Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

That is some mental weight gymnastic! I am 54, almost 5'5", and weigh 125 lbs. I have a belly and fat in my belly. If I were 150, I would be fat, as plain as that.
Now, you are comparing a teen's weight to grown older women. Teens at that weight are overweight. OP and the child's father are responsible for this, not the child. And now you are telling her mom to help her hide her fat? Hence, teach the kid to be ashamed of her looks. Everything you wrote is messed up. OP needs to accept her responsibility and apologizes to her daughter.

Adults are responsible for their actions, kids are not, not when it comes to weight.

Wow. Vicious atmosphere for girls at these schools. Created by parents.

It's vicious having to grow up being fed like a goose at home and then being bullied in school because your mom failed at basic parenting. You should be the one suffering, not your child. They did nothing wrong. Stop being irresponsible, partner. Your child is not big-boned; your child is not ok weight, and your child is not just genetically overweight. Your child just has bad parents.

So how do you explain siblings in the same family with widely different BMIs and/or eating habits?

they eat more, a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BMI of 25 would be roughly 5’5” and 150 lbs, which isn’t abnormal for a 45 year old woman but I can see it sticking out a little bit for a ritzy private HS kid. Cut way back on snacks, sweets, cook and eat more meals at home/much less restaurant food. It’s easy for the teen age range to drop weight quickly. Also make sure she looks good in her clothes - bras that actually fit and don’t cause back fat and lumps, pants that are the right size and aren’t giving muffin top. Physical activity is important, but just “doing a sport” alone isn’t going to really move the needle on weight if the diet doesn’t improve.

That is some mental weight gymnastic! I am 54, almost 5'5", and weigh 125 lbs. I have a belly and fat in my belly. If I were 150, I would be fat, as plain as that.
Now, you are comparing a teen's weight to grown older women. Teens at that weight are overweight. OP and the child's father are responsible for this, not the child. And now you are telling her mom to help her hide her fat? Hence, teach the kid to be ashamed of her looks. Everything you wrote is messed up. OP needs to accept her responsibility and apologizes to her daughter.

Adults are responsible for their actions, kids are not, not when it comes to weight.

Wow. Vicious atmosphere for girls at these schools. Created by parents.

It's vicious having to grow up being fed like a goose at home and then being bullied in school because your mom failed at basic parenting. You should be the one suffering, not your child. They did nothing wrong. Stop being irresponsible, partner. Your child is not big-boned; your child is not ok weight, and your child is not just genetically overweight. Your child just has bad parents.

So how do you explain siblings in the same family with widely different BMIs and/or eating habits?

they eat more, a lot more.

sure, but it's not due to parenting. some people like to eat, and some don't.

[Anonymous]

a BMI of 25 may be obese for a child. It's calculated by percentile, not hard lines. insulin resistance = always hungry. try a pediatric endocrinologist.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teen girls are usually thin and weigh 100 pounds.

You don't know many athletes, do you?

This thread illustrates just how girls get eating disorders.

PP doesn’t know many teens, athletes or otherwise.

I have two teen sons. Both play 3 sports each.

My daughter is only in elementary and everyone is stick skinny. I occasionally see a large girl in ballet but in her actual school, I can’t think of any large girls.

All my kids are thin. My boys are muscular.

I haven't been a hundred lbs since 5th grade. You haven't even listed a height with that weight. I assure you my 5'7" teen would look skeletal at 100 lbs.

My kids play tennis as their main sport. Those are the girls I see most.

Some girls are not thin. You are correct. I have seen some girls who are bigger than my sons.

My kid just started high school. Middle school girls look petite and thin and 100 pounds.

There are some kids in high school who look like grown men.

My kids play tennis too and at the high school level, there are definitely plenty of girls that are not thin. Not obese looking, but a variation in sizes for sure

Pp here. My son is on the varsity tennis team. I just looked at their team photo from last year. Everyone is thin on the boys and girls team except 1 boy and 1 girl. They are a little thicker but everyone else looks lean.

