fingers and get a 9-5 job close to wherever their ex decided to move.

lol that’s not how it works. Parents can’t just move kids, and the default is 50/50 custody, no matter what your schedule is. If he works overnights, great, that means he has plenty of time to spend with the kids during the day and can still do 50/50.

If you view your parental responsibility solely as putting food on the table, then don’t be surprised when you are treated like nothing more than an ATM.

Ok thanks for that fact-free post. here in the real world, moms that want to effectively make the case for greater than 50% custody all the time, and then either move or get permission to move from the courts. Nobody is saying that men in this scenario are blameless - just, you have some real axe to grind if you deny women ever have a role in pushing dads away. You are not the smartest cookie.

You are the one cherry picking rare cases, and want to insult other posters' intelligence? Maybe look within.

It’s sadly not rare. The dumbness is pretending it never ever happens.

No one is saying never. In fact pp did talk about her mother attempting it. It just didn't work. Like on most good parents. You are absolutely picking out the rare cases. Feel free to cite some stats if you think it's anything else, I doubt you can because it's just not happening that often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

Not if the man fails to see his kids. His kids are his responsibility. He chooses not to deal with his "toxic" ex and at the same time he chooses to abandon his kids. His choices.

So the toxic mom who works to keep the dad away bears no responsibility when she succeeds? lol OK.

If all it takes is someone talking sh!t about him that he curls up and moves away, the only responsibility for abandoning his kids falls on him. Is she responsible for making it difficult? Yes. But again, if he wanted to, he would. Many men are great dads with "toxic exs". Why do you make it sound like these men are children with no autonomy of their own? Do they need someone to hold their hand in order to want to see their kids?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

I’m the PP whose mom you are referencing. That’s not the point. The point is my dad didn’t use her behavior as an excuse to bail on his kids, which is what a good parent does. The devil himself couldn’t keep me away from my kids, and if you let an ex who just talks sh!t about you behind your back keep you away from your kids, you’re a bad parent. Period.

You know who can keep you away from your kids? A spouse/ex-spouse who files PPOs based on false allegations, who calls CPS with false allegations, who files for 100% custody of a kid they didn't have much of an interest in the last few years but are now using as leverage, etc. Those moves get shot down, but it takes time. Also, when the kid isn't old enough to have their own method of communication or transportation, then yeah, the kid is kept from their other parent.

Yep. Or a spouse who is so volatile and high conflict that a person reaches the point of believing that the kids are in fact better served by removing the source of conflict and disappearing. I would not do that myself but again I think that is a different scenario from a man just deciding he doesn’t want to parent.

If you cared an oz about your children you would fight for them to NOT be in the custody of someone "so volatile and high conflict".

Again, a bad parent is one who leaves their children with an unfit caregiver. So either you dont care about your children being with an unfit caregiver, or you just dont want to care for them yourself.

Ask yourself why you are so triggered at people relating that in some cases the mom in fact drove the dad off through toxic behavior and manipulation of the courts?

I'm not triggered, I'm saying it's incredibly rare. This is not statistically relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

Not if the man fails to see his kids. His kids are his responsibility. He chooses not to deal with his "toxic" ex and at the same time he chooses to abandon his kids. His choices.

So the toxic mom who works to keep the dad away bears no responsibility when she succeeds? lol OK.

If all it takes is someone talking sh!t about him that he curls up and moves away, the only responsibility for abandoning his kids falls on him. Is she responsible for making it difficult? Yes. But again, if he wanted to, he would. Many men are great dads with "toxic exs". Why do you make it sound like these men are children with no autonomy of their own? Do they need someone to hold their hand in order to want to see their kids?

There is no amount of "wanting to" that can get your kids away from a rageful, vengeful XW who is determined to deny you custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband. We were together since we were 18yo, engaged at 25, married at 26, had kids at 28 and 30. All very very much planned in tandem.

Had the shock of my life when we were 32 with 4yo and 2yo kids and I found out he had been having a 3 year long affair....with the 40-something bartender from the conference hotel he often went to on business trips.

It's 6 years later and he's finally (hopefully) stable after that sh-tshow rollercoaster he voluntarily jumped on. Our kids are 8 and 10 and he cries all the time about the time he missed, even when he was physically present but just completely gone mentally.

Oh baby, he is still cheating. Probably with more random people for one night stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

Not if the man fails to see his kids. His kids are his responsibility. He chooses not to deal with his "toxic" ex and at the same time he chooses to abandon his kids. His choices.

So the toxic mom who works to keep the dad away bears no responsibility when she succeeds? lol OK.

If all it takes is someone talking sh!t about him that he curls up and moves away, the only responsibility for abandoning his kids falls on him. Is she responsible for making it difficult? Yes. But again, if he wanted to, he would. Many men are great dads with "toxic exs". Why do you make it sound like these men are children with no autonomy of their own? Do they need someone to hold their hand in order to want to see their kids?

There is no amount of "wanting to" that can get your kids away from a rageful, vengeful XW who is determined to deny you custody.

Of course there is. That's what the courts are for. Don't blame your laziness on your ex.