“First come, first serve” household?

[Anonymous]

This is a really upsetting thread! My DH can be a selfish jerk and his family of origin is nuts, but if there is leftover pizza, birthday cake, or anything else special he would 100% definitely always divide it into the amount of portions equal to the people in our house. And if there is only 1 or the last of something, we cut it into 3 pieces so we each get some.

I grew up with a brother who would eat everything good and he’s now married to a woman who will eat the good stuff right in front of her kids without sharing it with them. I saw her eat the last slice of her kid’s birthday cake in front of him and tell him he should have eaten it sooner if he wanted some. Animals!

[Anonymous]

No I don't think that special things (like a post appt Mcdonalds lunch) get to be shared with everyone. I actually think it's more special to do it with the kid who had the appt. My kids really relish special time with me. I am fair about my time though and I don't favor one kid more than other.

One of my kids is incredibly kind. If I give her a cookie, she will break it in half for her siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understand all your examples, but I'm probably team DH as I've read them:

McDonalds - buying extra McD's for a second kid to eat later so they don't miss out? Nope, wouldn't do this.

Party - Save a plate as in, I've had my fill but I really want to try x,y,z later so put some aside for me? No, that's not reasonable unless the host is your mom or something. Save me a plate because I'm going to be an hour late to this dinner party you've invited me to? No, if you miss the dinner part of the dinner party, don't coming hungry.

For the leftovers bit, I would save leftovers if I was unsure if someone in the family had eaten dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I don't think that special things (like a post appt Mcdonalds lunch) get to be shared with everyone. I actually think it's more special to do it with the kid who had the appt. My kids really relish special time with me. I am fair about my time though and I don't favor one kid more than other.

One of my kids is incredibly kind. If I give her a cookie, she will break it in half for her siblings.

+1 What is the alternative? You buy extra McDonalds for the other kids who won't be home from school for 2-3 more hours? Who wants cold, soggy McD's?

[Anonymous]

What is with all of this food scarcity? If you're not making enough food and everyone is arguing over it, make more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

+1 We always save food for a family member if they're eating later. It's so rude not to.

Although my sister and our brothers used to get so annoyed with each other because she would save her dessert or part of her meal, then expect it to be there the next day. Of course they would eat it. I kind of see both points of view on this. She preferred to eat her portion at a different time, and they were hungry teens who wanted another helping at dinner that she wasn't eating. I guess it depends whether you're a "here's your share" kind of person vs. a "it's dinner time everyone eat your fill" kind of person.

I feel like this encourages strange eating habits--it's not really fair if someone isn't super hungry right at that moment to insist that they eat all their portion right then, otherwise it's open season for others to grab. Especially if it's dessert. It would just cause a scarcity mentality and overeating in some people.

I guess we were raised differently. Culturally in my family if it’s dinner time and everyone is eating, you eat. If you’re not hungry, eat less. Later if you want to scrounge around fine, but you can’t be upset that nobody saved the main dish for you. If you don’t want dessert now, cut yourself a slice now when it’s out, and wrap it up and tell the family that it’s yours.

So if you ate half your meal, wrapped up the other half, wrote your name on it, and told everyone you were going to eat it in two hours, in your family's "culture" it would be fine for anyone to go into the fridge, take it, and eat it?

I mean… tbh in my culture (Korean) I would never eat half my meal. Maybe if I were sick. If I did wrap it up and ask others not to eat it, I think they would honor that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

+1 We always save food for a family member if they're eating later. It's so rude not to.

Although my sister and our brothers used to get so annoyed with each other because she would save her dessert or part of her meal, then expect it to be there the next day. Of course they would eat it. I kind of see both points of view on this. She preferred to eat her portion at a different time, and they were hungry teens who wanted another helping at dinner that she wasn't eating. I guess it depends whether you're a "here's your share" kind of person vs. a "it's dinner time everyone eat your fill" kind of person.

I feel like this encourages strange eating habits--it's not really fair if someone isn't super hungry right at that moment to insist that they eat all their portion right then, otherwise it's open season for others to grab. Especially if it's dessert. It would just cause a scarcity mentality and overeating in some people.