Many of the top ranked women’s players in the world you would not call thin.

The American that just lost in the US Open finals is 5’7” and 154. Serena Williams wasn’t thin…muscular as heck, but not thin.

We are talking about high school. Our team is full of thin blonde girls.

Do you live in the south?

We know all the schools in Wash DC and what you’re saying does not ring a bell. Even at visi or NCS or very small parochial high schools.

Our school has a mix of thin white and a few Asian girls. The girls are majority blonde. Boys team is also lean with white and Asian boys. Boys team isn’t as blonde. Like I said, I have teen boys.

The boys and girls have opposite schedules so I don’t see the girls. I just remember seeing the girls and they were very attractive and very blonde.

I am confused…I gather your girls team isn’t anything special. Top world ranked teen tennis players aren’t paper thin.

Even the nationally ranked (which probably will never be good enough to go pro) high schools kids aren’t what you would consider thin.

Is this supposed to be a reflection of top athletes or just lifestyle players doing it to stay thin but never planning for it to go anywhere.

I never said the girls’ tennis team was good. I just said they were thin. Our school also isn’t majority blonde. The tennis team just seems very thin and blonde. There are a few beautiful girls on the team. They could be on a nike ad. Our school could be OP’s school. School is full of fit thin athletic girls and boys.

Nike uses highly competitive athletes in their ads

There is one girl who is gorgeous and blonde on the tennis team. She is probably the prettiest girl at the school. You are right. She is prettier than the girls on Nike ads.

I have boys who play tennis. They have brown hair.

Everyone is thin except one girl who is a little thick but certainly not fat at all.

Most of our school, like OP’s school, is wealthy, good looking and thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teen girls are usually thin and weigh 100 pounds.

You don't know many athletes, do you?

This thread illustrates just how girls get eating disorders.

PP doesn’t know many teens, athletes or otherwise.

I have two teen sons. Both play 3 sports each.

My daughter is only in elementary and everyone is stick skinny. I occasionally see a large girl in ballet but in her actual school, I can’t think of any large girls.

All my kids are thin. My boys are muscular.

I haven't been a hundred lbs since 5th grade. You haven't even listed a height with that weight. I assure you my 5'7" teen would look skeletal at 100 lbs.

My kids play tennis as their main sport. Those are the girls I see most.

Some girls are not thin. You are correct. I have seen some girls who are bigger than my sons.

My kid just started high school. Middle school girls look petite and thin and 100 pounds.

There are some kids in high school who look like grown men.

My kids play tennis too and at the high school level, there are definitely plenty of girls that are not thin. Not obese looking, but a variation in sizes for sure

Pp here. My son is on the varsity tennis team. I just looked at their team photo from last year. Everyone is thin on the boys and girls team except 1 boy and 1 girl. They are a little thicker but everyone else looks lean.

Many of the top ranked women’s players in the world you would not call thin.

The American that just lost in the US Open finals is 5’7” and 154. Serena Williams wasn’t thin…muscular as heck, but not thin.

We are talking about high school. Our team is full of thin blonde girls.

Do you live in the south?

We know all the schools in Wash DC and what you’re saying does not ring a bell. Even at visi or NCS or very small parochial high schools.

Our school has a mix of thin white and a few Asian girls. The girls are majority blonde. Boys team is also lean with white and Asian boys. Boys team isn’t as blonde. Like I said, I have teen boys.

The boys and girls have opposite schedules so I don’t see the girls. I just remember seeing the girls and they were very attractive and very blonde.

I am confused…I gather your girls team isn’t anything special. Top world ranked teen tennis players aren’t paper thin.

Even the nationally ranked (which probably will never be good enough to go pro) high schools kids aren’t what you would consider thin.

Is this supposed to be a reflection of top athletes or just lifestyle players doing it to stay thin but never planning for it to go anywhere.

I never said the girls’ tennis team was good. I just said they were thin. Our school also isn’t majority blonde. The tennis team just seems very thin and blonde. There are a few beautiful girls on the team. They could be on a nike ad. Our school could be OP’s school. School is full of fit thin athletic girls and boys.

