“First come, first serve” household?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the class division for all this?

I'm the Saturday donut person. We were UMC but first come first served. Is the behavior LMC? That's how my parents were raised.

We're also UMC and first come first serve. The idea being that there's always plenty of food around, so even if we run out of a particular food because somebody was extra hungry at dinner, it's NBD because the fridge and pantry are stocked, and things like pizza aren't such a rare and special treat that somebody would be devastated to miss out on any particular occasion.

IMHO, UMC people have hangups about eating. They need to keep a stockpile of their favorite foods, because the idea that they wouldn't have access to something immediately is unthinkable. No one can touch that stockpile because someone might experience the slightest suffering. Those of us who grew up less well off, don't have a problem "missing out." You eat what's available or don't eat.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a house where treats were limited. We did not have crackers, donuts, cold cereal, etc. It was a money thing, not a control/diet thing. My mom cooked family style basic food (i.e. oatmeal for breakfast, chili or casseroles for dinner, etc.). We rarely ate out and I don't think we ever had takeout pizza once.

On the rare occasion we had a treat, me and my siblings were savages.

I admit I will still hide food that I might want later. It's been a hard thing to unlearn. With my own family, I make most of our food from scratch. If we run out, I tell them I can always make more. That seems to work.

[Anonymous]

Never heard of this. I thought “dibs!” was universal & binding.

[Anonymous]

The holiday meal debate is baffling me. You make the extra plate when everyone is serving for the first time. Then once everyone gets their first plate (late arriving person included), whatever’s left is available for seconds. Are people really lacking this much imagination to not figure that out?

[Anonymous]

I hung in there for the whole thread!

My thoughts:

1. The birthday child gets to pick the first slice of cake. After that, anybody can select any slice.

2. Some posters here clearly don't have teen athletes who can polish off even more than enough dinner to go around. They're looking at their elementary school kid and can't imagine anyone eating more than 1-2 pieces of chicken. It's not always about making enough.

3. It doesn't always work to say that each person gets 4 slices of pizza to hoard whenever they want. We have a large family, with kids ranging from 7-15 years old. If we say that each person gets 4 slices, then our 7 year old would get four meals of pizza and our 15 year old athlete would get one. That's not fair either.

4. Eating more than another person at a meal isn't a LMC thing. I was raised UMC, with a FT housekeeper, gardener, pool guy, beach house, fabulous vacations, and my dad had a personal assistant. It was first come first served during meal time. Everyone got a first serving, then after that it was take what you want. My athlete older brothers ate more than I did. It never struck me as unfair. They needed more food.

5. Of course you save dinner for someone who isn't there at meal time. We have crazy schedules with all our kids and their activities. We save dinner if someone will need dinner later.

6. Who eats a dozen doughnuts without saving one for someone who's sleeping or out for a run? We occasionally get doughnuts over the summer. We know everyone's favorite and order (and save) it for them. We order one per person though because it's an unhealthy treat, not breakfast.

7. We throw an open house style holiday party for friends. One trick is we put out more charcuterie, cheese, smoked salmon, and chocolate halfway through. These items get polished off first no matter how much you put out. Everything else we can put out and it will last through the whole party. We always have too much food, but the best items quickly disappear no matter how much you serve.

8. If something happens one time and you need someone to save you a plate at the *family* holiday gathering, then ok. But something's not right if you repeatedly need a plate saved for you. It would be a wildly inappropriate thing to do at a friend's party. I would never expect a spouse to babysit a plate for me at a party, hoarding food from the rest of the guests. You're not a six year old only child anymore, and the whole world isn't catering to your express wishes.

9. It's not right for a grandparent to save food for one adult child's family but not another's. That's favoritism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

OP’s husband could be so simple minded in that he sees food and eats it, but in my mind, he 1) feels no responsibility for providing a replacement meal for his kid after eating it, and 2) takes no responsibility or cares about the consequences of his kid not eating on time. I guess that’s OP’s job. We have ravenous teens who come home from sports or whatever, and if dinner is delayed, then homework is delayed. If homework is delayed, then bedtime is delayed. If bedtime is delayed, then they have a sleep deficit.

Also, in some cultures, including mine, food = love. So we could never eat without first thinking about what our kids, or guests or whoever we care about, will eat. OP’s husband doesn’t see it this way, so I wouldn’t interpret this as “OP’s husband doesn’t care about his kids”. But I do think he doesn’t care about the consequences and extra work involved for his kids or OP when he eats all the food.

Op here. Bolding.This is interesting to me. Do you not do snacks in your home while your kids wait for dinner? My kids usually start as soon as they get in the door even if dinner is not ready.

Are other people doing this also? Dinner before homework?

Why would you think kids can focus on school work when they’re hungry? The only things my kids can eat when dinner is within an hour is cut up vegetables. Carrots, bell peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, edamame, string beans, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

OP’s husband could be so simple minded in that he sees food and eats it, but in my mind, he 1) feels no responsibility for providing a replacement meal for his kid after eating it, and 2) takes no responsibility or cares about the consequences of his kid not eating on time. I guess that’s OP’s job. We have ravenous teens who come home from sports or whatever, and if dinner is delayed, then homework is delayed. If homework is delayed, then bedtime is delayed. If bedtime is delayed, then they have a sleep deficit.

