Reply to To my husband’s work AP

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.[/quote]

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.[/quote]

Not even if he's a politician.  Nobody gives a $hit.

You should leave the other husband alone, it's not your business.  Your husband is your business.[/quote]

Not how it works. You interfere with my marriage, I interfere with yours. Why is there a code that should be upheld by the spouse who was wronged? The wife didn’t cheat. YOU did. If my husband was caught cheating with someone I’d already expressed concern about, all bets for civility would be off.[/quote]

Because the other husband didn’t do anything to you and you are gleefully looking forward to causing him pain.

[/quote]

OP: Gleefully looking forward to causing him pain? I have the unique advantage that I caught wind of his wife cheating on him. It is a kindness to share that kind of blatant disrespect when you’re investing your life in someone.

AP doesn’t get to destroy my marriage and keep her happy one. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.[/quote]

OP, honestly you sound so incredibly angry, hurt, betrayed, and unhappy. And this vendetta to punish them is just misplaced. This isn’t how you heal and have a happy life. It’s how you hang on to hurt, feeding it with rage and cementing it in place with self righteousness.

You may think you are punishing them but this will backfire on you. So she loses her marriage. Ok. It probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway. She will walk away wronged by you and she may go on to mature and learn from her mistake. You will walk away holding this for the rest of your life. It’s going to eat you from the inside. Instead of living your own life you’re fixated on getting other people back, controlling aspects of their life, and wounding them.

As for the idea that you’re saving her spouse — get over it. He would find out anyway or he wouldn’t. Maybe he will stay with her and the marriage will get stronger. You have no idea what they will do and honestly you behaving like an unhinged idiot just doesn’t help anyone. If you wanted to be moral you’d tell her that she needs to inform him or you will. [/quote]

DP. Nah. I didn’t find that to be the case. It would have eaten me alive and angered me if I didn’t confront the AP and notify the spouse.  The exact opposite happened than what you described, doing so freed me. I never looked back after. It was a huge weight off of my chest and I got my power and agency back. I wouldn’t have healed or moved in if I stayed silent. I’m not the type to let things that directly harm me on purpose not go unaddressed. I confront then head on. [/quote]

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