Nike uses highly competitive athletes in their ads

There is one girl who is gorgeous and blonde on the tennis team. She is probably the prettiest girl at the school. You are right. She is prettier than the girls on Nike ads.

I have boys who play tennis. They have brown hair.

Everyone is thin except one girl who is a little thick but certainly not fat at all.

Most of our school, like OP’s school, is wealthy, good looking and thin.

You keep writing this but it’s still unclear as to your point. Tennis is irrelevant to this discussion as you claim most of the school is wealthy and thin.

So, WTF does the tennis team have to do with anything?

You do realize that fashion models are not Nike models, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teen girls are usually thin and weigh 100 pounds.

You don't know many athletes, do you?

This thread illustrates just how girls get eating disorders.

PP doesn’t know many teens, athletes or otherwise.

I have two teen sons. Both play 3 sports each.

My daughter is only in elementary and everyone is stick skinny. I occasionally see a large girl in ballet but in her actual school, I can’t think of any large girls.

All my kids are thin. My boys are muscular.

I haven't been a hundred lbs since 5th grade. You haven't even listed a height with that weight. I assure you my 5'7" teen would look skeletal at 100 lbs.

My kids play tennis as their main sport. Those are the girls I see most.

Some girls are not thin. You are correct. I have seen some girls who are bigger than my sons.

My kid just started high school. Middle school girls look petite and thin and 100 pounds.

There are some kids in high school who look like grown men.

My kids play tennis too and at the high school level, there are definitely plenty of girls that are not thin. Not obese looking, but a variation in sizes for sure

Pp here. My son is on the varsity tennis team. I just looked at their team photo from last year. Everyone is thin on the boys and girls team except 1 boy and 1 girl. They are a little thicker but everyone else looks lean.

Many of the top ranked women’s players in the world you would not call thin.

The American that just lost in the US Open finals is 5’7” and 154. Serena Williams wasn’t thin…muscular as heck, but not thin.

We are talking about high school. Our team is full of thin blonde girls.

Do you live in the south?

We know all the schools in Wash DC and what you’re saying does not ring a bell. Even at visi or NCS or very small parochial high schools.

Our school has a mix of thin white and a few Asian girls. The girls are majority blonde. Boys team is also lean with white and Asian boys. Boys team isn’t as blonde. Like I said, I have teen boys.

The boys and girls have opposite schedules so I don’t see the girls. I just remember seeing the girls and they were very attractive and very blonde.

I am confused…I gather your girls team isn’t anything special. Top world ranked teen tennis players aren’t paper thin.

Even the nationally ranked (which probably will never be good enough to go pro) high schools kids aren’t what you would consider thin.

Is this supposed to be a reflection of top athletes or just lifestyle players doing it to stay thin but never planning for it to go anywhere.

I never said the girls’ tennis team was good. I just said they were thin. Our school also isn’t majority blonde. The tennis team just seems very thin and blonde. There are a few beautiful girls on the team. They could be on a nike ad. Our school could be OP’s school. School is full of fit thin athletic girls and boys.

Nike uses highly competitive athletes in their ads

There is one girl who is gorgeous and blonde on the tennis team. She is probably the prettiest girl at the school. You are right. She is prettier than the girls on Nike ads.

I have boys who play tennis. They have brown hair.

Everyone is thin except one girl who is a little thick but certainly not fat at all.

Most of our school, like OP’s school, is wealthy, good looking and thin.

You just sound really unintelligent. Why are you repeatedly prattling on about “thin, blonde girls?” I’m starting to suspect you’re a man who’s typing this one-handed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just started at a small private school in 9th grade, and our DD is clearly having some issues adjusting and fitting in. We are on financial aid, so we already are different in that we are outliers in that we drive old cars and both parents work full time -- I actually have the more demanding job so DH is often the one picking up or going to school functions, and he's usually the only Dad for all those things.

