“First come, first serve” household?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.

Setting aside a plate is not the hill I would die on because I would actively not want my MIL to do that for me. Can you imagine the messages she could be sending with that? No carbs, less meat, all vegetables, etc. There are posts here all the time about people angry that in-laws serve the food instead of people serving themselves and people hate that. All we know is the PP is mad a plate isn't being set aside, regardless of the situation, I would never want that or for MIL to prove her love for me that way. It's not worth a deep dive into that PPs family dynamics because it's irrelevant.

“Prove love”???? Not sure what kind of upbringing of yours that you are projecting?? Hopefully not eating issues on your part.

Someone who has been in a family a number of years, possibly decades, has every right. There are inevitable patterns, some quite horrible, whether outsiders like it or not.

You are correct. If you haven’t been in the family, or even been in such a family that long, you should not pretend to know. But never would I try to shoot down or diminish someone’s first hand experience, in light of or in interest of my own.

I can just help myself when I get there, not sure what the issue even is. But the PP has decided it says something that there aren't individual plates waiting. Otherwise, why bring it up? Are there no leftovers at this weird gathering?

No. If there is not enough food, then consequently, there are no leftovers.

So address that issue. Bring food to supplement the meager dinner or host your own.

If the host tells you to being one thing, do you ignore them and bring whatever else? If the host insists on hosting, do you tell them their food sucks?

I was raised not to be rude. I suppose rude people might enjoy that.

I mean, really. Are you ten years old?

If you’re not rude have enough food. Pretty simple. There should never be a situation where if you’re not there right on time the food is gone.

Exactly, exactly the point. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.

That is, of course, disgusting, but it also sounds like someone needs to order more pizza. Most of the situations described in these threads could be resolved by providing ample food for the number of people eating.

X100000

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.

.

You seem extremely over reactive.

If there is not enough food to begin with, there are no “multiple plates”.

Why do you keep going on about multiple plates? For little kids?

Because holiday PP wants plates for the whole family set aside. Or do you think they share 1 plate? This family situation is weird. Sorry you don’t agree.

I think you are the only one to ever claim that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.

That is, of course, disgusting, but it also sounds like someone needs to order more pizza. Most of the situations described in these threads could be resolved by providing ample food for the number of people eating.

Stop having other kids over if you cannot feed them. That's nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.

If my kid did that, they would get zero pizza. And not just that night. Pizza night for them would equal cold cereal for dinner

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

Wrong. We save pizza leftovers for the lighter eaters and don’t allow the heavy eaters to just pig out on the leftovers and we have multiple kids. Try again.

That is so odd. So you look at a pizza and say, OK there are 8 slices and 4 of us so, even though Larla always only eats 1 and your athletic teen would not be "pigging out" to eat 3, they both still get 2? Why?

Who is ordering one pizza to feed 4 people? Let's start there.

We do, and we have leftovers, but we don't label them with people's names

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.

That is, of course, disgusting, but it also sounds like someone needs to order more pizza. Most of the situations described in these threads could be resolved by providing ample food for the number of people eating.

Not really. I don't want my kids to have more than 2 slices each.

Sure. you try telling your 15yo DS that 2 slices is enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children used to hang out with a family of 4 siblings and when the pizza giot delivered and I opened the box each kid leaned over to spit on their pieces before they grabbed it so no one else would take it.

That is, of course, disgusting, but it also sounds like someone needs to order more pizza. Most of the situations described in these threads could be resolved by providing ample food for the number of people eating.

Not really. I don't want my kids to have more than 2 slices each.

Sure. you try telling your 15yo DS that 2 slices is enough

I'm not limiting him to 2 slices for dinner, he can have lots of other things to eat. Just not other people's pizza. Pizza is only part of a meal at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

This is a completely different question than the original question. I think it's reasonable to wait to make sure everyone who is present has firsts before you take seconds. I think it's reasonable to wait until everyone has seconds before you take thirds. I think it's reasonable to ask if anyone wants to share the last of x before you take it.

Leftovers don't exist until everyone present has eaten all they want.

