To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

So OP doesn’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

Not even if he's a politician. Nobody gives a $hit.

You should leave the other husband alone, it's not your business. Your husband is your business.

Not how it works. You interfere with my marriage, I interfere with yours. Why is there a code that should be upheld by the spouse who was wronged? The wife didn’t cheat. YOU did. If my husband was caught cheating with someone I’d already expressed concern about, all bets for civility would be off.

Because the other husband didn’t do anything to you and you are gleefully looking forward to causing him pain.

OP: Gleefully looking forward to causing him pain? I have the unique advantage that I caught wind of his wife cheating on him. It is a kindness to share that kind of blatant disrespect when you’re investing your life in someone.

AP doesn’t get to destroy my marriage and keep her happy one. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

DP

OP, honestly you sound so incredibly angry, hurt, betrayed, and unhappy. And this vendetta to punish them is just misplaced. This isn’t how you heal and have a happy life. It’s how you hang on to hurt, feeding it with rage and cementing it in place with self righteousness.

You may think you are punishing them but this will backfire on you. So she loses her marriage. Ok. It probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway. She will walk away wronged by you and she may go on to mature and learn from her mistake. You will walk away holding this for the rest of your life. It’s going to eat you from the inside. Instead of living your own life you’re fixated on getting other people back, controlling aspects of their life, and wounding them.

As for the idea that you’re saving her spouse — get over it. He would find out anyway or he wouldn’t. Maybe he will stay with her and the marriage will get stronger. You have no idea what they will do and honestly you behaving like an unhinged idiot just doesn’t help anyone. If you wanted to be moral you’d tell her that she needs to inform him or you will.

DP. Nah. I didn’t find that to be the case. It would have eaten me alive and angered me if I didn’t confront the AP and notify the spouse. The exact opposite happened than what you described, doing so freed me. I never looked back after. It was a huge weight off of my chest and I got my power and agency back. I wouldn’t have healed or moved in if I stayed silent. I’m not the type to let things that directly harm me on purpose not go unaddressed. I confront then head on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP was my real life friend, I would definitely want her to keep her eyes on her life and deciding what’s best for her and her kids.

But since this is the internet, and I love a good train, I forward to the next chapters.

If OP was my friend, I’d be helping her plot her spectacular revenge.

+1 I'm with ya, OP. Go nuclear.

I cannot abide cheaters and liars.

Sisterhood unite! Kick those poseur fake “friends of women” in the p@ssy.

Real women would never do that to another woman and her kids.

They’re not “doing it to you.” They’re not thinking about you at all.

And that why they aren’t women of the sisterhood. They have zero empathy for other women and mothers. You can’t be all feminist , women’s rights when you are out banging other women’s husbands. You are part of the problem when you do that. Not good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I slept with your husband bc DH and I have an open marriage. Feel free to tell him. I honored the commitments I made to my DH, I'm sorry your spouse didn't do the same for you. Last I check - I was not part of your wedding vows and made no commitments to you about who I would or wouldn't sleep with

Good luck with your new job hunting!

Its fascinating you think people get fired over this. Unless there is a boss / subordinate dynamic....they're not. Workplaces don't get involved with whether someone should be morally sleeping with someone else - if dating is allowed (as it is almost everywhere now except where there are power differentials) then affairs are also allowed.

You missed where OP said, earlier in the thread, that her DH and the AP are both "key" players in a small firm with a small staff. Sounds like some entrepreneurial thing. If that's the case, well, two leaders out of a small staff, both with total s**tstorms breaking at home--that's going to play havoc with the whole business, possibly. It's funny to me how some here are so very insistent that an affair could never, ever tank a career or business unless it was a boss-subordinate relationship.

DP - I saw that part and that it made it less likely that there would be career fallout honestly. No one is getting rid of 2 key players in a small enterprise.

OP’s first thread should be recommended reading for y’all.

Where did OP ever confirm that she's the same OP with the husband who constantly talks to his pregnant business partner?

She won’t because she enjoys creating stories.

[Anonymous]

But people don’t really care about this. If I preferred the husband to the wife, that’s who I’d remain friends with.

Don’t assume other people are like you. Most people have a moral compass.

Also, if someone is cheating and lying to their spouse/family, this behavior is showing up elsewhere in their life. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is known to lie and manipulate for their own benefit? Doesn’t sound like someone trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

Not even if he's a politician. Nobody gives a $hit.

You should leave the other husband alone, it's not your business. Your husband is your business.