I guess we were raised differently. Culturally in my family if it’s dinner time and everyone is eating, you eat. If you’re not hungry, eat less. Later if you want to scrounge around fine, but you can’t be upset that nobody saved the main dish for you. If you don’t want dessert now, cut yourself a slice now when it’s out, and wrap it up and tell the family that it’s yours.

So if you ate half your meal, wrapped up the other half, wrote your name on it, and told everyone you were going to eat it in two hours, in your family's "culture" it would be fine for anyone to go into the fridge, take it, and eat it?

I mean… tbh in my culture (Korean) I would never eat half my meal. Maybe if I were sick. If I did wrap it up and ask others not to eat it, I think they would honor that.

Glad to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

+1 We always save food for a family member if they're eating later. It's so rude not to.

Although my sister and our brothers used to get so annoyed with each other because she would save her dessert or part of her meal, then expect it to be there the next day. Of course they would eat it. I kind of see both points of view on this. She preferred to eat her portion at a different time, and they were hungry teens who wanted another helping at dinner that she wasn't eating. I guess it depends whether you're a "here's your share" kind of person vs. a "it's dinner time everyone eat your fill" kind of person.

I feel like this encourages strange eating habits--it's not really fair if someone isn't super hungry right at that moment to insist that they eat all their portion right then, otherwise it's open season for others to grab. Especially if it's dessert. It would just cause a scarcity mentality and overeating in some people.

I guess we were raised differently. Culturally in my family if it’s dinner time and everyone is eating, you eat. If you’re not hungry, eat less. Later if you want to scrounge around fine, but you can’t be upset that nobody saved the main dish for you. If you don’t want dessert now, cut yourself a slice now when it’s out, and wrap it up and tell the family that it’s yours.

So if you ate half your meal, wrapped up the other half, wrote your name on it, and told everyone you were going to eat it in two hours, in your family's "culture" it would be fine for anyone to go into the fridge, take it, and eat it?

I mean… tbh in my culture (Korean) I would never eat half my meal. Maybe if I were sick. If I did wrap it up and ask others not to eat it, I think they would honor that.

I hit post too early. If there were a big pot of chicken soup or braised beef or something, I couldn’t expect someone to save “my share” out of it if I had declined eating “enough” of it at dinner. But if I wanted to eat the dinner beef, I feel like it would be fair to take responsibility to tell someone or set aside my own bowl. I wouldn’t expect others to read my mind and save “my” fair share.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a house where meals were saved but snacks, etc. were always first come first served. It instilled bad eating habits and food hoarding behavior in me and both of siblings.

As an example - parent would buy a box of ho-hos (or similarly cherished 90s treat). There are 10 in the box so theoretically in a family of 5 everyone gets two. Well in my family of 5, you better eat both of yours AS SOON as the box crosses the threshold of the kitchen or there's no way you'll get even one. Didn't matter if you actually wanted a treat then- eat it now or miss out. We would also hide food and sneak it upstairs to ensure we got our "fair share."

I live differently in my house as an adult. Rarely does someone finish the last of any snack without at least offering some to whoever else is home. A quick "any objections to me eating the last slice of pizza?" text is common. We all care for each other and make a point to save some if something is someone's favorite or if we know they haven't gotten any or have plans to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

[Anonymous]

Mom would go to the grocery store Saturday morning and bring back donuts. More than enough for everyone. Whoever was still sleeping was not woken up or saved a donut. Everyone else ate 2 or 3 each until all were gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom would go to the grocery store Saturday morning and bring back donuts. More than enough for everyone. Whoever was still sleeping was not woken up or saved a donut. Everyone else ate 2 or 3 each until all were gone.

P.S.
I wanted a donut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom would go to the grocery store Saturday morning and bring back donuts. More than enough for everyone. Whoever was still sleeping was not woken up or saved a donut. Everyone else ate 2 or 3 each until all were gone.

P.S.
I wanted a donut.

Hence the cliche, you snooze you lose.