BUT that is not the same as expecting the people who are present and are hungry enough to eat at that moment to stop eating so someone who is somewhere else can have some later.

Exactly. The thread is splintered in so many different directions now that people are acting like posters who talk about what happened at a family dinner with lots of kids and minimal food back in the 70s is how these adults are behaving at a dinner party today.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

Wrong. We save pizza leftovers for the lighter eaters and don’t allow the heavy eaters to just pig out on the leftovers and we have multiple kids. Try again.

That is so odd. So you look at a pizza and say, OK there are 8 slices and 4 of us so, even though Larla always only eats 1 and your athletic teen would not be "pigging out" to eat 3, they both still get 2? Why?

The "athletic teen" can diversify his diet and eat something else besides pizza.

Just so the kid who only wanted one piece can be forced to eat left over pizza the next day? I guess I just see this as two different meals. Leftovers don't get assigned to people based on what they did or didn't eat the night before.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

Wrong. We save pizza leftovers for the lighter eaters and don’t allow the heavy eaters to just pig out on the leftovers and we have multiple kids. Try again.

That is so odd. So you look at a pizza and say, OK there are 8 slices and 4 of us so, even though Larla always only eats 1 and your athletic teen would not be "pigging out" to eat 3, they both still get 2? Why?

The "athletic teen" can diversify his diet and eat something else besides pizza.

Just so the kid who only wanted one piece can be forced to eat left over pizza the next day? I guess I just see this as two different meals. Leftovers don't get assigned to people based on what they did or didn't eat the night before.

No one is "forced" to eat anything they don't want. Anyone is free to relinquish their claim to food at any time. But my kids don't think of leftover pizza as a punishment--they look forward to it. That's why I'm not letting Kid A deprive Kid B of their leftover slice.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.

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You seem extremely over reactive.

If there is not enough food to begin with, there are no “multiple plates”.

Why do you keep going on about multiple plates? For little kids?

Because holiday PP wants plates for the whole family set aside. Or do you think they share 1 plate? This family situation is weird. Sorry you don’t agree.

I think you are the only one to ever claim that.

Claim what? That its weird to need to make separate plates because the food will run out if you aren't there at dinner time? Make more food cheapos. Holiday PP is mad plates weren't set aside. Why do you need to do that in the first place if there is plenty to go around?

[Anonymous]

I asked for a dorm fridge for Christmas as a teen because my brother kept stealing my food and leftovers and no one did anything to stop it. I would specifically save half of a steak and cheese, homemade cookies, or be looking forward to my favorite flavor of ice cream, whatever, and he would eat it all. Usually after coming home late at night. I finally started buying my own food and keeping it in my room. Terrible.

You can bet in our household we have respect around food and leftovers and make sure everyone feels ok about how much they have to eat.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

If the daughter can do no wrong, it sets that daughter up for failure. It is not about the food, at all. Take some Psych classes.

What is the relevant to this thread then? If she has MIL issues she should take it to another forum.

Because this thread has to do with familial food customs. Have you caught on yet?

Then your custom of not having a meal together and setting aside multiple plates to get cold is weird AF. Normal people help themselves when they get there.

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You seem extremely over reactive.

If there is not enough food to begin with, there are no “multiple plates”.

Why do you keep going on about multiple plates? For little kids?

Because holiday PP wants plates for the whole family set aside. Or do you think they share 1 plate? This family situation is weird. Sorry you don’t agree.

I think you are the only one to ever claim that.

Claim what? That its weird to need to make separate plates because the food will run out if you aren't there at dinner time? Make more food cheapos. Holiday PP is mad plates weren't set aside. Why do you need to do that in the first place if there is plenty to go around?

Because there isn’t enough to go around. No on is asking for plates, if there isn’t enough to go around.

[Anonymous]

You'd think "make more food" would fix it but some people are just bottomless pits. Growing up in a family of 5, my brother would eat anything not nailed down. If my mom made a pan of homemade brownies and he got to them first, he would eat the entire pan. Not kidding (and he wasn't the least bit fat). If my sister and I wanted any we would have to hide them in our rooms.