Not how it works. You interfere with my marriage, I interfere with yours. Why is there a code that should be upheld by the spouse who was wronged? The wife didn’t cheat. YOU did. If my husband was caught cheating with someone I’d already expressed concern about, all bets for civility would be off.

Because the other husband didn’t do anything to you and you are gleefully looking forward to causing him pain.

OP: Gleefully looking forward to causing him pain? I have the unique advantage that I caught wind of his wife cheating on him. It is a kindness to share that kind of blatant disrespect when you’re investing your life in someone.

AP doesn’t get to destroy my marriage and keep her happy one. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

DP

OP, honestly you sound so incredibly angry, hurt, betrayed, and unhappy. And this vendetta to punish them is just misplaced. This isn’t how you heal and have a happy life. It’s how you hang on to hurt, feeding it with rage and cementing it in place with self righteousness.

You may think you are punishing them but this will backfire on you. So she loses her marriage. Ok. It probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway. She will walk away wronged by you and she may go on to mature and learn from her mistake. You will walk away holding this for the rest of your life. It’s going to eat you from the inside. Instead of living your own life you’re fixated on getting other people back, controlling aspects of their life, and wounding them.

As for the idea that you’re saving her spouse — get over it. He would find out anyway or he wouldn’t. Maybe he will stay with her and the marriage will get stronger. You have no idea what they will do and honestly you behaving like an unhinged idiot just doesn’t help anyone. If you wanted to be moral you’d tell her that she needs to inform him or you will.

DP. Nah. I didn’t find that to be the case. It would have eaten me alive and angered me if I didn’t confront the AP and notify the spouse. The exact opposite happened than what you described, doing so freed me. I never looked back after. It was a huge weight off of my chest and I got my power and agency back. I wouldn’t have healed or moved in if I stayed silent. I’m not the type to let things that directly harm me on purpose not go unaddressed. I confront then head on.

+1. I stewed over it for a year. It ate me up inside. I had so much anger and turmoil. Once I made the decision, confronted and notified spouse, I slept like a baby for the first time in a year. I was finally able to move on. I needed that closure and I needed my voice to be heard.

Everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP was my real life friend, I would definitely want her to keep her eyes on her life and deciding what’s best for her and her kids.

But since this is the internet, and I love a good train, I forward to the next chapters.

If OP was my friend, I’d be helping her plot her spectacular revenge.

+1 I'm with ya, OP. Go nuclear.

I cannot abide cheaters and liars.

Sisterhood unite! Kick those poseur fake “friends of women” in the p@ssy.

Real women would never do that to another woman and her kids.

They’re not “doing it to you.” They’re not thinking about you at all.

And that why they aren’t women of the sisterhood. They have zero empathy for other women and mothers. You can’t be all feminist , women’s rights when you are out banging other women’s husbands. You are part of the problem when you do that. Not good people.

Erm, what is this? Did this woman ever hold herself out as a feminist? You seem to be having an argument with no one on the other end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But people don’t really care about this. If I preferred the husband to the wife, that’s who I’d remain friends with.

Don’t assume other people are like you. Most people have a moral compass.

Also, if someone is cheating and lying to their spouse/family, this behavior is showing up elsewhere in their life. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is known to lie and manipulate for their own benefit? Doesn’t sound like someone trustworthy.

I don't think this is true at all. And most people just consider this a private matter, not something that everyone needs to take a side on.

[Anonymous]

I love how the cheaters/aps always out themselves in the comments. It’s fine if you wouldn’t tell anyone that your husband and his coworker are banging, but trying to dissuade other women from telling the truth? Disgusting and truly nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

Not even if he's a politician. Nobody gives a $hit.

You should leave the other husband alone, it's not your business. Your husband is your business.

Not how it works. You interfere with my marriage, I interfere with yours. Why is there a code that should be upheld by the spouse who was wronged? The wife didn’t cheat. YOU did. If my husband was caught cheating with someone I’d already expressed concern about, all bets for civility would be off.

Because the other husband didn’t do anything to you and you are gleefully looking forward to causing him pain.

OP: Gleefully looking forward to causing him pain? I have the unique advantage that I caught wind of his wife cheating on him. It is a kindness to share that kind of blatant disrespect when you’re investing your life in someone.

AP doesn’t get to destroy my marriage and keep her happy one. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

DP

OP, honestly you sound so incredibly angry, hurt, betrayed, and unhappy. And this vendetta to punish them is just misplaced. This isn’t how you heal and have a happy life. It’s how you hang on to hurt, feeding it with rage and cementing it in place with self righteousness.