But one issue I know is weighing on my DD, judging from her new interest in diet and "healthy eating", is that she is on the high end of the size scale. Honestly, our ped has been somewhat worried about here since her BMI hit 25, but we are wary since we have a family history of eating disorders (grandparents) and it seemed to have originated with the pandemic so we are hoping will wane as she grows.

Her entire school is full of thin and athletic girls, many do a demanding travel sport or even two a season -- a few girls seem to be flying for tennis tournaments every other week. Our DD was doing rec soccer until her team dissolved, and now she doesn't really have any interest in sports and says she won't make the cut for her schools team in any sport since the other students all did travel sports when they were younger.

I'm at a loss of what to do. We try and lead a healthy lifestyle, eating home cooked meals most days, packing a good home made lunch, go on family walks after dinner. I'm a healthy weight and take a yoga class on the weekend, but my DH is definitely put on the pounds in middle age (I think he is sneaking treats at work, since he eats okay at home and even goes to the gym a few days a week). Is her problem stemming from the bad modeling by my DH, should I put him on the irons to lose weight (or even go on GLP1 or something)?

Anyone have any insight into how all these svelte classmates ALL seem to keep slim? I honestly am surprised there is so little varaition; they were all sizes at our public middle school, even within the "wealthier" families. Any tips on how to get DD more active under these scenarios and push her to truly healthy eating (right now she eats too often, even if food is healthy, and is always wanting a snack).

I honestly think it just comes down to genetics. Both of my daughters who are now in their late teens/early 20's were always thin, and they never did athletics or even worked out. Ate pretty healthy, but would still eat junk a few times a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A BMI of 25 is not overweight. Do not bring this up with her. If anything those other girls will put on weight as their bodies change.

Actually it is.

[Anonymous]

Lots of disordered eating amongst high school girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the entire thread but back in the 70's, 80's and 90's all kids in public schools were normal weights. Even kids in poorer areas of Maryland were normal weight. In my classes we probably had 1 student who might have been 10 or 15 pounds heavier but there was not the morbid obesity of today.

Students and families maintained their weight by eating 3 healthy meals a day. We did not have snacks between meals.

Girls did sports but not at the level of today.

WTF? I'm 52 and I remember as a kid riding my bike to 7-11 and loading up on candy.
I spent many an hour in my teens on the couch vegging out to MTV with a bowl of chips of melted cheese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of disordered eating amongst high school girls.

Hate to break it to you, but plenty of HS girls are thin without disordered eating. Being thin at that age really is the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people are recommending sports. Those are great for many reasons, but won't necessarily lead to weight loss. Weight loss happens much more quickly with reducing calories-- exercise leads to health benefits, but not really weight loss. And if your dd will be among the worst kids on the team, it's likely to exacerbate the problem rather than help. I'd look for rec teams outside of school or county sports skills classes or something like that.

Is it feasible for her to sign up for some activities that are not sports related? Ideally, at school or with kids from the school so she can build her group, but if that doesn't work, then look for other ones in your neighborhood. Academic clubs come to mind (debate, or something else that will let her build strength in something that is different than what these other kids excel at). Also, more nurturing-type non athletic clubs at her new school (public service clubs and the like) where her athletic ability won't be noticed and she can find common ground with kids through other means.

+100
I never played sports and neither did my daughters. We weren't super skinny, but we definitely weren't overweight.
And from what I can tell, the girls who played sports weren't any thinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most teens seem thin so if your child is even a slightly overweight, she may be the odd one out.

My kids all have no fat and they eat tons of junk.

My DD finds it completely unfair that her friends' parents let them eat all the junk food they want and are thin. She's not thin and we definitely limit junk food (basically, one dessert a day, which is still a lot.) The responses to this post will be evenly split with parents saying an overweight kid shouldn't get a dessert a day... and parents saying that by restricting food we are headed toward an eating disorder. It's a struggle EVERY DAY.

