Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trend? I'm older Gen X (mid 50s) and plenty of women in my age range still have their maiden names and have been married for 25-30 years.

It isn't a trend, OP.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name after marriage but I did after I had my first baby. I’m sure it was all the hormones, but I couldn’t stand not having the same name as her. It was a bit of a hassle and I still have a credit card with my maiden name, but overall it was no big deal, either professionally or personally. The world is used to people changing their names and there are procedures in place to do so.

I understand the patriarchy argument, but ultimately, the last name I had at birth is as arbitrary as the last name my husband had at birth. Both were the product of 30+ generations of couples having the same last name and unless there’s a hereditary title or something, it doesn’t really signify.

I also do a ton of volunteer work with my kid’s school’s PTA. I see forms filled out and donations made where the parent’s and child’s last names don’t match. I also see where they do match. Either way is extraordinarily common and nobody cares or judges. Just make sure if your name is different that you put down your kids name! If I don’t know you, I have no idea that the permission slip signed by Larla Jones is for Larlo Smith!

If the man's and the woman's names are equally arbitrary, why do you rarely see children being given their mother's surname or men changing their surname to match that of his wife's/children? There's nothing equal about how surnames are chosen. Everyone has the right to choose any surname they want but to argue that the tradition is not unequal is dishonest.

If the mother gave birth to the child, everyone knows the baby is hers. Maybe it's some kind of territorial marking by the father.

If a child isn't biologically yours, it won't be biologically yours either just because you put a stamp on it.

[Anonymous]

It is such a provincial post. Where I came from, everybody keeps their surname. The first born takes mother's surname, the second takes father's...

OP needs to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

I know that most women still take the husbands name, but that doesn't mean that everyone should, which seems to be the OP's argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

Just asking out of curiosity, what rock have you been living under?

Can you not be such a judgmental snob?

When I read OP’s post, I did suspect she was from the south or Midwest. And/or from a rural background. But I would not characterize that as coming from “under a rock.”

You sound like you have lived in a bubble.

Why is this striking a nerve with you? Do you also live in uneducated circles? OP asked a judgy question, she got an appropriate response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.





.

While your personal experience and your sister's are interesting, they're not the whole picture. Most women, about 85%, still choose to take their husband's last name. And about that idea that taking a last name increases the chances of divorce? Actually, studies don't back that up. In fact, there's no solid evidence saying that taking a husband's last name affects the likelihood of divorce at all. Each couple's situation is unique, and the decision to change a name or not varies based on many factors, not just the stability of the marriage. So, while your choice to keep your maiden name worked for you, others find different value in sharing a last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

What about not changing my name because I don't want to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I need you to sit down for this one.

I am a woman. Not only did I not change my name, I don't wear a wedding ring. And...neither does my husband.

We have two kids and have made it 21 years.

OP sounds raised on Disney and real marriage with kids will be a harsh wake up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

So you have had the divorce in mind since you signed your marriage certificate? But it is her fault things didn’t work out?

Ha. My sister changed her name because she wanted to have the same name as her kids like the OP. The marriage ended in divorce. She changed back to her maiden name. She has two daughters and if they change their names upon marriage, there will be yet another surname or two.

I didn't change my name. We're coming up on our 30th anniversary.

Got it, let's break it down. Your story and your sister's are definitely interesting, but they're individual experiences. When we zoom out and look at what most people are doing, it's a different picture. A big survey by Pew Research Center found that around 85% of women are taking their husband's last name. So, while you and your sister made your own choices, most folks are still going for the name change.

Everyone's got their reasons, right? Some want the same name as their kids, some don't want to change their professional name, and so on. But overall, most women are still choosing to go with their husband's last name. It's cool to have different stories, but the big trend is still leaning towards name-taking.

If I had taken my husband's surname, I'd have spent decades listening to English speakers mangling its pronunciation and having to spell it ten times a day. It also doesn't fit with the cultural origins of my first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

Marriages rates are down and cohabitation is up. It may be that straight women getting married are already more conservative on average than their unmarried straight or married lesbian counterparts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is such a provincial post. Where I came from, everybody keeps their surname. The first born takes mother's surname, the second takes father's...

OP needs to travel.

It's great to hear about different customs from around the world, but here in the United States, the situation is a bit different. In the U.S., about 85% of women in opposite-sex marriages choose to take their husband's last name. This trend is influenced by cultural norms and traditions specific to the U.S. While it's enriching to learn about and respect various traditions globally, it's also important to recognize that each country and culture has its own practices. In the context of the U.S., name-taking remains a significant trend, regardless of practices elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I need you to sit down for this one.

I am a woman. Not only did I not change my name, I don't wear a wedding ring. And...neither does my husband.

We have two kids and have made it 21 years.

OP sounds raised on Disney and real marriage with kids will be a harsh wake up.

I suspect the OP is young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

True, it applies to the men as well. They can change their surnames.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

So jelly! I hope your Etsy shop can support you post-divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families] my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

The whole hyphenated name this is absurd. How do you keep that going after generations of kids and grand kids. Keep you name, fine. But don't saddle your kids with a stupid, long name that will become more so when they are grown. I'm with you, OP. Unify your family under one name. If it's the mother's so be it.