You may think you are punishing them but this will backfire on you. So she loses her marriage. Ok. It probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway. She will walk away wronged by you and she may go on to mature and learn from her mistake. You will walk away holding this for the rest of your life. It’s going to eat you from the inside. Instead of living your own life you’re fixated on getting other people back, controlling aspects of their life, and wounding them.

As for the idea that you’re saving her spouse — get over it. He would find out anyway or he wouldn’t. Maybe he will stay with her and the marriage will get stronger. You have no idea what they will do and honestly you behaving like an unhinged idiot just doesn’t help anyone. If you wanted to be moral you’d tell her that she needs to inform him or you will.

DP. Re: the bold -- OP should tell him. She should do it coolly and not (as some accuse her of here) "gleefully," but he has a right to know.

I think you refuse to grasp that for health reasons alone he should know now, not in some future of "he'll find out anyway or he won't." If you think STIs aren't a big deal, you are utterly ignorant and need to read some actual news. Maybe you think a stranger's health is of zero concern to you, but some of us would want that stranger to have a chance to make his OWN choice about his health, based on all the information.

On an even bigger scale, he should know because he should be able to make a fully informed choice about how he wants to spend the rest of his life. That doesn't matter to you, clearly, and it does not have to be a motivation for OP, either, frankly; she might just want the vengance on AP. But the result will still be that he's at least able to move forward (with or without his wife) in the real world and not as someone who's being played for a fool 24/7 by his cheating wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how the cheaters/aps always out themselves in the comments. It’s fine if you wouldn’t tell anyone that your husband and his coworker are banging, but trying to dissuade other women from telling the truth? Disgusting and truly nasty.

+1

One or a couple of repeat commenters here are strangely insistent that it's wrong for OP to tell the woman's husband. Wonder why they're so invested in a spouse staying in the dark. They might not be cheaters themselves, but they sure lack empathy for the spouse who's cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But people don’t really care about this. If I preferred the husband to the wife, that’s who I’d remain friends with.

Don’t assume other people are like you. Most people have a moral compass.

Also, if someone is cheating and lying to their spouse/family, this behavior is showing up elsewhere in their life. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is known to lie and manipulate for their own benefit? Doesn’t sound like someone trustworthy.

I don't think this is true at all. And most people just consider this a private matter, not something that everyone needs to take a side on.

Nah. Most good people do care. That's why ALL of our friends dumped my cheating, lying ex. He betrayed everyone, including them.
It's only his superficial, low moral, appearances-only family who are turning a blind eye and "respecting our privacy"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But people don’t really care about this. If I preferred the husband to the wife, that’s who I’d remain friends with.

Don’t assume other people are like you. Most people have a moral compass.

Also, if someone is cheating and lying to their spouse/family, this behavior is showing up elsewhere in their life. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is known to lie and manipulate for their own benefit? Doesn’t sound like someone trustworthy.

I don't think this is true at all. And most people just consider this a private matter, not something that everyone needs to take a side on.

Nah. Most good people do care. That's why ALL of our friends dumped my cheating, lying ex. He betrayed everyone, including them.
It's only his superficial, low moral, appearances-only family who are turning a blind eye and "respecting our privacy"

Even ex’s family hates him for it. Many cut him off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But people don’t really care about this. If I preferred the husband to the wife, that’s who I’d remain friends with.

Don’t assume other people are like you. Most people have a moral compass.

Also, if someone is cheating and lying to their spouse/family, this behavior is showing up elsewhere in their life. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is known to lie and manipulate for their own benefit? Doesn’t sound like someone trustworthy.

I don't think this is true at all. And most people just consider this a private matter, not something that everyone needs to take a side on.

Nah. Most good people do care. That's why ALL of our friends dumped my cheating, lying ex. He betrayed everyone, including them.
It's only his superficial, low moral, appearances-only family who are turning a blind eye and "respecting our privacy"

Even ex’s family hates him for it. Many cut him off.

Sure they did. In your fever dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But people don’t really care about this. If I preferred the husband to the wife, that’s who I’d remain friends with.

Don’t assume other people are like you. Most people have a moral compass.

Also, if someone is cheating and lying to their spouse/family, this behavior is showing up elsewhere in their life. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is known to lie and manipulate for their own benefit? Doesn’t sound like someone trustworthy.

I don't think this is true at all. And most people just consider this a private matter, not something that everyone needs to take a side on.

Nah. Most good people do care. That's why ALL of our friends dumped my cheating, lying ex. He betrayed everyone, including them.
It's only his superficial, low moral, appearances-only family who are turning a blind eye and "respecting our privacy"

Even ex’s family hates him for it. Many cut him off.

Sure they did. In your fever dream.

+ 1. Delulu.