My daughter is very skinny but loves to eat. She has the eating habits of an overweight child but she is stick skinny. She eats dessert everyday. She loves ice cream, chips, cookies and chocolate. I don’t know how she is underweight. At he last check up, she was 18th percentile in weight.

We're not all equal when it comes to weight gain. That's why Ozempic is such a miracle. It evens out the playing field.

For lazy pigss

You have no idea what you're talking about. Ozempic doesn't make you magically lose weight. You still have to have the same calorie deficit as you would if you weren't on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teen girls are usually thin and weigh 100 pounds.

You don't know many athletes, do you?

This thread illustrates just how girls get eating disorders.

PP doesn’t know many teens, athletes or otherwise.

I have two teen sons. Both play 3 sports each.

My daughter is only in elementary and everyone is stick skinny. I occasionally see a large girl in ballet but in her actual school, I can’t think of any large girls.

All my kids are thin. My boys are muscular.

I haven't been a hundred lbs since 5th grade. You haven't even listed a height with that weight. I assure you my 5'7" teen would look skeletal at 100 lbs.

My kids play tennis as their main sport. Those are the girls I see most.

Some girls are not thin. You are correct. I have seen some girls who are bigger than my sons.

My kid just started high school. Middle school girls look petite and thin and 100 pounds.

There are some kids in high school who look like grown men.

My kids play tennis too and at the high school level, there are definitely plenty of girls that are not thin. Not obese looking, but a variation in sizes for sure

Pp here. My son is on the varsity tennis team. I just looked at their team photo from last year. Everyone is thin on the boys and girls team except 1 boy and 1 girl. They are a little thicker but everyone else looks lean.

Many of the top ranked women’s players in the world you would not call thin.

The American that just lost in the US Open finals is 5’7” and 154. Serena Williams wasn’t thin…muscular as heck, but not thin.

We are talking about high school. Our team is full of thin blonde girls.

Do you live in the south?

We know all the schools in Wash DC and what you’re saying does not ring a bell. Even at visi or NCS or very small parochial high schools.

Our school has a mix of thin white and a few Asian girls. The girls are majority blonde. Boys team is also lean with white and Asian boys. Boys team isn’t as blonde. Like I said, I have teen boys.

The boys and girls have opposite schedules so I don’t see the girls. I just remember seeing the girls and they were very attractive and very blonde.

I am confused…I gather your girls team isn’t anything special. Top world ranked teen tennis players aren’t paper thin.

Even the nationally ranked (which probably will never be good enough to go pro) high schools kids aren’t what you would consider thin.

Is this supposed to be a reflection of top athletes or just lifestyle players doing it to stay thin but never planning for it to go anywhere.

I never said the girls’ tennis team was good. I just said they were thin. Our school also isn’t majority blonde. The tennis team just seems very thin and blonde. There are a few beautiful girls on the team. They could be on a nike ad. Our school could be OP’s school. School is full of fit thin athletic girls and boys.

Nike uses highly competitive athletes in their ads

There is one girl who is gorgeous and blonde on the tennis team. She is probably the prettiest girl at the school. You are right. She is prettier than the girls on Nike ads.

I have boys who play tennis. They have brown hair.

Everyone is thin except one girl who is a little thick but certainly not fat at all.

Most of our school, like OP’s school, is wealthy, good looking and thin.

You keep writing this but it’s still unclear as to your point. Tennis is irrelevant to this discussion as you claim most of the school is wealthy and thin.

So, WTF does the tennis team have to do with anything?

You do realize that fashion models are not Nike models, correct?

I actually also wrote that OP should focus on confidence for her child in other ways.

OP wrote about a school with thin girls. My kids attend schools with girls with thin girls. I actually have one kid in private and one in public and both schools have skinny teen girls. 25 BMI would be heavy at our public school as well.

[Anonymous]

WHY are you at this school? It sounds like a bad fit.

I went to a very academically strong school and the girls varied in terms of their natural size, and there wasn't this pressure/teasing you describe. So if you want elite private school academics, you can find them in a much more welcoming setting.