Also, in some cultures, including mine, food = love. So we could never eat without first thinking about what our kids, or guests or whoever we care about, will eat. OP’s husband doesn’t see it this way, so I wouldn’t interpret this as “OP’s husband doesn’t care about his kids”. But I do think he doesn’t care about the consequences and extra work involved for his kids or OP when he eats all the food.

Op here. Bolding.This is interesting to me. Do you not do snacks in your home while your kids wait for dinner? My kids usually start as soon as they get in the door even if dinner is not ready.

Are other people doing this also? Dinner before homework?

Why would you think kids can focus on school work when they’re hungry? The only things my kids can eat when dinner is within an hour is cut up vegetables. Carrots, bell peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, edamame, string beans, etc.

Op here, that is considered a snack. Vegetables can be snacks.

[Anonymous]

Only child here raised to ask others before I take the last serving of anything. I guess I side more with you, op. Not McDonald’s though. That’s just a treat for the child with the appointment if it’s mid day. If it were evening, and other kids would be home and hungry, I would bring it for them too.

[Anonymous]

It’s “first come, first served,” FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The holiday meal debate is baffling me. You make the extra plate when everyone is serving for the first time. Then once everyone gets their first plate (late arriving person included), whatever’s left is available for seconds. Are people really lacking this much imagination to not figure that out?

So, there is always enough food? What if there is not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue with my DH, OP, and I'm not an only child. My issue with DH is that he will simply eat all the food because he eats more food, and this means that often DD and I don't get as much of "special" food in the house because he was more hungry.

So yes, if we get special takeout, he'll eat all the leftovers without asking if anyone else wants any, meaning he gets twice as much as anyone else did. It is rude and annoying.

However I have gotten him to stop doing it for specific things, by just doing fewer communal things. So now DD and I both have foods and snacks that are "ours" and no one else can have any unless they ask. This has finally allowed us to have snacks or leftovers around the house that don't get vacuumed up by my voracious DH before we have a chance to eat them. I used to have to label them but I'm starting to not do that and DH seems to have internalized, for instance, that he can't eat up all of DD's favorite crackers that I buy explicitly of her lunch, or eat the leftover Thai food that I ordered extra of specifically so I could have leftovers the next day. It's taken years to get this through to him though. He used to just wander around the kitchen eating whatever he found without thinking for a second whether it was being saved specifically by a family member. So weird!

Exactly like mine. I have to hide food so he won’t eat it.

[Anonymous]

Yikes we set aside/share items in our family. We don't take things we know others would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never heard of this. I thought “dibs!” was universal & binding.

Yelling about food is really trashy. I would guess the type of people who do that are the people who eat gross food while watching football and screaming at the tv while ignoring everything else going on in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom would go to the grocery store Saturday morning and bring back donuts. More than enough for everyone. Whoever was still sleeping was not woken up or saved a donut. Everyone else ate 2 or 3 each until all were gone.

My DH and I both had this experience growing up. Sure, you snooze, you lose, but it’s also sad as a kid to be reminded constantly that no one is going to go out of their way to think of you or do something small for you like save a donut. (And it happened with way more than donuts).

So we don’t have the issue raised by this thread. We always ask before eating the last of something whether anyone else especially wanted it. We do it to be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hung in there for the whole thread!

My thoughts:

1. The birthday child gets to pick the first slice of cake. After that, anybody can select any slice.

2. Some posters here clearly don't have teen athletes who can polish off even more than enough dinner to go around. They're looking at their elementary school kid and can't imagine anyone eating more than 1-2 pieces of chicken. It's not always about making enough.

3. It doesn't always work to say that each person gets 4 slices of pizza to hoard whenever they want. We have a large family, with kids ranging from 7-15 years old. If we say that each person gets 4 slices, then our 7 year old would get four meals of pizza and our 15 year old athlete would get one. That's not fair either.

4. Eating more than another person at a meal isn't a LMC thing. I was raised UMC, with a FT housekeeper, gardener, pool guy, beach house, fabulous vacations, and my dad had a personal assistant. It was first come first served during meal time. Everyone got a first serving, then after that it was take what you want. My athlete older brothers ate more than I did. It never struck me as unfair. They needed more food.

5. Of course you save dinner for someone who isn't there at meal time. We have crazy schedules with all our kids and their activities. We save dinner if someone will need dinner later.

6. Who eats a dozen doughnuts without saving one for someone who's sleeping or out for a run? We occasionally get doughnuts over the summer. We know everyone's favorite and order (and save) it for them. We order one per person though because it's an unhealthy treat, not breakfast.

7. We throw an open house style holiday party for friends. One trick is we put out more charcuterie, cheese, smoked salmon, and chocolate halfway through. These items get polished off first no matter how much you put out. Everything else we can put out and it will last through the whole party. We always have too much food, but the best items quickly disappear no matter how much you serve.

8. If something happens one time and you need someone to save you a plate at the *family* holiday gathering, then ok. But something's not right if you repeatedly need a plate saved for you. It would be a wildly inappropriate thing to do at a friend's party. I would never expect a spouse to babysit a plate for me at a party, hoarding food from the rest of the guests. You're not a six year old only child anymore, and the whole world isn't catering to your express wishes.

9. It's not right for a grandparent to save food for one adult child's family but not another's. That's favoritism.

Umc don’t have a beach house, pool guy, housekeeper and fabulous vacations. You are out of touch with reality.

And someone’s birthday cake should not be a free for all. Younger kids will never get equal as they are younger and without the skills to deal with bullies like your older kids are.